My girlfriends ex snap chatted her at 1:30 in the morning. Should I confront her?

[Anonymous]

We have been dating for a year , and a half. I have already known that my girlfriend is still friends with her ex , but this guy is snapping her at 1:30 in the morning. I wasn’t looking in her phone or anything, her phone just lit up right infront of my face. I mean what could he possibly want at 1:30 in the morning. I want to confront my girlfriend & tell her that this bothers me , but i don’t want to look insecure. Afterall, it was just a snap so it could be innocent. What would you do in my shoes?

[digbug675]

I don't think you are being completely honest, reading between the lines I think you very insecure because you have been cheated on in the past, so you already have trust issues, a phone can only light up in front of your face if your looking at it or you are close enough to so you can see who is sending her a message as the phone will only light up for a matter of seconds, and where was your girlfriend at the time? The fact you say you want to confront your girlfriend lends weight to my thinking, a rational thinking person would not use the word confront because it suggest anger and mistrust, I would not read anything into the time it was sent because it could have been sent at a time when he was in a place with bad reception , you have to deal with your trust issues if you want your relationship to survive, by all means ask her but dont confront her or it could end in disaster, the fact that she was not hiding her phone and was not near it when the message came through should tell you that she was not hiding anything from you so the ball is they say is in your court and is your problem not hers, sorry if you think I'm being blunt but jealousy and insecurity ruins lives.

[Asker]

The phone was literally right infront of my face while i was laying on the couch. you get a snap from someone, the phone makes a crazy noise , so I couldn’t help but look at the phone. My girlfriend was letting the dogs out at the time.

[Anonymous]

''I have already known that my girlfriend is still friends with her ex''

There is no such thing as friends with an ex, you should know this.

This is when you should have taken action and just walked... to be honest. Now you are seeing the seed becoming fruit, from ignoring the red flag.

After a year and a half, she's very likely bored and looking for excitement elsewhere. Confronting her is a lose lose situation. Telling her it bothers you will not make a difference because ''feelings''.

''Afterall, it was just a snap so it could be innocent. What would you do in my shoes? ''

Rationalization attempt to make ourselves feel better. Even if it was innocent, she's opening the door to another man at a time known for sexual talk and booty calls.

The below diagram shows what ''friends with an ex'' means

[Anonymous]

Situations like this aren't always about trust and insecurities. It's about respecting your partner and their boundaries. If it's something you feel uncomfortable with, talk to your girlfriend about it. She may be able to put your mind at ease.

When couples don't communicate and talk about things that bother them, the issue preys on their mind and it festers... to the point that they start to doubt their partners loyalty.

I can't understand people who keep in contact with an ex. Especially when they're in a new relationship. To me personally, it's weird. But each to their own.

It would be best to confront her. But don't sound as though you're accusing her of betraying you. Just calmly talk about how it makes you feel. If she disregards your feelings, i'd question her loyalties and feelings for you. Anyone that would jeopardize their relationship for the sake of a friendship with their ex, obviously still has strong feelings for their ex , and thinks little of their current partner

[Izumiblu]

As a general life rule you don’t talk to exes in the context of any kind of non professional relationship after a breakup. People that do into that expecting good things are foolish and this is why you don’t go into long term relationships with people that think it’s ok because there always ends up being stupid shit going on

If it were me I’d just come out with it, why is dipshit contacting you at 1:30am. Rules are that dipshit doesn’t contact you at times my mom wouldn’t contact me. If you don’t take care of it I will.

If it turns out that my derision for that person and relationship are too much for my partner to bear then my SO has a choice to make because one thing is certain I’ll never be ok with my SOs ex contacting him at 1:30 am unless it was a matter of life and death.

[CausticHippy]

Well said.

[Asker]

Ya i get it. So even if it’s a snap and you have no idea what it was about, you still have would be mad? Snaps can be sent in groups , so it might not even be directly to her.

[Izumiblu]

I don’t need to be mad. It’s just an expectation. you don’t even need to question why he did it really in my opinion. “It’s just a snap”. What’s the difference between snap and a text message or a phone call? None. Send a letter by post. Drop an email , wait until people are awake. No big deal

[OlderAndWiser]

Well said, dear! Absolutely nailed it!

[OlderAndWiser]

Any attempted communication from an ex at 1:30 am is suspicious. You need to discuss this with her.

However, if you view the discussion as a confrontation, it will probably not go well for you. Tell her, in a calm voice, that you saw his attempt to SC with her at 1:30 am and you are baffled about why he would want to talk in the middle of the night. She may be bothered by it, also, and she may tell you that if you don't first put her on the defensive.

You may need to tell her that if she wants to pursue the relationship with the ex, you will gladly step aside, but unless and until that happens, you deserve to be treated like the most important man in her life.

[sejla]

I wouldn't say you have to confront her. Just say you'd like her to set some boundaries with her ex. To be honest I'd have a bit of problem with my boyfriend's ex texting in the middle of the night even if I totally trusted. I mean it would take me a while to feel any jealousy. I would have been too tempted to see what their ongoing conversations were even though I know that is wrong.

[sejla]

I guess I'm one of the few people that would have a problem with it. Maybe because I've seen a stream of divorces that happened to people I knew after the age of 40 and most of those divorces were because of cheating.

[Chikky]

None of your business until she decides to tell you

[Tslaveee]

And when your nigga has other bitches in his phone?

[cavmanier]

You can say nothing is anyone's business. How you are feeling after a car crash isn't your mom's business, but in a relationship, that implies sharing important information that relates to the happiness and well being of each other. With that attitude, you won't have a healthy relationship.

[Chikky]

@cavmanier I'll tell you that my relationship will last longer than all y'all because right there, I don't see any issue he should be worried about. Sure a message comes in early in the morning, did he know if the girlfriend is late night texter. So cause the phone lit up and a text came in from the ex that means he should be worried, then she should've went ahead to read the content if that bothers him

[Tslaveee]

You think your man will trust you having your ex snapping you at 1am? Would you trust your man if his ex snapped him at 1am? You would think he had side bitches and was cheating on you. Cmon now

[Chikky]

@tslavee that's the thing, I don't think that way dear

[Tslaveee]

Well then you're the exception. Majority of people want a sense of reassurance that the person they are committing to is willing to do the same in return.

Dont you think whites are 4 legged tailed devils?

[cavmanier]

I was speaking in general terms. If he is uncomfortable with something, the right thing to do is talk with him about it. I wouldn't have a problem with her talking to an ex if I felt the guys intentions were pure. I'm not a cuck guy that will be okay with her ex constantly asking her for nudes and trying to have something with her though. My response to that is entirely based on their actual relationship.

[Gabrielskaddadle]

My dude straight up just ask her. Usually when girls are cheating they will overeact to being caught out. Ask her about him and if she starts squirming she probably lying about something. Its gonna make u look a little insecure and tell her that but tell her that it has been beothering u if she makes no effort to make u feel better she's either not as committed as u are or just sees u as a man who is only allowed to be manly and is supposed to hide his emotions. Its not your fault that u feel insecure and i can guarantee she has felt that before so she will probably understand

[Jackieboi]

I would leave her. she's obviously keeping the door open, wether it be because she's hoping to get back or because she still likes something about him but sees more of a future with you. Confronting her would just get you nowhere then looking like a controlfreak or something as there isn't really anything of substance to grasp a hold of and "confront" with. This is why its become so common to have people in your situation. Because you accept something that everyone knows stinks even though no one has seen the shit yet.

[boggboss]

Hmmmmmm it depends I guess it comes down to if you trust her and maybe you should have brought it up when you saw it as to not look like it had been dwelling on your mind

[Asker]

I know. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell her because I didn’t want to start a fight over something that

[Asker]

Could be just a snap

[boggboss]

It was most likely just a snap I'm always up stupid times in the morning and if I wanna ask somthing will send a text and just wait for the person to wake up

[Anonymous]

I think you could try to casually lean into the issue in maybe a light hearted way by being like, "so hey, what was so important at 1 in the morning from (name) when we're trying to get our beauty sleep?" That way she knows you know, but also maybe that that's not cool at all for her ex to text her like that. I think you just kind of have to watch her reaction. Is she dodgy about it, does she play it off as nothing because it is, is she super defensive about it---you just kind of have to trust and if your "spidey sense" is tingling that things aren't right, then question a bit more or watch for other suspicious activity in the future.

[Curiouskate88]

This is a tricky question. From my experience as a 27 year old woman, I have never had a romantic ex partner contact me solely as a friend. People say it's possible, have I personally experienced it.. no. Never in my life has a single man I have made friends with been able to refrain from attempting to cross the line of platonic friendship.
Every guy I have ever friend-zoned at some point or another will attempt and then re-attempt to make a move. Whether it be for sex, an ego boost or out of curiousness.
I think the best question to ask here is, not why your Lady's ex is snapping her. I think you should ask why your girlfriend entertains her ex and gives him the idea that its totally okay to snap her at 1AM etc.
She will say "we are friends".
So you must make the decision to accept that and trust her if she has never given a reason for you to believe she is dishonest. But it is also important to ask yourself, "why does she need her ex boyfriends attention."

[Mathilda02]

Ask her about it. Don't sound confrontational because that could cause an argument. . . But you do have a right to know if you have been dating that long and are serious about her.
Also if she has nothing to hide then it won't bother her. . . A little jealousy shows a woman that you care

[Asker]

Ya I think i will ask her gently. We’re going on a mini road trip today, so i might just wait until we get back

[Asker]

I’m just worried about her thinking that i was snooping. The phone was literally right intof my face when it lit up

[Asker]

Infront *

[Mathilda02]

Yeah, a road trip definitely isn't the best time to bring it up.
I wish you the best of luck and I am sure it's not something to worry about🌻🙃

[Mathilda02]

Don't be xoncerned about her thinking you were snooping. Explain to her that you didn't mean to see it. If she is an understanding person then she won't argue about it. . . Also if she immediately gets defensive over it. . . Then that usually isn't a good sign

[Asker]

👍👍👍

[SongBird3]

Has she ever acted shady before? Do u have her password? Has she ever given you a reason to not trust her? Do they still hang out?
I personally wouldn’t want someone to still be close friends with there ex. Casual friends maybe. But if it bothers you, you should 100% tell her about it. Trust me on this, keeping it in will only make things worse.

[Asker]

Nah she doesn’t hang out with him at all. I think that he just snaps her occasionally. I just have never been in a relationship before whEn my girlfriend would talk to an ex. I do not have any reason not to trust her besides this issue.

[SongBird3]

Well, thats good if she doesn’t hang out with him. Out of sight out of mind. I think you dont have anything to worry about. If he snaps her excessively than tell her ur concern

[Hamsteroids]

It doesn’t hurt to ask about it. You’re her boyfriend after all. If it were me, I wouldn’t say anything about it until it’d bother me so much and explode. But one way or another, I’d confront him about it, but that’s just me 😩

[Kewlkaelyn101]

You have every right to ask her about it if you’ve been dating her exclusively and it doesn’t mean you’re insecure. Casually bring it up in a non accusing way. Maybe in a situation where you’re walking side by side so she doesn’t feel “attacked” in a face to face confrontation. Good luck!

[LanzeWolf]

Bro a lot of that sounds like it's a matter of is he doing this all the time or was it just once? I would just go straight to her and say, "Look, I know you are still friends with "ex" but I'm just curious why would he snap chat you at bar closing time?" Or 1:30, whichever is easier for you. But definitely don't be insecure, just be honest.

[phasing420]

Comminicating and confronting are commonly mistaken.
Never confront, but always communicate.
Ask whats SC about, maybe why she has SC (most the time its an app used to have convos they try to keep secretive/send nudes)... Communicate why it makes you i comfortable and what you would like to stop happening.. If it doesn't she doesn't respect your boundaries and id either do the exact same thing back (which leads to a toxic relationship- as well as if she just keeps doing it and you dont do anything about it) or leave her and find someone that will respect your boundaries (nd remember, you will have to compromise and respect her boundaries with something you might be doing to..) Relationships are a 2 part effort, if only one side puts in effort it becomes unbalanced and is either an unhealthy relationship or leads to one of the 2 becoming unfaithful in that relationship

[foxrider77]

I would say hey honey, I heard your Snapchat last night, I want you to be rested. Who the hell woke you up. If it’s someone why are they interested in talking to you at 130? Then ask if it’s a guy, what’s the deal with talking to a guy? If she says their friends then boy go find yourself another girlfriend to be “friends” with. When she ask who you texting at 10pm oh just my (girl) friend. Then she’ll learn real quick. Oh friends with the ex is not a smart move.

[Thomas_Shelby]

I wouldn’t confront her right away, as doing so may imply that you are in fact insecure. Wait, be patient. Only confront her if it starts getting out of hand and you genuinely start to feel uncomfortable, if she’s sensible then she’ll understand and cooperate with you

[stev-0]

You have two choices to choose from. Ask her and ease your pain, (break some trust boundaries).
Don't ask her. And she will never know you seen the phone light up, and you will. It gain anything from not asking her, it will also eat you up inside and make you more paranoid.

[SirRexington]

I'd mention it. It's not appropriate in my opinion. It's late and she isn't dating him and the fact that she used to is even bigger cause for alarm.

I mean she did do it with you in viewing range so that says something, unless she genuinely doesn't give a fuck about your opinion in which you should dump her sorry self right now.

I also have no idea how Snapchat works so that might have a factor in how I make my decision.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

I'd confront her about it, and pay close attention to how she reacts. Relationships need boundaries, and her ex texting her at 1:30 is clearly something you consider crossing a boundary. The more time you spend trying to "not look insecure" is just time diverted away from actually getting to the bottom of the issue.

[jojouzumaki]

I'm not gonna bother myself confronting my partner.

Though, in your shoe it bothers you... Tell her directly what you want to happen. Like ” I would really appreciate it if you would stop contacting with your ex”. In that way you are clearly telling her about what you want and that is not attacking her neither made you insecure.

good luck