Why do I feel recurring guilt when realizing I’ve moved on from my ex fiancé?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I think I finally moved on.

He was the one who broke my heart, betrayed me and started a new relationship right away. I was living an emotional hell for 5 months after that. But things gradually got much better and i am starting to feel great again.

What bothers me sometimes is that I loved him a lot, I was so much in love, I could never imagine a day would pass without him in my mind. Yet, I am living a perfectly nice life without him in there.

I sometimes feel guilty, how could I forget him so soon?

How could I move on so easily?

How could I be so happy without him in my life?

It doesn’t happen often, but I get these thoughts every now and then, and even though he was the one to break thin he off, I still feel a bit pity and sadness for him.

[dynamicyandere]

Perhaps you feel guilty because part of you feels like you’re abandoning him.


But, he’s the one who left you and he’s the one who was adamant about not working things out.


It takes 2 to make a relationship work. It takes cooperation, no matter what.


Your loyalty to him has been so strong that it continued long after he left you.


You really gave it your all. But he didn’t do the same.


Part of you feels like- no. Part of you KNOWS he would be in better hands with you. But he has made his choice.


This part of you that wants him to be in good hands is because part of you still cares about him as a person. You’re truly altruistic.


The romantic love you once felt for him was interwoven with altruistic unconditional love.


And that unconditional love persists even now.


I believe that’s why you feel guilty.


Because letting him go feels like you’re going against that unconditional love.


But again, he made his choice.


There is no helping someone who doesn’t want to be helped. The is no saving a relationship if only one side wants to save it.


All there is left to do is to let go and move on.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes, I think what you describe really fits me.

I did indeed feel unconditional love to him along with the romantic one.

I don’t really think unconditional love is that common, I guess that’s why I feel sadness for him.

Now that he hurt me so much and he put me through the worst nightmare, I lost all romantic feelings to him but a part of me still cares for him.

I know almost certainly that no one will treat him the same way I did and I don’t like to think about that.

I think what I had for him was a Romantic love + Friendly love and + a very strong Agape love.

While distance almost faded the Eros, I maintained my loyalty to him through my willingness to love him.

When we got in a relationship I was kind of a heartbreaker and he always told me he was worried that I would leave him and that someday I would realize he wasn’t good enough and I would abandon him or something.

That always made me feel very sad, I wanted him to feel safe and secure in our relationship, so I promised I would never stop loving him unless he did that first. I was also a “bad girl” when we got into relationship, I wasn’t really a bad one, I just had this image so that people wouldn’t mess with me and my feelings. At that time I believed I wasn’t a good person and I was worried I could have hurt him in future as he was so gentle and soft with me. I was so scared of hurting him that I made conscious effort to make sure I’d never hurt him even if he hurt me.

When I first saw his restless head sleeping peacefully on my lap, I knew I would never be able to hurt him, he was usually full with worries, however, I felt like I gave him the sense of peace and a place where he could be himself without judging. I supported him in anything he wanted to do.

I felt kind of maternal love to him but he felt the same at that time. I often felt like a little girl protected by a strong man.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

When we broke up first time I had a dream that my father passed away.

I don’t know what kind of love that was. I just miss that sometimes, but these days I usually feel very happy without it as well. That’s what surprises me.

I am also surprised he doesn’t miss what we had, especially since I was his first.

He said he consumed all his feelings of love in these 3 years.

For me though, I could consume them anytime, but I chose not to. Cause I was scared of hurting him more than I was scared of being hurt.

[dynamicyandere]

Yeah, unconditional love is pretty rare, especially among couples.

Usually that love is between a loving parent and their child. Where no matter how rebellious or ungrateful or misbehaved a child is, there are parents that will love them anyway, expecting nothing in return.

In terms of the maternal-like and paternal-like love, that’s another type of love that woven into the romantic love you had for each other.

My SO feels a paternal-like love from me as well, interwoven with my other types of love. I’m very nurturing and protective of her. I’m mature, responsible, and very warm. I make her feel very safe and she feels like she can really relax and be herself around me without any judgement.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Some days, I still find it hard to believe what he did.

I fond it hard to believe he turned into a stranger and instead of thinking about the pain he’s caused me he totally detached and is enjoying his time with his new long distance girlfriend.

I find it hard to believe I got that unlucky to lose the only person I loved and especially this way. That he didn’t even come to see me just once.

Like did I mean anything at all?

How can you do that to someone you loved for 3 years?

I don’t really understand.

[loveslongnails]

You didn't forget him "so soon" - it took you 5 months and you're still not over it completely (or you wouldn't be posting this?) but you're getting better. Something to understand too, about men. They usually start to move on LONG before they actually say "it's over". I don't know for sure if this was the case for you, or if he met her right away after you split? Did he know her for a while when you were together?

Anyway, you've spent half a year cleansing yourself of the idea that there's no life without him. It's GREAT that you have, because you've no doubt got a lot to offer someone else who wants to return it. Many people take years and don't get over that kind of heart break.

[Guy13]

Good for you having outgrown the Past and its tribulations !! Happy Valentine you are indeed.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

It was yesterday for me. Had an amazing Valentine’s Day. 🥰

[Guy13]

That's good news and yeah it was yesterday here as well in USA

[ShiftingMonke]

Ita part of moving on. You had a place deep inside where he resided. He's gone, and so is the anger now too. You are simply acknowledging the absence for better or worse, but it will fill up soon and he will just be a bad memory or a good lesson, worthy of neither pity nor hate.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I feel pity when I am thinking that I don’t love him anymore.

I felt like when I loved him he was safe and he had home in the world. I don’t know if it makes sense.

But now that I don’t love him anymore I worry a bit, who will love him that way in future? And that’s why I feel sadness for him.

[EmbraceThePain]

Normal.
You loved him.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

But I didn’t betray him. I was loyal and just very loving and caring girlfriend. I didn’t do anything to feel guilty about.

I think it’s a bit unnatural to feel guilty for moving on from someone who hurt you so much.

[EmbraceThePain]

I don't think it is unnatural.

[EaterPeter]

Moving on can be a long process and there can be relapses like any other addiction recovery