I’m 23 and I noticed that the 3 guys I dated always seemed to be too much romantic and clingy. Like at a point where we only date for 2 months and they already want marriage, kids and a future together, plus they always look to daydream, write me poems, and call me every hours, till I want to get out. They were all financially stable and very attractive, so I’m surprised cause I thought men who worship their girlfriends always had mommy issues. I don’t want a bad boy or a jerk, but it started to piss me off cause they were always lovey dovey, longing for a hug, and treated me as if I wasn’t able to walk by my self, but one of my friends told me once that she was jealous of me, cause she told me that like most girls she seem to only attract unstable jerks while I always attract romantic caring men, while I’m not even ready for a serious relationship. What can be the reason of this?
My experience says that attraction is sub conscious... it's what was familiar when growing up as a child. Sub conscious picks these people out in the background. I'd wonder what was familiar about these guys.
As well, opposities seem to attract, so maybe you are not so... easy to bond with... and they are? Or there is some other personality attribute. Love is trying to work its way out via pair bonding. Maybe you are very stable and they are emotionally needy... they feel their balance in you.
Here's a thought to chew on..."the broken pieces of me are drawn to the broken pieces of you". There's some truth in that.
It could be physical attributes... certainly they have some meaning, but the emotional sub conscious and our underlying design (working out love, fulfillnment, longing, familiarity) is what is strong.
Yes, if you only knew how lucky you are. But if it makes you puke your guts out to get those letters.. next time... dump the guy on your girlfriend, and take her guy:) Easy!:) do a switcharoo!
You probably come across quite dainty and it sets off their "protector instincts" to care for you, be lovey dovey etc. If you don't like "lovey dovey", that's fine, you're entitled to your preferences. But you have to accept that YOU are the one attracting these men, and then allowing them to date you. So to expect them to be anything other than their own nature would be counter-productive. Maybe just go date some bad boys since it seems like you need to get that out your system. Then when you get tired of the mistreatment and "games", you can find that "unicorn" guy who is perfect balance between bad boy and nice guy.
Why are people so quick to judge the girl? Being with a clingy partner doesn't sound bad in theory, however in practice it can be exhausting. They want to be around you all the time, they complain when you visit your parents/friends, they follow you around in order to check if you told them the truth in regards to hanging out with a friend, they visit your home and your workplace unexpectedly in order to check on you, they insist on wanting to get married to you and have children with you even though you have made it clear to them that it is not something you want. They complain for not texting them immediately even though you were sleeping/were at work/were talking to your sister/friend. Whenever you are texting a friend they are like: "Who are you texting? Let me see" and immediately after that: "It is okay, I trust you. I was joking". And the list goes on...
People who haven't been with a person like that do not understand it.
2
7 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Omg!! It looks like you described my relationships!!! One of them was very lovey dovey and adorable but if he ever see me talking with a man he can turn into a real psycho! I was once doing a video live on insta with a guy and a lot of other students ( even females) for a groupe study and when he knew that he entered the chat and asked about me, then he told me why the heck I went on a life video with a man!
I swear he was even jealous of my sister cause we are very close, and he was telling me how I don’t need her to talk to since I had him
I swear I mean.. I don’t want a bad boy and a jerk either. Men assume that the moment when you don’t want them to call you every hours then you automatically ask them to be jerks and cheaters 😂
"I just want a guy who will be there whenever I want him to be there and will leave me alone whenever I want him to leave me alone" relationships dont work like that, sorry, he will depend on you, he will enjoy talking to you, he will sometimes want to talk when you dont want to, get used to it unless you want to chase him and always be the one calling him. If you want the relationship on your terms then you have to make all the decisions, and therefore the man has to be a beta who will listen to everything you say and worship the ground you walk on.
I think your description is closer to the reality of a needy person, while her description just sounds like something out of a fantasy novel for lonely women: "want marriage, kids and a future together, plus they always look to daydream, write me poems, and call me every hours, till I want to get out. They were all financially stable and very attractive"
😂😂😂 I have never encountered anyone like that, and I live in a place with high concentration of attractive females (models, actresses)
You are who you attract most of the time. If you attract needy men, its because you are too nice to everybody instead of putting your foot down and setting boundaries. But the guys you are describing are not needy. Just fully aware of what the want and felt they can share it with you. If you are not ready for that, you tell them and then end it so they can find somebody who does. It is nothing wrong with them. But I will promise you, YOU WILL WISHED you have given them more of a chance and appreciate them because there's not a lot of guys left today that is able, single and willing. Most guys today, sorry to say are douche bags. Sounds like you have a lot of insecurities that you need to focus on before you start dating seriously before you break these guy's hearts for nothing.
First, as someone who is a caring person. I spoil the person I am with, I love giving the person I’m with attention, and knowing that is my person I can be close with. Your very lucky to find men who are caring and kind and care for you enough to show you. Everyone moves at different paces. Some move faster than others. I recommend you continue to make sure you attract nice men. And the more you request to scurry off because of how their showing their affection. Your gonna find yourself wishing them back. Just be an adult and communicate with them about how you feel pertaining to how fast they move. That’s all you can do. And if they don’t respect your pace kick em to the curve.
Hahaha I attract the same type of guys and the reason why they like you is because you are mature and you know what you want, you are the perfect girl that his family see or the want they think is stable and responsible enough, I know I’ve run from those too
Well if to a certain degree people date what they like or at least give off vibes that they like, then that also means people dont date what they dont like or give off vibes that they dont like. Might it be that you're not dating those kind of guys because you give off vibes of not liking them leading to you shutting them down/not giving them a chance? Im trying to say maybe the guys you're after also are the same type of guys that you might feel come on too strong, thereby subconciously never giving them a chance?
I geel sorry for those 3 males, theu hould propably have been great dads for your future kids. Of what i have read, it seems that it is not easy to find a maöe that want to settle down. If you dont like them being romantic, then dont waste 2 months, you are wasting your time and their time.
By the sounds of it, I'd say it's because you're a sweet and caring genuine human being and guys who like to shower their partners with love and attention get drawn to that. I've had an ex who was like that and it was the most exhausting relationship I've ever had. I have also had the opposite though where they couldn't care less! It's finding a balance and finding the right guy... might just mean you've got to kiss a few frogs in the middle.
You will only learn with the passage of time (many times when it is too late or after ur heart get shattered). How valuable what you had was. You literally had 3 whole chances.
Sadly... those men didn't know either how girls operate. So they got thier hearts shattered for that. Hopefully they learn with the passage of time as well.
Such a stupid system. How our minds work. If someone shows us love and affection we start liking them. but if they give too much love and affection we start taking them for granted and start losing attraction. If someone we like shows us coldness or being a jerk we become wanting them so badly to show us love and affection and crave for it. And if they do end up giving us love and affection... we become so happy. But if they keep giving us love and affection for long... then we start taking them for granted and start losing attraction.
U dont know the value of what u have until u lose it. Or get the opposite.
Therefore. A relationship should always have its ups and downs... and fights happening. And that is what keeps the flame going. And only way for that to happen.. is 100% honest communication from both partners. They both need to know what is on each others minds and what is bothering who at all times to be o the same page.
Because you're probably not actually upfront; as in you are acting like you have innocent intentions when you just want to use the man's body, time, personal space and money til you're bored or just to coldly compare it all to some other guy.
Be upfront about who you are before wasting these men's time.
Well I wish that for me i can't get a guy to remember my damn birthday you got to be more straight forward. with them yes try the sites pof or tinder if you want nothing long but then again it could be I've seen pl not want this and that untill they fall in love and then it's with a jerk and then they wish they hadn't left the other guy... and so on.. but just be honest honestly is the best policy.. lol
It sounds like you've been mistreated. Aside from that, you probably give guys the impression that you enjoy what they do. I used to chuckle at negative advances from people, like poking fun, etc. until I realized they thought that chuckle was enjoyment. To them, my chuckle was positive reinforcement.
2
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
This begs the question as to whether you have an avoidant attachment style? Maybe you have too much pain that you’ve not yet dealt with that stops you getting too close to other people on a real level. So you’ll subconsciously push good treatment away and seek out poor treatment instead. This is something extremely worthwhile looking into and being honest about because it will affect your entire life until you face it. The sooner you do, the more ahead you’ll be in life. Food for thought.
Boo fucking hoo go cry me a river bitch. It's "women" like you that make good guys not want to date anymore. So go chase after your bad boy jerk bfs and when you get hurt and start whining bitching and complaining coaches treating you like shit you look back on this post and remember what you typed here how you didn't want a good kindhearted caring stable guy or as you refer it boring. Remember you asked for this and this is what will be coming
@Robbie18 She hurt 3 guys for no reason other than her own selfish childish immature reasons. She has a lot of growing up to do before she even thinks about being in a relationship with another guy
@Robbie18 when she gets her heart broken the same way she broke their hearts and she can't get a decent guy afterwards then she'll learn the hard way to what she missed out on
Maybe you were misinterpreting what they said. Maybe they don't want marriage right away. Maybe they were just telling you that you are beautiful and amazing, and that they find you suitable and acceptable for marriage. That doesn't mean they want to get married immediately. That just means they want to date you (and potentially get married eventually.)
That would irritate me too. I need my solitude sometimes. It would make me go crazy being all lovey all of the time. Like get the fuck off me and let me breathe.
"I don’t want a bad boy or a jerk, but it started to piss me off" typical lies of a woman. Women hate nice guys and men who give them freedom. You want to be treated like shit, you want to be treated like a sex object, you want the bad boy. Admit it. You dont want commitment and romance. You just want to have fun and get fucked until you hit the wall at 30.
It could depend on how old the men are, too. Obviously for a lot of people, the closer you get to 30 the more of a rush you're in to get married. It gets a lot tougher once you hit that 30 mark
because you're unattractive. The attractive men who aren't needy dont look at you because they can get better women. you're left with the nerds and the simps who can't get anything better so they act like you're the best thing since sliced bread
Perhaps you're missing cues that they're clingy from the start? If theyre calling you or texting you too much. Talking about a future together, when you haven't found out enough about each other in the present. You're ignoring those red flags...
I'm pretty much like that myself expect for mommy issues. (Ok maybe one or two issues). I'm not that overly clingy though, or do you disagree love, @mermaidia_lol Why do you think this lady attracts this sort?
And she may attract this type of guy due to how she is presented to the world. I have found myself (a needy girl) attracted to men who give off this strong and determined aura, and perhaps since I lack that particular quality, I search for it in other people to keep me well-rounded.
@mermaidia_lol Haha, just thought It'd be fun to work together on a question.
Good answer. I agree, we sometimes feel confused over whom we attract without asking what kind of person those people are attracted to, and if that coincides with how we present ourselves.
Their neediness could be fear of losing you or insecurities they have who knows. Next time ask a guy why he's like that and communicate to him that he needs to chill. Maybe don't be in a relationship, sounds like you don't want to be tied down.
Lol, you might be the unicorn here. 🦄🦄🦄 Most people say they want what you keep finding. Just be up front with people in the beginning and let them know what you are looking for.
Guys that want to rush like that are eager to fall in love, a. k. a. insecure. You're selecting decent guys but all betas. Seek a man who makes you work a bit for his attention because he's busy working on himself.
Good god, that sounds hard. Maybe you could use a break?
2
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I don't know, but there are plenty of assholes out there who would fulfill your fantasies. I used to be one of those guys, but women like you made me realize that I need to stop giving a fuck. I notice that women now give me more respect.
@kim45456 What does that have to do with your question or this discussion? Do you think that making groundless personal attacks strengthens your argument? I could easily assume from your question that YOU are the one who "can't choose the right partner."
Sounds like BS when you said "they're very attractive", everything else lined up but that, unless your attractive scale is much less calibrated than the average scale.
Because you're being victimised for being too good looking love. You get the best there is, and then someone calls it 'needy'. If a man is manly, he is a jerk, if he is romantic, he is needy - jealous friends will always find a way to attach some bad label so you dump a guy that actually is good to you (and they can justify their own deficiencies). Most of love problems come down to those around you being too jealous to let you enjoy your own life.
How is this unrelated or irrelevant? Arnold broke Maria's heart. His actions caused the end of a beautiful love story. And his attitudes were most likely the seed of those actions.
@Jamie05rhs Boy, that's some mamby-pamby bullshit isn't it? What makes you think it was so beautiful in the first place? What about HER attitude? Don't you think her 'attracting' in the first place tells you something?
@Jamie05rhs - You're clearly clueless. Oh well. Have fun on GAG. And your little shaming tactics don't mean jackshit to me. IDGAF It's not even your question and you don't know anything about women, relationships, or life. What's even worse is you're a 32yo guy that acts like a 12yo girl. complete fail. You must be one of those girlie-men. LOL
Yeah, emotionally available men suck. Just start having one night stands, that way you don't have to worry about people expecting you to want a serious relationship.
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