"Compatibility is not the precondition of love, but the result of it." True or False?

[Lightning8]

The words of modern philosopher Alain De Botton

[AmandaYVR]

Hmm. Well I am not familiar with this philospher or idea but I'll give it a whack.
Correct, compatability is not a necessary precondition of love, but it sure does make things easier and cause much less conflict in the long run. Opposites attract is a compensation and perhaps justification for the friction of difficult situations. It's not the ideal. And no two people can ever be accurately truly labelled as opposites, but if there are enough glaring and obvious differences, sure, we all know what they mean. I think it's a good character trait to be able to appreciate other people for what they possess that is very different from oneself. I can often respect and appreciate people for such a thing. But it's hard to argue that compatability, maybe even the more the better, makes life just so much easier. We should never be exactly the same. First of all, it's not possible, secondly there are significant gender differences, diversity strengthens genes if kids are produced, and basically it's a lot less boring. Nobody needs a mirror of themselves. But a mirror who challenges your biases, broadens your mind, and encourages you to be something more, better than you began before you met them... this is what will aid us all, in the end.
So perhaps the phrase should be something more like 'Respect and appreciation are necessary preconditions to love. Compatability is a desired byproduct of the love that is created.'

[PrimalInstinct]

True.

We all know someone who is involved with someone else that is a complete opposite. Be it a friend, relative, neighbor or colleague. They are complete opposites in either upbringing, culture, expectations, education, income, etc.

Only a fool would say it was initial compatibility that brought them together & not actual love to overlook these issues.

[JustJen]

Compatibility is not the same as being exactly the same.

[PrimalInstinct]

@JustJen Did I say it was? Shared interests are a sign of compatibility. It's a bit more than hot person + hot person = compatible, kid.

[JustJen]

Are you stupid? Shared interests are a very superficial common denominator. Shared political outlook and philosophical stance is more like it. What I was saying was, two people can be each others opposites in many ways but still be compatible. Are you not able to read?

[PrimalInstinct]

@JustJen Probably better than you, Miss Prissy. Shared political interest & philosophical stance belongs mostly to sheep who'd rather ignore other viewpoints. It's hardly a necessity. A common interest in more important - are **you** stupid -- otherwise, one partner will stay home while the other is out & about.

[PrimalInstinct]

@JustJen And by the way kid you never said this "What I was saying was, two people can be each others opposites in many ways but still be compatible" you said "compatibility is not the same as being exactly the same." .. Can't you remember what you write within 15 minutes?

[JustJen]

You seem very inexperienced for your age. Sharing general views of the world and life is crucial to compatibility. Sharing an interest in collecting stamps does not make you compatible with someone else in and of itself.

[PrimalInstinct]

@JustJen I'm not talking collecting stamps, little girl. That maybe *your* pastimes. I'm talking rock climbing, whitewater rafting, horseback riding, etc. Things that require effort by two people to partake in. If someone is terrified of heights, as an example, it's pretty stupid to get involved with someone with their own airplane wouldn't you say?

[JustJen]

Having the same hobbies is very superficial and has nothing to do with being compatible on a personal level. Read up on it.

[PrimalInstinct]

@JustJen Good god. You're a little bit slow, aren't you? Of course, it does. If you have the same hobbies you've likely a similar personality which means you're compatible on a personal level. You gave politics & philosophical for your "argument" (lol) no different. In fact, yours be pretty boring in relationships.

[JustJen]

Uh no. Every football player does not have the same personality. You're more than a little bit slow.

[MrOracle]

False. Love definitely doesn't overcome a lack of compatibility, which is the big lie that the media sells and one of the top reasons for the high divorce rate.

This is why I am constantly telling people to actively investigate your long-term compatibility UP-FRONT with any potential SO, and to think hard about and talk long about the areas where your compatibility is low, because eventually, it will be a big deal, and far more difficult to deal with down the road.

[loveslongnails]

It's the sort of "word byte" that philosophers get known for :). There has to be a certain amount of core things you're compatible about in order to love, at least in relationship love. Maybe you can "love" them in the sense that you're supposed to "love thy neighbor as thyself", but I read that more as "do unto others". It's been said that you can "learn to love anyone", but I don't buy it. I can tolerate, even accept, but love... don't believe so.

[Saviiiiii]

True to the bone, mate. People can be very different and have many arguments to overcome. If both sides really love eachother and they can think logically they will be as compatible as human eyes.

[mindNsoul]

I can't fall for a man I'm not compatible with! we can be different but have to be compatible to click 👌

[JustJen]

False. Compatibility has to be there from the get go. It doesn't magically appear out of nowhere.

[Lightning8]

It's not that compatibility would come from nowhere, but that it is developed from the "hard work of love" as De Botton puts it

[JustJen]

Not really. It's there from the get go, or it isn't. you wouldn't get into a relationship with osmebody not compatible to begin with.

[Lightning8]

There are many couples where one or both didn't like the other initially. But besides that, the oncet only addresses one aspect of incompatability. Because we are all complex individuals, incompatibility is an inevitable and common encounter in any relationship.

[Lightning8]

onset**

[JustJen]

If you don't like each other, you're not going to be a couple to begin with.

[Lightning8]

Right, but point is, how do you go from not liking each other, to eventually liking each other?

[JustJen]

You don't get into a relationship with someone you don't like and like a lot. Why would you. You discover you like each other and are compatible before even thinking about getting into a relationship.

[Lightning8]

And then, what about when the relationship breaks down, or almost breaks down? I know the reasons obviously vary, but fundamentally, why do might some relationships survive near catastrophe and others don't? Would you think of compatibility as perhaps a cosmic force of nature, a law that we can only obey like gravity, where we're all puzzle pieces searching for matching missing pieces. Or, are humans capable of creating compatibility on some significant level? Or, can it be both?

[JustJen]

Relationships can break down for all sorts of reasons. Still, if there is not a mutual feeling of perceived compatibility and liking to begin with, a relationship just can't happen at all.

[Lightning8]

Well if you are talking about the beginning, lust begins relationships all the time. But lust somewhat ignores compatibility, at least in every other category. But during the relationship, if your conscience, feelings and logical thinking don't say that the other person is responsible for your unhappiness, then it would be time to take personal responsibility, and exercise that human capacity to create order, or compatibility

[Lightning8]

But I do get where you are coming from

[JustJen]

No, lust alone does not result in a relationship. Just having sex does not equal being in a relationship. There has to both attraction - sexual as well as other - and compatible personalities, life goals, views of life and the world etc. If all of those are not present to begin with, they will never be, and there will be no interest in pursuing a relationship at all.

[Lightning8]

That's while I see what you're saying, the issue with that is, the reason we bond chemically/hoermonally through sex is to override some of the possible clashes that we would otherwise experience, and so that less children would grow up without one or both parents, increasing the survival rate of children. So, in my view at least it appears that lust actually can forge a relationship.

[Lightning8]

hormonally lol

[WhiteShoulder]

I don’t understand

@orangeandturquoise what?

[Orangeandturquoise]

You don't need to be compatible to love, but you do need to love, to be compatible.

[WhiteShoulder]

@Orangeandturquoise then I agree. Thank you 😊.

[Orangeandturquoise]

My absolute pleasure :)

[lookin64]

False
Compatibility comes first then love starts to bloom.

[Lightning8]

In that case could enemies ever become friends?

[lookin64]

Yes they could

[Lightning8]

but, their being enemies is evidence of utter incompatibility. So how can love, platonic or otherwise, find its way into the relationship of two incompatible people, if the precondition of love to appear in the first place, is compatibility?

[Lightning8]

for love to appear*

[koolkal]

I believe there's a certain level of compatibility that needed for love. More compatibility will develop as time goes on if the couple makes the attempt.

[bamesjond0069]

False. Its so easy to fall in love with someone thats compatible.

[0112358]

Way false.
it’s neither.

[AdmiralSirJohn]

Philosophers are idiots who try to sound smart.

[Lightning8]

Tell that to Jordan Peterson

[AdmiralSirJohn]

Who?

[Pamina]

It's both.

[Randallo]

We are blessed in life if we ever feel the incredible force of true love. Not to love someone or something, but to truly love someone beyond anything describable by any words, you never know when or were it may come

[Pamina]

@Randallo I'm not sure how that's a response to my comment.

[Randallo]

Sorry. There's a type of a chemical attraction that oversees any kind of compatibility or anything of that nature

[Pamina]

@Randallo Yeah, but I'm not sure what you're trying to say by that.

[Randallo]

Compatibility may bring you together, but it is not going to keep you together.

[Pamina]

@Randallo I'd say that compatibility *alone* is not going to keep you together, but it's definitely an essential part.

[Nishikigawa1]

Yes you are correct in my opinion

[Laozi]

Yup. It's true.

[brkninpcs70]

Completely false..