To ask for permission to kiss or not?

Question

Should a guy ask to kiss you before doing so or should he simply take the chance and go in for the kiss?

finallyfabulous · Accepted Answer

The best way I can describe why it is better to just go for it is because of how I felt New Years Eve.

The guy is now my boyfriend but at the time Garrett was just a coworker. I had gotten a text from him while I was at work saying how he was having a few friends over to ring in the new year and that I should join. I thought that him being a hot military man would also have hot friends and agreed because he said I could stay the night in the spare room.

I go over and everyone is pretty drunk and the only other girl there was a girlfriend of one of the guys. There was about 8 people in all. So I started having a few drinks as well and tried huka with them. Garrett was really drunk and leaned over to kiss/blow smoke in his friends mouth. We watch the ball drop and then he started getting very cuddly with me. A few hours after midnight he leans over and whispers about how he doesn't want a guy to be his new years kiss and asks if I will be instead. It didn't feel special then when he kissed me more just he was drunk and wanted to get some and I was in a similar boat.

He would tell me as we were making out how I was really beautiful and that he didn't want that night to be a one time thing and that I deserved to be taken on a proper date but of course I didn't believe him because he was intoxicated and felt like he had to ask to kiss me.

toulouse · Accepted Answer

I always ask. I prefer he does. but most people seem to disagree.

it doesn't have to be like a huge permission submission.. just a small very quiet kind of playful or intense stare depending on the mood. and quietly ask. its endearing imo. and it gives me a warning. it sucks when want to kiss someone but not at,m and having to go through that. I want to be warned. I'm not a cracker jack box where you never know what you're going to get so you open the box to find ot.

anyways... it makes me think of m as respectful. he doesn't do things blindly because he cares about what I actually think. a lot of guys take the approach of letting her know hat she thinks by 'taking charge'. its bs and extremely unattractive. plus, self control is -always_ a plus.. its not such a big deal with kissing but it becomes necessary as things progress.

Deathcabforcutie · Accepted Answer

I voted a for te first kiss but don't mind either way as long as he isn't trying to stick his tongue down my throat. Or steal my gum.

6blueshoes · Accepted Answer

I think I know a good way to tell if she wants to be kissed. Assuming of course you know this girl or connected at the party and she doesn't have a boyfriend. Look at one of her eyes, then the other. Its suppose to create a twinkle effect. Then look at her lips. If she looks happy or isn't showing signs she's uncomfortable then go for it.

I'm hoping to try this strategy this new years in Boston with a cute stranger. I'll let you know how it turns out.

TedStar · Accepted Answer

You ask before the date. Tell her that when the moment comes you will kiss her. You could say it in a jokingly manner. Don't ask when the time comes as that kills the moment. If she said yes to a date chances are that she is kind of expecting it anyway. Do look out for signs. Such as staring at your lips, biting her own lips, licking her lips as well as how you are feeling. More often than not she is feeling the same

Sparkling · Answer

A great kiss needs sexual tension.

A question CAN be asked in a way that preserves or even heighten that tension, but it's VERY LIKELY (as in 99% of the time) it will instead add a awkward element* to the situation, and the tension is lost.

Therefore unless you know you can ask the question in the right way, just kiss her.

BUT I should also mention that a kiss without sexual tension can still be sweet, or nice, so if you want to go for that, please do. But I'm assuming y'all want to be wanted, not just... comfortable.

*Example: Girl may start thinking, "what's the right answer?", "will he think I'm loose?", "Gosh I wanted to, but now it feels weird", etc. Generally, a girl in her head is not in her body (=not feeling sexual tension).

numbsunday · Answer

If I have feelings for a guy and he kisses me without having asked, its a huge turn on and really really awesome! If I had to ask the guy to kiss me, its a little bit of a turn off. If he asks me its really sweet (not as much of a turn on as just going for it though), but if he asks me all the time it could possibly get a little irritating, like 'do you need my permission EVERY TIME?'.

now if I don't have feelings for the guy at all, then I'm probably thinking 'uhh...alrighty then...that was weird...and sweet...but weird.'

if I don't like the guy then its a no-no. I'd feel a little violated despite how honourable the intentions were.

In conclusion, make sure you know (or at least have a good idea) how they feel before you take the leap, and if its the first time you're kissing or if you're unsure, then asking isn't going to do any harm.

lana77 · Answer

okay, so I think you do KIND OF need to get permission to kiss her...but you don't have to verbally ask her. like the others have said, it kinda ruins the moment and the spontaneity. what you should do is make your intentions clear with your body language...stare into her eyes, stare at her lips, then start to move in slowly towards her. if she doesn't want a kiss, she'll have a chance to move away. I think this is the most respectful way of approaching it...you're giving her a choice in the matter without ruining the moment instead of just quickly springing it on her whether she wants it or not!

noidfome · Answer

A guy doesn't necessarily have tö "as permission" before the first kiss, but he certainly needs to draw hints so that she has achance to say no. For instance, hugging her a while, touching her face, looking in her eyes and THEN kissing her. This way she knows what's happening.

Otherwise a cheesy "I'm gonna kiss you now." with a big grin works pretty good.

lottierose · Answer

I think a guy should ask, but not through words. Body language should be enough to show you want to kiss someone, and for them to reciprocate or stop it. Leaning close to them, looking at their eyes and mouth etc, is enough for the message to be passed on. Asking sort of ruins the spontaneity, and makes things slightly forced.

NymphoVic · Answer

I don't mind either way. I like the respect he shows if asking for a goodnight kiss at the end of a date, yet am excited by the spontaneity of him taking a leap of faith and risking my reaction.

I just think it's so cute if a guy I like gets nervous around me, and makes sure he has my verbal approval before making the official transition from friends to more. But then I am into guys with a bit of a geek in them.

sarahassassin · Answer

I think it depends on a couple of things. I mean, if it's the third date, I think the guy should definitely ask for permission, since the girl may not have decided how she feels at that point. But if you've been together for say, 6 months, and haven't kissed yet, then I don't think there's a need to ask.

I also think that it depends on the girl. I'm a bit shy, I'll admit that, and I'm not one to kiss early in a relationship. If this hadn't been established early on in the relationship, I'd appreciate the guy asking, because I could then let him know what my boundaries are. On the other side, if the girl is extremely outgoing, she's most likely good for a kiss at a reasonably early point in the relationsbip, and therefore the need to ask doesn't really exist.

Forgetable · Answer

I ask, I ask until it is obvious and stated that asking is no longer necessary. Why, because I am a gentleman and I don't want the lady to be uncomfortable or feel obligated to accept and return the gesture and not everyone is ready for it at the same point and time.

vishna · Answer

Through the movement of his body he is asking her is she attracted and through her response he will know.

Then they will come together like a invisible magnet and lay those luscious lips together, sweet hallelujah

When the body does all the talking the kiss is 10 times sweeter.

confugirl · Answer

I think it's kinda weak and ruins the moment if the guy asks permission for a kiss. Just do it and if she happens to push you away, then back off. It's really that simple. In fact, asking permission for a kiss would make me not want to kiss you anymore if I previously did want to.

Anonymous · Answer

YES!!! You should ask if you just met the person and you are not dating them. This just happened to me the other night I was asked if he could kiss me on the lips and I said yes only once though! We are not dating and I have only talked to him once before. I have seen him around that is it. If you are dating already it is totally ok to not ask. For all you ladies who think it is ok to have just any guy come up and kiss you, you might want to think about that LONGER. I have had men I don't know do this to me and didn't want to know at all and it really is assault! Ladies think about that guy that bothers you, Do you want him to just come up and kiss you? Ask yourself that!

tiffybaby · Answer

My first boyfriend asked for my first kiss.  I mean, first kiss ever and I liked that, but after having kissed a few guys, I don't.  It was only sweet for the first one EVER.  So I say don't ask, as long as you know she likes you that way.

Darkfairie17 · Answer

Just go for it! If you stopped and asked you would ruin the moment. If the girl doesn't want it, as soon as she realizes you are going in for a kiss, she will show you using body language or telling you.

Someguy17 · Answer

I don't like to ask for permission, I think it kills the mood. I prefer to go on active dates and create a lot of fun. These situations create plenty of opportunities where kissing is just natural (as long as there is fun+attraction).

Prof_Don · Answer

I voted "B"...imo asking absolutely KILLS the magic of the moment.

The guy is supposed to read the body language of the female, then take the plunge.

If she accepts your advance, the fireworks are awesome, and imo are worth the risk! :)

NickInVideo · Answer

Understand an unwelcome sexual advance can have huge negatives. Sexual harassment, sexual assault and so on. Sometimes, I'm afraid to be a confident guy.

why-makoto-kun · Answer

I went with the first one, although I am truly divided. I think the first option is good just in case you basically just met and you're not sure if you both like each other.

AnaxGrypos · Answer

be like do you want to kiss me ?  if she says no then you can be like ,  it looked like you wanted to . is she says maybe then say lets find out and kiss her. if she's say yes then kiss her.

RedSmartie · Answer

Asking is kind of middle school, to be honest.  Just go in for it, but go slow enough so that she can pull away if she wants to.  It's best not to force it on her.

OpenArmsAlice · Answer

I'd feel silly and awkward if I guy actually Asked... haha.. just Go For It!

-0x0- · Answer

He shouldn't do either. Asking is just dumb. Taking a chance when she doesn't want to is wrong. It should be a mutual thing when the time is right

TangerineFire1 · Answer

Asking ruins the moment.  You have to go for it, if the chemistry is right spontaneity just makes the kiss more desirable, mmmmmm, yes.

TexanCowgirl · Answer

Nope do not ask. You can see if she wants to kiss by other signs, and make an educated guess. Just don't ask flat out if you can kiss her or not.

Ladydi1980 · Answer

No, at least to me, it feels good when a guy just grabs you and kiss you. Love it,

Flamingo117 · Answer

Do you think James Bond asks his girls if they can hold his pistol while he puckers his mouth to kiss them? Come on dude...

tomfeltonforever · Answer

Just go for it. Just build up to it. Arm around her shoulder. Put your face close to hers. If she doesn't look uncomfortable then go for it.

s2591 · Answer

Its all about the moment you will know to kiss her our not but just do it if you feel the moment is right

PaintedNotes · Answer

Lol, if a girl is really attracted to guy most girls want him to take the kiss. Go for the kiss.  girls usually find that very sexy.. and want more ;p It should be spontaneous not "so can I kiss you"

billme1070 · Answer

This has to be the most awkward situation in the world for both. My gut and experience is just go for it.

cazza3 · Answer

I've always been a go-for-it. Asking kinda ruins the moment for me

Anonymous · Answer

Just carry a boom box on your shoulder 80's style and play:

Anonymous · Answer

i voted A but it says I voted b...glitchy lol. nah you shudnt tell her your going in for the kiss, it ruins the moment that you have if its your first kiss with her.

treysmoove21 · Answer

Best way to do this: tell her to close her eyes, then go in for the kiss.

Anonymous · Answer

Looks like most of the ladies voted to just go for it. But what if she's not into you at all, and you totally think she is, you lean in for the kiss and get rejected? I couldn't think of anything more embarrassing.

TattedBeautyInk · Answer

take the chance and go in for the kiss! if you ask her, then it definitely kills the moment

Anonymous · Answer

First time, yes, but it'd be kind of silly if he asked every single time.

r0ntomyhermi0ne · Answer

Only if it's a first kiss. You should go by body language.

emzy-89 · Answer

Just take a chance, if she doesn't want to kiss you still pull back.

Anonymous · Answer

It would kill the mood if he stopped to ask. If I want him to kiss me, he'll know. Or I'll just kiss him. But asking? No, that's not my thing.

Anonymous · Answer

He should just grab me and kiss me... However only if u know that person of course... Otherwise that's creepy lol

joeyschmo96 · Answer

Ot depends on time/place and situation, sometimes just going for it without asking can be real romantic, other times it can be awkward. Its something you would have to decide in that moment. But id say don't ask and just go for it!

Anonymous · Answer

Don't ask...it ruins the moment.  You'll know if she wants you to kiss her.

Anonymous · Answer

Totally just go for it! The whole moment is ruined if you ask.

Anonymous · Answer

real men don't ask for permission. girls don't want a pu.ssy who asks for permission they want a man.

Dragan · Answer

No, I never asked permission. A kiss should be spontaneous.

Anonymous · Answer

It's more romantic and sexier for a guy to plunge on a kiss than to ask.

Anonymous · Answer

i think he should just take the chance & do it...thats way more cute ^_^

ronoldsmith · Answer

If you ask you look soft...take the chance and go for it

spexie · Answer

I confused. I wanted to vote A and I voted B

Gawesome · Answer

expect the unexpected at the right moment.

Anonymous · Answer

Asking wrecks the moment.

jakeofalltrades · Answer

just go for kiss, but only if you are on a date

Saint69 · Answer

If it feels right, go for it!

kenzibear · Answer

It's sweet for a guy to ask but not ALL THE TIME!

Anonymous · Answer

It depends.  Both could end up being weird.

To ask for permission to kiss or not?

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