Why am I fuckable, but not dateable?

[Anonymous]

Why are men happy to try to have sex with me, but don’t want a relationship with me. It’s not that they don’t want to be in a relationship because, months down the line, I find out that they’ve entered a relationship with another woman. What is it about me that is making them not want to commit?

Updates

+1 y

For those who ask or are going to ask:

1. I’m not easy or whorish. I’ve never had any type of sex before.

2. I am quite modest and reserved, so I don’t dress in a “slutty” or risqué manner.

3. I’m not a party girl. I go to a bar or a party maybe once or twice a month.

4. I’m not a cheater and I’ve never cheated.

5. I’m not flirty— like I said, I’m reserved.

6. I don’t have any kids.

[Dongtai]

A lot of girls don’t realize this but it’s not that hard to physically turn on a guy.

Have a healthy body, wash regularly and take care of your hair. That’s it. This is most girls. The average girl is fuckable. Yes, having big breasts and a big butt “helps” but they aren’t necessary. Look female and have a healthy body and most men wouldn’t mind sleeping with you.

Where a lot of girls mess up is not knowing the difference between being physically attractive and being an attractive “person”. So many girls put all of their effort into being physically attractive and little to no effort into their character and personality. All they have to offer is physical attraction and that’s not enough to win a person’s heart.

That’s why you hear stories about people cheating on their partners with people who are perceived as “less attractive” physical looks don’t equate to how attractive a “person” is. It usually starts out emotionally and then physical affairs.

If guys are happy to sleep with you but don’t want to “be” with you, you aren’t offering them more than sex. People think sex is rare but it really isn’t. Anyone with a decent body and nice clothing can get laid. But having that AND a sexy personality? It’s rare. Most people either have one or the other.

I would sit down and write out a list of my attractive qualities besides looks if I were you. Ask friends and exes if you have trouble. Then focus on showing those traits to guys you look. Assume they’re sexually attracted to you and stop trying to look physically attractive. Focus on developing your charm and personality

[standingUP]

Because YOU ARE PICKING THOSE PEOPLE !

There are great dudes out there that have every quality you are looking for and that are seeking a secure relationship. You just overlook them or gravitate towards the losers. It is hardly any guys fault they are who they are. Their not smart enough to hide for long their true intentions. Maybe I don't know DON'T F THEM THE FIRST NIGHT for a change. Make them work for it and the ones that checkout early are not the ones you want. The ones still trying may not be other but you've certainly knocked down the curve.

[standingUP]

thank you for one of the MHO's

[Asker]

It says in the post that I’m a virgin, so I’m clearly not fucking them on the first night?

[standingUP]

your question hardly implied that you were a virgin when I wrote this before your update. So sorry for misreading that I suppose? lol..
For future reference be more detailed in the next questions you ask here online because it is the only true way to receive the answers or suggestions that would be most helpful.

[Luvs2liclit69]

Date them first, get to know them. Have your own scale on how your percieve them. First date a peck on the check ask them to call you and say your goodnights. If he calls back then he has more than sex as an agenda, the ones that dont call just want to fuck and leave. Dont feel by sleeping with them will turn into a relationship. Dont give up what they want. Take it at your pace, you then can determine the true gents from the shallow tossers. If they take you for dinner and out for the , to the pictures one evening send you flowers to your works. Then they are chivalrous and treating a lady the way he thinks a lady deserves. He is honest from the heart and a person that has respect for you. If you fuck on first dates its usually the last.

[_gigi18]

Lmao I had this whole thing typed but it didn't apply. Its just weeding out the ones who waste your time to find the right. You're surrounding yourself with the wrong people or you go after the wrong ones.

[slatyb]

You are dateable. Maybe you just aren't meeting guys interested in dating. Maybe you are looking for love in all the wrong places. You say you go to a bar or a party once or twice a month. Try meeting a different set of guys. Try salsa or swing dancing. There are lively groups of mostly young single people in many cities. Do volunteer work that attracts men and women, something like Habitat for Humanity. Join meetups focused on outdoor activities like skiing, hiking, biking, sailing, kayaking, etc. Those are mostly men, and in my experience people who do something that takes effort tend to be nicer. Join a co-rec sports team, volleyball or kickball or softball. Not sure about other sports like soccer.

[Sonorous]

I think for the best answers, you'll have to look at the data you can gather yourself. Because nobody on here (likely) knows you personally, so the answers will just give simple/common examples of what could be happening. And the reasons can be endless since people are very good at finding "flaws" within each other. But if you have more insight though, I will give some input.

[Asker]

What would you need to know?

[Sonorous]

What you think is the (most likely) reason, and why you think it.

[Asker]

I think that it is because, I’m quiet and private. I’m also not very affectionate.

[Asker]

Most women that I know that have boyfriends are bubbly and extroverted.

[Sonorous]

So you don't think looks play a part?

[Asker]

Yes. I take care of myself. I workout out (I’m naturally slender). I’m well-groomed and decent-looking.

[Sonorous]

And what kind of guys are you into vs the kinds of guys you actually attract?

[lightbulb27]

I think we'd need to know more, see more. what environmen are you in?

Why do sharks think that beachboers are "biteable"? Because they are sharks.
Maybe better off in a lake?

My point is... maybe it's the guys you are interested in... not them. So is the issue that you are going for the same group of spoiled brat males all the other females are corrupting, but you have a different (better) value and standards?

[Anonymous]

Are you attractive? If so, are you needy? No one wants a BWON-"Bottomless Well of Need". Is your personality abrasive? Try reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnigie-its very simple but notes certain truths about human behavior and thought that really can make a difference.

[Asker]

I think that I’m a well-groom, decent looking woman. I won’t say that I’m needy. I’m pretty independent.

[KrakenAttackin]

Great book, but it is lost on modern women who think just being cute is enough.

[Asker]

I don’t think that being cute is enough, which is why I’m asking this question.

[A-snap25]

Most men that are not experienced or confident enough to take chances will usually go for someone they drool over right off the bat rather then take thier time into seeing it move forward and develope. Men love the chase and the trophy sensation when they feel someone of peak attraction and interest is attracted to them. So simply put if you pursue men that know themselves better you will find a dateable guy.

[Anonymous]

You have to look at it differently (and I know it's hard). It's hard to find someone you're compatible with, for all of us. I'm in my 40's and still haven't found her. So in other words, don't look at it as it's you as a person. Just hang in there and keep searching. Sounds cliche, but you just haven't found the right person. It's hard to, especially these days. A lot of us (men and women) are in the exact same situation as you are in.

[Harmseygrace]

Don’t have sex with them so easily. It doesn’t matter how modest you dress, how good girl-ish you act, if you do it so soon they’ll just think of you as good on the outside but secretly easy and S-wordy. It’s even better if you wait for marriage.

[Asker]

If you actually read the additional information, you would know that I have never had any type of sex before.

[TripleAce]

Most men drop their standards when they want it... women have the luxury of upping their standards... however one downfall of that privilege is that women also get guys that see her as just a side dish

[Latino202p]

Men aswell as women sometimes just want sex.. thats what a lot of people just want.. aswell u need to know what u want in order to attract what u looking for..

[Thatsamazing]

You aren't offering anything fun or exciting. Guys aren't going to commit to a girl they don't know is going to be putting out. We simply don't want that.

[Asker]

I am willing to have sex, but I won’t have sex without commitment.

[Thatsamazing]

Yeah great, it sounds like you aren't making that clear. And again, we don't want that. The overwhelming majority of guys want sex up front. We aren't going to "commit," whatever that means, to a girl we may not even be compatible with.

[Asker]

What I’m not understanding is, if a woman puts out too quickly, she’s not deemed as “wife material”, but if she doesn’t put out easily, she’s still not worthy of commitment.

[Thatsamazing]

Right. Quite a conundrum.

[Asker]

Sarcasm?

[Thatsamazing]

Nope.

[ccal28]

I’m not saying this is true for you but in general I’ve known a few girls who’d cheat in every relationship they were in and no matter how hot they were I couldn’t commit to anyone like that even if I’d fuck them

[Asker]

I’ve never cheated and I’m pretty loyal, so I don’t think that’s the issue. But, thank you for sharing! :)

[ccal28]

You’re welcome

[winterfox10]

What kinds of things do you do for fun? How do you make the guys you talk with feel like you are an engaging person to talk to?

Women often forget that they need to be interesting too.

[KrakenAttackin]

Well said! I can't upvote this enough. How often do pretty but mentally void women just sit at the dinner or coffee shop table and expect to be entertained by their date. If you have nothing to add to a conversation men will quickly tire of you no matter how cute your are.

[winterfox10]

@KrakenAttackin Yeah... I guess that's what happens when you're a good looking woman and you have most guys you meet kicking down your door. They seem to figure that if they don't feel that immediate spark with the guy they're talking to, another one will come along.

[coolbreeze]

Guys are picky with who they date just like girls are. They also keep their options open to.

[A-snap25]

Can't deny that, this doesn't represent all men but many.

[coolbreeze]

@A-snap25 yes thanks men true it don't represent most guys but some.

[Anonymous]

... you are good women, complete this way and avoid the forbidden, and God will reward you with the righteous man who love's and Respect's you for you, just as you have respected yourself and moved away from desires... Relationships are not based on adultery, who love's you for your soul, and your personality... is not the bed and sex. God bless you sister... peace

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Because you'll easy to sleep with. Typically women who put out easy aren't worth it. You need to change your ways.

[Asker]

How am I easy to sleep with if I’m a virgin? Did you even begin to read the entire post?

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

I read your post, but your update was later.

[Asker]

So your answer doesn’t even make any sense.

[Liam_Hayden]

It is because the women with whom you see them having "relationships" are having sex with them.

[Asker]

I’m willing to have sex within the relationship. I’m just not willing to have sex without commitment.

[bamesjond0069]

They dont want a relationship, those guys primarily want sex. Try meeting guys somewhere that share your values. They will not be at a bar. Try church.

[Vito123123]

I don't know really... Bad luck... Accident? It happens... Maybe you need to change company or maybe you are beauty and there are rumors going around...

[Anonymous]

So is my girl... at least your options should. be wide open considering

[JimboGB]

You'd have to ask people who know you for an honest answer.

[Asker]

I understand that and I have. They give me some bullshit answer like, “guys are intimidated by you because you’re successful and ambitious” or “you’re really independent”. It sounds like bullshit. What guy is intimidated by a woman’s independence or success?

[JimboGB]

Well, I don't know you but most men want to be providers, to have a family, it seems you value your 'independence more or would be providing for them. Speak to more men who are as successful or more so than you. Women marry up and men marry down. If you're more successful than most ladies, you're off-limits for most men.

[JimboGB]

Still fuckable

[Asker]

I do go for equally or more successful men and these are the guys that don’t want to commit to me.