Let's assume, here, that it's a date, not a hookup. You're trying to get to know the person. They're not freshly off a really bad breakup. They're not angry and ranting. You're not a rebound person to them. A decent amount of time has passed since they've been in these relationships, so their emotions are not too heated, but they do have some feelings of love, pain, etc.
Now, do you want, or not want, to hear about their past relationships and people? Does it make a difference whether it's the first date, or subsequent dates? If you are answering yes, I assume you want to hear a bit about it, but not take up the whole date. That doesn't need to be specified.
There's no right or wrong answer here. I'm just curious, because I've heard people with strong opinions on this.My opinion is that I want to know. It's interesting to me, and it's informative. I would be worried, though, that if I ask, it could open up a whole can of worms, and the person might get in a certain mood, and/or it could be hard to get them off the topic, once started. So then I have to think, is it worth the risk? And in most cases, I would probably err on 'yes.' Except if the date was going really, really well, and we were both flirting and having a lot of fun with banter. Then I wouldn't want to talk about anything serious at all. I'd want to live in that moment, and stretch it out as long as possible, no distractions. But if the date was more serious, had more lulls in conversation, I would ask the question.
I do want to hear about them. It's informative.
I don't want to hear about them. I want the date to be about us, not our pasts.
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Please select your age
When you are on a date, do you want, or not want, to hear about the other person's past relationships?
I went on a date with a co-worker who had been keeping me increasingly entrenched within the freindzone, a place no straight guy wants too remain indefinitely with a really hot looking female acquaintance sitting across from her listening too complaining about the insensitive jerks she is disappointed in when not going on and on about how cute or hot or dreamy this stud was or that hunk is---I'm like, what the fuck!!! Here I am, a dude with a noticeable hard on in my bramuda shorts, being asked my opinion of about the difference in her breast size, holding them up with her elbows back, pretending, as she always does, that this isn't an incredibly lewd gesture on her part. Complying with her insisting that I take hold of the offered breast so I can put her mind at ease that they are equal in size, shape, weight, and perfectly level with one another, I did take hold and squeezed gently, feeling around her bottom and outer slopes like she would likely do for a legitimate self exam, saying one did feel a little larger than the other, asking her how long she's noticed a significant difference between the two and if the difference in areola circumference and length of nipples were proportional too that difference I felt squeezing and pulling on them through her blouse. She called my bluff, continuing too treat me like her besty, just one of the girls, not giving me the satisfaction of seeing any sign of embarrassment at being manhandled by her confidante, best friend other than her sister. She pulled up her blouse, pulling up on each orb just enough too expose erecting nipples too ask me how noticeable her disfigurement was, certain no man would ever want such a freakish aberration in a girlfriend. "Your right, It's pretty obvious from where I'm standing, I said while kneading her tits too distended nipples poking out of swelling areola, rubbing thumb and forefinger over each and pressing finger into breast here and there saying it's better too have unusual looking boobs than no boobs at all, since we both were in a high risk age group for cancer, releasing her offered boobs for my inspection, too lower my droors and offer my nuts for her inspection too show understanding in what she goes through checking for cancer and poking the tip of her nose with the tip of my engorged penis too make it clear I was leaving the sisterhood and shedding my clothes until I finally received some acknowledgement that I was a guy, promising too have my way with her if her gorgeous boobs were still exposed by the time I was completely nude. Thinking I was putting her on too make her feel better about being alone and unattractive, and didn't want too take advantage of my good, innocent nature. If she knew the things we did in the Kuwait she wouldn't use words like innocent 😇, as I pointed ot the things her ex boyfriend and I had in common, pressing my shaft in between her eyes against the bridge of her nose and my testicles rolling into her open 👄 too end the discussion about my innocent, naive nature too an accommodation of her distinction between a shoulder too cry on and a man knowing every detail about her sexual explorations with other men and promising an eyefull of hard penis and a mouthful of testicles every time she indicates confusion about my gender by going on about other guys the way a girl does at a slumber party in the company of "GIRLS." Treat me like a nice girlfriend, I'll treat you like a naughty girlfriend. She never did voice objections too my private parts shoved into her mouth or other female orifices, since her "Forgetting" too treat me like a dude coincided wuth her occasional bouts with sexual frustration between boytoys.
First dates are just an introduction. It’s an inappropriate topic to go into any kind of detail.
As we get to know each other, I would expect to learn more. Most women can’t help themselves from taking about it, anyway. I’d rather know about it from 35000 feet, however. It helps you put other important events of her life into context as you build a mental timeline. It’s good to learn about what she values, who she respects, how she was hurt, and what mistakes she won’t make again. But if she goes on and on about a former boyfriend, it’s a red flag. Is she ready to be dating? Is she with me because she wants to get to know me, or am I her free therapist? Can she only define herself in terms of other people? Am I boring her to tears?
I’ve always played my own cards close to the vest, assuming if she wants to know, she’ll ask. I wouldn’t offer much more than what is asked, though, for the same reasons I wouldn’t want her to over share.
I don’t reveal body count, nor would I ask. Nothing good comes from knowing. Want to get tested before getting physical? No problem. There are two things I would hope to be told about, though. Is she a virgin? Has she been raped? I wouldn’t think any less of her, but, in those circumstances, a lover needs even more care than usual.
I think in some instances its important to hear about their dating life. Some people will lie regardless but it takes a lot of courage to be honest... And will show you one of two things growth or indifference.
The choices we make in life determine who we are as a person and the paths we follow. When we are young we do a lot of things not really understanding the consequences, life is about finding that out for ourselves.
I truly believe the person that anyone should be looking to date is a person that learned from their mistakes and is looking to be a better person. That they are looking for their other half someone that is able to do the things they maybe struggle at, a person that reminds them that life is better with them than without them.
Those cosmo magazine articles about red flags and whatever work as a guidance. But they fail to remind us that sometimes when a person wants to change they need to be shown compassion, no one says be a doormat always tread with caution with anyone but you are as responsible for your own future and life as they are. Remember your lessons too.
Listen hun, someone’s exes and dating history tells you a lot about who they are as a person. It is a red flag if they have only negative things to talk about their exes. Or if all of them hate him. Because chances are , there’s something bad about him which is why he has a trail of exes who hate him. If he hates all of them, it means he runs into conflicts easily with women.
There was one time i went out with a 33 yr old guy who said he was engaged to an immature 19 yr old girl and that he proposed but ended up dropping the engagement cuz he can’t find himself being married to such an immature kid
this alone said a lot about his taste in women. If he can fall in love and propose to someone immature , how mature can he be?
I also met another 35 yr old guy who told me that he proposed to 3 different women but they all ended up not working out. I would question what type of judgment he has when selecting women for himself. There is a good chance that he prob will propose to you too at the wrong time.
Absolutely! That's actually one of the questions I ask guys when I'm getting to know them: why did their last relationship end, how long were they together, and what they're looking for in a relationship... just to name a few things I ask.
Why? It gauges what he's looking for, if he's over his ex, and if he's ready to move on.
Now if he's constantly bringing up his exes, speaking about them in a nasty manner, or comparing me to them? That's a red flag and I rather not deal with or hear about them.
Yes, I want to hear about their past, eventually, but I don't want to hear about it on a first date, other than perhaps a brief mention like "I was married for 23 years and got divorced 4 years ago."
I always imagined that if I was at an age whereby I'm being told by someone I was married for 23 years etc. I would either be in a similar situation or be in one where I can get a sense of how that planned out by their tone. I personally would probably push a little though because that's a lot of years to dig.
I hear you. Personally I think that all depends on what you are looking for most times we miss out vital information. Like x is an ex con (not that people offer that information up) they say red flags are over exposing information but actually it's not its what you do with that information that determines whether it's a red flag. Anyone that cannot summarise in a non attached way about what happened to them is still emotionally attached. And that's the red flag- of either anger, love or needing to be saved. I'm not like most people they spend their time looking at life as if no-one carries baggage. Actually we all carry it. Facing it and owning it. Is what I want to see. Because then I know this person is ready to move forward
To an extent I get curious. However, I have a rule that whatever happened with an ex is in the past. The only reason I'd care to hear about their past relationships is to see if i can detect whether or not I'm dealing with a cheater. Also, I do not want to hear about exes until a specific time. For example, a first date is too soon for a serious relationship and we are just getting to know each other. I want to know her for her. It takes me about 2 months (assuming a once a week date) to decide if I want to move on to the next level. That 2-6 month mark to me is the transition between getting to know her and getting serious. Somewhere in that 2-6 month mark is when I want to know what happened with her exes. This way I get to know her for her personality without any prejudice on my part but I learn her dating history and habits before I get too invested. If I am asking about the exes, it means I see enough in her that I want to continue and I just want to see honesty. To recap, first 2 months/8 dates I do not care to hear about exes, 2-6 month mark I'll slowly gather the info in short bursts and beyond 6 months trust should be established. 6 months-2/3 years, I already know what I need to know about exes, it stays in the past and she is starting to talk to/ meet my family. Sorry if this is more than you wanted/asked for but this is my mind state for handling the issue of exes.
I would find it normal for someone while explaining a memory, mentioning that their "partner at the time" was there. I think on a first date, I don't want to know "why" the relationship failed unless it can be said in under 3 sentences. Examples being: we went to college together and grew apart when we graduated and I moved to a new city for my first job. OR her family decided I wasn't traditional enough and despite trying, it never felt like I fit in, so eventually we ended things. Very simple. shows you had a past and maybe learned a thing or two about it.
On a first date I am more interested in getting to know if you are capable of "showing up" and that means being on time, dressing in clean clothes, and appearing to have a reasonable work/life balance. I would like someone to have a hobby they enjoy (while sober) and is not too "expensive." People into monthly travel, or weekly clothes/Magic the gathering shopping are too high maintenance for my budget hahaha.
I think in general, I would be curious if they think they have dated "a lot" and then I would compare what they think is a lot to what I think is a lot. I have found that people that have dated less are more trusting than those who have dated around and have still been disappointed.
I took some time to think about this. If someone brought up their past relationships I would only be interested in hearing about how it made them grow and improve as a person. I’d be interested in hearing what they want and don’t want in a relationship and what type of partner they want, having learnt those things from past relationships. I’d be able to give and take in that sort of conversation but I don’t like talking about my exes in a bad light regardless of how things ended.
If they spent time talking badly about their ex or bringing up past pain, I would be understanding but it would also be a red flag for me. Especially if they’re talking about a specific ex. If she talks badly about her exes collectively the only thing I would be doing is analyzing her morals “Ok. She doesn’t have a problem with talking about people she doesn’t like behind their backs to strangers. I wonder what she’ll say about me to friends if we have an argument.”
How a person talks about their ex speaks can give you insight into what type of person you’re about to deal with in the long run.
Talking about exes can be a turn off if the person is talking about their ex a lot , if they casually drop why their last relationship didn’t work out then that shouldn’t be a big deal , it’s only when someone talks about their ex a lot is the turn off , it basically says that person hasn’t moved on and more than likely not ready to get involved in a new relationship , So a first date should be focused on getting to know each other not bringing up exes constantly. It’s disrespectful in my opinion , an ex is an ex for a reason , meaning move on from them exempt them from your life , only talk about an ex if you are asked questions about them but don’t bring it up like a casual conversation , I hate to say it but Girls love talking about their exes , cuz girls tend to hold on to their past a lot , so Girls’ stop talking about your exes a guy doesn’t want to hear that shit lol if a girl I am dating constantly brings up her ex all I am going to do is talk about mine. To shove it back in her face , it’s disrespectful , move the fuck on
LOL I am sorry , I re read my post and thought to myself damn I was being aggressive lol , I guess it stems down cuz I experienced that with girls before , and remembered how I felt when it happened to me , it’s just rude and disrespectful in my opinion , if I am on a date with a girl I am there to get to know her not there to hear about her ex , No guy wants to hear that shit unless he is some sick twisted individual lol
You know this is a great question, and there should be a 3rd option... I want to understand but not know every detail. Our past relationships shape who we are as people today. Successes and failures in those relationships often cause what we find to be important to shift over time. What were deal breakers and must haves 10 years ago have vastly changed today. If I can understand why my date or partner feels one way or another about something because of a past relationship, that tells me if we'll be a match or not... or at least have a better chance. What I don't want to hear is performance in bed, or all the things she misses about him or every detail... that's a huge turnoff and tells me she's not over him.
Yep, I'm with you. I think people giving or trying to extract too many details can be detrimental. Asking for too many details can be self-sabotaging to one's own psyche. I think it stems from insecurity, in that case. But a person who is over-sharing may be indicating they are too connected to their past.
Perhaps... or that they truly want to be an open book and not have any secrets... cards on the table sort of thing. I've overstated before and it didn't work out, but I probably wasn't ready to move on.. have to read the room...
EVERYONE who enters a new relationship has a past, and if one wants the new relationship to have a chance at working out, the participants NEED to know and accept the fact that the other person hasn't been living in a vacuum the past few years, and so they WILL have a past history... like it or not, its true... as for hearing about it, it depends... I dont like boring stories about someones past, but if its interesting, then YES, I would like to hear about it...
personally, I KNOW the person will have had sex with others in the past, and so I dont care what the talk is about, as long as It doesn't bore me to death... but if the person has that boring of a past, they won't be a person im interested in anyway...
Yep, I agree with you. It seems the older people get, the more they understand and accept others have a past too. I like your vacuum comment. I say that too.
usually but not always, the older people get, the more open and less inhibited they become... and it can be liberating if one chooses to take advantage of the freedom they have learned to accept into their life.
I think probably so i can get an idea of things that might be a sore subject, also possibly read between the lines a little. See if they take responsibilty for their contribution to the breakup. It can tell you a lot about the personality and mentality of the person you're on the date with. Not only regarding romance, but in relationships w people in general. As stated i dont wanna spend all night talking about it but a glimpse here and there isn't a bad thing. Might let you know what to expect or what to look out for. If all her breakups have a common denominator it might be worth noting.
I think there’s a line, and it’s not too vague luckily. I want to hear about past relationships and I want to talk about them because you can learn a lot about your partner and what they need, want they want, what they dislike, as well as whether or not they’re respectful. Also, a person’s past is still there, whether you talk about it or not, so not talking about it feels kind of like ignoring it/sweeping it under the rug.
However, if my partner talks about their ex to the point of me being concerned that they’re still into them? Then we have some problems to work through and talk about.
I would want to know for several reasons 1 listening to her talk about their EX tells me a lot about her mentality and her persona because if she's blaming hand for The Break-Up browbeating and belittling him give me a big red flag to dine then to end the date second by listening to her most females will provide examples discussions arguments and if any compromises were made are either side all of this is informative information and helping me decide if is the worth the time and effort for a second date or even considering a relationship with this individual that's my opinion
The last woman I dated referenced Tony several times in the first month. "Tony came over to help", "Tony picked me up from the shop", etc. They were best friends. Two months into dating she tells me they use to date and had tried again just prior to meeting me. She assured me I had nothing to worry about because it was never ever ever going to happen. 4 months in and she goes cold. Then one day she tells me she has a date with Tony to discuss their future. That she still has feelings for him and she needs to feel that out. 4 months wasted. So yes I'd like to know about any major issues as early as possible before I start to catch the feels.
Yep. I had two boyfriends break up with me because exes came back into their life, knocking on the door. (Well, one was an ex who came back at Christmas; the other was a 'gee, I always wanted to get with her but never had the chance when we were friends') And my girl friend right now... she had a guy who said he was crazy about her, wanted them both to commit to teach other, and then then week he says, "A ghost from my past has come back" and that was it. So, yeah, exes have a powerful pull. Some people say, "what's done is done, it's in the past" but for many, they seem to have the strongest pull of all.
The past is the best predicter of the future. I wouldn't want to get with someone who has cheated in the past or is a serial dater or is someone who easily jumps in bed for casual sex. It's always good to know someone's past, so you know with what kind of person you are dealing with. There is no such thing as "the past is the past". The past is always there to haunt us. If the past truly was the past, then companies and military services will allow ex-convicts to take roles. Which is not the case.
Many people overlook their partner's past, only to get bitten by it in the future. On a date, I'm always asking how long they have been single, who their past partners were, why did their relationship end. And that is only a small part of the date we dedicate to this topic. Even if they go on, on a rant, it is enough for me to know what I am dealing with.
Oh, and unlike others who have commented here, I AM the person who asks the question on the FIRST date. I don't want to end up wasting time and resources on a 2nd or 3rd date just to find out their past is a dealbreaker to me.
On a first date, you don't want to give or receive "TMI," or "too much information." I"m not ready to handle so much on just meeting someone, and the other person probably isn't ready to hear so much information from me, either. We're just trying to get to know each other a little bit, and seeing if we like each other enough to see each other again. If the relationship progresses to something really serious, where you're contemplating sharing your life with the other person, then probably information about each others' pasts would come out naturally anyway.
Well, I do want to hear about her ex's. However, probably not on a date. Dates always strike me as a time to have fun. Light subjects. Things that make you laugh.
I suppose I would like to know about her ex's during more intimate moments.
On a somewhat related note, it perplexes me when people get upset or offended when a potential partner wants to know about his/her past romantic relationships. I would argue that our love lives speak as much about us as our families and friends. They are an integral part of who we are. They are why we are standing in the spot we're currently standing in. They brought us to the here and now. They are important. They matter.
If I don't want to know about your past relationships, it's generally because I'm not interested in you.
Something like someone's past doesn't need to be revealed right away. Get to know the person to understand where they came from. If immediately start off talking about guys in your past then some of the things you say might turn the guy off. They might hear things that make them over or under confident. Hearing that you came out of an abusive relationship might make them think that you are damaged goods or broken. Hearing how a guy cheated on you and you stayed with him might make you seem easily dominated or they will be easily forgiven. A date should be about you and the other person. It should be about getting to know you and not the baggage everyone carries around. When I am on a date I want to know what the lady likes or dislikes and not what their exes liked or disliked.
Though I’ve only ever dated guys who I was already friends with beforehand (so mostly already knew their dating history), I’d probably be down for a guy to bring it up.
I mean.. if they’d ended on amicable terms, then nbd. The date will continue as usual. If they ended due to cheating, I think sharing it would be good because then I’d be a bit more aware of why he might behave a bit bit over the top in certain circumstances. That otherwise would come off as a bit much. (My boyfriend was cheated on by his ex and then completely stonewalled to this day. He told me about the cheating before we got serious but details trickled in later. So only later did I understand why he was so adamant about not being blocked, for example.)
Nope. I know that my date has had past relationships, obviously, but I don't want to hear about them. I don't even want to hear about my wife's past relationships unless something reminds her of an anecdote that she wants to share. Anecdotes can be informative or fun. I often share anecdotes. But I don't want to know anything about how much she loved some guy or how he jerked her around. I don't want to listen while she relives stuff like that. It's not my thing. It's not interesting and can be upsetting. I honestly don't think she wants to hear me go on about past relationships, either.
I would like to know yes but only a little bit like how long lasted the relation, maybe see how she looked like and it's also informative because if you ask him about his ex and he talks about her the rest of the night it shows you he might be still into his ex and you should not start a relation with him.
Not on the first date, but in my opinion you must hear them out about their past. 1. It makes both comfortable with each other. 2. You can understand you partner better. 3. You get to know the Do's and Dont's about your partner. 4. And finally transparency is important in any relationship.
Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
Most Helpful Opinions