My friends with benefits rejected me, saying he's seeing some offically now - what to reply?

Question

We have beenfwb for 3 years. I want something like "That's fair, take care"
but fair?
what else can I say?

Updates:

1 y

I wrote "okay thanks for now :)"

Answer 1

abc3643 | 3.4K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

Congratulations!

Your question is today's Question of the Day illustrating that Friends With Benefits is an illusion because eventually one of them will get emotionally involved as if in a couple.

It's not a question of "if" it's going to happen, but "when".

Here are 3 of countless examples from G@G that illustrates the point:
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Guys, Confusing FwB? ↗
We both started off saying no relationship just friends with benefits and no sharing which means we don't sleep with anyone else. But he cuddles and wishes I could stay the night. Likes to spend time with me outside of bed. Asks how my days go. But yet he will bounce between texting me all day to barely saying a word for days at a time. So im a bit confused, we never set any friends with benefits ground rules like no cuddling or kissing before we say goodbye etc, so those have never been adhered to. He emotionally vents to me and I do the same. I know I'm catching feelings, but is he?
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Is my friends with benefits getting attached? ↗
It’s been two months since I started seeing a guy casually (we kinda stuck with each other because of the lockdown). But I have a feeling we are both attracted to each other more than we want to admit. Now, we stay over every time we meet (about twice a week), and also the next day we leave pretty late in the day. He bought me a vibrator (because he was concerned I am not coming) and he’s always taking care of me, whether it is giving me his hoodie on a cold day or fixing stuff in my room. Every time we spend time with each other he stares at me a lot, and last time I noticed that he was kissing me when he thought I was asleep. Is he falling for me?
----
And this one is really good because it is a PAID Friend With Benefits aka Sugar Daddy situation aka prostitution! This is like "Pretty Woman" but I believe that this is going to have a different not so happy ending...

What should I do in this situation? ↗
My sugar daddy four months ago let me move in with him. He said I can stay as long as I want until I find a place because I was living with people that weren't safe to be with. He had two places at that time and he knew that I didn't want to get married. After I moved in with him, the whole coronavirus thing happened and he decided to get rid of his second place. So I moved in with him at his first home. Now he wants to get married and he proposed. I said yes because I dont how to say no. I like hanging out with him but I'm not physically or personality wise attracted to him. What should I do? He said that if I dont stay engaged to him he'll kick me out because he doesn't want us to be "roommates".
=================

If it is any consolation, in December 1988 just before I turned 26, I was involved in this intense 2.5 week F W B situation (*) with my roommate. I was very emotionally involved, but, for her, I was just a convenient lay between more "serious BFs".

So, was I a stupid fool? Yes and no. I knew better, but I wanted what I got into and paid the price. I learned through The School of Hard Knocks just like you are...

(*) This is long before "Friends With Benefits" became "a thing". No one said that in the 1980s let alone thought it because it would be considered an embarrassment to sink to that level. Apparently, being a slut or manwhore doesn't matter in today's "hook-up culture".

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Answer 2

Qiyndall

Xper 1

I understand your situation. Be his friend but keep a little distance. Treat his relationship with respect.

After 3 years with you, it is always possible he might realize he misses you & wants to explore a relationship possibility with you later.

Of course, it is more likely he will not.

But then again, maybe another season of friends with benefits will present itself.

If you truly care about him, RESPECT HIS RELATIONSHIP, but be his friend.
If his new girlfriend situation crashes, feel free THEN to tell him you miss him. Just beware of the rebound effect. Communicate clearly, openly & honestly once he is free of entanglements. If you just care about him but love him enough to wish his happiness even if it is with someone else, then you are a GREAT friend. Any man should be delighted to have such a friend.

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Asker

1 y
Thank you for the great advice. I agree a lot.
I just said "okay, thanks for now! :)" and he replied "Likewise :))"

Although this has really been an eye opener the last couple of days. I've been missing him wway too much, to the extend that I think I might have feelings for him...
I guess if he breaks it up with this one, and hits me up. I'm gonna agree and have a great night with him, making him remember how much fun we had.. And then I think I might retreive, and tell him that I can't go on like this, knowing that he IS apparently the type of guy who is actually capable of comitting (I really though he was sort of dead inside lol), and that we can't keep hooking up if he won't start dating me for real - or I'll take it as a rejection...

I really really didn't expect all these feelings to creep up on me though lol

Answer 3

Asker

Thank you for the great advice. I agree a lot.
I just said "okay, thanks for now! :)" and he replied "Likewise :))"

Although this has really been an eye opener the last couple of days. I've been missing him wway too much, to the extend that I think I might have feelings for him...
I guess if he breaks it up with this one, and hits me up. I'm gonna agree and have a great night with him, making him remember how much fun we had.. And then I think I might retreive, and tell him that I can't go on like this, knowing that he IS apparently the type of guy who is actually capable of comitting (I really though he was sort of dead inside lol), and that we can't keep hooking up if he won't start dating me for real - or I'll take it as a rejection...

I really really didn't expect all these feelings to creep up on me though lol

Answer 4

Lost_Spark

Xper 6

I would just wish him the best and leave it at that.

You don't need to say anything more. However, make it harder for him to come back if it falls through

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Asker

1 y
Yeah we for sure are not going to be ONLY fuckbuddies if he want to ever see me again..
I was his fuckbuddy because I though that was all he was mentally capable of being, but now he has showed otherwise, and soooo...

Answer 5

Asker

Yeah we for sure are not going to be ONLY fuckbuddies if he want to ever see me again..
I was his fuckbuddy because I though that was all he was mentally capable of being, but now he has showed otherwise, and soooo...

Answer 6

JosyJosy | 3.7K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

You must respect his decision, he found someone to be official with, so the casually hooking up has to stop. It's reasonable.

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Answer 7

AzureGirl | 3.2K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

You don’t really need to say anything special. Just move on from it.

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Answer 8

boggboss | 8.3K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

That's fine I guess don't really need to say anything

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Answer 9

chriscdi

Master

say "alright" thats it, its over anyways so just start investing time in letting what y'all had, go

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Answer 10

In_Trance | 7.9K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

why reply at all?

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My friends with benefits rejected me, saying he's seeing some offically now - what to reply?

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