When you are on a date, do you want, or not want, to hear about the other person's past relationships? (Page 2)

AmandaYVR · 2020-08-23T19:33:48Z

Let's assume, here, that it's a date, not a hookup. You're trying to get to know the person. They're not freshly off a really bad breakup. They're not angry and ranting. You're not a rebound person to them. A decent amount of time has passed since they've been in these relationships, so their emotions are not too heated, but they do have some feelings of love, pain, etc. Now, do you want, or not want, to hear about their past relationships and people? Does it make a difference whether it's the first date, or subsequent dates? If you are answering yes, I assume you want to hear a bit about it, but not take up the whole date. That doesn't need to be specified. There's no right or wrong answer here. I'm just curious, because I've heard people with strong opinions on this. My opinion is that I want to know. It's interesting to me, and it's informative. I would be worried, though, that if I ask, it could open up a whole can of worms, and the person might get in a certain mood, and/or it could be hard to get them off the topic, once started. So then I have to think, is it worth the risk? And in most cases, I would probably err on 'yes.' Except if the date was going really, really well, and we were both flirting and having a lot of fun with banter. Then I wouldn't want to talk about anything serious at all. I'd want to live in that moment, and stretch it out as long as possible, no distractions. But if the date was more serious, had more lulls in conversation, I would ask the question.

AmandaYVR

Influencer Master Age: 51

Post Opinion

8 likes

What Girls & Guys Said

Opinion

Show Popular Opinions(20)

KingdomForAKiss Follow
Explorer Age: 35

+1 y

Obviously, it varies greatly in how or what context they're brought up.
If you ask someone what they're looking for in a partnership, it's often a reference point to share reasons why you may not want this or that quality or experience again.
Yes, I would like to hear about past experiences. (Un) fortunately, perception matters and if they're not thoughtful in their words, things might go a different direction.

1

1 Reply
- AmandaYVR
  
  +1 y
  Such a smart cookie 🍪
  
  Reply
flamiE Follow
Explorer Age: 29 , mho 38%

+1 y

I’d want to know of course.. most definitely not on a first date though but somewhere down the line.. I’d see if they still get in their feelings, how they’d been hurt, what they’ve learned from those experiences, how it made them grow, how they need to be loved, what they’re looking for in a partner and things like that. I would learn a lot about their personality too.

2

0 Reply
ArrowheadSW Follow
Master Age: 51 , mho 41%

+1 y
1.2K opinions shared on Dating topic.

It is OK if not overdone. I know for a fact that I have done it on dates before. I don't think any woman was turned off by it. And I have listened to women talk about past relationships also and I am fine with it. But of course you don't want it to consume the date... LOL

2

1 Reply
- chapawapa
  
  +1 y
  Yea I definitely cannot talk about mine... Maybe when we get a little more on a serious level its a topic but definitely not newly dating for me
  
  Reply
akshay1998 Follow
Xper 5 Age: 26 , mho 37%

+1 y

I do want to hear about the past but totally without pressure, I guess when they are okay with sharing the information I found those people more bold and ready for relationship that people who don't like to tell maybe there's some reasons not to tell to a new person who just started to talk to you but that person would be already be living with their past and not in present with you.

1

0 Reply
ineedatan Follow
Xper 6 Age: 28 , mho 62%

+1 y

Like you've mentioned yourself, it depends on the date and how far along into the relationship I am with him. If he's someone whom I'm deeply intrested in and have built a strong foundation with, I'd tend to be interested in learning the types of women and how his past relationships led him to me.

1

0 Reply
ShortCircuit Follow
Guru Age: 23 , mho 33%

+1 y

There might be some specific questions I'd ask about her past relationships, either on the date, or later on. So essentially what I'm saying is if there's something I want to know, I'll ask. If I don't ask, it means I'm not really interested. Although it would only actually bother me if it was excessive and became clear that she wasn't over them.

1

0 Reply
FictionalCharacter Follow
Guru Age: 34 , mho 36%

+1 y
940 opinions shared on Dating topic.

I do want to hear about them, to understand and avoid any issues that involved the breakup. And to see if there are any little red flags to look out for.

I don’t want to hear about them, if there is still some strong attachment there. And the person hasn’t completely healed yet to move on to a relationship.

1

0 Reply
SjE78 Follow
Guru Age: 46 , mho 32%

+1 y
1.1K opinions shared on Dating topic.

it can be good to hear as gives an idea about how your date is as a person, whether or not they are over their ex, how they were in their past relationships, whether or not they have a complication which could effect you both or whether their openness is something that will be good for you both as a couple

however it should only be told if asked about...

1

0 Reply
ZackBan Follow
Guru Age: 26 , mho 39%

+1 y
955 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Not until I've slept with her at least once. (doesn't matter how many dates that takes).

See if I know she's had them all over the world I'd be self conscious about outperforming them when it comes down to it and realistically speaking I'm not garanteed to be the best lover she's ever had so the pressure might make it less intense for us.

Now after she and i have established our sexual chemistry in bed then I can hear about war stories. Naturally I'd share mine just the same.

1

0 Reply
ronny212 Follow
Xper 2 Age: 30

+1 y

I would like to know because i want to know how experienced they are and what they did in there lives to see how they got where there at and so ik what im getting into and what to expect them to do in the bedroom and im a non jelious guy and wouldn't mind sharing if that makes her happy and makes her feel good about herself

1

0 Reply
Myk13 Follow
Xper 7 Age: 51

+1 y

I don’t mind if something comes up. I won’t ask anything direct about any past relationships. I believe in not asking questions that you don’t really want the answers to. Like, how many people have you been with? I don’t care. If you’re telling me a story and it involves an ex. Just say friend in place of ex and nobody would even know.

1

0 Reply
venomhbk1313 Follow
Explorer Age: 49

+1 y
337 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Sooner or later you're going to have to open up to a person and you're going to have to tell them everything that's happened to you and sometimes that can be good sometimes it cannot be good but you have to come clean so I would tell them about my past relationships and I would hope they would tell me about theirs if not the first date they will tell me in time hopefully

3

0 Reply
mrkdvsn Follow
Guru Age: 60

+1 y
358 opinions shared on Dating topic.

With the mindset I have now, if I was once again a young man and on a date, I would, at the beginning, want to hear only general information about her. And I would reciprocate. But eventually I would be interested in communicating with each other about more personal and intimate things such as our past experiences and comparing them to each other's

1

0 Reply
bulletbob555 Follow
Yoda Age: 60

+1 y
429 opinions shared on Dating topic.

I want first dates to be about us but at a ceartain point it would be ok. Now if a person stated their last partner was toxic and the stayed together long term you are telegrapghing that you would probably do it again and a toxic person would see their next victim.

1

0 Reply
Marcuslrh Follow
Xper 7 Age: 31 , mho 40%

+1 y
308 opinions shared on Dating topic.

I dont really care about the past relationships your looking for a fresh start so just focus on that if while telling story's at some point that involves the ex partner then fair enough but surely that can be avoided on the first dates

1

0 Reply
0112358 Follow
Master Age: 49

+1 y

Date 1 no - and it would suggest they’re not over it If they bring it up.

Later dates and before relationship - it’s good to know why things ended - it tells a lot about what’s important to them compatibility wise.

1

0 Reply
Daniela1982 Follow
Master Age: 36 , mho 53%

+1 y
1.3K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Sure, everyone just loves to hear about the other's "baggage". It makes you feel like they are just using you to dump on. Maybe not purposely, but hearing them talk about their past failures makes me wonder in they will be in another one if they can't let the water pass under the bridge and let it flow on out of sight.

0

0 Reply
1Anon Follow
Yoda Age: 37 , mho 50%

+1 y

I don’t want to hear about exes when we’re on a date. It’s a big turn off to hear about his exes when we’re trying to have a date. If I know that we’re dating and we’re getting serious then fine, you could talk about exes in passing but still, not on a date night.

0

0 Reply
Hmmm_how_about_that Follow
Xper 3 Age: 26

+1 y

No I don't want to hear about it until it's much more further in the relationship because I feel like this person doesn't want to date me/know me, heck she doesn't even like me and she just wants a free therapist to talk about her own problems and get some attention and I basically mean nothing to her, so no thankkkkiyyoou

0

0 Reply
GingerGuy Follow
Master Age: 46

+1 y

Voted do, but depends on her. I'd listen to anything she voluntarily wanted to share with me and I'd be interested (and part of getting to know her). Especially any bad experiences as it could explain how she might act in our relationship. Timing wise, first date might be just general and brief info lol. But share more as time goes on and/or if asked.

0

0 Reply
Show More (79)