I’ve been told by some of my guy friends that I text back girls too fast. Can this be a problem? My texting skills are terrible. Usually the girls I meet on tinder stop talking to me after the first “hey” or “hey, how are you doing?” If not then shortly after. I don’t talk about sex and try to be respectful, but I’m terrible at texting and keeping a woman’s interest through texting. Most people say you should first start a conversation off with someone new with a pick up line or something funny but I don’t see myself being that clever. Any tips or rule of thumb for me to follow to improve me texting skills, keep the conversation interesting, and women interested?
Any tips on helping me become better at texting women?
When you first message someone on a dating app, they don’t know you. They don’t owe you anything. If you say: “Hi” and they say: “hey, how ya doin” and you answer and they say nothing... THIS IS NOT A FAILURE.
Maybe they went to bed, shower, dinner, work, laundry mat. Maybe they closed the app because little sister texted them and then got distracted by candy crush. It’s not a face 2 face conversation and it happens at a slower pace. Maybe they decided to take a break from the app and you won’t hear back for a week. This is not personal. They don’t know you. You are no different than any number of strangers on the app so far. so...
Don’t fling insults. Don’t become rude and resentful. Try to wait it out. An app, even a dating app is a small part of a person’s life and until you become a part of their life outside the app you’re limited. So my recommendation would be, after a few exchanges ask them if they’d text you instead. It’s more reliable than the app, doesn’t require Internet, won’t crash, etc... and once you have their number, your messages will be showing up in their phone’s notifications and will be noticeable even if they forget to check the app.
Don’t abuse it and hound them constantly. You’re still a stranger, and one who wants something from them which can be a lot of pressure, but enjoy a normal texting communication.
Remember: it’s not just about getting them to appreciate what you have to offer. It’s also about deciding if you appreciate what they have to offer. And in the end, if they can’t offer you enough attention to be satisfactory, then move on to someone else.
All that stuff that you're talking about doesn't really matter. What does matter is that you old will being yourself in authentic other person. But at the end of the day when it comes out to dating it always about impressions an entertainment. And these days people want to be entertained. So it's not really you, it's those that want to be entertained by you. If you want to have a good solid relationship then you must develop good communication skills. And I start by having friendship and developing that friendship with a woman. Just think somebody is no different than speaking to somebody or writing a letter. Except one is more physical, the other one is digital. If you got something to talk about talk about it. If you want to text him texting. If they have found is respect a boundary. You have yours they need to respect you. But if you're not connecting well with certain individuals it's probably because they have too much of my unrealistic expectations about you, or they just don't care about you. Don't connect with people who don't put in the same amount of effort.
Taking the lead has nothing to do with entertainment. These days people are selfish, Vain, and lovers of themselves. If they want a person to make them laugh it's because they want to be entertained. It doesn't matter if you're clowning around, it doesn't matter if you're crapping on yourself, people today are so selfish. A man that takes the lead is somebody like you see of George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life. He is a man who has love for his loved ones and the people around him. He doesn't just sit there and do nothing. But it doesn't mean he doesn't get discouraged. He has his dreams, he has his Ambitions, he knows how to communicate, and he's open as a person. But at the same time he doesn't let anybody push him around. He's sensitive. But even if he wasn't as sensitive he learn to have empathy for others. He values the things that is important in this life and is important to those around him. The key take away from his character is that he has loved. You can worrying about what women expect guys to do. You need to worry about what kind of person you want to be and what kind of person do you want in a partner. That's way more important than be concerning about what everybody else thinks. Because at the end of the day are you going to be sleeping with everybody or are you going to be speaking at one partner to be with? Think along those lines. Because it's as simple as understanding yourself. Because if you don't understand yourself how can you expect other people to understand you. Telling you by experience.
If a woman does not value you for who you are as a person, then she is not somebody that is right for you nor is somebody that you should be pursuing. It takes courage to go against the world, and to serve God with all your might. That's real courage. That's why a lot of men and women are so confused and why they don't end up with the right kind of people let alone the kind of people that they want all good partners. Because they don't just settle for less, they choose to not be the very person that they say they want to half, but once they have that person they don't respect appreciate cherish and love either.
Thanks for the advice. I’m young and still doing a lot of personal development. Dating now days just sucks. Most girls now days have an Onlyfans and are more worried about what you can do for them instead of how you can love them. Truth be told I guess I just need to be by myself while I continue to work on me, it gets lonely sometimes though tbh. I was very sheltered growing up, because of that I feel like I lack social skills I’m more of a loner. Guess it’s time for me to start stepping out of my comfort zone.
Being sheltered won't matter. Trust me when I say. If people don't like you, it won't matter. They just don't what you need to do is make some friends. Stop worrying about women. In the end you don't need a woman in your life. As long as you learn to love yourself and you build connection with others and you focus on the things of God that's way more important than to be concerned about having a mate in your life. Because in the end somebody has to want to be with you in order to be with you in the first place. Because anybody can find mates. But how many can keep them? You see what's going on in this world that's why it's best for you to be by yourself. Because once you get into a relationship you may not be happy in it and it type of people you deal with. Let's to do about being young. Trust me when I say. In the end this world is just screwed up to begin with. Your lunar because that's just genetically in you. If you want to connect with people than you got to build on that. It takes work no different than learning a new language, gaining new skills, Etc takes work. Making friends is not hard. Finding who the really be friends with is. Is that hard, and connecting with your family is hard, what makes you think dating is any easier? Marriage is even tougher. But these days people don't care about family, their friends, their relationships with others, their co-workers, their connection to God sadly, let alone their partners oh, some people can't even handle having pets, all the things they buy let alone the things they have. So think about that for a moment. The truth is when you enter into a relationship or desire relationship it is about what you can do for them the same ways about what they can do for you.
But the key here is learning how to love a person. And you have to learn to love those that are with you and around you. Until you learn to overall cherish and love yourself, you going to have a hard time loving other people. But it starts by loving God. when you love God. He shows you how to do these things. Don't try to be like the world and don't try to act like the world. Don't even try to fit in. Once you born here sticking out, is just the same thing usually.
It's a problem if most of them stop responding because then obviously you're getting nowhere.
The time it takes you to text back doesn't really matter that much. A lot of people come up with stupid rules where they say that you should wait a certain amount of time, but anything that's calculated like that will fail.
I mean if you're sat on your phone texting all day that probably sends a signal that you're doing nothing and that's probably bad, but then what are you doing? Why aren't you busy doing other stuff? You should be. And if you are, then it's not calculated.
You don't have to be a dickhead, but being overly respectful is boring as is being a kiss-ass. That's why nice guys lose, they play it safe way too much. They create no sexual tension and it's just not fun when you're constantly "nice", sweet and agreeable. It's also just cringey sometimes. I can see why women say that nice guys are fake when I see how they talk because they really pour it on with the emojis, everything is "wow awesome", and they over-react to everything.
You have to banter with them. Talk about random stuff, come out with off-the-wall shit, playfully mock them, flirt. It's low-risk/low reward vs high-risk/high reward. Take more risks. Be more cheeky. The way I'd describe my humour is that they can't help laughing but they want to punch me at the same time. That's what you should aim for. You should act like you've already known them for years rather than like you've only just met them.
You're inexperienced that's all it is the more you date the more you change as a person and that reflects I how you talk to women. I don't start off interesting because I'm trying to get a date I'm interesting because I like what I like and I say what I want and if she doesn't like it than keep it moving because someone will if not her and I don't like my time being wasted. This is what dating has taught me. You need to let loose and just give yourself permission to fuck up because that's how you learn the quickest. Don't text back to quick not just because you seem needy but because the first thing you think to text can sound real stupid sometimes give yourself a minute to think.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
I'm not sure about how to start a conversation, I don't see anything wrong with "how are you doing". In the beginning it took my crush hours to write me back sometimes. I hated it, but I have to admit it kinda kept me interested. The fact that he maybe wasn't sure he was interested. So you could maybe try that, but don't just disappear in the middle of a conversation;).
Keeping the conversation light, flirty and fun is always good. Ask questions about her and follow up questions. Just sound interested in what she is writing and try to find something you two have in common. Maybe it is just me, but I like when he is not using emojis regularly. Because then when he does use a flirty emoji or something like that it seems more genuine. But don't completely change the way you write, so if you like using emojis, just do your thing, good luck:))
Thanks for the advice, and good point. I feel like I use emojis too much sometimes tbh, I can see how that probably looks kind of lame. I guess the right one will come when the time is right. I shouldn’t have to sweat none of these women.
Texting back fast isn't a problem. Just ask a lot of shit. Think of some wild questions that will make her think. But it can be more valuable to als questions that will inform you if they're crazy or have the same interests as you.
I’m just going to comment here so I can revisit this question later. I’ve been having the same issue though. One small piece of advice, if they don’t show the interest then fuck it! Its not worth wasting your time. A lot of girls don’t reply because they just want validation and attention.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Tinder is known as an app for hook ups. So if you're not talking about sex then maybe you can try another app. Also you have a lot of competition and girls are probably talking to other guys messaging them. Last, if you respond too quickly, it gives off a vibe that you're too anxious or excited. Just be chill about it and maybe try another app that's not Tinder to see if that helps.
Start slow and general, then move confidently later to exchange information. Like an oven needs to be warmed up before adding food, right? Don't small talk too long, if u get several texts back go for the date bro!
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