I’m so uncomfortable with my fiancé’s past and I can’t shake the feeling?

[Angels12345]

Me and my now boyfriend met on a dating site. The very next day I went over to his and slept with him. I was in a long distance relationship at the time and told my now boyfriend this a week after meeting him. He said he hoped I sort of my head but he continued wanting to see me. He was always really sweet, calling me everyday even telling me he loved me. He told me I was the only girl he was speaking with. I believed him. Fast forward two years and I found out he was still sleeping around. I asked him why? And he said because I wasn’t giving him my full attention. I wasn’t showing deep interest in him and he knew I was still hung up on my ex. He told me he always really liked me at the time, so I questioned him, how could he sleep with those other women if he really liked me? Well i told him, if you really liked me, you wouldn’t be able to sleep with other women. He said yeah but I liked them too- I was like what, in what way? He said in a sexual way he liked them, to have sex with them. He said with me he wanted more but I wasn’t giving him the signal I was really interested in him. Fast forward two years he is the most loyal guy I know. I’ve not catched him talking to any other girls and what not but it just makes me think what the hell was I too him all that time? I know I was wrong for still meeting the guy in Germany, but when he said he liked those girls for sex it really made me feel sick. As I was giving that to him and had feelings for him but just couldn’t officially end my relationship with my long distance partner at the time. He tells me to stop thinking about the past. But what can I do? :( is this a normal thing for men to do? Did he actually have any real feelings for me at the time? I mean he was saying all the right words, but he was still sleeping with other women! (He said just for sex)

[Jamie1865]

I don't know in how many different ways or how many times it has to be said but I'll say it again...
For men, sex is not an act of love, we fuck because we are biologically programmed to. I KNOW I could meet someone in a bar, chat to her, not know/remember her name, and sleep with her that night and the next day I'd barely think about her (unless we really clicked). That's not to say we don't have feeling. I could also go to a bar, sleep with a woman and if we really clicked, I'd be thinking about her all the time the next day. If sex is on offer, we'll take it. It's called testosterone. There was a really interesting experiment done in the mid 2000's which Channel 4 in the UK made a documentary about, where they found a gay woman who wanted to transition to a man, and followed her journey as she had shots and pills etc. By the end of it, she said that while she was not interested in men, she would never again judge a man for a non subtle double take walking past an attractive woman in the street, or for chatting women up when they were in a relationship etc. Trying to explain it is like you trying to explain PMT/PMS to us. Other than 'It hurt's' we just don't get it - and never will! It's an incredibly powerful hormone, just look at the physical differences between men and women in terms of strength, bone density, muscular-skeletal power and metabolism (why you're always moaning that you're cold and we're roasting hot!). That's just a visual clue as to the power of that hormone, so imagine how it plays with our brain (both the one in our heads and the one in our pants!). Don't read too much into it. If he's not cheating on you now and he loves you, but you were a little standoffish at first because you were in a LDR, he was just keeping his options open. Don't forget - you were cheating on your boyfriend at the time as well, so that pendulum swings both ways! IMHO, you're overthinking this. Be happy and enjoy it, don't sabotage it!!

[COMMODOREII]

That is not normal for a guy to pursue a girl he really likes and still fuck other girls on the side. That is a player nothing else. Players say all the right words because they are manipulative and want to keep their prize or conquest in check. He does not truly love you. A guy would stop talking or seeing other girls if he truly felt something special for that one girl. He would not want anyone else. I am worry you wasted two years with him.

[Angels12345]

I mean this was before. Two years he has completely changed.

[ronysinh]

Ohh now you are okk angels?
I hope you are with a ryt person.

[Angels12345]

@ronysinh yes now where fine. But when we were dating in the beginning he was sleeping around!

[ronysinh]

Now you should watch sometime if he sleeps

[shu2905]

That's common mens get bored and they go out for sex and after girls find out they try to become loyal because second mistake girl might won't forgive but sometimes men will just carryover more carefully and they will take girl as granted because she forgive him before

[xXMidknightXx]

I'm mentioning this with the kindest intention possible. You were doing the same thing he was doing at the same time. He was with other women while he was with you, and you were with him while you were in a long distance relationship. I think you should think about it for a bit and realize that it's not exactly fair to ask if men always do this when it's something clearly both of you were doing to each other. Not to say that it doesn't hurt, but it's not one sided.

[ronysinh]

As you told and listening about that man i dont think he really love you bcoz if he does he won't do this all stuff in long distance relations if you are true lovers the distance, sex... doesn't really matters in my point of view.

[Angels12345]

No I was the one in a long distance relationship. I was meeting my now boyfriend.

[ronysinh]

You were meeting bcoz you were only attracted with the long distance guys you dont love. it would a short time attraction maybe.

[Angels12345]

No. Basically I was meeting my now boyfriend but I already had a boyfriend in Germany. I just found out though that my now boyfriend was sleeping with other girls...

[ronysinh]

Ohh they you should leave him as soon as possible. see long distance is too difficult to mange it too hard

[ronysinh]

Stay happy with the long distance guys fuck that new boyfriend who cheats and plays with girls

[TadCurious]

So you were in a relationship already when you first went over to the new guys house and had sex with him? And you're worried about him cheating? As they say, "There is no honor amongst thieves."

[Angels12345]

Yes I was! lol I know it weren’t right! But dammnnn my boyfriend was going around!

[sd1223]

@Angels12345 That is beside the point that he was sleeping around on you. You're missing the point. You were sleeping around and cheating on your LDR and you got what was coming to you, your boyfriend did the same thing to you. What goes around comes around, hurts doesn't it? You knew it was wrong and still did, that's pretty jacked up. You wanted sympathy when you asked this question, but you can't get it when you were a cheater yourself.

[Anonymous]

I don't feel sorry for you in the least. you got what you deserved. you cheated on your ldr with this other guy and when he was cheating on you, you got pissed. talk about a massive hypocrite. what makes you think it's right for you to cheat but not for others to cheat. GTFOH. people like you and your current are pieces of shits. you don't deserve sympathy in the least. so stop coming on here acting like you do.

[sd1223]

Preach, couldn't have said it better myself!! Karma is always going to come back to you no matter what!

[RHK36]

Why do you keep posting about the same thing? Did you not get enough feedback or are you refusing to believe that he's trash?

[PeterCharie1991]

Seems he wanted you but wanted to do other girls too, but im sure he did ave real feelings for you but he's a man a sex freak lol

[Angels12345]

Yes this is exactly what it was. Is this justifiable? lol can you like girls just because of sex?

[PeterCharie1991]

Course its not justifiable if he was your boyfriend and he was doing that, when i met my ex of a dating site i liked her but it was purely sexual just wanted to experience having sex etc

[Angels12345]

So you didn’t like her for more than sex? Well we hadn’t exactly said we were boyfriend and girlfriend but he called me my love so I assumed we were lol

[PeterCharie1991]

It was a long distance relationship, saw each other every 4 or 6 weeks i used go stay with her for a week or so, i did but other a few weeks without seeing her i had to unleash my frustrations on her hehe, awwwwwwwwww lol

[Angels12345]

My question is, should I drop the past? He gives me no doubt to doubt him now but it did make me question his character although I wasn’t a saint but I actually don’t just sleep around for the sake of it lol

[PeterCharie1991]

Yea time to drop the past especially if he's loyal as you say he is x

[Angels12345]

True :)

[PeterCharie1991]

You got insta? Your cool

[scooogy]

Wait a second, you had sex with him one day after getting to know him?

[Angels12345]

Yes I did. lol. Now if I go back I wouldn’t have as I see that wasn’t appreciated!

[scooogy]

Sounds like you didn't do so for the first time 🧐

[Angels12345]

Haha no. He was such a gentleman when we spoke!! God how naive I am tbf. My heart is pure though I swear 🤣

[AmeerX]

It is a forgive or break up moment. Everthying else is inadmissible excuses

[reptocarl2]

You got used

[Angels12345]

Yeah course but then I guess he woke up and saw the grass is not greener on the other side lol?

[reptocarl2]

Just leave

[Angels12345]

Well I can’t see me as completely innocent as I did have a boyfriend at the time after all. If I didn’t I guess I could argue he was a complete douch!

[asshole_]

Good, you should be

[Jack9949]

Dump the fucker.