Is it more difficult for a highly attractive and successful woman to find a man who wants to commit?

[Anonymous]

I don’t mean to be vain, but I have become very frustrated in my love life. I have a successful career, I’m very domesticated and take care of my physical appearance. One might describe me as the “perfect woman”. Of course, I have faults and stay in toxic relationships longer than I should. But I’m 29, I’ve been in 5 long-term failed relationships and 1 where I was engaged. It seems I’m the only one of my friends and in my family who is single without any prospects. I get discouraged because I have had boyfriends try to dilute me in a sense, I’ve dated a lot of insecure men. So what is off-putting about dating and wanting to commit to a woman like me?

Updates

+1 y

By the way, 3 of my exes cheated on me and that’s why we broke up. The other 2 had addiction problems and the caretaker in me thought I could help them through that, but instead they would hurt me in the process.

[PlacentaSalad]

We all have flaws to overcome and that we need to be aware of no matter how attractive we might be, somebody describing themselves as perfect very well could be that flaw as all it does is creates intimidation in those around you. Men will ask, "she thinks she is perfect, but can I describe myself as perfect?" Most men know they are not perfect, especially since we are told such every time we sign into social media. They are going to doubt themselves and their own value in comparison to yours. Additionally, it may not even be true about yourself as well which might be off-putting as guys will think you're probably high-maintenance or full of yourself.

I actually knew a woman who would described herself as "highly attractive" but in reality, she was just average with makeup on. She surrounded herself with a lot of guys who did not have high standards who essentially worshiped her and this inflated her ego into believing she was more attractive than she actually was. She didn't realize that she was only as good as what she could get, which were the guys she deemed unappealing but kept in her company anyway. Many of these guys would probably have made for good boyfriends if she ever gave them the chance, but she felt she was too good for them. She also thought she was the "perfect woman" when it wasn't quite so.

On this website, I've seen a number of these questions being asked by women who describe themselves similarly. Clearly, there's an issue if a highly attractive and successful woman cannot find a relationship and I always think it has more to do with her than anything else. Too much confidence instead of being more humble? Ignoring the other guys in your life because you don't think they are good enough? Your update explains a lot. Choosing the wrong types of guys such as those with drug addictions as well as insecure men? That's not a good idea and probably something you should avoid.

[Asker]

Wow, thank you for that. I’m definitely trying to look inward right now so I’ll take any guidance I can get.

[blank_expression]

The reality is that women that reflect success attract losers typically. I am successful beyond my original expectations, I could retire now, but I am starting to enjoy my career and I have several unsolicited job offers for a butt load more than I am making now only delayed by this f-n bug. Does that make me seek a successful woman? NO. I have women in their teens and early twenties that pursue me and I go for the simple ones out of them. I prefer simple, down to earth, and clever/common-sense. I don’t seek ball busting women with npd. If a woman has any inkling of feminism or liberalism, that is about a two second date. I have career women that have hit on me and one, sharp shit, is fidgeting in my presence and catches herself. She is no doubt a typical feminist, and so f-that figuratively; I’ll take a cow manure smelling cute hick girl over her. You see, straight men seek feminine women, and well, career women are usually to damn mean, self-centered, and controlling to be attractive. They can be sweet as hell at first, but eventually their intolerable selves leak out. A domineering woman will attract the lesser of males. That is the way it is.

Oh yeah, I had plenty of ex-s cheat on me, all feminists. They are either now knocked up, fat ugly with tattoos and losers, or on their own.

I think you seek “yes ma’am males” and the long-term resultant is as you described above, feminist men.

[IronLady6354]

It can be intimidating for a lot of men. However, don't give up! It just means you might have to shift through a few more men before you find the guy who's right for you and confident enough to not be intimidated by your success. I was the same way. I know there are a few men that lost interest in dating me because they were intimidated because I made more money than them. Eventually I found my fiance. He was in grad school when we started dating (which means I was making a ton more than him), but he was confident enough that it didn't bother him.
Also, don't be discouraged by age. I was 39 when I found my fiance. (We're not married yet, but I'm extremely confident we will be. Neither of us is hesitant about it.) I had a lot of failed relationships and a bad marriage before I met him. Don't think that there's an age limit on when you can find the right guy!

[Mystic_Nova]

Yes, because women who like to work and work hard, are seen as "non mother" material. Especially when men want then to be the whole wife thing with cooking meals, cleaning and always being available for them.

Alotnof men dont like the idea o not being the main factor in your life and when you work a lot, toullbjave little time to be with them and be to tired to have sex, etc etc.


The best thing to do, is look for men, who also work hard and dont mind. They are out their.

[Mystic_Nova]

Just know, that live won't pay your Bill's and relationships aren't guaranteed happiness and rainbows. Never give up your job and always make sure you have a way to support yourself. Ne

[jennifer_bloom]

Being attractive is only half the battle - the second half is choosing a virtuous guy who won’t give you drama - you could be the most amazing woman on earth but if you haven’t healed enough from past trauma to choose the good guys over the jerks you will be more likely to continue having problems in your romantic relationships - consider talking to a therapist or trusted friend if you think you need to

[JackSmy]

It is not at all Vanity, or anything that you are doing wrong!! It is the male gender, and their inability to accept a beautiful woman, in a position of power, in a big company!!
So many feel emasculated, if she earns more than him! LOL!! What a joke!!
I think you are AMAZING, and where you are at!! I respect that, and love when women are finally moving into these positions, and becoming REAL EQUALS!!!
But so many guys cannot handle that, and they are fools, and children, so why bother, with them?
Only a VERY few of us, really appreciate the time, and work, and what it takes to get there, and respect that, and you, being there, and doing that!!

[FakeName123]

You make the mistake of assuming that what you find desirable in men is also what men find desirable in women. Men don't care about women having successful careers. In fact, often times this is a negative, because it results in the woman having certain life priorities that do not align with what guys want in a woman for a long term and committed relationship.

Another issue about having a successful career is that more than 90% of women date up. This is international and completely irrelevant what kind of socioeconomic status the woman has. So the more successful your career are, the smaller your potential partnerpool becomes since you do not find men attractive that are beneath your success.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand it either because I sought out a woman like yourself. We were both still in college; she was double majoring, was in honors, graduated cum laude, and had all kinds of opportunities. I’ve always been intrigued by smart women. Her ambitions—doing well in school, successful career, owning a nice home, travel, etc.—made me want to achieve those things side by side with her. If I had to do it all over again, a woman like yourself would still be my ideal.

Have you heard of executive dating services? They cater specifically to folks such as yourself and you’re more likely to find like-minded guys who aren’t afraid of a beautiful, accomplished woman.

[Opinion Owner]

Regarding your update, may the sixth guy be the one. Best of luck to you!

[triff]

Crumbs you sound my ideal haha but seriously I have had failed relationships 2 marriages and partnerships all cheated but I stayed till they left Lost 4 properties So I'm on the same page as you and hear where your coming from You need to ask what attracts you to a guy Is it good guys or bad Ronantic or fickle It might be better to be direct and talk to someone about me to get a better understanding Most guys would probably fel your out of their league This leaves the non committal type which will cheat but go along with what you want while still playing the field

[cloud9vortex1234]

Yes, it's going to be more difficult because Successful Women tend to cut off a lot of guys below them when it comes to what income they bring in yearly. That's not an insult. That's just the truth. Then you have Successful Men now of days who are less likely to marry because they know-how One-Side the courts can be in the divorce. Why even take a chance? You probably would be better off finding a guy who wants to live together and not get married. That would open up the list of guys for you unless you're already cool with that. Honestly, it seems like you have some stuff you haven't owned up to if you have been in 5 Failed Relationships. Perhaps acknowledging your mistakes in the Failed Relationships is the key to finding the right guy who will stay around?

[_SOARER]

What does success mean?
The only thing men want a woman to be successful at is being a mother. No man really cares about what his girlfriends career is.

Attractive, sure that helps initially you will never have problems finding men.

I would commit to a woman who was "succesful" and "highly attractive" if we both shared a similar vision for our futures, and both had similar values.

I suggest you try and be modest, humble, and look for someone with the same vision.

[Asker]

Thank you for that insight. I have a masters degree and work in the medical field. I live on my own without any children. So I consider myself successful in that I don’t need to be taken care of. I do at least look for someone I won’t be taking care of financially, like the man should be taking care of himself on his own already.

[_SOARER]

Yeah most men around your age should be 100% financially independent
That's not a problem in my opinion

This whole successful independent lady thing is not attractive to men. It's not gonna a help you find a man.

[Asker]

So, would they be looking for someone who doesn’t work full time? I guess I’m not understanding if they don’t want a successful woman, I didn’t think a guy wanted to come in and financially take care of a helpless girl either.

[_SOARER]

They want a woman who shares the same vision. The good men vision a family, with a mother who takes time to nurture and educate their children.
Would you sacrifice your career for a family?
Thats the question women have to answer if they want to have a good man.

[Baronace]

In many ways you've already told every prospective male/relationship that "you" and your "work" will always come first, and he will always come second. Or 3rd, 4th, etc...

Your career first path in life brings with it sacrifices. And one of them is a vastly smaller dating pool. Career first, doesn't increase your dating pool, it shrinks it. You can choose to accept or deny this fact. However, you can't be as picky, and expect a lifelong relationship to fall out of the sky. And I recommend drop this "perfect woman" narrative...

[FreyaRed]

Men want attractive women but fall in some kind of paranoia after some time if you're too attractive.
There are probably two options. \
- Find a really self-confident guy and not just a poser who pretends to be confident.
- Convince him that he should see your attractiveness as a benefit for you both instead seeing in it a danger for cheating.

[xichuwangwai]

Personally, I don't care if she's "highly successful" or "highly unsuccessful". Well, "highly attractive" sounds good but still, not that important. The most important thing is that I'm the most important thing in her life. And of course, no cheating.

[CindyRuns]

I had the same problem... about the 4 failed long term relationships.

Fortunately, #5 was a winner... been married to him for 8 years now !!!

Only advice I'd give you... if you can't see yourself married to a guy, end it at that point. I wouldn't be mean to him or anything else, I'd do my best to do it as nicely as one can possibly do.

It ensures you're available when the right guy does finally come into your life.

[Celtero]

"Successful" women sound like a pain in the ass because you know expectations are going to be through the roof. You have to be more accomodating since she is the breadwinner. In the end she'll probably not even remain attracted to you since women are mainly attracted to power/money.

[Truthatanycost]

I wouldn't go anywhere near a woman that stayed in toxic relationships. That alone tells me she is unlikely to be able to handle being with a decent man.

''So what is off-putting about dating and wanting to commit to a woman like me? ''

Your update explains why..

[Anonymous]

You say that you're very attractive. Are you more attractive than your friends? If so I assume that the men you date are also more attractive than your friend's husbands/fiances. Is that correct?

Attractive guys are very sought after these days. Feminism reset the dating board by telling females to have sex and not commit. This created the how mgtow and incel movements. It also made the top guys even more sought after than they were.

The guys your age are still rising in value as they earn more and have more to offer women. They dont have to get married to have sex with attractive women.

[blutwolfe]

Usually women who are career driven aren't good lovers, that being said it probably boils down to them being insecure. Not to mention your requirements as someone said. Guys will just assume you want a guy even better than you which is impossible for most guys to achieve. And there's your age which is also limiting you some what, unless you like older guys then that's no problem.

[jkm1864]

Yes because women the majority of times only date up not down so the more money You have the lower Your prospects will be. Men on the other hand don't have a problem dating down so they don't have to deal with that issue.

[AffectionKing]

Some men might see you and be intimidated by you or think you have high standards that they might not meet.

[Juxtapose]

Usually women who make more money expects her man to make even more than her and the man who acted out probably subconsciously knew that and felt insecure.

[KrakenAttackin]

"I've dated a lot of insecure men". So, why? If you say the problem is always "the men", the reality is the "problem" is likely between your ears.

[shortster]

None of what you have said would keep me from wanting to date you. And if we are compatible marry you.