Is it weird if my bfs mom does his laundry, makes his bed and cleans his room and he’s 25 and loves at home?

[Anonymous]

[SoWhAt249]

It's kinda weird, but depends I guess. I live with my parents also, and my mom does my laundry BUT, she never touches my clothes before they've been washed. She tells me when she's doing laundry, and what kind of laundry she's doing, and I out my clother in the washing machine myself. She just takes them out and hangs them to dry after washing. She sometimes vacuums my room, but only if their is no stuff around the floor. I have to do the most part of cleaning the room. Also, she doesn't make my bed. If he does absolutely nothing, unlike me, then he is a lazy privileged prick, and it's not weird, but rather bad.

[slatyb]

Weird or not doesn't't matter. But you are going to have to have a good talk about expectations before moving in together. If you don't want to do it all, then you will want to make sure he's prepared to do his share of the housework.

[Screenwriter]

It's weird. He's being spoiled and should be doing those tasks by himself. I hope he's paying her rent and helping with electricity/food costs.. That would be fair. I'd find that worrisome at his age.

[Asker]

He is spoiled. At least from what I’ve seen. They payed for his healthcare insurance till now and car insurance/phone bill till now. He just started paying that himself. I’m going to talk to him about doing his own things around the house because it’s so hard to deal with seeing his mother do it like she’s treats him like a baby still or something. It bothers me a lot

[Asker]

I’ve told him I’m nothing like his mother and will never be and that he better not expect me to do those things like a service for him. So he knows where I stand and claimed he didn’t have an issue with that

[Screenwriter]

Here's the acid test. Let him get his own home. Don't move in with him. Be with him. Visit. Etc. See how he keeps his house. Don't do ANYTHING at his house. I don't care how dirty or disorganized it is. See if his actions match his words. Stay at your own place until you see how he really lives on his own.

[Asker]

Good idea. I thought about that before

[proteus912]

If his mum is doing everything for him that is weird. But if he is self sufficent and living there for a reason (like saving up for a house or something) that is okay

[Fiiggy]

Look people live at home longer depending on the area. You can always argue "maybe he's saving for a house?". Her doing his laundry and bed is just inexcusable.

[Asker]

He says he’s saving for a house for us and I don’t understand because I just want to be with him in an apartment but he doesn’t want an apartment he says he wants a house

[Screenwriter]

If he can't make his own bed, clean his room and wash his own clothes, don't you think he's going to expect YOU to do all those things, just like mom does? If he were contributing to the home household, and taking care of his own room and clothes... I'd have no issue with what he's doing. In a year, he could manage a good downpayment... But sounds like he's thoughtlessly using mom or mom and dad...

[Fiiggy]

@Screenwriter is right, he's not ready for adult hood if he's still relying on his mom like this. It's a pretty big red flag.

[JustJen]

What's weird is that he's even living with his mom.

[Asker]

Well he lives with both his parents and never finished school. But he works a lot I just don’t get why he never moved out

[soleil2666]

Yeah, if he works already he's just using the free 'mom and dad' hotel. Many people would if they had an option. I don't think that's wrong - and it is very good for your savings.

[Asker]

@soleil2666 but is it an excuse to not want to move out and live with me? Because that’s all I want but he says he is still saving

[soleil2666]

For a man, it doesn't have to be. He could really just be that responsible. For an honest person, in fact, male or female (though women seem to doubt this more).

[JustJen]

@soleil2666 Yes it has to. It means he is mentally immature.

[soleil2666]

You sound angry here, which is immature. He is saving, that is mature. If that upsets you so much talk to him about it, in all seriousness, but openly, show your hurt. At some point I wasn't shown when I should have been, so she left.

[JustJen]

@soleil2666 I'm not angry. Just pointing out the fact a 25 year old, regardless of gender, should be living the life of an adult, this one is still living the life of a child.

[Asker]

@soleil2666 it’s okay he’s expressing his opinion. And it could be either I just don’t know, both answers have crossed my mind and I always end up just thinking it’s an excuse because I feel like loving someone so much you want to be with them always goes past money

[Asker]

And I agree. I think emotionally he hasn’t matured and I think a lot has to do with his upbringing that his mother gave him. Being so dependent on her to the point he lost his own independence or never had that

[soleil2666]

It does go past money, and it probably should. But for someone disciplined it is easy to overdo discipline against their own feelings - men really are not as purely emotion driven as women (one of the very few actual differences)

[JustJen]

@soleil2666 Women are by no means "purely emotion driven". That's just sexism.

[Asker]

@soleil2666 I’m not purely emotionally driven. I want a family and a home and obviously I know you need money for that, I have a job and so does he and we both have savings. I’m saying there isn’t an excuse at this point to me to prove to me he is just being responsible

[JustJen]

Putting your entire life on hold to save some money is not being responsible. It's avoiding having to take responsibility for your own life, and it has deep seated psychological reasons.

[Asker]

What kind of psychological reasons do you think? Because all I can come up with is his weird mom and dads way of raising him

[JustJen]

That no doubt factors into it. Other than that he may be immature and dependent, and that's never going to change.

[soleil2666]

@JustJen Go on if you have any more info on that... I'd be interested in hearing it

[JustJen]

@soleil2666 Human beings are not. If thy were, they would have gone extinct a long time ago. Women are human beings. Hence, not "purely emotion driven".

[soleil2666]

That could be his relationship with his parents still guiding his choices, vs his relationship with you.
How and why - perhaps because they consider it too early for the two of you to essentially marry/start a family. Who knows. To speculate further would be silly.

[mantock]

25 and living at home is not an issue... If he is working and saving money for other life goals.

Moms love to do these things regardless, especially for their sons. Anyone who's mum comes to visit can attest to that. I'm not a slob, but my house becomes noticeably *more* cleaner when The mum is in town.
Then I take her shopping :)

Honestly, No big deal as long as he is not a slacker not doing anything with his life.

[foxrider77]

Wow, sounds like a little boy. Maybe you should find a guy that has his own place and doesn’t have mom wash his clothes. Do they share a bed too?

[Anonymous]

You had to ask yourself if it's worth dating someone who still lives with his parents

If I were you, I wouldn't

[Asker]

Even if he wants to move out but is saving money for it?

[Opinion Owner]

Like I said

[soleil2666]

From laziness perspective, he is lucky. From 'living on your own' one, he will have troubles adjusting to it.

[Asker]

I’ve told him that and he claims he won’t have any problem with doing his own stuff. But I told him how would he know if he has never had to do it

[soleil2666]

If he is not generally lazy/irresponsible it is entirely possible he will have zero issues. The fact his mom does it now isn't the end-all as far as his habits go.

[Duckysback]

It's weird that you are still dating him.

[Asker]

Well he says he wants to move out and he’s saving for it and he said this year he is going to because I told him I’m not staying with him any longer after this year if nothing changes

[Screenwriter]

I'd want a lot of questions about your living arrangements laid out before you move in with him... Is he going to clean and cook? Doesn't look like he's doing any of that for his parents. At 25 he should certainly BE doing that. If I was his dad, I'd ask for rent and put my foot down. No one should be cleaning his room or clothes. When I came home from college at 18 I'd wash my own damn clothes. That was no longer my mom's job. And I always had to make my bed and clean my room. I had to start dinner too. I'd be more worried about how he's living and what he expects than moving in with him.

[Duckysback]

@Screenwriter Pretty much what she said. It’s not worth being stuck in a relationship with a man-child.

[jamesgoldman]

The chores, yes
The living at home not necessarily... in my town you need to make £60k a year to move out (even renting starts at £2,000 a month)

[pigoat]

I'm in my 30s and my mom dtill does my stuff and i live with her

[zagor]

Nothing wrong with that. Does he pay rent or contribute somehow, or just bum off his parents?

[manofstyle]

As long as you're the only one he's loving at home, it should be fine.

[Slim57]

Yeah think it's weirder you're dating him though, heard most girls aren't into that

[ChronicThinker]

Yep. It's weird.

[notshyguy1985]

Very weird and big red flag

[reptocarl]

Very

[outside_Toronto]

pathetic really

[Snickermarstwix]

What a lucky dude