I feel like I'm getting mixed signals, is he only wanting a friend with benefits?

[carbonaraqueen]

I met this guy on Tinder just over a month ago, we've been on 3 dates and I've stayed over/he's stayed over each time (I don't care about having sex on the first date if it feels right, we had spent like 14 hours together before I slept with him). While we were making out on the first date he asked me what I was looking for. I said something along the lines of 'nothing serious right now but if something happens, it happens' and he said he was after the same.

Each date we've spent loads of time together and I'm really falling for him. I realise it is probably my own fault, but I genuinely wasn't looking for anything serious when I met him. He looks at me like he likes me, looked sad when I suggested I leave on the second date and held my hand and put him arm around me while walking on the last date we had. The only issue is he's really bad at messaging, I won't really hear off him unless we're going on a date. But he's so busy and has a lot on all the time. He's also 30 and I'm 26 so I realise there's a bit of a difference in messaging styles with this age gap.

I guess I'm just wondering when is the right time to talk about this, because the 4th date seems too early but I can't stop thinking about him. Have I put myself into a friends with benefits situation?

[Avicenna]

There is no communication difference between a 26 year old and a 30 year old. If you feel that what you want has changed, you need to communicate that more clearly, because if my date told me what you did, I wouldn't have taken that as her wanting a relationship either.

[carbonaraqueen]

Personally I've found 30 year olds don't message as much, I'm friends with people in their 20s and 30s and this is usually the case for me. You are right, instead of trying to send signals I just need to talk to him about it, I just thought the 4th date might be a bit early to have that conversation.

[Avicenna]

I don't think that is too early at all- it's usually exactly the right time because you've gotten to know each other a bit and developed some comfort level and know if you want to go exclusive. At that point if you don't have that convo, a person will usually conclude you aren't interested in something exclusive and they may decide to end things.

Never rely on a guy interpreting signals, especially ones that indicate a change of heart. You need to be clear and unambiguous.

[carbonaraqueen]

Okay that's great, I have been considering maybe he's playing it cool because he thinks that's what I want. Thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate it!

[Guy13]

Before your next bedding, have an eye-eye 30 minute talk. Make your list 1, 2 ,3 and go through them in front of him... Why not?

[carbonaraqueen]

Yeah I guess you're right! I just thought the 4th date might be a bit early for that conversation.

[Guy13]

Maybe, but for me... that's enough interaction to personally determine "where one is going with this." Maybe, it will work out well for everyone...

[carbonaraqueen]

Cool that's great, hopefully! Thank you so much for your advice

[Iron_Man]

What would you expect from a guy that’s on a site like that don’t get involved with those kind of situation

[carbonaraqueen]

Tinder isn't just for hookups in the UK :)

[Crankor]

Good chance your just one of many. No reason to believe he's interested in a commitment

[Anonymous]

Expecting serious relationship from tinder?

Dude are you kidding me?

[carbonaraqueen]

Are you from the US? Tinder is very different in the UK, it's not just for hookups here, this coming from my American friend who is now in a serious relationship with someone from Tinder haha.

[Opinion Owner]

Tinder is for fuckboys like me.
Babygirl you're so innocent 😘

[carbonaraqueen]

I was fucking around previous to meeting him. I'm far from it, but thanks for your input

[Opinion Owner]

Are you free for 15-20min?