My 2nd date lasted 5 hrs. Then she said we should just be friends at the end when I dropped her off. Why drag out the date that long?

[red324]

This is the first time I've had a date last 5hrs. I actually kissed her on the lips mid date and then we hugged several times and I kissed her on the cheek a few times. We were getting along really good nowling, then after 3 games she wanted to play some pool so we did that for about another hour or so. Anyways, after that I dropped her off at her place and we were just talking some more then I was joking about her driving and joked saying she should drive to next time I wanted to see it. Lol. So she stops then says I think we should be friends I don't want to lead you on by going on a third date. At this point I was just totally shocked by this and wasn't expecting it at all. Wtf? Why drag out the date for so long if she's going to say that?

Updates

+1 y

So now What?

Updates

+1 y

I'm fine being friends with her, but usually what happens is she will end up getting a boyfriend then she will say her boyfriend doesn't want me talking or hanging out with her anymore.

[newblinds]

You should ask her my dude, she might just give you a BS answer, then you might think there's no way to get the answers you're looking for from this being.

Sounds like you trying to make sense of everything because your perception of reality got effed up by somebody else's perception.

If you paid for stuff then you could've gotten used for money, or they had nothing to do so they wanted to squeeze the last drops of entertainment out of it, or they trying to mess with you like someone who has been manipulated and is now manipulating someone else, like yourself, people doing those types of things don't usually care that they're doing it, they think of themselves and they don't think about who others are thinking about.

You kissed the person but don't know if they were into it, I found the hugging part a bit awkward, like some awkward hugs but that doesn't make me think of romance, plus you kissed her cheek a few times - would've thought you'd get some smackers on the lips from the person if they wanted to get in your pants.

This person knew it was going pretty long, and since they initiated extending the date with the pool playing then it makes me suspicious of their motives, it doesn't seem like a case where they're stuck and being dragged along for the ride.

It's obvious it was a date and not a playdate, I think the person didn't act responsibly in the clear way the situation called for but will likely be rationalized and excused by this person and their compadres. Looks like you got a rude awakening.

[MrKinktastic]

I get the impression she enjoys spending time with you, just has some criteria for guys she’s romantically interested in you don’t meet. It can be literally anything so I’d take it as a good thing that she didn’t cut the date short. At least you know you are fun to go on a date with.

[PrimalInstinct]

1st off not all women are shallow teases like that. And seriously unless her idea of boundaries are truly this downright pathetic she was leading you on. After all, if she wasn't interested or just over a bad relationship again she shouldn't have hugged/cuddled & least of all let you kiss her.

I take it, from a comment you made to another member, that you paid for the majority of this date & the 1st date. In that case, to be blunt, she was enjoying your wallet more than she was considering you as real dating material.

Ultimately it comes down to the fact *do* you want to have a "friend" who has such lousy boundaries? She may just play on your "friendship".

[red324]

Who knows, but do we ever really know what a person's true intentions are until it's too late?

[PrimalInstinct]

Then why bother asking?

[red324]

I just think she should have let me know earlier on in the date. Maybe she thought I'd ditch her at the bowling alley if she didn't wait until we got back home to tell me. I do give her props for the honesty though.

[red324]

Doesn't mean I can't get a general idea. Lol

[KrakenAttackin]

BINGO! Thank you!!!

[PrimalInstinct]

@red324 - you're missing the point. If she wasn't interested she SHOULD NOT have cuddled, hugged & allowed you to kiss her. Her behavior is disrespectful & deceiving. It is irrelevant if she thought you'd "ditch her" ...

[KrakenAttackin]

Well said!

[red324]

I went ahead and slammed her right into the friend zone in return just so she knows where she stands with me too. Onto the next girl.

[KrakenAttackin]

Well done. You have made the right choice.

[red324]

@KrakenAttackin You don't have any advantage when the other person holds all the cards.

[PrimalInstinct]

@red324 - I think you should work on your standards. She holds "no cards". She's not even worth your time.

[KrakenAttackin]

That's true.

[red324]

All it is and she told me this too is she had a bunch of guys like her online and I guess never had that happen before so he's just narrowing down who she likes best. I think it's b. s. but I guess that's why I never have much luck with online dating.

[Purplekite77]

Here's what I think:
1. She was considering this during the first date but wanted to be sure and that's why the second one lasted for so long
2. The second date was to make her actually like you but she couldn't get with it so she trashed it
3. The kiss wasn't good and it turned her off

That's what I think the possibilities are. So you should be friends with her but only at the same level as what she gives you. You don't ask to hangout if she doesn't, don't pay for her stuff if you do hanout, and match her energy. Just be a friend and if she gets a boyfriend then cut her off

[btbc92]

She enjoyed the date but she had no connection with you. This is why I always tell people. Be friends first, then see if your romantically compatible.

[btbc92]

Update: Be her friend. Get go know each other more. Move on to another girl and learn from it. That's all. At least you have a friend. Just don't neglect the friendship.

[red324]

That's fine except that as soon as she finds a boyfriend she's not going to talk or hang out with me anymore. That's what they all do.

[btbc92]

Stop assuming. Because if that is all true then why date women? Like I tell people, be a friend, then see if dating is possible. If you already think like that about her then dating her was a mistake.

[btbc92]

They only do that because they don't want you to be jealous. As long as she's not with a jealous type, and you don't do that to who she's with, then you don't have to worry about that. That is another reason why I don't agree with dating strangers.

[red324]

It's just what girls have always told me when I've tried hanging out with them. I do appreciate her being up front about it.

[btbc92]

The problem is who your dating and their character. It's understandable that you have trust issues with women. But you can't have that attitude and can't trust all of us either. Because I'm pretty sure she was not the one who ask you out.

[btbc92]

You got to judge a person by their character and not by the looks, personality, or the good feelings they make you feel. Because anybody can manipulate the situation and can do those things. But how many people are actually being their true authentic selves, and walk the walk not just talk the talk? Not many. Would you have to remember that a lot of women had bad experiences. And then you got some women that will play games with any man's hearts did they learn how to do this from a very young age just like a good amount of men do it. That's what happens when you rush into dating somebody you don't really know. Because now you got all these unrealistic expectations you had of her and his date and you expected to be kept, but since you knew to process and eliminate, you got eliminated. You got to take responsibility for the things you choose to do. because the same way a lot of you men have trust issues pursuing a woman for asking us out, it's the same way we have trust issues in pursuing a man and gets rejected also. It is easy for a man to say about him pursuing a woman because nine out of 10 times a man pursues a woman for sex. What is easy for us women is to express our emotions and feelings, that's why we want to pursue friendship first. A woman gets shamed for being too emotional and bold, a man gets shamed for even taking interest but out of sexual interest.

[red324]

Sounds good. Just going to see what happens. I cool with having a female friend just as. long as we hang out periodically. Now if we're just going to be texting buddies then that's not gonna fly with me.

[KrakenAttackin]

Wrong. She is building her Friend Zone bench. She knows the guy she really wants but she wants this guy as an emotional tampon and someone to pay for drinks and dinner.

She let him go on and on for FIVE hours. WTF is that shit? She is playing games and the only way to win is to not play.

[btbc92]

@KrakemAttackin

There is something SERIOUSLY WRONG with you. There is no such thing as the friend zone. Either you're going to be friends or you're not. Relationships are not about you as about the other person and you should know better than that. Nobody has to play games. That's what you people do. Would you rather she just dumps him without notice and then she gets called a b****? A lot of you men are backwards. And about a guy that she really wants but a guy that she needs. And if she goes out there God as she wants, and if it ain't what she needs, then she's being really stupid. If she knows that he is not what she needs, then what is the point of going after what you want? Women who are serious don't have time to play those games. Every woman needs emotional validation, Every Woman. When you do stuff like that then you want to know why a lot of women don't trust men at all let alone wants to date. Because it's your attitute.

[btbc92]

You are not her, you are not him, you don't know the situation. Only projecting based out of your personal experiences. And from what you been replying you got a lot of personal issues.

[btbc92]

@red324

Just set boundaries and tell her exactly what you just said on her. Let her know that. That way if she doesn't hold her and of the deal, there is no friendship and your cutting the cord. Don't want abusive friends.

[btbc92]

Goes after a guy she wants*

[KrakenAttackin]

First, please re-read your post and realize it is a bunch of babbling bullshit.

Second, there definitely is a Friend Zone ( or, if your prefer, let-me-suck-your-wallet-and-emotions-dry-but-not-have-sex-with-you-zone).

Third, YES a man would rather she just ghost than lead him on for hours, days, weeks, months.

[KrakenAttackin]

False. Move on to another girl, but do not give this chick the satisfaction or power to keep you as a "friend".

[KrakenAttackin]

Correct.

[btbc92]

@KrakenAttackin I'm writing BS? I guess that why 6 girls agree with me. What I write is not FALSE. Maybe you can have toxic and poor relationships with women. You do you. But don't share your toxicity with other people because your the one who is unhealthy and bitter.

NO there is NO friends zone. Your just a selfish man who wants SEX. Always about SEX. You don't want a friendship but you just want to screw. And first of all, NOBODY has to share their wallet with anybody. Nobody has to be emotionally invested. You CHOSE to be invested. And share your wallet. But you want sex? Hah. That's funny. That's why guys like you don't need a woman. You just need to keep flapping because that is all your ever going to get.

[btbc92]

No, men don't like ghosting like any other woman. That's just you because you can't connect with women without sex in mind and it left you miserable.

[KrakenAttackin]

"Six girls agree with you"... come one, women give the absolute worst dating advice to men... bar none.

[KrakenAttackin]

Just not true. I know what modern women really are. This chick played him for over five hours, let him stick his tongue down his throat, than told him she is not in to him. She is clearly playing power games. He needs to put her in his rear-view mirror and not look back. How many other guys does she have in her Friend Zone bench?

[btbc92]

People in general give worst dating advice because people date for the wrong reasons. No they agree with me because again they feel the exact same way I feel. You know why you say stuff like that? Because it ain't getting what you want. Everything is about what you want. That's not how our relationship goes. So who are you to judge a woman, when you just like the rest of them that do it. I'm not that kind of person. Meanwhile I always got treated like s*** for nothing.

[btbc92]

And first of all, for you to go around misjudging somebody talking about how she has a friend zone bench is utterly disgusting. How would your ancestors feel to know that you got such a nasty Behavior towards females? Do you have that kind of nasty Behavior towards your own mother? Or grandmother, or other women in your life? Because I don't treat my male friends that way. And first of all she did not play him for 5 hours. A woman has to really get to know a man thoroughly and if it takes longer than that then we'll do whatever it is that we got to do until we feel comfortable. At least you gave him a chance. Most people including myself when he was given anybody a chance without specifically knowing them first.

[btbc92]

It's your attitude that's very nasty. And it is very true. Because you told me about how you know how modern women are, guess what we know how modern women and men are too. But that does not give you the right to shame and judge all of us. Because there are good women out there just like there are good men out there. And sadly a lot of you men don't even meet the cut like how it was back in the 1800s or early 1900s. Those were real men back then they didn't play that crap you guys do today. Even women back then some of then play those same games. You guys like I even told my own father just love chasing at the skirt and you blame the skirt you keep chasing. You people lack wisdom. Even I know not to go after every single dangai. And even I know better not to just accept every guy that claimed their interested in me, especially when I don't even know them. I don't even know their name. I have the right to take my time, I have the right to go and feels comfortable to me, and I have every right to cut it whenever I want no different than he does. You people just like boundaries. Healthy ones at that. I had to learn to take responsibility for my own actions and my own failures, and not allow myself to be a people pleaser either to be attracting such males. Because I know a good man treats a woman with respect he he doesn't seek anything more than what she's able to give.

[KrakenAttackin]

STOP trying to turn OP into a Beta Simp! He is a better man than this.

[btbc92]

Being a beta simp? Who the heck are you? He's more of a man than you'll ever be in your entire lifetime. I don't have to turn him into anything. He is his own man, he's a grown ass man on top of that, he could do whatever he wants. You don't need your validation, all mine, or your permission to do whatever it is that he wants. He's not a child and you are not his daddy.

[KrakenAttackin]

If you "got treated like shit for nothing" than your instincts about men stinks.

[btbc92]

First of all I never once went after a man. It's always you kind of men who keeps coming after me. And I'm just minding my own business not bothering anybody. That's what happens when you're a quiet person.

[KrakenAttackin]

First, I have never had a problem getting female attention. As for my ancestors, they were Vikings and believed in strength and honor, not the "friend zone bench". Also, sex is important to a man in a relationship. So being her "friend" while she bangs one or more other guys is not cool with me, nor should it be with any other self-respecting man. Sitting around waiting for this girl to "come around" (which is what we really mean for a man to be a "friend" of a woman) is such an awful losing strategy.

As for "not needing a woman", you are absolutely correct. No man "needs" a woman, which is something men are just starting to realize. It is great to have a genuine connection with a woman, but this is so rare these days that a man should just enjoy himself and lead his life for his own satisfaction and desperately pine for the "perfect woman".

I'm sorry, but I disagree with almost everything you have said.

[btbc92]

See no that's what you get a lot of things wrong about women, about who you are as a man, and everything else. First of all you don't know what your ancestors believed because they were not doing all this garbage you think men are supposed to do. Secondly it's not about you getting female attention, it's about knowing who you really are and your true character. And your character is very unattractive. You could attract women physically I bet, maybe with your personality. But once they see who you really are and how you choose to speak about people, I'm pretty sure you can hardly even keep. Let alone keep them interested enough staying already about having sex with you and that's it either. First of all oh, there was no such thing as a friend zone and none of that garbage you're making up. Sex is important in a marriage, it's not important in a relationship. This is something that's been done recently sent a hundred years ago. Sex has always been in a marriage and Mary has always been about sex. So you can't just have sex with a woman and then you think you going to keep her because that's not how it works.

[btbc92]

And first of all if you're going after a woman that has sex with more than one man and not just you then you're pursuing a whore. And you're in whoredoms along with her. That's being really stupid. And that's nobody else's fault but yours. And no because a lot of my friends can tell you very differently. And if you think it's all about a strategy, then that's why you get used to where you get used to. Because you have no respect. How can a woman respect you the man can't even have respect for himself or for other people? You don't have respect for a woman. So yes a man don't need a woman, but you shouldn't be expecting a woman to be wanting you either except for what she can get out of you.

[btbc92]

And no it's not rare for a man to do so or woman for a rarity sake. Because so many of you are immature, and very selfish. Lot of you like I just spoke with my close friend about this today who's also now having trust issues with men after her divorce. Many of you people both men and women don't know how to communicate anymore. Ain't about sitting around waiting for the girl to come around, it's about respecting her knees and her once no different than a woman should respect a man's needs and want too. You don't love yourself. You don't even know how to love other people. You can't even accept love from people either. If you think being involved with somebody require strategy you're very wrong. Because nobody wants to be considered like an object or a conquest. People want to be treated as humans. Children of far more mature than people who claiming to be adults today.

[btbc92]

I have seen Great Men though they are rare that are not like you. They don't think like you. That knows how to treat women with respect. Men's so great they were definitely the realistic version like Aragon from Lord of the Rings or even Link from Legend of Zelda. Those are real men. They maybe fictional, but I have encounter and befriended such guys. You have been taught wrong what it means to be a man, just like so many girls have been taught wrong what it means to be a woman. Like I told plenty of people. Women never grew up saying how they want it to be a hoe. Never. Many of us have an influence since little girls to sexualize ourselves just to attract a man. And that's wrong. The same way you men have been told to be sexually experienced so that a woman can like you because a woman loves a man with a big penis. That is also a false message.

[KrakenAttackin]

Do you know how many chicks I have banged behind a dumpster at a dive bar? Don't tell me "it takes time for a girl to get to know a guy". I'm sorry, but you are spouting crap designed to give this guy false hope, and reduce his own sense of worth. Maybe I am sociopathic, but I have done the dating/marriage/divorce thing and learned the games women play. I would rather not see OP play the games.

[btbc92]

Respecting her needs and wishes*

Many of you are so impatient, you are attracted to the wrong kind of people, and your hearts are not right. So again who are you to judge? You can't give judgment because you're not fit to even give such judgment. You're just as bad as these women you claimed that are worse off than you and you fail to see it because you're blind. So blind that you are rejected good woman because you don't even know what a good woman is anymore. No different than it is for a woman to know what a good man is anymore. People always asking where all the good men and women are. And I laugh at this. Cuz I find is so sad. You really want to know where the good men and women are? No not all of them are taken. Yes at least some of them have been dead or killed. But a lot of them are in hiding. Hiding from crazy people like you. Because they see the damage and they don't want to get in the middle of it. They don't want to date, or get married or have kids not so much because they don't have a desire for it unless they say they don't. But because being alone is safer than it is to be involved with a person that's toxic and they get killed from it. They rather give it up. People no longer appreciate the little things or the good things anymore because it's too boring. All you people want is an entertainment, be entertained and it's at the expense of another person's life. I will tell you like I tell any man, I am no one's entertainment. And neither will I seek the entertainment of a man.

[btbc92]

Or maybe you're just a hoe. Because you reduce yourself to just a penis so that's all the woman is going to look at you as. He doesn't have to be that way. So for you to judge this woman and you don't even really know her or what she's about it's very foolish. Because you can often tell a woman that's using a man versus a woman that is very certain about what she wants or woman that wants to take our time. No the women that you had sex behind a dumpster in a dive bar with are women who also reduce herself to being vagina. So I'm not spewing crap. It's just that your life is full of whoredoms, and we don't know what his life is in the life that he wants. So you need to stop assuming that he wants to be another you because I'm pretty sure he doesn't.

[btbc92]

If the Op wants to do exactly what you're claiming that he should do, he would have just done it a long time ago. He wouldn't even have to try to date here he would just do what you say you do. These days you don't need to date a person just to get what you want. He chose the data because he's looking for something serious or at least try to. If all she wanted to do was just use him she would have just done it on the first day. Not get into the second date only for her to tell him it's not working out. That's how I know you don't know what you're talkin about.

[KrakenAttackin]

There is no shortage of women who want a man for nothing more than sex and money. No woman will admit this, but it's true. Your core assertion is that a man should play the woman's game and be played until she either decides to date him ( 1 in 100 chance) or she gets tired of him.

The Beta Simp game is when a guy sits on the Friend Zone bench for years while the girl rides the cock carousel, probably has a child or two with some Alphas who she tried to trap with pregnancy -- and failed, and eventually she turns to the beta simp because he has a good job and can pay for her decade bad decision making. THIS IS A LOSING GAME FOR A MAN.

[btbc92]

A man shouldn't play games with women. A woman shouldn't play game with a man. Nobody should playing games with each other.

Life, relationships and the choices you make are NOT A JOKE! A woman wants a man for sex and money because now men just want a woman for sex in her body. God called men to be responsible and to be leaders and heads of their own household. To lead women. a lot of you men we're not doing that. A lot of you men fell into sin and did what you did with women. No different than that women have ended up doing the saint was a man. No, my core assertion is that people get back into the things of Christ the stop playing this foolishness. Stop playing games with their life and stop playing games with others lives. Stop treating each other like crap.

A woman can decide whatever she wants just like a man can decide whatever he wants. Everybody have a choice. She's not the one that's asking him out, he's the one that's asking her out. The ball is in her court, she can decide based on her rules what she wants. And if she feels is not meaning it, she has every right to make that decision.

[btbc92]

There is no such thing as Alpha, Beta, gamma, or whatever males. This is no class system of men nonsence. You have no respect for your fellow peers, and you have no respect for the opposite sex. You have no respect even for yourself. There was no friend zone because first of all of your friends with a person your friends. And a lover should also be your friend. And first of all of you going around thinking that every woman is having sex outside of marriage with every single darmn guy, and how she has a child of two with somebody being so called Alpha, then you're really stupid. You keep going after women who are hoes. And many of them did not become that all by themselves. That happened because a lot of you men now no longer wants sex after marriage. You post a woman to do that at a very young age and then you got nerve to talk about who she keeps going for. You men for what I'm seeing keep playing those games. And have the audacity to stop told him about the games that we so-called play.

[btbc92]

First of all, every man should be treating a woman with respect, and every woman should be treating a man with respect. This would not be happening if people treated each other with respect from day one. People don't do that. A woman never asked to be involved with a man just to use her and abuse her. The same for men as well. Nobody gets into a relationship asking to be abused unless they already know for themselves why their in that relationship. If they know the in a relationship for the wrong reasons, and they already know what they're doing is sin, then they need to pay for that sin. You don't have to be involved with that kind of person. But if you're doing the same thing you can't judge you're just as guilty as they are.

[btbc92]

You brought this upon yourself, and you need to be responsible for your own personal choices. That's why I don't go out the person, or never want to be involved with somebody who don't share my standards in my values let alone who don't respect me or themselves. If they don't want to respect themselves that's fine I don't have to be with them. I have met a good few men who met the qualifications and they don't behave a lot like how you men do these days. They believe in friendship, and they believe in doing things right as God Originally intended. You like those kind of women, so you think using them is best way for you not to get used but that's where you're being really stupid. You don't see how much you broken yourself down as a man for your stupidity. So unless you were raped when you lost your virginity, you chose to be a dog. Nobody done it for you. You being in a relationship or trying to date a person, does not entitle you to use them, and neither does it entitle them to use you.

[btbc92]

It's funny how you want to talk about women that way, because dropped my life is always guys who fought with your mentality who do the exact same thing. They don't want to go to a woman who wait until marriage to have sex. Because they think that she's a prude or religious. They want to go for the women and girls equally want what they want. Which is sex and experience. The experiment with each other, do all sorts of things to each other, and then when you're not happy then you get jealous, then you stopped fight, then God forbid you start abusing each other physically, or stop cheating on with other people. Then after years playing those silly games with all these silly women, then you want to stop crying and whining how does no good women left. You come crying right back to us who would have treated you right from day one. Thank God most of us haven't because many of you were red flags from the start and you would have never treat us right period.

[KrakenAttackin]

The "good women" were snapped up in their 20's by good men and are happily married. In my experience any women 30+ and unmarried has some kind of serious issue, either with being absurdly picky or a personality disorder. Honestly good women have no problem finding good men.

If you are a woman asking "where are all the good men", the answer is good men are not drawn to you because you don't deserve a good man.

As for my stage of life, I am not looking for some "life partner", I don't need or want that. I have my own life and don't need someone pulling in a different direction, or someone who want to "compete" and be contrary about every damn thing. I am happy to have occasional sex with random women. One thing I have learned absolutely -- A MAN CANNOT CENTER HIS HAPPINESS AROUND A WOMAN. , she will let you down every time.

[KrakenAttackin]

So, these awful men come to you, but you date them and get "treated like shit"? This is still your fault. You have shit judgement which is another reason you should not be giving dating advice to men.

[btbc92]

Start crying and whining*
Start*
Throughout my life*

Even one of my friends can tell you how an ex of hers did her in. Still can't get over it because of what he did. Yes, did she had to pay for it for going after a "bad boy"? Yes, because like she said she was naive. She thought he genuinely wanted to change his sinful lifestyle and be a Christian. That didn't happen. He used her, emotionally, psychologically and mentally abused her and cheated on her multiple times. It's not that she didn't want good men. But that all the men that claimed they were good were only sexually attracted to her and many were not Christians. God had to tell her to cut it off for good reasons. She as hurt. But she listened. Eventually she got tired and gave up and started worrying about dying a virgin. So sex became most of her focus until it really took root and she fell victim to it. 7 years later, she is still paying for that, with her intrusive thoughts of him everyday. Because he took what was hers and promised her. Promised her marriage, children a ministry in God. He could have had happiness. But he showed he didn't really want it. He felt he wasn't good enough for her. So he went on to sleep with 5 more women and made one of his best friends his girlfriend instead. And she was broken. She really loved him. But because of what he did, she had to get professional counseling because of him. Fell into depression, almost became a cutter, etc. All because of him. And he knew it, and didn't care. Now he went on to marry somebody else who doesn't even share his religion, that was tip excuse why he couldn't marry her. But takes her virginity at a vulnerable moment. And she sadly willingly did it. She's a good woman. But made serious mistakes that she didn't have to make.

[btbc92]

So how can any woman or girl not get angry at that? Were angry at our choices ENOUGH. We suffer heartbreak and pain no different than you men do. At least some people with similar experiences come together and often try to heal together. While your the one being bitter and taking advantage of other women who are but just like you, bitter. Thank God I am not bitter. Angry with the world and society for this, yes. Bitter, no. I thank God my late mother taught me better. You already set the path that you wanted to go so who are you to complain?

[btbc92]

No you are very much wrong. Because there are plenty of good men and women that are still unmarried. And know from your experience any woman you meet 30-plus and unmarried did not have serious issues or having a personality disorder or just extremely picky for nothing. A lot of you guys are just not doing what you need to do. They do that deliberately than they are responsible for their own unhappiness. And first of all I ain't asking about where good men are because I know where good men are. And I do draw in Good Men. I have not once dated those men. So there you go making assumptions. I said they came to me, I never said I wanted to date them, and I never said I did date.

[btbc92]

So who you to talk about I have poor judgment when I don't like men who behave and act like you. I never liked it those guys, I was never attracted to them in those ways. But that did not mean I didn't give him a chance when I did. I offered, they didn't like what I had to offer, so that was that. That's how I know you don't pay attention. I am nearing my thirties I have never once dated, I'm still a virgin, I have never did any of those things. Never said I didn't have dating prospects or suitors. But that I was going to stick to the rules that I wanted and the standards that I believe in. More than half of them did not respect that, so they did what I had stated. No I got treated like s***. Because I wasn't going to have sex before marriage oh, and I wanted to be a friend for a while first to get to know them. They shamed me for my beliefs and for my standards. And more than half of them admitted that they came to me because they saw I was attractive. They did not have any desire to really love or care about me and I saw that the minute I saw them. And they cursed that me for it.

[btbc92]

So you need to look at yourself making those baseless assumptions about me and false judgment. I would never date somebody I wasn't a friend first and have a strong connection to especially if we don't have shared values. I only had two friends who I had friendship with for three-plus years wanted to date me. They were good men. But they did not share my beliefs nor that they share the desires that I wanted. They were not Christian, and I was not going to force them into a Christian lifestyle that they did not want. I was not going to force them to serve my God if they did not willingly wanted to do so. And I was not going to just take them just because they were so desperate to be with me. Unlike most children I had a lot of wisdom to know this. They didn't think about it until I started speaking about it. Other than that if there was nothing else holding us back I wouldn't have minded. But I was but a child and I was not going to rush myself becoming an adult. They were free to date and do whatever they wish.

So I can give dating advice to men and women because I never done it. I can give dating advice because I know how to give Sound Advice without bias. And I at least try not to. I can give that advice because I have no guilty conscience, and God will lead me of such guilt dumped on by men like you. Because it's baggage that's not mine I'm not responsible for their choices. They chose to lose their virginity that's not my problem. I still have mine. They wanted to experiment with other people, that's their choice. But I never done it. They wanted to use other people, they can do what they please. But I never once use another man nor have I use any of my male friends and they can tell you that themselves because I'm still in contact with them today. I never done it. So you can't judge me for something I never done. Because I hold no records of fault.

[KrakenAttackin]

Finally, you post something with which I agree. Yes, God did call men to be the head of the household, but women have become females (men with female parts), which is not what God intended. Men have lost what it is to be a man, as society punishes ANYTHING masculine. Boys are told they are BAD for just being born male. THIS is the effect of feminism and gynocentrism which has NOT made women happy (women are the most miserable in recorded history) and it has destroyed most men.

Radical feminist WOMEN and weak-minded progressive MEN are responsible for the current moral decay of our society. If you could look through the eyes of a man, an older man, you would see how awful modern women are. Add to this the horrific family courts and men are punished for marriage and having children, and you will see why women are getting exactly what they deserve when men use them.

[btbc92]

God healed me of such guilt*

Those awful men and boys came to me because they saw a victim they can use. Even if I was a meet a guy like you even I would reject you right from the start because I would have sent that all about you because that's how sensitive I am in the spirit about people that's how much discernment God has given me. I can meet a person in 5 minutes and can tell if they're good people are bad. But I'm the type of person that believes in giving people the benefit of the doubt. Because it can always be fear and not always be from God. I have learned from many years of practice to distinguish fear verses God warning me spiritually. I had my ups and downs but I have grown immature from it. I had many days where I cried and thinking I was at fault and no men really liked it to me. But God had told me that I wasn't at fault. They was just men who were horny dogs in heat. Very few even apologized to me years later and asked me was I still by myself. I told him yes. They were very shocked and they were disappointed. Not because I was still by myself or never dated. But that they knew they made a mistake. Even they told me themselves. They told me more than enough times that they wish they were more women like me. They wish they were more Woman Like Me. And how only if they really knew they would have never done what they did. Very few had the courage and had the balls to be humbled and admit their guilt and wrongdoing. While the rest still play the field. I never once play the field. I at least believe in childhood romances and get married and have kids. Which was exactly what I would have wanted. But it never happened. So that's that. But I deserve to suffer? So you can go kick rocks.

[KrakenAttackin]

Your friend was broken by a bad boy, fair enough, it happens. But a "good guy" who comes along in her life should not be made to pay for her past mistakes (either financially or psychologically). A damaged person is a damaged person, and there is no future trying to save them. A good man should know his worth and find an undamaged woman, and a good woman should do the same.

[btbc92]

That's how I know your assumptions and biases about good women and bad women are poor. The one with poor judgment is you. I'm not dating not because I'm a bad woman. But that I'm a woman that's broken, been abused, guarded and is deeply hurt where I am unable and disqualified from being in a relationship. Another man does not deserve my baggage or my sorrows. I never asked to be hit with a belt or abused by my father. I never asked to be threatened to be killed as a kindergartener by a 3rd grader boy with a criminal record. I never asked to be beaten and stomped on by the neighborhood kids or my classmates. I never asked to mentality abuses by people. Sexually harassed by boys and men, or deal with non sensual sexual touch by a man much older than me. I never asked to be cursed at.

So no I see things very clearly. I have always seen things very clearly. Yes feminism is partly responsible, but from what I've been reading throughout history, it's not always been feminine. Has always been people who Twisted the word of God, and abused God's power. Many women especially have to suffer great turmoil. It has become a curse to be a woman. And you should notice. What happened is that a lot of those women who went through all that suffering retaliated and now it's a curse to even be born a man. So it doesn't matter at that point what's the ciety tells us or what other people choose to do. You are still responsible for the choices you make like I am responsible for the choices I make. Everybody has baggage and some form of personality disorder because there have been neglect and abuse. Now everybody is practically victimizing each other. And by you having random sex with every single woman you find, you're guilty of inflicting that seemed abuse and hurt on them and you don't even see it or seem to care. You're hurting them when it's bad enough most of them don't even know that they hurting themselves.

[btbc92]

First of all, she was married to a guy who was good at heart. But he had so many problems, drugs, alcohol, pornography, etc and is a mommy's boy, that he did his own mistakes. She is financially secure, and always have been on her own. She's not all that psychologically damaged. HE'S the one that didn't want to change and do right. He wanted to be lazy and have it his way while she worked and worked and he didn't. He stole thousands of dollars from their bank account and was getting abusive towards her. She had to leave. So you're very much wrong about that one. You're very much wrong about a damaged person is a damaged person. People just choose to be selfish, and they choose to do wrong by others. They don't take enough time to heal themselves becuas society tells them to either date and mate or stay damage and broken and be unworthy of love. Nobody deserves either. God will lead her to a man who will take care of her. At least she has no desire to date for a good few years. She's taking time off for her self and focusing on God. Not a guy. She's not that person any more.

And for you to try to curse someone's future because you're unhappy you going to bring that same. Know a good man would love any woman whether she's damaged or not. And I have met such women who done the same. Because what you're suggesting is abuse. Not everybody desperate, then everybody is immature, not everybody is so broken that they can't get healed. God heals and I believe it and seen it. So once again you're very very wrong.

[KrakenAttackin]

You have no idea who I am or where I have been. I was once a "roger ramjet" ultra-pure and clean cut man, naval aviator, who had a bad ejection from an F-18 during a catapult shot where my nose landing gear snapped. I broke my back, landed in the water in front of the carrier (USS Independence, now decommissioned) and the carrier nearly sucked me under and drowned me. The Angel guard (helicopter) quickly plucked me from the water, half-drowned and seriously injured. The engineering people said they heard my F-18 being chewed up by the ships propellers.

Don't tell me about bad things happening to good people.

And don't tell me about women making bad decisions with men and than blaming men as a whole. If women return to being Godly, men will follow. Men want to get the attention of women and try to conform to their wishes (fact). When women became whores men became whores. Men will lead again when women become worthy.

[btbc92]

But like she said. I can't make a guy not "fall in love with me". I push away and avoid, they keep coming. Not my fault and I don't think anybody should be held at fault for something they don't want. My afflictions was not caused by my own doing. At least I'm doing my part by staying out of it. But that doesn't mean I can't help others who don't have the experience or have the wisdom to get into good relationships and maintaining them. I don't have to date or be experienced with it to know what to do or to avoid because I went through it enough and I never even got started. That says something. Again at least I never asked for it. Now I don't even want it.

[btbc92]

Know when women wanted something serious, a man chose to whore a woman. a woman cannot be one by herself. No men need to start learning to do what God called him to do and stop being cowards and using women as an excuse. You're hiding behind your excuses. You may have went through all that stuff but you still made those choices. Where I have not. You went through stuff, but you could have still kept on that same path if you really wanted to. But you chose not to do it. You gave in to pressure. Gave into temptation. And you gave in to sin. When you should be continuously praying for God and asking God for help you turn to women.

[btbc92]

I went to my suffering as well sickness and all. But I didn't crack Under Pressure like you. So don't put your baggage on me. Because what you're saying shows that you lack personal accountability and the maturity to be responsible for your choices. A woman can't respect a man if he can't even respect himself. The same way I had earned my respect by still being on the straight and narrow path, is the same way you have to earn your respect. But you lost that respect the moment you chose to deviate from that path.

[btbc92]

Your dignity didn't have to end when you broke your back and nearly got killed. You did with any other woman did too. You gave it away. You never lost it. You were just in the dark place, and got blinded by your own fears instead of trusting the Lord your God. You're not at fault for having fear per se. You're at fault for giving into temptation and blaming your Temptation on other people.

[KrakenAttackin]

"Crack under pressure"? You have cracked wide open and you are taking on water fast, missy. No one asks for abuse. I have plenty of abuse in my past as well at the hands of family and other kids, but I don't post it here because it is too personal.

Perhaps we are both broken and unworthy.

[btbc92]

I don't know you personally just like I don't know anybody else here personally. But I still show respect, I still show kindness, and I still show and practice good citizenship. I know how to give respect without seeking anything more than that same respect in return. If nobody wants to respect me then I'm not responsible for their choices because they do it to other people too. I'm not perfect but even I know I have the free will to make such choices. I just choose not to make them because I know I'm going to have to answer for it later. At least I don't run from responsibilities. No matter how difficult they are, if I'm responsible for something, I will do what I'm responsible for. You're so comfortable in your Darkness you don't even have the courage to step into the light, even if somebody's willing to help you get out of it.

[btbc92]

No you don't post it here because you have no courage and you think is all about you. I posted here because as much as I have that hurt I'm not ashamed of my past. Because that testimony is not for me it's for others who are also suffering. You say I'm taking water fast but at least I'm not drowning because God has me to walk on water in faith.

[btbc92]

Have you no courage that you hide under a sack cloth

[btbc92]

Have ye no courage that you have to hide under a sack cloth?*

[KrakenAttackin]

Asking for God to help me turn to women?

[KrakenAttackin]

OK, I will concede your point here --- I have become very comfortable in darkness. To quote the man " I looked my demons in the eye, laid bare my chest and said 'do your best to destroy me"".

Through my life I have seen very, very, little "light".

You have no idea what it is to realize that God knew knew me in the womb and hated me even then.

[btbc92]

Buddy, I have news for you and Lord forgive me for what I am about to say... That's bullshit.

[btbc92]

And what I wrote was a miscommunication because I'm voice typing. I meant to say instead of asking the Lord to help you, that you went to turn to women instead. God never hated you. He still loves you. You're just too busy hiding and running from him because you know your sinner. We're all sinners. At least he told you to come and you still cower in in darkness. Would he chastise you, yes because he loves you. Parents that don't discipline their child don't love remember? But that don't mean he hates you. You just hate yourself too much. There are people that had much worse than you and I, but they still turn to the father. So once again, stop the BS. Even I know that's a lie.

[KrakenAttackin]

You show your privilege and entitlement with your last post. The western world is centered around pleasing and appeasing women. You have ZERO idea what real struggle is, aside from "dating".

[KrakenAttackin]

I don't agree, and you have not walked in my shoes. First as a child who was abandoned at 6 weeks old, than as child adopted into a horrible family, than faced with a variety of abuse, mistreatment, and punishment; only to make it to being a naval aviator than having a horrible accident.

God's message has been pretty clear to me. I am trying to make amends with him but it is a struggle.

[btbc92]

See this is where you're really blind. I don't have entitlement. I have boldness in the spirit and I don't settle for less than I know that I deserve. You don't have to agree with my last statement and I don't care if you do. All that matters is that you get right with the Lord. In a few years from now I will no longer be considered a Westerner. My time in this country will be up. So just because I live in America, it doesn't mean I agree with American Standards. And before you start telling me about how you had that problem. I too could have been neglected and abandoned in foster care. You don't see how very similar and I like you and I are. Because there's much of my past you don't even know about. And the amount that I told you doesn't even reach 30%.

[btbc92]

I could have been homeless oh, I could have been raped oh, I could have been murdered, and suffered horrible mistreatment also. And if you were paying attention to my other last post you would not say that I'm entitled. Because I never once thought I was entitled. But that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to love no different than you are. I just chose not to settle for it and I choose to take what God gives me. It's up to you to decide if you want to not take it. Whatever blessing you don't want I'll take if that's what you want.

[btbc92]

You can't change the past. I can't change your past you can't change my past and I can't even change my own past. For years I've wallowed about how my past affected my present. But God had shown me it doesn't have to be my future. I'm fighting for my future. You decide if you want to fight for yours. I can't make that choice for you.

[Mickey9999]

I’m thinking she was just really giving it an effort. OR you hit a trigger with the driving tease. I was dating a guy and everything was going fine but then it hit Thanksgiving and he had a fit for it seeing me for three days. Now We normally saw each other on the weekends so yes it was like a week and a half since we last saw each other but come on... he was so obnoxious it only reminded me of the bad side of my late husband. So what if one of her exes harped on her about her driving? Dejavu. One small trigger can kill the whole thing

[Mickey9999]

So now what what? Move on and take her at her word or ask her if you offended her and admit you’re confused because you thought it was going well. Just be prepared that she’s already made up her mind. Still asking may give you some closure

[KrakenAttackin]

If she is that easily "triggered" she is not stable in the first place, better to find this out early.

[Anonymous]

I don't think she's doing something wrong. He didn't lead you on, she didn't try to use you for money or anything. All she did was spent 5 hours with you and decided she only sees you as a friend.

Thank her for her honesty. If you think hanging out with her as a friend is a waste of time then be honest to her too and you don't need to hang out with her anymore.

[DiscomfortZone]

Yeah, I bet she has a reason. I bet it's as stupid as spending a five hour date (kissing included) with a guy you "don't want to lead on" just to dump him. Some women are just stupid, some are just bitches, and some are stupid bitches. Better now then in a month, dude, you dodged a bullet with that broad. Hang in there.

[KrakenAttackin]

DiscomfortZone EXACTLY. Well said.

[DiscomfortZone]

Ikr? Thanks.

[red324]

I would have preferred a month from now cause I could have at least fucked her a couple times by then. You know I once met a girl for a date only to have her take one look at me and walk out when she got to the restaurant?

[DiscomfortZone]

Honestly, I'd rather have a girl immediately walk out in me instead of wasting hours of my life. But yeah, I get your point.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Who knows with women lol, there's several explanations that could all be equally valid, you can't ever totally know which. All you know is how you choose to react. Either brush it aside and gradually continue to escalate sexually. Or just decide to forego the whole thing and just put her in friend zone.

[1truekhaleesi]

It sounds like she likes you as a person and likes hanging out with you, but the sexual tension isn't there for her

[KrakenAttackin]

Excellent point. Creating sexual tension is a skill he can learn.

[red324]

@KrakenAttackin I did through text message, but during the date I didn't really do it. We just were have a good time. I tend to over do it so I guess that's why I scaled back this time.

[beldath]

If she were into you, I have a feeling she would have tried kissing more. She was having fun hanging out, and like others said, waited until the end for the awkward conversation.
I'm going to assume you paid for most of not everything. If she wants to just be friends and hang out, make sure she pays for her own crap so you don't end up getting used.

[KrakenAttackin]

She was killing time until her Alpha friends with benefits came over for her good, hard, fucking. Also, she needed someone to pay for dinner and drinks before Mr. Alpha came over.

Don't feel bad bro, this is just what women do. I would not consider her a "friend" and I would ghost her asap.

[Barbarian8]

Have you been into relationship before?

[red324]

@Barbarian8 huh? Who you asking? Me or Mr bad attitude?

[red324]

I'll agree he has a point about flaky women, but bitching about it all the time isn't going to help.

[Barbarian8]

Not u

[Anonymous]

What do you mean? Usually people make a conclusion about the date after it’s over. She probably wasn’t feeling it during the date or she liked it as a friend thing, but didn’t want to ruin it, so she brought it up afterwards.

Good luck to you man

[Alice2398]

She probably really liked you as a friend and was trying to get out how she felt about you but was to nervous about upsetting you so kept prolonging it and then eventually waited just before she could get out the car to avoid your reaction.

[KrakenAttackin]

First date she should have driven herself. This is just common sense.

[Alice2398]

@KrakenAttackin whats that have to do with what i just said?

[Alice2398]

I see what you mean now but maybe she didn't know till around the end of date but she just wanted to just be friends. At the end of the day no one knows what was going through this girls head or what she was thinking.

[red324]

@KrakenAttackin she did. I picked her up on the second date.

[Bárbara1402]

Maybe she just got out of some bad relationship and she enjoyed the time she passed with you. She might think that she is not ready to commit right now. Give her some time

[SarahsSummer]

Tell her you can respect her desire to be just friends but ask her what it was that stopped any romantic interest.

[red324]

Wouldn't hurt. I don't know if maybe it was the kiss. I just kind of gave her a soft 2 or 3 second kiss on the lips. Not sure if I should make it a bit more lengthy and passionate for the next girl. There wasn't any tongue or anything, i'd prefer to keep it somewhat reserved for someone I don't really know.

[SarahsSummer]

Don’t question or beat yourself up over what you may have done. Find out from her a clearer understanding. And go into asking her the question with these 4 rules
1) Be impeccable with your word.
2) Don't take anything personally.
3) Don't make assumptions.
4) Always do your best.
More details here
en.m.wikipedia.org/.../Don_Miguel_Ruiz

[honestGUY45]

Can't tell you what's in her mind or why she did that, but take it seriously and consider it a sign of what was to come. Unpredictability is a bitch. Better that it happened now while you are not heavily invested.

[Anonymous]

Probably because she was enjoying your money. I'm guessing you paid for everything and she liked it, so why cut it short?

[red324]

Well yeah. That's what you're supposed to do. at least in the beginning.

[englisc]

@red324

How's doing what you're supposed to do working out for you?

[red324]

@englisc well will I get better results telling her to pay?

[red324]

Now since we're friends, she can pay her half.

[jspl90]

Well usually on dates I always presume that we pay for out own stuff unless I specifically offer to pay by asking at the end one or 2 bills

[Opinion Owner]

Personally, I don't go on expensive dates at the start of the relationship. It's just simple coffee and hang out, this let's me gauge her and the situation and get her feedback of what she thinks of me. If we are both on the same page and like to take things further, and she is interested in me romantically, then I'll happily take her on an expensive date and pay for everything.
This is 21st century, going Dutch (paying for yourself) is perfectly normal and acceptable, however we have majority of the population that believes a gentleman should pay. You just need to figure out which group she is in.
In my opinion, if she is open minded and modern, she will offer going Dutch and she is the one worth more effort to pursue. But that's just my personal opinion.

[Dingsbums]

Maybe u missed out on some hints

or u r bad at kissing

or she still thinks about some other guy and feels like u r moving too fast

[red324]

Who knows... Am I supposed to do a full on make out session with a girl I barely know? I usually just give a 3 second peck on the lips and leave it at that.

[Dingsbums]

She probably didn’t like it. Or u did sth else that turned her off

[slatyb]

Now what? You date someone else. Maybe she wasted a couple of hours of your time. No big deal.

[Truthatanycost]

5 hours is too long. You can't leave someone wanting more after that. What did you talk about?

[Agem123]

Maybe she had nothing better to do and was just killing time.

[KrakenAttackin]

This is my read. She wanted attention and someone else to pay for a good time, with the ego boost of kicking him to the curb at the end. There is no future in that.

[Agem123]

Yeah, exactly.

[Drumlin2001]

It's possible to have a really good time with someone but not have that romantic connection

[Usernamesrdumb]

She was probably just hungry. Google “1/3 of women go out on dates for free meals” new york times among others.