First date with my ex girlfriend....could really use some opinions

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I broke up after two years. She loved me more than anyone I have ever been with. In the 6 to 8 months before we broke up we struggled because I worked quite a bit and we live an hour apart. She tried really hard and even wanted to move in. I hate myself for hesitating and I believe in the end that is why we broke up. I did everything to change things and realized that I was wrong so I made some changes over the next two months. We had stayed in contact talking all along so I always felt I could fix it. She slowly drifted further away and I finally realized I had let her go. I went back and showed her I had realized what was important and she understood and said she would try again but wasn't sure how her feelings were because she had spent the time trying to move on. We spent three amazing weeks together, or at least I thought. She then told me that she loves me and being with me but the feelings just weren't the same and the attraction wasn't there. At this point I was crushed but for the last month I cut all contact because she said she needed time and space to sort it all out. This past weekend I messaged her just to say I was thinking about her and she said I was on her mind too and she wanted to message me but didn't. I waited a few days and called her. We had a good conversation so I asked her to go for a coffee sometime. She said she would think about it. This morning she messaged me asking why I would want to go for coffee? She had noticed me adding girls to facebook etc and said that I shouldn't be asking her to hang out if I am talking to other girls and that it wasn't fair to the other girls. I just said not to worry about that and if she wants to hang out we should. Later in the conversation she mentioned going on a few dates but they were boring. I just shrugged it off even though it kills me. At the end she stressed that us meeting was just as friends and that she is happy right now and isn't looking for another relationship. So now I am confused because she is going on dates? I guess I know that our first date needs to just be fun but I have no idea where she is at and if there is any hope here at all...any thoughts?

Updates

+1 y

Also, she did ask me about meeting as friends and said that I told her I could never be just friends. But I told her I was OK with meeting as friends so she would say yes. She must obviously know that I am not intending to just stay friends right?

Updates

+1 y

I need to add this here because I can only comment once below. I absolutely love this girl to death. I wouldn't even be here asking for help if I didn't. I would love to "Man Up" as the guy below says but this girl is the one I want to be with forever.

[Kaybee517]

Sounds like you both still have feelings for each other. Regardless of what she's saying, if she's tracking the girls you add on FB she's obviously still got feelings for you. But I'm sure she needs time to figure out what's right for her. She probably has indeed gone on dates but that doesn't mean you aren't the one on her mind. I don't know how long you were together but clearly you aren't over each other. I would say don't label the meeting as a date. Just take it as hanging out or coffee. By calling it a date that will set you up for "expectations". She'll end up expecting you to act like a boyfriend again even though you aren't together. Take things slow for now but definitely communicate with each other. Hopefully this will end in a reunion. Either way keep communication open and be clear with each other about what your relationship is so you both have a better idea of what to expect or not. Good luck.

[Asker]

Well I never called it a date with her. I asked her to go for coffee. She turned it into dinner and a movie which I tried to talk her into something other than a movie but that is what she wanted to do. I guess I just have to hope that when she sees me again some of that initial attraction comes back.

[dsmarie]

The key comment in this very long dissertation of you trying to justify your actions is:

...me adding girls to facebook etc. ...I just said not to worry about that...

What she is really saying is, "You should not be trying to get back together with me if you are seeing other girls, because then you are just not being sincere with me." Your dismissive comment indicates that her concerns are certainly well founded as you exhibited a dismissive attitude about her feelings.

Anyway...that said...Honey, if you want this girl 'buy her a ring and ask her to marry you.' YES. I said that...Buy Her A Ring! You need to s*** or get off the pot right now! If you love this girl and really want her you need to let her know in no uncertain terms. If not you need to COMPLETELY let her go.

[dsmarie]

Another thing....you say she loved you....but you never say you loved her....

[Asker]

To be honest when we were back together for those three weeks I told her I would marry her. That is the whole point of this. If I get her back I want to marry her. She told me that wasn't the answer right now because her emotions weren't right and the attraction and excitement needed to be 100%. I just don't get why she would care about all the facebook stuff or say she is going on dates but then tell me she doesn't want any relationship. It seems like she is looking for one..i don't know

[shgurl22]

She doesn't want a relationship ...with you. I know how hard it is I really do. and only time can heal. try as hard as you can to be happy...people will see that...and she will definately see that and think "hmm why didn't I latch myself onto that boat?!".....

[Kim449]

Well if you won't my opinion I think you blow it, you had your chance to have a life with this girl but you hesitated nd now you have lost her I'm sorry to say but I'm just being straight out and getting to the point.

U gave her the idea that you wasn't going to move out nd stuff so why would she won't to wait around 4ever when she can find someone that does won't to have that life with her you no what I mean?

U say that you love her you should of showed that to her when you had the chance.

[Wlad14]

you should drop the "date". Just say let's hangout. just by naming it date its pressure on her. go hang out with her, show her a goodtime. Don't bring anything up about the relationship, or that you want her back or that you still love her. Just hang out like the old days and I guarantee you the feeelings are going to come back flooding her heart. DONT PRESSURE her, that's going to push her away. You will be fine. If she didn't want anything to do with you, she would ve cut off all lines of communications. I can say that you headed in the right directions but anything you do can F up what has been built, So watch what you say and do. She may tell you that you 2 are just friends, don't worry about that. your main focus should be to get that spark , that feeling of wanting to be with you all day!

Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

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[Anonymous]

It sounds like she has moved on. It happens sometimes, it doesn't mean anything about you, people just grow apart. But if you truly believe she is the one, tell her. If she feels the same, she will let you know. But if she really has moved on, it is time for you to move on to, sorry. As that song said, everybody hurts...

[Anonymous]

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[RandyRancher]

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