Would you also feel weird if you see this from the girl/guy you’re seeing?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been serious dating someone for almost a month. Met his friends and family. We aren’t officially a couple yet. Tonight he told me I’m like a girlfriend to him.. we talking official. I opened up a lot and told him how I was curious about what happened this past weekend at his family event. He is 31. He has an older sister who’s 11 years older than him. They’re close and he’s the baby boy. When she was drunk, she took his face with both hands... stared at him.. and gave him multiple kisses on his right cheek, then left cheek.. and a little down his neck what seemed to me. I felt so fucking Awk.. like sure I think it must be family love but it made me felt like it was incest... and his face looked like embarrass by his older sister... but I don't know as much as I wanna endure it I also felt awk af. So I asked is that normal and where did she kissed him to confirm if what I saw was correct. He said it is sometime normal when she’s drunk. I told him I felt uncomfortable especially the neck kisses as I think that’s intimate. He said he don’t feel weird or bad cuz that’s his sister love like his mom would.. and she is just like that touchy feeling affectionate when drunk.. and I told him if I asked him to stop the neck kisses in the future if I feel uncomfortable.. he said he wouldn’t cuz it’s normal and he can’t stop it cuz it’s something has happened a long time before. And I just started crying.. cuz I don't know that’s so weird and uncomfortable.. like I don't know if I’m with him, I’m gonna have to endure this? Like I don't know maybe I’m being over reacting emotional.. and I hate this cuz I do really like him and his family... but it’s so fucking awkward to endure this shet.. and he’s not gonna try to stop it? Nor feel bad?
How would you feel if that’s your boyfriend/girlfriend or potential girlfriend/boyfriend who you wanna be with

[virgin20]

It is kinda weird but every family is different. And he did say he didn't like some of it.
The important but is the bond between you and him only, no one else is in the relationship! If you love him and want to spend time with him, excited to see him etc then you want him

[Asker]

He said he don’t feel weird or bad about it... he said it’s motherly or sisterly love.. he did say every fam is diff...
but I feel very disturb.
I just don’t know how can you be with someone if you feel uncomfortable and told them yet they choose to not stop? I like him a lot and wanna be with him... but i feel like shouldn’t he stop this if she does this when she’s drunk? Isn’t it inappropriate and kinda crossing boundary? I don't know... I’m just crying and feeling like it’s over sigh cuz he’s not gonna stop it and I’m gonna feel weird if I stay

[virgin20]

Well the family has been there his whole life. Kissing is fine but the more intimate isn't. But she was drunk.
If this is really going to bother you and weigh on your time with the guy then he isn't the one.
Personally I don't think that's a reason to leave him

[Asker]

You don’t think the multiple kissing on cheeks and neck is not intimate esp the neck?

He don’t think it’s sexual but it feels disturbing watching...

I like him a lot and wanna be with him. I was just waiting out if I can be 100% secure... and this kinda scares me ima have to worry... and I don’t wanna worry and be safe in my next relationship.

So if that was your girlfriend.. being kissed on like that by her older brother... you will be okay enduring it?

It just sucks really bad that if he don’t wanna stop it... I guess he isn’t the one.

[Asker]

Idc if someone is drunk cuz you still know what you’re doing even with alcohol. For example, people have drunk sex with others while they’re in a relationship... but that’s not a good enough excuse in my opinion.

[virgin20]

She's drunk, yes the kissing is excessive. If you aren't comfortable don't watch or occupy your boyfriend with you instead.
Well I've never had a girlfriend (clue in the name lol) but would it be a dealbreaker? Absolutely not

[Asker]

Well what am I supposed to do if his sister does that? I can’t. He needs to stop it... that’s his choice... sighs. I don’t see how there’s any other solution except me enduring that horrible weird sight or him stopping it... which he already said he ain’t... and I don’t want that to happen in my face or at all sighs it’s just disturbing af...

[virgin20]

It wouldn't be a problem if you were living alone together.
I don't know what she's doing but it's showing love towards him. She's not in the relationship she's just there...

[Asker]

Yeah she was there with excessive kissing... like that’s something I feel like only I should be doing... it’s so weird to
Me and it makes me really sad... sighs

How is living together any different? Family will still be present in our lives...

[virgin20]

They won't be living with you, you'll only see them every so often, just don't drink and keep him close.

I've helped many people on this site and to me it sounds like you've made your mind up, you just want someone to justify it

[Asker]

I wanna hear people truth as im sharing mines. I don’t wanna be in a relationship where I have to be protective and just be comfortable... but I def don’t feel comfortable with this if he don’t even wanna say no or stop those kind of act with her... which is what hurts me... and upset me... cuz I know if it was me, I would do anything to make him feel love and safe...

Yeah, I wanted to endure it at first... but sadly I can’t... ima be sad and disturb.. I just wanna see if I’m the only one or I could potentially be help to find other options to make it work

[virgin20]

The last piece I can offer is sit both of them down and tell them how it makes you feel. You can never break a sibling bond but if he and she cares for you they'll not do that, at least not in front of you

[Asker]

Sighs I don't know that’s disturbing... to involve her... we aren’t even official yet... he was tryna make it official today and his fam was tryna encourage me to be official with him as they wanna see me with him for a long time sighs. I really like them too. But the situation with the kisses really threw me off...

[virgin20]

Only you can make the decision.
Personally I don't see too big a problem

[HolyYolo]

It is weird, but you're not gonna convince him that. If it's too weird for you probably have to just bounce. Family's family.

[Asker]

Sadly but true

[gecebutnotgecendayaa]

i would feel very weird and awkward and uncomfortable too... that’s very strange. a kiss on the cheek is one thing, but multiple cheek kisses and then kissing down the neck? that’s just sexual. that’s very weird.

[Asker]

That’s how I also feel... 😭😭😭 it makes me really sad and disturb cuz I really do like him and his fam... I wanna think it’s just fam affection but idc if she’s drunk or whatever, it’s disturbing and it’s hard to endure imagining in the future again sighs

[gecebutnotgecendayaa]

girl if i were you, i’d tell him that i find that shit weird and past typical family affection 😭 id break up with him if he wouldn’t acknowledge how strange that is...

[magiusX26]

so he is disreguarding your feelings already, and you can't even be sure you two are actually a couple? read in one of your replies that you are even willing to give up on a major thing for him (gaving kids). that makes it very disrespectful in my book. dump him and move on.

[Asker]

That’s exactly how I felt... I sent him a long message how much I liked him, his family, and being with him... what I’m doing for him and liked him enough to meet his family w/o hesitation even tho we weren’t official.. but I’m not okay with what I saw and can not continue it seeing that in the future if he can’t say no/stop it if it does reoccur... he hasn’t say anything yet. I’m sure he’s busy at work and upset and unsure. That’s how it is when we are in disagreement, we have some space. At the same time I feel a big relief off my chest... as it has been heavy and I don’t think feels healthy to continue worrying if he can’t consider my feelings and not do it... like I can move on now... and not worry... but def will miss him and be sad it didn’t work out.

[SageWisdomMan]

You are new to the relationship. She has probably tormented him for years as her little brother with displays such as that and they find it funny and endearing.

It may look weird to you, but you haven't been there all his life, she has.

[Asker]

How is that funny and endearing...

[flashgrandad]

From what you have told us it sounds suspiciously that somewhere along there has been incest with big sister and even possibly his mum.
I think you are right to be suspicious, you need to find out the details from him or it will always nag at the back of your mind

[Asker]

Sighs I really hope not... the sister does seem very touchy with her bros... like at the family event, she was also slapping her other brother butt back and forth laughing... (who has a wife and kids) like to me... damn they’re very touchy alright... and I remember the sister stating his wife doesn’t seem that interactive until now... and makes me questioned if the wife ever felt the same way I did sighs. But my current guy does seem very close to her as she baby him, take care of him growing up and I get all of that as I have a brother who’s 8 years younger... tho I don't know any family who’s that damn touchy feelin... so it’s weird for me sighs. I don't know I feel like it’s kinda over unless he wanna stop the act if it ever occur. I just know he says it doesn’t seem sexual to him and he thinks it’s like motherly love like his mom would do it... if any girl, he would stop but not his mom and sister.

[Asker]

Another sad thing is I really do like his fam and even that sister... I already felt like part of their family of second time meeting and they seem to want us to be together long-term... they even called me his girlfriend... but sighs it’s such a awk position to be in.. so makes it complicated.

[flashgrandad]

Cannot go into details on here, but sounds extremely suspicious.
OK if you want?

[msc545]

She has been doing this for a lot longer than you have been around, and if you make an issue of it, as you have been doing, she will still be doing it after he dumps you. Stop worrying about things you cannot change.

[Asker]

It’s fine, I just decided ima leave if he can’t say no or stop it cuz it’s crossing boundary to my comfort. I already know what ima sacrifice if ima be with this guy.. cuz he don’t want kids and I do.. so that’s already a HUGE VALUE ima do and it’s not worth it if he can’t do this for me something smaller. That’s rude to say he’s gonna dump me. It’s not worth it if I need to feel worry and uncomfortable. That’s not healthy in a relationship.

[msc545]

Ok, well, if you are that uncomfortable, leaving is probably your best option. Sorry this happened!

[Anonymous]

Sure, it hurts when the partner doesn't seem to care though we say it out vulnerably. But I don't think that's a big issue to stop. He can at least try to say no to his sister. Just take some time to evaluate your feelings. Take care...

[Asker]

I think that’s my big issue is that he said he’s not gonna stop it... he said he doesn’t feel weird or bad about it cuz it’s something that happens with his sister sometime when she’s drunk.., and it’s very disturbing to know I’ll have to endure that and he’s not gonna wanna stop it... like wtf.. even if I feel uncomfortable.. and I just started crying sayin he said he has no choice but he does and that’s his choice and he don’t feel bad even after I said I feel uncomfortable.. then maybe this isn’t working out and I’m not ready to be his girlfriend., but he said after that he did feel bad I feel upset and uncomfortable and how he gtg sleep for work and hope I’ll be okay... and say he’s very sorry for leaving like that.. I said I have nothing to say.. and how I’m not okay as I’m just being honest and told him to sleep

[Jamie05rhs]

Drunk girls... What can I say? They always make an embarrassment of themselves.

[Jamie05rhs]

Though she is 11 years older than him, so she's probably been kissing him his whole life, back to the days when she used to babysit him. He is her baby brother, after all.

[Asker]

Excessive kissing when drunk was started in his 20s... in scattered times he said.

Usually typical and regular family kiss cheeks which I get, but not excessive kisses on face and below faces no I’m not cool. Would you be cool if you have a girlfriend and her bro does that to her?

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh. That's weird.

[Jamie05rhs]

As to your question, I don't know. That would be weird as well. I would probably be feeling the same thing you're feeling.

[Asker]

Ty for being one of the only guys who might understand how weird of a position it is to be in... sighs. Like if it’s just a small one peck, sure whatever. But it wasn’t. I’m sure it’s “family affection” but I feel like it’s kind of crossing boundary... idc if she’s drunk... or who she is... not on my man... no ty. I won’t feel comfortable in the future.

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome.

I understand.

[madmrsmith]

TBH - his sister is just a raging whore when drunk and she needs to find a guy to ride on.

[Asker]

She has a man but he wasn’t there cuz he was taking care of their house

[Asker]

I love his fam so far but I have the urge to say I don’t think I can continue... it’s so awk for me to be in.. and the fact he doesn’t wanna stop it and that’s his choice

[madmrsmith]

You should send me a message in private

[Pete671]

It's a bit weird, but alcohol blurs boundaries,

[Asker]

I don’t use that excuse as anyone still know what they doing... even with it in their system

[magiusX26]

that does not obsolve him at all, his sister was drunk, he was not.

[bklynbadboy1]

That shit don't sound right

[Gwenhwyfar]

That’s kinda weird

[Asker]

Right? 😭😭😭😭 I hate that I’m crying over it... cuz I don’t think I can be with him if he don’t even wanna stop it sayin he can’t but that’s a fucking choice to not make me feel uncomfortable

[Asker]

I have the urge to say I don’t think I can continue... it’s so awk for me to be in.. and the fact he doesn’t wanna stop it and that’s his choice

[Gwenhwyfar]

I agree with you

[Asker]

Sighs I don't know maybe it’s over.. cuz he said he won’t stop it and ima still gonna have to endure that shet being uncomfortable...

[Asker]

Makes me feel like I’m always gonna have concerns

[Gwenhwyfar]

He defo shouldn't do it around you if it makes you uncomfortable

[Asker]

It’s not him, it’s his sister... but he said he’s not gonna stop it, so it’s like if that happens again esp infront of me... it’s too much for me. He said it’s like motherly love... I can kindaaa see it but ima still feel weird sighs

[Gwenhwyfar]

I get what you mean

[Asker]

Would you discontinue cuz of this.. even tho you wanna be with him and its naturally great with him?

[Gwenhwyfar]

I don't know. Depends on how bad it bothered me.

[Asker]

Well if he says he has no choice and won’t stop it... isn’t that.. not reassuring.. and not helpful.. so I don't know how it’s worth it anymore... I felt disturbed and try to rationalize it at first as fam love... but I keep replaying the many kisses on his cheek and then goin down his neck on the other side makes me boiled with disturbance cuz I remember only thinking is she gonna kiss his lips next sighs

[Gwenhwyfar]

Yeah

Maybe you should break up with him

[Asker]

Yeah I initiated it... done crying over it... and feel like it’s a weight off my chest if he can’t do this for me... so I can just move on... disappointing, but it’s whatever since this will be for my mental health check.

[Gwenhwyfar]

Good