I got sexually harassed by a person I thought was my friend and my boyfriend got mad at me because of it?

[Anonymous]

So I was watching a movie with a long time friend we've been friends since we were 10 since he moved but we hang out when he spends holidays at his grandma's house. So we were watching a movie in my room and his hand kept touching my thigh , I brushed his hand off and he said sorry he didn't notice what he was doing. But then it kinda went further when he pulled me and his hands ended up on my butt and my chest, I pushed him off and yelled at him about it and we haven't been talking since the whole thing which was a week ago. I told my boyfriend about it the next day and told him nothing else happened and it shouldn't be a big deal however he got mad at me and said how could I let that happen and I'm invalidating his feelings since I said it ended there and it shouldn't be a bother or anything cause it meant nothing. I just think I shouldn't have told him and kept it to myself since u haven't told anyone else well besides anonymously on here and now he's ignoring me, he was probably looking for an excuse to break up with me or he didn't like me that much in the first place.

Updates

1 y

So I've read and debated all ur responses and I think it's best to leave him alone and let him cool down and decide if he wants to still be with me or not, it's the best course of action well more like the only course of action anyway. Thanks. Guys and girls can be friends guest I misjudged this one and shot myself in the leg, I think I need a break from physical contact as well my dad hugged me the other day and I kinda smacked him in the face. him taking time to cool down would be good for us.

[Anonymous]

Lashing out at you wasn’t the best way to communicate his emotions, but maybe try looking past that a bit. If he has a past of being hurt then already he may have trust issues (which he should’ve healed before entering a relationship). I’m not sure what his thoughts were when you said you were hanging out with this guy friend, like how comfortable he was with it, if he didn’t like it, etc. So for you to come and say you were SA’d, he could think you aren’t being truthful or that you shouldn’t have been alone with this guy in the first place. If his mind is processing the situation in these ways then he’d be better off single so he can heal his past trauma, but I do think he’s just feeling hurt as well. Anyway, let him calm down and when he comes around then have a talk. He should apologize for sure, but he needs to communicate better.

[D_Bone_Steak]

"that you shouldn't have been alone with this guy in the first place"

That summarizes what I was trying to convey with my answer nicely. Then the boyfriend gets told it's no big deal... I'd be pissed off if I was him too. Maybe it is a big deal for him, and she's not acknowledging that and only sees it from her own perspective.

[D_Bone_Steak]

*no big deal for HER

[D_Bone_Steak]

**cancel my correction... I think I said it right. lolz

[Opinion Owner]

@d_bone_steak agreed, I think he was just feeling upset in some form and didn’t relay it well. I do not want to take away from what the asker experienced, because that friend should not have touched her again after she said no. But I do feel like it’s one of those signs that it’s hard for men and women to be platonic friends, and when a guy’s girlfriend has a male best friend who isn’t homosexual, immediately he will not agree because as a man himself he knows what can go on in his mind. Unless her and the friend dated in the past and it didn’t work, one (or both) of them is single, or one doesn’t find the other attractive (or they both don’t find attraction in each other) then that’s like the only way friendship could work.

[D_Bone_Steak]

So you mindlessly fall for the "I'm just a nice guy" game and it shouldn't be a big deal? You're like a living red flag. Haven't you figured out males and females can't be platonic friends? There's either a common goal like in a work situation or else it's to fuck. You must be young.

Okay, mistakes happen but if you're downplaying how your boyfriend feels about it then you deserve to get dumped. Being that way only exhibits that not only did you do something dumb, but you refuse to learn anything from it... or even accept you did anything dumb at all.

[Wubs3000]

Males and females can be platonic friends
She said no and he SA her it's not like it was her fault

[D_Bone_Steak]

@Wubs3000 You must be young too. It's something you can see coming from miles away just because of the male/female dynamics. It's the whole idea of being a pack animal, which seems to really be young people that do it. Social circles and such. Later in life though the idea of just hanging out for no reason sounds actually retarded... especially between opposite sexes. Having an actual common goal or interest might change that, but come on... if it's the Netflix and chill scenario... you expect me to assume it's just not going to be made into a sexual thing?

And that's probably what the boyfriend see's as well. Then she just blows it off as if it's nothing, which is gaslighting. I don't blame the boyfriend of her for being a bit pissed off that his girl goes into that situation at all. It's like "duh, what did you expect to happen?" If she wanted it, it wouldn't be SA and it would've just been cheating... still went into that situation though. That failure to recognize the situation for what it is to begin with SHOULD draw some criticism.

So yeah friends can be a thing, but it has to be around a common interest or goal. As soon as a female band member goes out with the drummer just to go out and it has nothing to do with the music... something is probably going to happen. You should know this.

[Wise4myage]

He didn't notice what he was doing? lol. That's the lie of the year. As for your boyfriend, you did nothing wrong.

[Wubs3000]

Dump boyfriend