Why does my mom think I do nothing around the house?

[Anonymous]

It's honestly so irritating. I'm 19 and I've came back home from college to live with my mother, father, and younger sister who is 11. My mom always nags that I don't do anything around the house when I obviously wash the dishes, take out the trash, clean the bathrooms, help out with laundry etc. She claims all I do is read (I'm a 4.0 student) as I am currently enrolled in a three week math course. My parents are lenient with my little sister as she barely does anything. I have to tell her to wash dishes at times. My dad sweeps in the morning, and my mom mostly cooks (and I do help her). It's just irritating as I'm trying my best.

[Jfreeland912345]

I understand, it's definitely irritating. I'm saying that from experience by the way. This could honestly come from many different reasons, it could be that it comes from how she was raised or maybe she truly believes that you don't do anything around the house, etc. In my experience, it was because they were too busy to notice. This didn't only come from my parents though, it also came from my roommate when I moved out. I realized that she was so focused on what she was doing that she never really got a chance to notice anything I did. What I'm trying to say is it can be a multitude of things.

[Iraqveteran666]

Your younger sister is 11 you are a full grown adult living rent free, fed, laundry done for free, free internet it's only right they expect you to help out more so don't compare yourself to you younger sister. Its time to grow up it's wrong you feel entitled to be a kept women.

[chunle]

I was washing dishes at age 8.

[Asker]

@chunle same here

[Iraqveteran666]

@chunle good but my point still stands stop comparing yourself to an 11 year old and show your folks some gratitude.

[Iraqveteran666]

@chunle I was helping out on the farm aged 8, driving tractors by age 11

[johndoer]

@Iraqveteran666 Just dont show off your skill to them, OK? She having problem and needs help. And you are bragging about what you did instead of helping her.

[chunle]

Right @johndoer !!!

[Iraqveteran666]

@johndoer is she having a problem? Sounds like a first world problem. I did help her. I told her to be grateful as no one else would take care of another adult

[johndoer]

That's why you are making life sucker. You can be a helpful guy or an asshole care about yourself. In this case you are the asshole. You told her to be grateful? Even if that is what her parents did to her? If she asked her problem up here without asking directly to her parents which means she does have problem in trust issue. You did not realize it and yet said you help her and told her to grow up when you even can't realize what is the problem.

[Maddiisnotintresting]

She literally stated that she does do quite a bit around the house, and juggling a 4.0 GPA and housework is really freaking difficult, okay? Laundry isn't done for free, she does it. She helps cook. And it does sound like the little sister should be helping more as well. I was washing dishes, doing laundry, and helping with meals before that age, and it's fine to compare herself to that sister because houses should have a balance. She doesn't feel entitled, she feels like she should be treated fairly.

[Iraqveteran666]

@johndoer Perhaps she isn't doing enough and it's a bit childish an adult woman comparing herself to an 11 year old. She may get a giant shock in the real world.

[johndoer]

How do you know that she is not doing enough? How? Childish when comparing to an 11 year old? Are you sure if her parents did not compare her to other kids when she was younger? Do you love being told by your parents that you are not as good as someone kid? Do you?

[Iraqveteran666]

@johndoer how about some support for her parents supporting her in adulthood and merely ask that she do a few light chores. If she wants she could get a job as a maid/housecleaner and see what's expected

[johndoer]

She only come home for a few days and does not expect it to be so hellish. You still dont get the problem, do you? The only thing that should be changed is her parents. They need to make that 11yo sister to share the chores with her.

[Iraqveteran666]

@johndoer came home for a few days and expects to be waited on, meanwhile her younger sister should be put to work doing the minor things she does

[Anonymous]

Yeah, my mother is the same way, and her ENTIRE life is eat, sleep, work, Facebook games. She works 3x12 hour shifts, and does nothing else by play games in her time off. When it's her night to cook, she pouts and whines until my father takes her to dinner.

My boyfriend and I buy some of their groceries, we take care of their animals, we wash all the dishes, even when we weren't home for dinner and none was saved for us, and we do all the sweeping dusting mopping etc. But I'm the lazy one who never does anything.

[Iraqveteran666]

Do you pay rent and utilities too. Sounds like your mom is a bad wife and mother.

[Opinion Owner]

Definitely. I'm 34, I'm no freeloader. My father actually needs the extra money to cover his own bills. And I've actually told her to her face that my father deserves better, that she doesn't deserve him.

[Iraqveteran666]

Good to hear. Seems there's a lot of spoilt children on this question

[Anonymous]

Don't worry, my mom does it to me too, and I'm 22. My 16 year old sister does nothing but sit on her ass 24/7, while I'm going around doing HER chores, and stuff around the house to please my family. I could work for 6 hours, my sister could do 10 minutes of work, and my parents will still complain that I don't do any when I clearly do. Sometimes parents do this to the older sibling to make the younger one stay quiet. It's extremely annoying, I know. I wish parents wouldn't, but that's how they are I guess

[Iraqveteran666]

You said your 22. Why are you still living at home and being a burden to your parents?

[Opinion Owner]

@Iraqveteran666 I'm in university and come back home every so often (every few months). I'm not being a "burden" if that's how you're putting it. I moved out when I was 18 cuz I couldn't stand my parents and my university was closer for me

[Iraqveteran666]

Then book a motel room.

[Opinion Owner]

@Iraqveteran666 i said i don't live at home. why would i go to a motel when i could just go back to my own house?

[Opinion Owner]

like not my parent's house, my own that i've lived in since i was 18...

[Iraqveteran666]

Then I don't see the problem if you have your own place and never ever stay at your parents

[Jenncee]

I can't speak for all parents but if they have high expectations from you and you're not doing them they will see it as you're not doing anything even when you know that you are. some times the little things we do doesn't matter much if they want us to go more above and beyond.

[Iraqveteran666]

Or as adults move out and stop being a burden.

[Jenncee]

if her parents are helping her I don't see it as a burden. I moved out at 18 so I didn't have to go through parent stuff lol.

[Iraqveteran666]

Taking care of another adult is a burden no matter how you look at it.

[Jenncee]

in your opinion. I have an 18 year old step son that lives with me and my husband and I don't feel like he is a burden. he is a good kid and is going to college. some parents just help their children longer.

[Iraqveteran666]

And your stepson looks after and feeds himself?

[Jenncee]

Yes. he is a young adult

[Iraqveteran666]

Ah very good. I wish I had a kid helping with the bills

[Jenncee]

it wasn't my choice. that was his dad teaching him responsibilities while he is young so when he moves out into his own place he knows how to survive. Just turning him into a man.

[Iraqveteran666]

Good for that kid. His father sends him out into the real world prepared.

[Crapulux]

There are two ways to see this.

1) You really do the work and she doesn't notice. In this case, go on strike for a week (ie, stop doing anything).

2) You spend 2 hours doing a chore which requires ten minutes. In this case, you think you are entitled to respect equivalent to 2 hours of work, but the value you provided is only 10 minutes. In this case your mom is right.

[Cola7248]

Just keep helping. read at night. ask her do she have anything else for you to do. wipe walls. help your little sister keep hee room clean. the point is if she naggs clean more when you are not on class.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes that happens with families, when one comes home from
college it's like no warm welcoming , it's more like they want
you to do everything and be at their every beckon call with
me i would need to get my own place and move on with life
maybe they purposely like to irritate you just to see how far
they can push you or maybe they are trying to make your life
miserable cause their hoping you will get your own place
it's hard to say but It sounds like their not playing fair by you.

[akadatank44]

She sounds like a woman who is never happy with anything. Even if you did do something that would think blow her out of the water she'd probably say you did it wrong. Honestly just keep doing what you are doing anything and try to shut her out. You don't need the negativity in your life.

[America1st]

Ask your Mom why she says you do nothing around the house. If you truly do the things you said and you do them regularly, not just on rare occasions, she is the only one who can answer your question. Go to the source and get the truth.

[JCrain]

You either don't clean it to her standards or she is taking her anger and frustration out on you.

[Anonymous]

Don't bother!
I have been through the same, when I was in college, my mom used to complain all the time.
I know it really pisses you off.
But just hang on. Can't help it!

[nickhunter0819]

girl, I feel you. I'm 22 and still live at home. I nanny part time. whenever I get home, the first thing my mom wants me to do is the dishes I had nothing whatsoever to do with. she's always having my dad yell at me saying that I never do enough to help out which is total shit. when I'm home I cook meals for the 5 of us, do laundry and other house work.
sometimes I'm tempted to just stop all together and see what she thinks when I really get lazy.

[Iraqveteran666]

Your 22 it's only right you contribute to the household. Perhaps the best thing you can do is move out and pay your way in the world that way you will only have to cook, clean and do laundry for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Start recording what you did each day on a chart of the fridge. That way your parents can see some indication that you do take it seriously. Maybe you'll see you don't help as much as you should, or maybe they'll see you do help often enough.

[Iraqveteran666]

This is a good idea.

[SillygalwithQs]

I think you should work in front of your mother and always make sure to tell her what you did. I worked for me (I am pretty lazy) ;P

[sairane34]

pls follow me lady

[chunle]

I. Hate. That. My brother does absolute nothing. -.- and they want me to do everything. It sounds like your mom... hmmm I don't know. I would need more details 😂

[Iraqveteran666]

It says your 24 is that correct?

[chunle]

Yes.

[Iraqveteran666]

If you are an adult why are you still in their home?

[chunle]

It's a thing called preparing yourself. I'm working on my degree so I can get well paying job. I'm also trying not to come back here when I leave (which most common people do).

[Iraqveteran666]

Your an adult if they wanted they could throw you out. You should be more grateful and do everything you can for them as it's unfair to expect you parents to keep you an adult women for free with nothing in return unless of course your contributing rent, utilities and food bills.

[chunle]

Are you a parent or something? Because I see you wrote this on everyone status. Well, my father said once I leave I can't come back so I rather be financially stable as a I can.

[Iraqveteran666]

He said that yet your still thereand haven't been kicked out. Your parents are giving you every opportunity to succed so as gratitude you should try and ease their burden as nobody outside those four walls will ever help or support you like that again. I am a parent but I'm also someone's grateful child.

[MikkiM]

haha, most reason because they felt so tired, thats why they get their attention with us , whom they can make their pressures out

[Mr_President]

speak up for yourself and let then know your doing stuff

[RealDarkeyes]

Hey that's me at times, my dad tells me to spent less time on my phone, WHILE HE'S ON HIS F***ING PHONE. my parents also do that with chores because they're fat and don't want to loose weight because we still get doughnuts

[Billyscotter]

Do you do them in front of your mom? With parents, if they don't see it, it didn't happen. And if they see you doing something (like reading in your case), they think that's all you've been doing.

[_rachelle_17]

my mom tries to tell me i dont do stuff around the house as well

[johndoer]

Just move out if you have chance. After that, if they keep nagging about it, just cut the contact. This type of family can be called "toxic"

[Guevara00239]

parents are never satisfied with what you do. but she still loves you. just be patient until this time period is over.

[dessiirreee]

it's because ur the oldest they expect u to help them around the house

[Bananaman177]

Why tell us? Go tell your mom everything you just told us.

[JCrain]

She's trying to sort out all the facts from her emotions she that she can logically assess the situation to help her understand the circumstances and make a choice.

[Bananaman177]

@JCrain That's fine, but sometimes you should deal with emotional problems head-on, immediately, instead of letting a situation fester and become more and more emotionally toxic.

Ever heard the old Patton quote, "A good plan executed right now is better than a perfect plan executed someday."

[Asker]

You're right.

[Bananaman177]

When a girl downvotes your comment, you're usually not wrong.

[johndoer]

If it's can be solved by asking her mother, she already did. You probably do not realize that she does not trust her mom. That's why she asked. And you know why she doesn't trust her mother? I don't know. Maybe that's what they unconsciously teach her.

[Bananaman177]

@johndoer In which case the best solution is to confront her mother directly. Yet again.

It's funny how you can spend 1,000 lifetimes strategizing your every possible move in these emotional tangles, but in the end, the frontal assault is the right answer 99% of the time, and it'll still get the job done the other 1%.

If it's not the right strategy, it'll still take you to where you can find out what the right strategy is.