So, I noticed my that a guy I am seeing has some pretty awful clothes. As in holes, jackets that are torn, not enough pairs of jeans or shirts. I don't want him to think im trying to change him, so I have been getting him stuff here and there. He told his mom about me and how he ended up with new clothes, she approves. I would like to get more for him, but I'm trying to do it in a way that is not offensive. I decided to do it for him when he walked past a car and they locked their doors. He seems to be more confident. Guys, opinions please
Guys, is it offensive when a girl buys you clothes?
Guys, is it offensive when a girl buys you clothes?
The car doors locking thing made me laugh... anyway, guys by default aren't usually fashion buffs. Some dudes just REALLY don't get it at all, don't care, don't think it matters, etc. I think what you are doing for your boyfriend is great, and it shows very good self awareness on your part that you don't want to seem like you are changing him. So does he like the items you bought him so far? I know his mom does lol.
That's great! I would casually ask if he would mind if you picked up a few more items when you had the chance? DON'T say anything "I promise I'm not trying to change you etc" because then may give him that idea. I have a feeling he will be cool with it, and you are on your way!
Hahah nope definitely not unless we're celebrating 5 months together tomorrow. Just trying to help. Don't listen to these stereotypical dudebros talking about clothes like they're intricate foreign objects. Your boyfriend is a human being with a wardrobe, help him improve it. He'll appreciate it in the long run.
A lot of guys are well aware that the have no style sense and/or that they wear old clothes a little too long, but clothes are just not a big priority. And so most guys would appreciate some help in this area. I wouldn't worry about it - if he asks, just tell him that you enjoy shopping for him.
Hell no. I know I have 0 fashion sense, Im usually wearing black carhartt shirt, hoodie and black jeans for when im working. Once Im off of work you'll always find me in sweat pants and a old hoodie. Its not that I can't afford new stuff its just that either I dont care enough go out and buy stuff and or that Im not always sure whats best for me. Hell I went to the north American auto show in sweat pants and a hoodie. I go to all my social gatherings with my carhartt blacked out outfit. My girlfriend has bought me a few things and even tho I didn't like the idea at first I notice how much better I can dress. I dislike her spending her own money on me tho tbh. I usually try and basically give her money back but she will tell me its fine, and not worry about it, in that situation I just sneak a couple dollars into wallet or jacket every chance I get... not enough for her to notice a wad of money and notice im doing it. If I can't find a chance to sneak some money in, I just make sure to take her somewhere nice or to get her something nice. I know she hates going to the gas station to refill her car so whenever she is over I'll grab her keys and go fill up her tank.
Guys can get complacent about clothes. They tend to get only what they need, and wear it until it falls apart. Once they find a “style” that suits them, that’s all they wear.
For him to actually buy things, it’s going to take some gentle nudging. He will need to break into the new looks and see that he actually looks good.
Really he only needs a couple base outfits to get him started. Then a little knowledge on how to create more of the same. Buying him more is just going to cause problems down the road. He will start to feel obligated to wearing the clothes when around you, feel like he owes you, or (even worse) that he is stupid.
When I say gentle nudging, I mean gentle. This can’t be an everyday thing. He needs to believe it’s in his own best interest to buy clothes that fit, and look good on him.
Sweet. I had the same a few days back. I am sort of sloppy with my clothing as well. When I received a few things, these were not what I perhaps would have bought for myself - but it's nothing to exotic. My sweetheart would like to see me dressed like this; if I can make her happier, there is no problem for me to 'oblige'. The gift also showed me that she cares for not only what I'm wearing, but for me in general. That is a very nice compliment. The only item I could NEVER tolerate would be a necktie. But she knows that.
The 'result' of your question: it prompted me to once again send her a 'thank-you-message'. It was well appreciated; and so I 'well-ly' appreciate YOUR question :)
If she has decent taste then I'd be grateful to her for buying me clothes. In all fairness my wardrobe needs a bit of an overhaul anyway, bought my first house at the start of the year so I've had very little money since to be able to buy clothes or much else outside of house expenses...
No its not offensive, in fact I as a guy greatly appreciate it! To me its a show of affection and that they are thinking of me. Not to mention I like the idea that I'm wearing somthing that reminds me of her and that she likes seeing it on me. I say go ahead, might leave a cute little note for him in the jean pocket! I think he will appreciate it!
Unless he’s a pretty boy or your taste in clothes is god awful most men would wear your gift with pride i would think. Though my clothing standards are typcial jeans and t shirt im hardly the gucci or armani type
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+1 y
He wears it, he has told me he feels good and that he looks good. I am not a name brand kinda girl. I have just bought him typical jeans so far and some active sports shirts (those ones that dont make you sweat, look nice (you can wear it out to dinner), but have like almost a silky quality about them) so you are not too hot in summer.
I’ll admit my fashion sense is lacking and I DO appreciate help. But I’m picky about what I’ll wear and she would have to be an extraordinarily good guesser to be successful. I wouldn’t be offended by her thoughtfulness—in fact, I’d be afraid of offending her back if I didn’t like something. In my case, it would be best if we went shopping together. Her taste with my veto power would be ideal.
Guys get with girls hoping they'll never change. Girls get with guys thinking they can fix them. FAIL
You're clueless about men. Period.
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+1 y
That's the point, I don't want to fix him. I love him for who he is. I even don't mind his worn out clothes, it makes me sad though, because he never has learned how to shop for himself. I want to take care of him, not fix him.
Taking care of him IS fixing him. Newsflash honey... YOU'RE NOT HIS MOMMY.
And you CHOOSE to be sad. You don't accept what his is or does. This is a relationship that will implode sooner or later because you have different expectations than what he IS.
Do you worship him? Is he the most important thing in your life? Do you place him above all others? Do you adore him? Would you have his children? Does he know these things from you?
If not, it's not going anywhere very long anyway. Respect/adoration/attention is #3 of the three basic needs men have. You don't like the way he dresses and you think you can fix him. This makes you typical woman, certainly, but a failure to a man. Let him be who he is. If that is not satisfactory for you, if it's not good enough, you need to cut him loose and find one that IS. This is why we date in the first place. You're just not getting it. And there are likely a whole bunch of other things about him that bug the shit out of you as well. And why my crystal ball says it's going nowhere fast.
Then there's a chance of success. So, are you clear on #1 and 2 of their other needs/wants?
Wife of thirty years has never tried to dress me. EVER. She bought be a very expensive sweater early on, but I have always been a leader in mens fashion anyway. So it was never up for question. The problem with your scenario is your guy doesn't understand the power of appearance, chooses to be low-key, making it unimportant. You have a greater cognizance, so you wish for him to see your viewpoint. Which is fine, but with guys it doesn't work. You would be far better off letting him know what you like, and encouraging him when he does those things you like. For example, my lady tells me she prefers my shirt have a collar. What that means is she likes to see me in a polo or button-down, in lieu of a tee-shirt.
You might send him here: www.theartofmanliness.com He might find some stuff that piques his interest, improving his self awareness, and upping his game a bit.
I have no problem with that, the only risk is, if you buy something without his knowledge you could end up buying something he finds ugly (or not, it depends on luck). I helped my girlfriend choose clothes but never happened the other way around and as we are not together anymore it ain't gonna
My wife buys almost all my clothes and it's great. I love that she does that because I hate shopping for myself. Just ask him. I'm guessing he would love it.
Go crazy with clothe gifts at Christmas or birthday otherwise it feels like you are trying to change who he is any other time. Have you tried plucking his eye brows yet , I bet you have lol. I meant that harmlessly light hearted
Why doesn't he buy his own clothes? how old is he?
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+1 y
He is 21. I think he just doesn't realize how it looks. I know he doesn't have a lot of cash. Most of the stuff I bought him came from the thrift store, but all looks brand new, I have been telling him it was extra for at the thrift store I volunteer at.
Girls try to dress their boyfriends all the time lol, I don't think its a big deal. If he was just a friend he might take it a little badly I think. Would make him feel below you.
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