Guys, Why do all guys ghost me after I say I don't want to sleep with them on the first date?

Question

Hi guys, I'm 29 years old, and really struggling to find a partner. I have been single for over 3 years. I do go on a lot of dates, but all of them go like this: "We chat for a few weeks or months online ( Tinder or Bumble). He asks me out, we go for dinner or drinks (usually). After our date he wants to either go home with me or take me over to his place. I politely refuse his offer, and say "maybe next time". At this point, he either tries to rape me, calls me nasty names, or just accepts that I won't sleep with him on the first date. The next day he has ghosted me, and I never hear from him again. Then I go on another first date, and the same situation happens. I'm made to feel a sense of urgency, it's like they're telling me "sleep with me right now, or lose me forever!" I get told that I only have chance in my life to sleep with him, that that is all that I'm worth, that I'm worth not much else. Why does that keep happening to me?

RustyTinCan · Accepted Answer

It's difficult to give a truly definitive and comprehensive answer without knowing who you are as a person or any of your circumstances, but I've noticed one major reason straight away: you're using hookup apps. Regardless of your intent, those apps, their userbases, and the way that they're designed are most suited for casual sex and other such shallow, degenerate affairs. It all makes sense when you look the sort of people that are drawn to the app, their lack of effort in really making their personalities/interests known, and the fact the text/image limits are just enough for a few highlights from your old vacation album and a corny pickup line (or something worse, like that The Office meme every other girl relies on, solicitation of prostitution in some cases, or "idk just ask").

Be you man or woman, Tinder is no place for a serious relationship to take root.

Cortaine · Accepted Answer

Sounds like you fall for the wrong type of guys. I'd look for what you like in these guys (before the date) and try to figure out if what you like is actually cause for alarm.

I'm NOT saying it's your fault. It's 100% them being assholes. But you need to do what you can to avoid them on your end.

Anonymous · Answer

better question?
why would you want these men NOT to ghost you, when it's obvious they're looking to get laid?

No one who wants a serious relationship is also looking for a fuck on the first date. So if they ghost you, take that as a sign that they would have been a very bad choice, and move on.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

Not all guys, just all the guys you date; in which case you may need to make some changes. First look in the mirror. What really are your beliefs, standards, principles, values? Use these to guide you if and when you date again; reject any guy who doesn't represent what you stand for.

Gryft · Answer

Thats awful.. def. dont put out right away. If he really likes you and wants to get to know you he will put in work. Mayb if the date goes great and you like him thou, drop him a message in a day or two saying hi. but yah tinder if for dregz

Shy_Steve · Answer

Because you are making it harder for them even if they like you.

If a Guy likes a Girl he does not want the option of sex taken away from him because then it's not fair and not an even playing field, Then it's not 50/50 then so how is a connection supposed to be made when it's not even.

It's like playing a game with two other people and being told the rules have changed and you have no chance of winning just after you started playing.

pajamasam · Answer

They are just horn dogs who don't want to put in effort. Make sure your upfront with guys as soon as you start talking with them that you are looking for a relationship and don't want to have set immediately

Truthatanycost · Answer

Either you are attracted to the guys that are promiscious, or you are simply noticing the supply and demand problem. Demand for bad boys, often out strips the demand for the nice guys. Therefore guys adapt to become ''successful''

I-am-a-nobody · Answer

Let them know upfront and see how many of these first dates happen.

one1wild00 · Answer

You are dating guys with priorities and empathy for you and your feeling out of whack. Might be up front and say you don't do anything on the first (or however many you chose date (s)) but if they give it time then you will both see what happens.

aroundhere · Answer

dont go on that apps, almost all men are like that, u can't find serious man there thats why it happens...

Avicenna · Answer

That's really messed up. Is it perhaps the types of guys you're selecting?

jspl90 · Answer

😂😂where do you find these guys sure sex on the first date is nice but not expected in my book

EpicGhostShadow · Answer

I mean if that's all they're looking for, it's probably better that you never talk with them again

jimmy2 · Answer

Ohhh dear God bless you there is good men out there

Twalli · Answer

You'll wait at least 3 months before my penis will go in you below your waist.

Anonymous · Answer

Try meeting real guys in the real world. Tinder and Bumble are hookup apps.

David_Kek · Answer

What else are you bringing to the table?

Guys, Why do all guys ghost me after I say I don't want to sleep with them on the first date?

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