Why doesn'y he initiate texts?

[Anonymous]

I'm talking to a single dad. We are long distance. He has expressed a lot of interest. In fact, he told me that we should take to another level. The thing is that he never initiates texts, barely calls me, and he keeps postponing visits. When I text he responds fast like in a 1 minute. He use to initiate, but now he doesn't. Did he loose interest or is he that busy to not text me? He also works full time. I've never dated a single dad or done the long distance? I'm really sad. Any feedback would be appreciated :-)

Updates

+1 y

Doesn't* sorry for the typo

Updates

+1 y

Thank you for your wise words❤️ I do want kids. I'm 29 years old so I still have time. Gives me something to think about before leaping in... thank you😊

[Screenwriter]

Sounds like he's not interested enough. If he's juggling kids and a job, he might have initially been interested, but he just can't manage it. Might as well call it off. If he keeps postponing visits to start with, he's already set the tone of what he's going to do: not call, not initiate texts, postpone visits. Too many red flags and you haven't even MET him. Forget it. Be sad a few more days and tell him you've met someone else. Then go MEET someone else.

[Asker]

Well he has full custody of his two young ones not all 7 kids. The drug addict ex still comes by from what he told me. I'm not sure if that still makes him busy or he just not interested in me. He tells me he is and that I'm his dream girl. He told me that he waits for my text, but it makes me feel sad to chase him. I don't mind his disabilities... I have PTSD and depression as well. I really admire him as a person... he gives countless hours to his community. I know I would probably be his caregiver, but I don't mind. He has a huge heart for others❤️ I'm a very generous person with a big heart myself... I'm not superficial. What hurts me is that I don't want to be taken for granted or find out he his sleeping with ex or others

[Screenwriter]

You're thinking right now, not forty years of caregiving. And why wouldn't you have a child with him? Someone else to caregive to besides the two youngest. It's nice he volunteers for the community, but that is another obligation he has that cuts into time for you. If you too are suffering from PTSD and depression, I'd suggest both of you get those issues taken care of before leaping into a longterm relationship. It seems like he has many obligations that come before you. I'm not even considering that he is sleeping with his drug addict ex. Seems unlikely. Just because his other five don't live with him doesn't mean he doesn't interact with and see them. If you want to marry into/partner with someone who has loads of other obligations already in place, my thoughts would be you will be taken for granted, based on how he has treated you so far. It appears he takes care of everyone before himself. Healthy people take care of their needs first, because if you don't love and take care of yourself first, you don't offer the best of you to others. Good luck.

[Asker]

Thank you for your wise words❤️ I do want kids. I'm 29 years old so I still have time. Gives me something to think about before leaping in... thank you😊

[ZELLxoxo]

I don't want to upset you or create doubts in this. But it's possible that his attention is also on other girls.. it's just a possibility.

[Screenwriter]

Yep. He could also be a player if he doesn't have full custody of his kids... could be juggling women.. This is a problem with men who live far away...

[ZELLxoxo]

@Screenwriter the red flag is post poning visits as the asked said.

[ZELLxoxo]

*asker

[Asker]

He has full custody of his kids and he is a disabled combat veteran (PTSD and other physical pain problem). His ex is a drug addict. He wants to take things seriously with me, but it just makes me feel lonely that I have to initiate texts. It's like I'm chasing him. He responds happily when he hears from me, but it so hard not hearing from him.

[ZELLxoxo]

I'd suggest not texting him anymore. Wait a bit. See how long it takes for him to miss you and reach out.

[Asker]

He has a total of 7 kids and I think failed marriages. He says that he has been hurt in the past and they've cheated. One became a lesbian. I think he has cheated too.

[ZELLxoxo]

If his attention is focused on other (or if he's a REALLY busy guy) then it would take a long time. Otherwise you know where you stand @asker

[Asker]

Okay thanks... that's what I will 🙂

[ZELLxoxo]

How many ex wives does he have? How much older is he than you?

[Asker]

I think 2 or 3. He is 42 and I'm 29. He's 13 years older. I know he has a lot of baggage, but I find him to be a very admirable person. He gives so much. I just worry sometimes that I will end heartbroken cuz every guy ends up hurting me. I'm a domestic violence survivor and I've been cheated on. He knows that. He says that he is waiting for me to graduate from grad school so I can find a place closer to live by him and that he doesn't mind my beliefs of waiting till marriage. I'm a patient person and very understanding, but I get scared that he might be leading me on to not hurt me or he is talking to others... he is guy and I'm sure he desires sex.

[ZELLxoxo]

You should know how many.

Are you okay with the age gap between you two?

Also. What you need to do is stress to him (or any potential partner) for that matter is just how important marriage is for you.

[Asker]

I've never dated a much older guy, so I guess I was a little surprised to find out about his age. I find him attractive and he wants commitment... marriage. I guess the age made me feel a little bit relieved that maybe he is done playing around..
I could be wrong. We have a lot in common and attraction. He says that I have all the qualities he is looking for in a woman... his dream girl... he could be bluffing me tho. We haven't met in person. We've been talking over the phone, IG, texts since August. He hasn't found a day with all his commitments. I can't drive freeways due to past trauma anxiety, so he said he will find a hotel to stay near me.

[Asker]

I went once almost 2 weeks without initiating and then I texted him. I will go longer now and see what happens. He says he is very interested. He once told me that he is waiting for my texts. I guess he wants me to be the initiator, but it doesn't make me feel to good... ya feel me? Thanks so much for your helpful advice❤️

[ZELLxoxo]

Does he have all the quality that you are looking for in your dream guy?

Also could you handle being a step mom and his kids being more of a priority over yours (in the future)?

[ZELLxoxo]

2 weeks is a LOT of time without a text.
Like too much. You know.

[Asker]

Yeah two weeks is a lot. I might have to move on... I can't wait around forever. I really like him and I think I could fall for him. My dream guy was my ex who abused me. He pretend to be something he wasn't so I don't know if I have a dream guy or believe in it. I don't mind being a step mom... it's the drug addict ex is my concern😬

[ZELLxoxo]

If you like him a lot then give him one chance. Tell him how you feel about everything. Be honest.

If he cares he'll make better effort at texting (and about visiting each other)

[Asker]

I've been honest like 2 times that I would like to communicate more because it's important to me, but I'm going to be more specific this time. I don't think he knows how hurtful it is. I thank you so much again🙏🏽💕✨

[ZELLxoxo]

You're welcome. Best of luck.

[Screenwriter]

TOO MANY RED FLAGS!!! Seven kids he has full custody of? Disabled? PTSD? He needs a live in nurse and nanny. Girl, leave that alone. I'm sorry for him, but you did not make the situation he is in. He doesn't have time or energy to woo and romance you. You ARE chasing him. Forget about it... It's simply too much: unless you want to help raise 7 kids and to help him with his PTSD and pain issues.

[jasco]

well some people are actually pretty busy plus some people honestly dont do it to see if you actually like them cause if you did u still be there