Being ugly and shy, do I even stand a chance when it comes to dating?

Question

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not exactly the most attractive girl out there. Sure, we all have different definitions of beauty but there's a general idea of what's considered pretty and what's not. I'm not. My body's fine I suppose, if not a little on the smaller side than what most guys seem to prefer. My face just isn't very pretty. Sure, I've never straight up been called ugly, but it's what I've gathered based on the lack of flirting and being hit on. Yes, I know flirting isn't always really obvious but guys hardly even glance my way, let alone talk to me.

I'm very shy and reserved too, especially with guys, so that doesn't help any. It's why my friends and family say guys don't approach me but I feel like that's just a cop out for me being unattractive.

All this being said, I have absolutely zero experience romance or sex-wise at 21. I'm feeling incredibly behind everyone else my age and am honestly just contemplating trying to find a hookup just to have the experience, but I'm afraid I'll be passed up on even that. I know it's not healthy or safe, I'm just feeling hopeless at this point and want to get it over with. My insecurity about my appearance pretty much rules out dating apps too, since those seem to be primarily based on attractiveness.

Sorry for the lengthiness and being rant-y, I'm just looking for some advice. Thanks :)

Bananaman177 · Accepted Answer

Your family is actually right, it's your attitude and demeanor way more than your face that keeps guys from hitting on you.

You have no idea how you come off to guys when you act shy and quiet and reserved. It makes you seem mean and arrogant and unfriendly. A lot of nice guys would probably try their luck with you if you just smiled at them, or gave them any sign of encouragement.

You look totally different to different people. You might find your face ugly in the mirror, but there are totally people who look at you and don't think that at all. There are even people who would find your face cute, they just see it totally different than you.

What you need to do is work a little harder to seem approachable, and eventually you'll get lucky and run into someone who finds you pretty or just finds you nice and doesn't care how you look. If you think about your whole life, you'll realize you know LOTS of ugly people, and most of them are in relationships. Sometimes it's with other ugly people, but that's not even always the case. I know lots of ugly dudes who have pretty girlfriends, lots of ugly girls who have really handsome boyfriends, and lots of couples who are both ugly, sometimes in the same way, sometimes in completely different ways. And they're all pretty happy. But that's only in real life, not on TV and movies.

MrHopper · Accepted Answer

I always had similar problems, didn't have my first girlfriend or hug or anything until i was almost 18, girls were not interested so i just assumed i was ugly. I did loose weight a few times in my life and regain it etc, but found i really only got interest when i lost weight, i think a big part of that was my own self confidence, i was not scared so much or ashamed of how i looked.

Being "interesting" is very important, i know average looking people who are a treat to be about, they so fun and it makes them way more attractive, i would choose them over some one else... quirky fun, interesting, Aubrey Plaza is not text book pretty, but she's so whacky she just becomes super hot to me!

I think the question to ask your self is... would you date or hang about with your self? and what ever answer you give and the reasons why are the things you might need to look at.

Good luck! its never easy, some people figure it out at a young age, it took me a LOOOONG time

hellish-kitty · Accepted Answer

For every person, there's at least one person out there who finds them super hot and loves their personality. So yes. And I bet you're lovely, sugar.

Anonymous · Answer

Relationships are about who you are and if you are male more so what you have.

Hook ups don't really have a requirement, looks help open the door for both but being able to fuck is way more important than looks and that is only dependent on your enthusiasm for participating, no one is born with skill you have to learn as with everything else.

if you are interested in your partners pleasure and willing to do the things they like you will be a great fuck with practice.

Only do what you want to do though, obviously, no means no and we all have different tastes.

So if you can fuck and you are a good person, good company etc why wouldn't a guy want to build a life with you?

You'd have to truly be a fucking troll and I very much doubt that is the case.

srijitdutta · Answer

Yes it's a bit hard for you, but 100% possible. Try to chat with some guys through private messages. That will grow your confidence and guys will get to know your personality. If you are a nice person guys will find you attractive anyway. If you are admired/approached not for your look but for your qualities, skills, talents and personality then you are doing great. But for that guys need to know you. If you feel shy you can start through private messages (as I said earlier) so that guys can get a chance to look into your inner beauty.

Matthew2222 · Answer

I think you have a very good chance since you are one of the few people left that has not become a hookup girl by your age, which will certainly draw in some quality guys if you know where to look. I am curious about "if not a little on the smaller side than what most guys seem to prefer". Would you mind if I asked your height and weight? You can message me if you would rather not put it here.

say4f · Answer

Get yourself out there more often and hopefully you’ll find a guy who likes you. Looks aren’t everything, believe me. I know of many “good looking” people who haven’t had sex yet and there’re already above 25 years old so there’s nothing to feel insecure about.

djmzes · Answer

Simple

Jamie05rhs · Answer

If you're really not good-looking like you're telling us, I would highly advise against hooking up. Because then you will go from less chance to no chance. It reduces your value tremendously. At least if you have morals that still counts for something.

shu2905 · Answer

Sometimes after couple of shots in sex or relationship gives a confidence in prettiness rather than considering ugly is not a good option.
So i will recommend give a shot with guys it will make u feel better

blutwolfe · Answer

well Id help you out if I could but depends on location, and plenty of less attractive women get guys all the time, but like you said you're basically introverted which I'm assuming you don't really go outside or do anything

Not_Average · Answer

Sure- it will be harder, but it's possible. Plenty of ugly and shy men out there too ahah.

Bandit74 · Answer

You probably wouldn't be passed up for a hookup. Girls have a massive advantage on tinder.

COMMODOREII · Answer

Of course you stand a chance. I bet you look attractive. There will be a guy out there for you i know it. 😎😄✌

tjbyrd39 · Answer

Jesus I keep saying this fuck attractive 🤮🤢gets some knee high boots on fish legs stockings skirt up to ur ass confidently grab the dude u want and fuck him stupid. Simple

shortster · Answer

I think that you can find someone who will date you. That will come to love and cherish you. You don't need to try and get into the hookup culture.

asshole_ · Answer

No such thing as ugly Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

GreenGold1992 · Answer

I think everyone has a fair chance, no matter what

disgustingweebtrash · Answer

I can guarantee youd have no problems dating still

Anonymous · Answer

No, but you can be friends. Isn't that nice?

Cryptic-Game · Answer

You have a vagina, so yes.

hellacray · Answer

No you don't.

Leojames · Answer

Not really

Being ugly and shy, do I even stand a chance when it comes to dating?

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