Can I be too cynical to date?

Okay, I know this is a doozey... LOL, but here goes:

Okay, the reason my last engagement failed was because my ex fiancee told be that I have become too cynical. It's true... I am so cynical that I question "love" because I sometimes think that there are agendas that are being displayed. Another thing is that I am cynical of females all together pertaining to the concept of devotion to a single person.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a jealous type of guy, just don't trust...

It has to be proven to me that I should trust ANYONE.

my cynical rants about being 1000's of miles away from my ex, and perhaps a few accusations of if she maybe seeing someone else was the reason of our split... It was not like a jealous rant, but more so that I said, "If you are seeing someone, it is better to just say it, because I know you are only human, and not a saint... Besides, we are in 2 different countries..." I was in the military at that time, and the military has made me a mite bit cynical towards LDR's, and other crap... My cynicism increased after being cheated on. Now, if a woman were to hit on me, I would give her a snarky remark about her wanting to be bothered with me because she had an agenda... I went on to ask her what her agenda was... LOL

The best way to describe my level of cynicism is that it is on par with the character John Munch on Law and Order SVU... LOL

I am just asking if it is my cynicism that may be ruining potential dating experiences? If so, is it possible for me to try and not be cynical? How can I avoid being cynical about dating?

I am just asking because a few friends and their wives claimed my cynicism is crippling my chances... ROTFLMAO!


Most Helpful Girl

  • yup, it could ruin your dating experiences. Look bud, you said it right...we are not saints and no one is perfect BUT I don't think you were calling her to saint hood by expecting that she be faithful : / sorry that you had to go through that. Don't worry! there are good/faithful women out there : ) seriously.

    • Prove it.

      I'll believe it if I see it... Society dictates that all humans are whorish and that people can be philanderers... If you do not forgive them for their infidelity, you yourself are the villain because it is percieved that even the faithful can potentially be unfaithful, because in turn, humans are mindless whorish beings... Not my opinion, but a poreception I have gained due to what society values as an opinion via observations I have taken, and my experience. I am cynical...

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    • even with your standards and w/e you are just as capable of wronging people as they are of wronging you. I think you are smart enough to know that we are not perfect. I don't think your alleged (haha) cynicism is going to be a hindrance. The fact that you even asked the question, in my opinion, shows that you're not that cynical after all : )

    • real cynics tend to care less if they ARE cynical, if they COME ACROSS as cynical, or if they cynicism would be a HINDRANCE. You are not at that point, in my opinion. : ) There is hope for you yet my friend.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • I love cynicism, as I am a cynical person myself. I could never be in an actual 'relationship' with a person who wasn't cynical. They would irritate me with their positivity and worthless hopefulness. But that's just me. Not a lot of girls are cynical, unfortunately. And if I was trying to pick you up and you responded with a snarky remark, I would be very intrigued by you, with is a rarity and why I don’t do relationships. People bore me easily.

    Anyway, my point is that there are some women who like cynicism, but not many. Chances of you finding one are slim to none. If I were you, I wouldn't change myself, but, if you really want a relationship, then I would tone it down a bit.

    • Tone iot down you say? I tried that and still had bullsh*t to deal with... F*ck romance.. I was probably right between 2003-05... Perhaps women these days just prefer to be screwed and screwed again in another way... Does not make sense, but it is the way of the world.

  • Depending on how long you and your ex fiancee we're apart in 2 different countries, that is perfectly reasonable to question loyality. You're right, no one is perfect and women does cheat as do men. You seem to have brought it up in a reasonable matter, which leaves no excuse for over-reacting.

    If you persisted after her saying no - then I'd say it's probably a good thing you didn't get marry as there is lack of trust.

    To ask once is reasonable, but to ask multiple times after being given an answer shows insecurity/lack of trust.

    Trust should be something that is proven over time however it's not easily proved until something bad happens. My example, how do you trust someone not to cheat until the opportunity arises? Are you trusting them not to cheat, or trusting them to be honest if they do cheat? Gaining trust seems complex. However, I for one, wouldn't just trust some guy I just met.

    Your comment about a girls agenda, that leaves it open for her to be flirty depending on how bold she is. If that's what you're looking for, bold and straight forward - what you're doing isn't killing any chances.

    However if you're looking for someone more reserved, I'd find a way to be a little more playful or joking, as they'd probably be embarassed or discouraged by that point.

    • Interesting...

      You have a decent point there... You do understand my perspective. I did not badger her and forgive me if I have lead to that interpretation. As for being "brought up in a reasonable manner", NEGATIVE. I payed attention to my parents' mistakes and learned that being a philanderer is not conduscive to leading a stress free life. I managed to gain that understanding on my own, as is any other principle I represent myself by following.

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    • No worries, you are not who I think you are then...

    • oops disregard...

What Guys Said 1

  • I'm really sick of women too. I was raised to be open and honest and passionate about my feelings but no one told me that all of that needs to be packaged a certain way otherwise women don't know what to do with it. I find that "jerk" behavior is an all-purpose way to package myself when I'm meeting a girl for the first time, because if I'm just my kind self she'll think I'm boring. Obviously, I'm very cynical about women as a whole since I have dated a lot of them and I've had a few long multi-year relationships, and most women are like this.

    Somehow, I still keep going and stay optimistic. I just went out with a new girl tonight and she was a mega bi*ch. I had high hopes going into it, but low expectations. And you know what? I'm not too horribly disappointed since I didn't put my expectations that high. For me, that's been the key.

    I guess the secret to getting along with women is to hope for the best, but expect bullsh*t. That is something they can delivery 24/7. How is that for cynical?

    • Heh, I expect nothing... The concept of "void"... Perhaps that is wrong, I expect murphy's law to come to play... There will always be something that goes wrong... Yeah, I have high standards. I am a bit concervative. Hell, I dumped a woman once because she said to me that she is testing the waters because she don't know if she could be committed to one guy. She dates multiple guys. I only date one woman at a time. If she is not it, I tell her and break it there. I am not sick of

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    • Yeah, I wish you the best with that. Most people (not just women even) can't handle directness and candor. They find it intimidating.

    • HAH!

      I am viewed as "intimidating" due to my candor! I am sometimes viewed as "rude" as well. I prefer, "BRUTALLY HONEST". Hell, if I am not "Prince charming" or whatever the f*ck, TELL ME! lol I am more offended if you are not to the point. Hell, no matter how rude it seems! I am not easily intimidated. I am not easilly offended, although, I am offended by usage of euphamysms... I know it is strange, but if it is a duck, calli it a duck! lol if it quacks, duck... LOL

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