Should your companion ask for permission before kissing you on a first date?

Question

When a date goes well, many people want it to end with a kiss. If there is no kiss, they walk away wondering if maybe you felt no chemistry with them, you just aren't attracted, and they expect to never again hear from you. When a date goes well, many people DON'T want it to end with a kiss. If there is a kiss, they walk away wondering if maybe you are just looking for a casual encounter, maybe you're a player, and they expect to never again hear from you. Does he/she want a kiss or not? How do you know? Sometimes it is obvious. She's been touching your arm frequently, wanting to hold hands, staring into your eyes. At the end of the date, she steps closer, tilts her head slightly to one side, and she seems ready for you to lock lips with her. But it isn't always that obvious. You could ask, but sometimes that just seems more awkward than actually kissing her. At the end of a first date, do you want a kiss? Should your date ask permission first? Please comment and tell us what you do - if anything - to indicate that you are receptive to a kiss at the end of a first date.

VIVANT · Accepted Answer

I know many people find it awkward to ask , or even be asked.

I happen to find it very attractive when a guy has the confidence to ask first or even wait for me to industry. He is not so worried about appearing this or that way, that he does not mind being patient and respectful..

However I also recognize this may not be a majority view and a guy following what seems to be a very rational approach may have women wondering why he doesn’t like them.

I like the way will Smith put it in Hitch *
And I think it’s a fantastic Jodie ground.

Go 90% in so she knows you are attracted interested willing ready able etc, but leave her the last 10% so she still feels in control.
I’m paraphrasing bc I only remember the “ lean in 90%”

In my win words I’d have days and I always do say for anything:

“ Go for it.. but go slow enough the other person has time to stop you. “

I find anyone wanted to argue over this.. well it’s suspect lol

This way no one feels dismissed or forced and tyre is no confusion as to interest- on either side. If someone goes in fir a kiss you know they want to but if you are that someone and you dive in, aside from it being in my opinion disrespectful- you can never know if they actually _wanted_ to.

I would definitely want to know if my advance was wanted bs tolerated or otherwise.

Moonchild714 · Accepted Answer

I do feel for you guys. Which is why on a first date at the end of the date I will lean in and kiss him on the cheek which lets him know I'm open to a kiss. Then the guy always kisses me on the lips. I completely feel for guys no two women feel and think alike therefore, guys have no clue what to do anymore. But I would say guys going for a kiss on the cheek is a safe bet and women tend to think that is sweet he's not in a hurry.

EmbraceThePain · Accepted Answer

I think asking can be awkward, so I think one should just feel it out and determine if he/she wants a kiss. Like you said, this can be done through looking at body language and verbal cues throughout the date to see if kissing your date will be well received or not. I think if you’re not sure whether or not she/he wants a kiss, then you probably shouldn’t kiss that person. It’ll be obvious if your date wants a kiss and once you pick up on this then you’ll also feel more comfortable/inclined to kiss them without them literally asking you to. If you’re unsure about whether or not they want a kiss, I think you’ll be more apt to hesitate and feel this isn’t the right moment to kiss them; I think you’d be right in this case. I don’t mind waiting until I’m sure kissing will be well received, because every person is different. It’s okay to not have sex or kiss someone on the first few dates. Many people feel pressured to do these things because of certain societal mediums and culture, but if it doesn’t feel right then don’t do anything; it’s all about the feel of everything and instinct. A lot of people end a date without kissing or having sex with a person and they think things went wrong or they “chickened out;” I think this is the wrong mentality.

Jean-Marie_Céline · Accepted Answer

Yes. They'd better ask as this would spare an awkward situation.

witherwing · Answer

B. I find it very awkward to have to turn away from a kiss I don't want. Having the courtesy to ask just makes me like the person more. I've been ambushed too often.

itsmicaelaxo · Answer

I think it's better to ask. First dates can be awkward and not just in a bad way. Everyone's nervous and we may like the other person so much that we may confuse the way things are going. Maybe for one of you things are going fantastic, but the other person isn't feeling it that much. It's just how life is. So out of respect, to not confuse the mood and make sure we're both in the same page, it might be better to ask. If I'm with you on that same level, I would even find it cute that you asked cause it'd demonstrate how much you want it and how much you like me. Now, at this point, if I refuse for whatever reason you shouldn't take it as a bad sign. But, ladies, please, refuse acoordingly. If I'm into you but you just don't kiss on first dates say exactly that "I don't do first dates kisses. But who knows what would happen in the second one ;)", or something like that. And if the girl gets "turned off" or annoyed that you asked, do you really want to date someone like that? I just think that she doesn't sound like the person for you. You were respectful, how can that be a turn off?

rjroy3 · Answer

I've yet to meet the girl who was turned on by a guy asking to kiss her. I've met plenty of girls who were happy with the idea of kissing... until a guy asked and she was turned off because he asked and she said no to it.

99% of the time it's not a good idea lol and of the girls who wouldn't be turned off by you asking. The girls who were even glad you asked would have also been okay if you just did it, because they were down. It's really more a question of how comfortable a girl is with you rather than the actual approach to kissing.

For most girls, when they're not currently horny and logically think about what they think they would like more will say they want the guy to ask first more often even tho it's not true. When it actually comes down to the moment, unless a girl is reeeeally into you and making mistakes don't matter as much. A girl will be turned off by you asking, enough so she'll more likely decline when previously she would have been glad if you just initiated a kiss.

Knighted2170 · Answer

I can usually tell if she wants to kiss or not. There are universal tells she will give if a kiss is order. Buuut, once in while there may a question as to whether or not she is ready for a kiss.

In these cases, I go a little bold. It’s only failed me a handful of times. I ask, but it’s more of a playful statement. As we towards the end, and I’m not 100% sure, I do a little prep work. Waiting until the very end never works. It just creates awkward pressure.

If I get the all the signs, she will let me know she wants a kiss. If I don’t get any, I know to just leave it alone. Trying would be a bad idea. Just ask if she would a second date.

If I get mixed signals, then more than likely she’s nervous, or unsure about something. I’ve found it’s more nerves than being unsure. I playfully make the statement “you want me kiss you, don’t you?” It sounds cheesy, but done right, it comes off really well. It’s flirty and releases tension. The majority of the time I get an answer like “yes, but I wasn’t sure you wanted to.”

Whether I ask or not depends on the signals I get from her. When, and if we kiss, I always start soft and slow. Then build from there.

btbc92 · Answer

He should ask, and be a gentleman of his own stature. Period. If the girl hates it, too darn bad. At least he is being respectful. He has to know what kind of girl he is dating. I don't care what other girls do. He is dating ME. Nobody is a mind reader. And trying to read people and assume is a dangerous thing to do. It can be too much, too fast, offputting and can cause confusion. It also depends on the person's experience. If their experienced sexually or intimately they would EXPECT you to do it anyway. Inexperienced people like me or little to none may appreciate it and respect you more. I say it's about standards, boundaries, and experience.

Kaazsz · Answer

I’ve never asked for a fucking kiss and I don’t know that I’ve been rejected for a kiss either. Though I’ve always made very sure I know she wants one. It’s easy to tell.

The way the liberals and conservatives have fucked around with the way we see relationships, it’s no surprise that we now think you need to ask for a kiss. Cuz real human interaction is becoming a thing of the past. Now you have to state in text what you want. Also you gotta be friends on Facebook or it doesn’t count! Lol. Shits retarded.

designer1 · Answer

My boyfriend didn’t ask but he said “I really wanna kiss you” and I thought it was cute how he said it plus I knew him for like 4 years at that point so I trust him. I didn’t think it was awkward at all Bc I wanted to kiss him too. If I didn’t then it would be awkward so this is a valid question. I think at the end of a date, if you don’t really know him like that and aren’t that comfortable around each other where he can just ask for a kiss, maybe there shouldn’t be a kiss on the first date. Wait til y’all get closer and it’ll just come with tension tbh. Y’all be positioned close together and he’ll just kiss u or u him.

BrittBratt2416 · Answer

Depends on the person really. For some girls they will want a guy to ask just to avoid having to reject his kiss or tell him no but for other girls it might seem strange if he asks. Especially, when there's chemistry between you, the date went well, you're feeling him and he's feeling you so naturally a kiss would happen. Some girls would feel like it ruined a romantic moment or made it awkward by asking, some times a spontaneous kiss on a date can be very romantic and make you two come close together. But anything beyond that, then yes I would definitely ask and make sure your date is okay with it.

MostPaloney23 · Answer

Not only do I suggest not asking, I also suggest not waiting for the end of the date to kiss. If you get denied, it's not always the end of the world. But if it's good, it makes the rest of the time and the end much more enjoyable and less tense. There are more ideal times to try it out, but a perfect moment doesn't exist

I try to feel out their interest by having gauged her reaction to my touch and how conversations were going. If you get something going and have your arm around her with your faces close to each other, you probably can choose your moment for a kiss.

Anonymous · Answer

An ex asked me this on our first date and in my head, I was like what the hell man, how many signs do I have to give you before you get where I want this to go. It was becoming work and not fun or cute anymore. But I will say, from the guys perspective, better safe than sorry, right. You may actually totally be misreading the signs that she's having a great time---you know people ghost after a first date even if everything was going well, so you can't really ever be too sure unless you ask. The worst that can come out of the ask is that she says no to you.

eden94 · Answer

Asking would kill all the romance. Its all about context. If someone tried to kiss me at work I would be offended but if im on a date its kind of implied that kissing is an option. If someone on a date tried to kiss me and I didn't want it I would either turn my cheek towards them or discreetly and respectfully tell them no. But kissing on a date is pretty normal behaviour so I wouldn't be upset if someone tried for a spontaneous kiss.

Anonymous · Answer

I think you need to read the mood and see what feels right.

If the body language shows that the other person wants to be kissed, go for it. But if they pull away or make any other indication that they're not looking for a kiss, don't go any further.

However, I don't think asking is awkward at all. I've been in a situation where I was kissed by someone I didn't want to be kissed by, and even though I tried pulling away he continued (it didn't go beyond kissing thank god). It didn't ruin my life or anything, but it was uncomfortable for me and I lost any feelings I had for him because I wasn't ready for that.

Saying something like, "I really want to kiss you right now" isn't a mood killer at all. At least to me.

Miss_Savanna_Dry · Answer

I actually don't mind, if they ask I'll be honest say yes if the date was going well or no if I'm not interested. But I also don't mind if they don't ask and just go for the kiss. I will reject it if I'm not feeling it. All guys are different, but I would say most guys ask

NearlyNapping · Answer

I'm old school. I've always considered a kiss on the first date to be normal and expected. Not serious smooching, just a polite goodnight kiss.

I was just asking a neighbor about this a few weeks ago. She's 65 and thought pretty much the same thing. I think she almost didn't believe me when I said a lot of young people think you should ask first.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

I am not comfortable kissing on a first date. Its more like an interview outside of an office lol, more fun and laughter.
I really don't know him well on a first or second date.
I like to take it slow, maybe teasing some, hand holding as we get onto other dates.

The last first date, we actually lay on grass and he held me when we got tired walking around the zoo. But I don't think we held hands or kiss.

If he asked on date one, it would be a no.

CubsterShura · Answer

I definitely think people should start making it a norm to ask before kissing. Making someone feel awkward is much better than making someone feel violated.

Yes some people like to feel the chemistry of both being into it together and they might think it ruins the fun of kissing, but nothing ruins it more than being kissed when someone didn't want it.

MissKittyz · Answer

If a guy asked me permission to kiss me on a first date, it would seriously ruin the mood and I'd probably say no. I prefer if it happens naturally from us both wanting it so by leaning forward for a kiss. Now, that shows true chemistry and if we are actually into each other. But, that's just how I am. And if I'm not into the guy, I won't even try to lean for a kiss or might politely reject him if he tries anyways.

ShortCircuit · Answer

The only way I can see a kiss on a first date possibly being on the table were if we had previously been friends for at least a year. Even then, I would expect her to ask first, or at least lean in slowly enough that I'd be able to avoid it if I wasn't feeling it.

JackSmy · Answer

If I feel it, and think she does too, I still, always say something, like I really enjoyed this time, and I would like to kiss you, if you felt the same.
I try to 'read' the date, and her reactions, and so far, 3 for 3, and she blushes, and smiles, and says something about loving that!
It's always best to ask, especially with all the recent issues, and the Metoo thing!!
I would never want to assume something, and do something she didn't want.

ECityGirl89 · Answer

My first date with my boyfriend we kissed it went really well because we talked a lot and there was this feeling at the end. I felt all giddy and happy for the next few days. I never used that word GIDDY old school term. I told him that I really liked the kiss at the end of the date. He said the same thing he couldn't stop smiling the next day.

Should your companion ask for permission before kissing you on a first date?

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