It's becoming abundantly clear that when I moved back home four years ago; I should've moved back out and stayed out; now it is taking way too long for me to get another job and a new place at 42. I've been on my own since I was 17. At 59, she's starting to change on me,
She's expecting me to give up my whole life, because where we live; which is on the Southside of Chicago, it's a lot of gangs and other crazy groups or minorities of people that are doing a lot of shooting when we walk out the door and she says it isn't safe to travel by yourself, but it is some other times with other people to me; as long as you have good intentions on what you are doing and where you are going. I've finally seen the tide turning.
It's basically the classic generations clashing by way of overbearing super lenient parents; who let their kids do what they want and expect you to give up your life, because they won't raise their kids right and let them gang bang, now how is that my fault? Why should I let them take away my whole life. I want to be able to roam around and go where I want, when I want. Anyway, I'm seeing some changes in my mom, I don't like. Her constantly going in
The room behind every five or ten minutes when I wake up early in the morning, she thinks I'm going to burn up a microwave with an non-microwavable container top that is microwavable and wants me to clean up nonstop, feed our family cat and look after the other cats outside, yet she brags about how I'm an aspiring book author. I never get a moment to think nor finish writing anything. I know, it's my mother's place and I have to abide by her rules.
Am I not suppose to be back out on my own? I'm newly single, divorced my wife five years ago, because she cheated on me with the mail lady, she got lesbian on me, I saw them kissing in the mail truck. What do you think?
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Man, this sounds like an overall really difficult situation. I am a bit confused on a couple of the particulars though. I get your overall frustration. But I am not clear on what exactly is happening.
I am unclear on how your mother is keeping you there. Is she pressuring you to not move out on your own? If you're having trouble finding a job or a place right now, then isn't it ideal that you DO stay at your mom's until you're able to find those things and move back out? I am unclear on what pressure she is putting on you to stay.
I am also not clear on what exactly she is doing that is becoming so intolerable for you so far as "her rules" go?
I get that it might be a pain-in-the-ass to have your mother not wanting you to go out and about for fear of you getting shot. But... unless its to the point where she's literally trying to get you to stop going about your business... then isn't that just some normal mother fears?
I don't live somewhere like the Southside of Chicago. But as I'm sure you know, it's notorious around the world as an incredably violence plagued area. The other day, I heard some cop intervied. And the "solve rate" for murder, (specifically on Chicago's Southside) was 15%. That's... and 85% chance you can get away with murder. That's insane. Wouldn't any mother be worried about her son? No matter how old? I guess it depends on how much that worry is actually putting a limit on your freedom.
I feel like I do not have a good grasp of your overall situation. I can see that you're angry and frustrated, and I can appreciate why that might be. But... are you sure you're being fair in directing that anger and frustration towards your mother? (and maybe you are. Again, I feel like there's a whole lot more going on here than is contained in what you shared).
It sounds like she really doesn't understand how you're feeling. She brags about you being an aspiring author, because in her mind, that's what's really happening. She does not realize that you're not able to get anything written because of how stressed you are.
Well, I'm not trying to direct my anger at her, though. but it is a lot of evil around my community most of the time. Other times, in certain spots on my block is quiet; as long as everyone worries about themselves; but on the next block, up the street and the rest of the city is a lot of other stuff like assaults, shooting, carjacking and robbery going, but that is with any city, but more frequent in those parts. Yeah, I am frustrated, I've been through this for years, so it's time for me to go, because I want freedom. She's not pressuring me to move out, but I want to; because I don't want to do some crazy stuff that will present bad karma back at me. Thanks for trying to understand.
I want to wish you all the best no matter what you decide to do. I think moving out makes sense if that's feasable, and as long as that doesn't leave your mother in a bad spot. Man... I can't even imagine what life must be like for you in that environment. I think that if you're able to get outta there, you should. There are places where those stresses just aren't a part of life. I hope you're able to find your way to some place better for you. But... take care of your mom though...(I know I didn't need to even say that).
I hope you find the freedom you're looking for. You deserve your share of happiness too. Good luck man.
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