I’m 21 and my boyfriend is a successful 33 years old lawyer. It’s obvious that I won’t give him a chance if he was a janitor, just like he won’t accost me if I was ugly, but we really get along and I really do love his personality, how he support me, and how he cherish me, since he even proposed to me. I also study to be a veterinary so I can have my own money in the future but I always had standards, since I am always accosted because of my look, and I always take care of my self to look my best ( I workout everyday, eat healthy, and I have a pretty face, plus I am educated , so I think that I deserved such a quality man). The problème is that my older sister keep telling me that I should be ashamed to marry a man just because he’s successful and support me financially, and that I don’t deserve him, and that I am just a gold digger! While I see anything wrong with marrying a guy for his money, as long as I also love him, and I’m loyal to him. Does that mean that I should date a broke uneducated guy to prove my humanity? Is she jealous?
Is my sister jealous for calling me a gold digger?
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Well, do you love him? If you do, then there is nothing wrong. You are not a gold digger. Moreover, you should pay attention to in what way people define "gold digging". People define it differently based on their social status. A lawyer is a lawyer, a doctor is a doctor. He is no different from the rest. He does not earn millions of dollars. He earns enough money to support himself. He studied, worked hard to get where he is now. He is older and you are younger. Pay attention also to age. You are 21, you are currently still studying and you study a very good, profitable degree that will secure your future and bring you money in your pockets. You can find a well-paid job after graduation. I guess your sister is just jealous because you are barely 21 and you already have a good control over your life. I bet she is older than you, earns an average salary, and not happy with her life. Girl, watch your life and do what is needed to be happy. I have a sister and I would never say to her that she is a gold digger. I would have been happy for her. Moreover, never let people run your life and decide instead of you. I allowed this to happen to myself. I was advised to break up with my boyfriend (pressured as well as by other conditions) and that made me extremely unhappy as a result. Live your life, you are still young. And are you saying that you are ugly? Girl, stop it. I am 100% that you are killing with your look. You are smart and that is what good, educated, respectful men look for and not some kind of a shallow-mellow girl
No. I agree. You basically said that you’re with him for his money which I don’t think is good at all. It’s shallow. Wanting a man to be financially put together isn’t wrong, but you seem to be stressing that he needs a certain type of income. You just said that you wouldn’t be with the same guy if he had a different occupation.
And if he’s with you only for your looks? Then I suppose there isn’t anything wrong because you are both together for superficial reasons.
I would think that your sister knows you better than anyone else. Standards are something you apply to yourself qualifications applies to other people. it seems obvious to me that you have certain criteria or qualifications that a man has to meet in order for you to date him. In my opinion that is shallow. I had an ex-girlfriend that store or misinterpreted my being cordial to her was an attempt the talk to her like hooking up. She told my sister and my sisters told me that she was married to a doctor why would I want to talk to her. I explained that I was merely acknowledging her existence since she was in the same house that I was and that I would be more impressed if she became a doctor, marrying a doctor doesn't impress me. Women that have requirements and criteria or qualifications for a man will find themselves in a very superficial relationship.
You just have different criteria in the dating game - If you took a step back and understood each others points of view instead of going offensive/defensive (No blame game here everybody does it a bit), family gatherings will go a lot smoother. As I say everyone has a subconscious criteria, my only stipulation is be clear what you want and why you are doing so a partner can agree to it in full knowledge of it. If both partners are happy and able to fulfil their end without substantial harm , who is anyone else to interfere in their relationship , we may not understand it but it is not our business
I mean, yeah, you kinda seem like it. Absolutely NOTHING wrong with having standards, but look how you phrased this sentence, "While I see anything wrong with marrying a guy for his money, as long as I also love him, and I’m loyal to him." You imply that you will only give your love and loyalty to someone if they have money.
My question to you is, "if your lawyer boyfriend, lost his job today and was currently going bankrupt, would you stay with him? Could you continue to give him that "love and loyalty" you initially spoke of? He's still that same man as before, but now he's not financially stable."
she's jealous. My older sis kinda dated in the lower ranks. I however always choose my partners wisely. Men and women can call us gold diggers all they want, but the truth is. Everybody has their own standards. I'm 20. Got my dream car, just paid the deposit for my own apartment. And still studying. she's a 25 year old elementary teacher. Not saying that he paid for everything, but thanks to him I made a lot of good contacts and of course not having to worry about money while i study is a bonus. I love him. he's amazing. Haters will hate. Drink your cocktails and let them struggle with their 9 to 5
Oh so basically you whored yourself out to pay for things or rather shored yourself out for him to pay for your things. Bravo a tramps like is a life for you
I can’t assign motives to your sister, only she can really tell us whether or not she’s jealous.
In any case, makes you click with someone is such a variety of factors that it’s kind of meaningless to ask someone whether they’d have still found someone attractive if this or that factor were different.
His wealth could be a deciding factor in what made you interested in him, but that doesn’t mean it’s the ONLY reason you like him. I see nothing artificial about that.
What I would caution you on, is that assuming you’re interested in the prospect of marrying this guy, make sure that before you so you are confident you’d be in it for better or for worse, even if he lost his job or his wealth for unforeseen reasons (not that it’s likely, but it’s something a committed spouse has to be prepared for)
You aren't a Gold digger... u have standards.. as long as his money isn't the main reason and you've listed other reasons you adore him. We all want someone who is successful! No. one wants a loser. Just don't make this major factor.. Make sure the love u have for him trumps all... what's wrong with wanting someone to be successful just like u want someone to be physically attractive?
If you both genuinely love one another, it's a valid relationship but currently an unbalanced one (which is what your sister sees) . Your 21yo beautiful looks have attracted a high value male. But to keep him, you will need to demonstrate you are much more than a pretty face. Either as a capable lawyers wife and supporting his career, or by completing your education to a high level and demonstrating your own successful career. The latter may even impress your sister and is ultimately the safer option provided your man is on board with it.
10 years is really the biggest age gap I'd probably want, but 12 isn't so bad I guess if you are cool with it (that's just cause my grandparents are 10 years apart by the way kind of arbitrary) but marrying someone for money isn't really shallow, because he made that money off the sweat of his back and it says a lot about his abilities as a man. Liking a girl for looks isn't that shallow either, because it signifies fertility, and wanting kids is not shallow.
You can make these arguments to her if it makes you feel better, but it sounds like she is jealous, and if you are 21 and you are younger, it makes sense that she is gunna be jealous of your youth and future prospects.
From what it sounds like you don’t fit the traditional mold of Gold Digger. Traditionally a gold digger is someone who marries a man exlusively for their money and then mooches off of them until such a time as it becomes inconvenient to do so. What your describing is a loving relationship between two adults, that will both be bringing money into the picture. Stop doubting yourself and live your life, if he makes you happy and he’s successful then that’s fantastic.
I married my husband because of love. He is not rich at all. I don't think I am that ugly. I take care of myself.
Do what makes you happy and people will judge like you would judge a guy who earns less not to settle with him. If you judge, your sister can also judge you. Its life. Move on be happy.
As long as you really love him and you're really faithful to him that's okay. But if you really love him you'd be with him even if he goes bankrupt tomorrow. Ask yourself. Will you stay with him tomorrow if he has no money? If you won't, then you obviously don't love him but love his success and that does make you a gold digger.
If your prime motivation for getting with him was the money, and without which you wouldn't consider him, then yes, that is the textbook definition of a gold digger.
Maybe she just sees you as a gold digger. You sound like you are one to me, regardless of how you justify it. If you are, just admit it to yourself and deal with it.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
If you wouldn't date someone if they earned less, then you are by definition a gold digger. I mean, no judgement - it's up to you who you date. You would feel a much bigger sense of achievement if you forged your own career and earned your own money, however.
if you like him first and he just happens to have money then it's totally fine, but if you like him first because of his money and then comes his personality, then you should rethink a little bit...
Being that you care for him beyond his money, have a plan to make your own money. You aren’t a gold digger. You just happened to end up with a dude who has money. Who cares what she says
There are some people who would date you if you had their "standards" like 1000$ an hour. You can find these cultured ladies in the red light areas. Gentlemen usually call these ladies of the aristocratic class as prostitutes.
1
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
She's telling the truth. If your main reason for liking him is his money then the rest of the reasons are irrelevant. You purely want him to satisfy your material demands.
Nope she's right i mean you admitted marrying him for his money, that is being a gold digger. Doesn't matter the rest you even said he's with you for your looks and that just makes him look bad too.
Stop writing so much just get to the point. You are being you. Just be you. who cares about that people are gonna judge you but not them self think about that one. Don't you start joining them in attacking you. Fuck what they say live well live life.
Damn right she is, you have the worst sibling in the world. Instead of supporting and congratulating you on having a great relationship, she calls you a gold digger? She is a bad sister...
She sounds jealous, you even said you were going to make your own income. Maybe it's just her perspective, 21 year old pretty with a 33 year old lawyer; now you can see the image she sees right?
Obviously he won't lose money overnight and you won't go ugly overnight. Looks fade away, respect and love doesn't. You are not wrong in your decision but are you right?
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
She's not jealous she's right. You're only there because you know he's basically rich. Don't sit here and lie yourself.
2
2 Reply
Asker
+1 y
And what’s so bad about loving him for his money since he was attracted to me for my look?
Everybody is attracted to looks like seriously who the fuck wants to date someone they're physically unattracted to. Don't be afraid to say you're a gold digger we've all seen one before.
Nope! She knows that she's beautiful and she takes care pf herself means She's gonna have personal expenses. On top of that, she is studying so she'll be able to pay those expenses on her own eventually. She's beautiful and soon to be stable so there's nothing wrong with being with a successful Man. Wouldn't you want to be with someone attractive? Same logic here.
Did u forget to take pills today? if "GOD" would agree whit you im pretty sure there would be no womans then there would be only mans on planet and population of humanity would go to point where no one would be alive unless you and "GOD" find a way to make man give birth then congrsts... gold digging is just a way.. there's guys goldigers aswell.. what u think only guys are rich and everything circles around them... this isn't 1945 kiddo
1) sign up for my premium snapchat 2) I only like older men ( CAUSE OLDER MEN HAVE MONEY) and young men are just starting life 3) come join my Instagram and look at my butt 4) pornhub alone destroys you women ( regular average women making videos to make some money) not pornstars
5) I don't care about money so how many girls do you think approach me?
barely any but if I had money and flashed out in public ohhh yeah they would come like harpies
you women have forgotten GOD he is above the dome and he see's it all
How am I insain lol.. your the one talking about this so called "GOD" of yours... your just some pimp that never had girlfriend in he's life so you blame every chick that dresses attractive or "sluty" or work as sex workers.. its a way of living... and speking about gold diggers.. what about guys who are gold diggers hmm smartass what they are man and womens are soposed to support them.. your nothing more then a regular sexist
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