I had a really rough childhood. My father abused drugs and was always in and out of jail. I used to release my anger on anyone who bullied me. I broke my classmates bones and sent them to hospitals during school fights. I was only in 7th grade. I broke into places and got arrested by age 11. I went to a DAEP program that was basically an alternative for troubled teens.
I hide this history from everyone I meet. Nobody knows I used to be so troubled before because my criminal record was removed by a judge and probation officer by the time I turned 15 years old and turned my life around. I started doing good and being the best person I could be. The judge and my probation officer removed my criminal record and everything from my history so now I have a clean record totally. But I’m so ashamed of this that I have never told anyone. Not even my girlfriend of 3 years I dated in the past. Nor can anyone ever find out. I have tried doing the criminal record search on my name and nothing ever comes out. Similar with jobs and stuff. I just want to hide this part of my life forever.
Should I hide my history from girls I date or how soon would you want to know if your partner had a really scary and troubled childhood?
First of all, I admire you for starting over. Second, don’t let your past define who you are. Yes it did happen and it was terrible but the good thing is that you got out of it, some people really don’t. I believe when you find someone that you’re completely head over heels and you’re crazy about them in a good way, and it’s a healthy relationship I think the sharing just comes naturally. You trust that person enough to let them know your past and still loves you regardless of what happened. You are longing to be understood and for someone to really know who you are, I think that’s the greatest thing about being a human, finding someone who totally gets you and knows every little thing about you. I hope you find that special someone. ❤️
You don’t have to tell someone that on the first date but when your comfortable and trust the person I’d let them know a bit more about you. Maybe work on being ok with being vulnerable around someone. It’s important for us all to have someone in our life that will accept us for out flaws.
Don’t run away from your past because it’s part of who you are and what you’ve become… but save it later when you can fully trust yourself and your partner this part of you. If she can’t accept it, then it’s her loss. Not yours. Your past is past but you don’t live there anymore
While I certainly understand why you wouldn't particularly want every tom dick and Harriet to know the worst parts of that past, you've turned your life around, be proud of it, you don't have to shoot it from rooftops, but anyone your seeing for more then a booty call, should probably be told at least some of it, not that you owe an explanation referencing that past to anyone, but what if you've been seeing someone for a period of years your close , she thinks she knows all about you. And then one day , unlikely as it seems , you run across one of those victims, who in the course of what ever ensues, describes who and what you were. Now you have to try and convince her you've changed, seems like a lot easier sale if she already knows. If you tell someone and they ditch you , my opinion they were to shallow to appreciate you and your hard work. Congratulations on the turnaround, hope this was of some value, good luck
Let it be natural. You had a crap childhood and was in survival mode. By the time you were old enough sounds like you started making the right choices. Not a lot of people in the same position would have done the same. Be proud of yourself for coming through it.
You do not rush this kind of thing. you let them get to know you for who you are. After awhile, you have to tell them BUT you want the contrast and change to be so obvious that they could never believe you are the same person... that is what I would do but you are your own person !!
Wow you sound like you’re a tremendous piece of shit who has done a lot of harm and damage in your short lifetime.
Hopefully you catch a good beat down, or maybe, God willing, you go to prison. Real prison. You sound like you were nothing but a bully, and now you’re whining like a bitch expecting people to feel sorry for you because you want some pussy.
I think that if your girlfriend loves you she would want to know and she'd still love you regardless. How can you fully love your relationship if you live in constant fear of her ever finding out your past? Isn't it a heavy weight to carry over your shoulders?
What I'm trying to say is if I were your girlfriend I'd want to know.
If there are emotional scars, then by all means let them know. I had a girlfriend that was great until one night she freaked out when I rolled over and touched her. She then related that she'd been sexually abused as a youngster and would occasionally have this reaction. For a guy that tended to cuddle in the night, this had a negative effect on the relationship.
Don't hide or run from your past. If it's still haunting you then there is something you need to resolve from it. Everyone has done something terrible in their past and through out life, maybe you can use your past to help others succeed.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 y
Don't tell her until or even if you think she can handle it. There's no easy answer to this my friend. Women are judgmental (regardless of what they say). Share the wrong thing and they'll turn you off like a lightswitch. My best advice is less is more. Give it to her slowly, incrementally. It'll give you a better idea of how judgmental she is about it. And what specifics she will absolutely not accept.
You should tell them once things get serious, maybe sooner if you feel you can trust them. But you shouldn't keep it from them and don't assume they won't be understanding.
Yeah as long as that it doesn't reflect your behaviour, like if it's made you abusive, or unreliable. It's not necessarily any of her business, most girls don't start conversations with tell me about your father?
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Anonymous
(25-29)
1 y
My girl told me all about her terrible childhood within the first couple days of even knowing her, and all I wanted to do was get inside her and make her feel better
But I don't know, it might be different for girls lol
My childhood was fine at home but the public school system basically psychologically scarred me. Also I have a bunch of physical scars the minute I take my shirt off her jaw is going to drop
Not something to discuss on a first date. But once things get serious you should bring it up.
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