I can't believe this has to be asked. NO, nobody should be putting you in a choke hold unless you are under contract with the WWE and you are fighting for your world championship title, with moves that were practiced and rehearsed so things could go safely.
Just as others have said, having a tantrum and throwing things is stupid, but it's not worth having someone grab your throat and treat you like an animal that needs to be tamed.
This is a serious red flag, and both of you are in for some terrible drama and more trouble if you think both of you can go on acting this way. If you teach him that you're alright with what he did to you, then that usually teaches someone that there can be a "next time".
Whatever you both were fighting about, was it really worth damaging objects in the house and being physically handled over? No matter what it was: another woman, gambling away your money, telling off your dad.. whatever the case is not worth all this violence.
I know it's probably not the answer you want to hear, but it really needs to be considered. Can you live like this forever? If not, either get some counselling to correct how you both behave or try to get yourself out of it so you can find happiness and peace elsewhere.
Don't let him do that to you. Don't let ANYONE do that to you. You have values! You're a lady that's worth so much. You deserve better than a man who thinks it's OK to put his hands on someone regardless of gender.
I'm a small girl. But I explode when angry. I have anger issues, but I learned to control it, because I've noticed it scares others more than i thought. I do throw things down to the ground. I roundhouse kicked my fridge 3 days ago... but you never hit someone UNLESS it's self defense.
My friend has about the same anger issues I have, BUT her fiance knows exactly how calm her down the right way.
Don't throw things at him, BUT that does not make it ok for him to grab you by the neck. The way he should have calmed you down should have been different. He could have sweet talked you or tried holding you in a nice hug.
I would leave him. Stand up for yourself. If he was a girl friend would you still forgive? Or a guy friend? Love and abuse don't mix. Trust me I see and know a lot of couples that abuse their partners. If he loved you he would have never put his hands on you like that.
I'm not the best at explaining, but I hope this helped. I don't even know you but I wish for your happiness
Depends. If you threw hard objects AT him then he was exercising self-defense and it was justified. People have been blinded for life by objects being thrown. I would treat you like an ISIS terrorist on the CIA hit list if you threw something at me. If you threw objects in other directions then it wasn't justified.
If you didn't throw something AT him then you need to get out of that relationship asap. Odds are he will do something more violent to you the next time and maybe just for fun. If you did throw something at him you need to re-evaluate how you deal with your emotions and decide, if you want a man in your life or not. If you do, learn self control. No real man will put up with you doing violence to him. Yes, some would choose just to restrain you and some of those types are the same ones getting cut up, losing eyes and getting murdered by women. I'd give you one warning if you come at me. After that you're dumped.
None of it was justified. You were acting childish which isn't okay and he became violent which is definitely not okay. You both should of walked away and calmed down before discussing the issue. Nobodies perfect but him being so quick to turn to violence with the woman he supposedly loves is alarming. You either need to end it or make him seek counseling. He needs to know you won't allow it to happen again. I would want my daughter to leave him and let me deal with him. You could of hit your head and died when he threw you down and domestic violence usually gets worse. What if he takes it farther next time. Yes you were out of line breaking things but it's no excuse for becoming violent
Opinion
64Opinion
Under no circumstances.
Leave and get help.
So what, that you were angry? Did you hit him, or just throw things, and vent, on things?
Some people sometimes do that, and it isn't good, as that level of anger upsets many, especially women, when a man expresses and vents rage, on things.
THAT IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT than grabbing you, 'strangling' you!!
That is physical abuse, and assault, and might be something that can be charged, and he can go to jail for doing that, to you!
The real question is, How much physical abuse, from him, will you tolerate, before reporting it, or maybe not, and being dead. . .
If you were irrational, and hitting him, abusing him, he is within his rights to defend himself, and try to restrain you, holding your hands, maybe, but NEVER strangling YOU!
I completely understand why he grabbed you. But it still isn’t justified.
It sounds like he wanted to stop you from destroying his stuff or your stuff. And that’s understandable. I would have grabbed the shoulders, or grabbed you from behind to restrain you. The neck is a dangerous spot.
Now that you know he has it in him, hopefully you won’t make the same choices. And he should be more careful. Hopefully it’s not a recurring thing for him or you as well. Be safe!
Glad to help with your question though! Send me a follow and Feel free to reach out to me if I can be of more assistance!
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Hard to say. Violence is a universal language that says "words aren't working" or "I don't believe I can get what I want by talking to you".
Men and women have issues with violence, mostly because men are capable of doing more with it, and women often feel that they can get away with using it. So with women the question is how far can they push the man without getting retaliation and with the man the question is how much force does he have to use to get what he wants while avoiding causing too much damage.
Of course, it's better to just talk to each other, but if violence is happening, then that ship has already sailed.
What stuff did you throw, what things did you overturn?
Where you throwing stuff at him? Heavy things, sharp things, things that could cause injury?
Why don't you tell the whole story and then let us judge?
What were you angry about, anyway?
I agree
Does it matter? You're going to stay with him either way. My sister went through the same thing he told her "I'm trying to control you" she snapped picked him up and slammed his ass to the ground. She also filed a police report and plans on leaving. My whole family told me not to get involved.
Point is if the guy treats you like shit leave him. It'll hurt him way more then it hurts you. Did you call the police?
There are other ways to deal with a woman gone mad.
For example: When my friend lost her marbles and got violent on her husband, he subdued her with a tight full-body hug while diving down to lie on the floor to prevent her from swinging her arms violently and kicking him repeatedly 'til she exhausted all her energy.
but until she exhausted all her energy I bet the guy got hit a bunch of times but that's okay I suppose.
@apimpnamedslickback Yes, he ended up with bruises, scratches & bite marks all over his body from her "devil-possessed rampage" which lasted nearly an hour. He remained cool about it and felt awful because he had to restrain her that way. Another friend & I offered to help but he refused.
That's an example of toxic masculinity. When someone's attacking you, you have the right to defend yourself.
I would say both of you should think about what you are doing and if it's a good call to be in the relationship. You got violent, he got violent.. He did not deal with it well but without knowing all the facts it is impossible to say would he have done it you would have did not push him. Either way.. Not a good sign for your relationship.
Wow, two major issues here.
You - need to find a better way to let your anger out. Violence and destruction are not good.
Him - grabbing your throat and then throwing you to the ground is assault! When does that behavior stop... or does it stop and just gets worse.
Sooo, if you two marry, expect to have a boxing match in the living room every night.
OR - get some serious anger management help - and find a calmer boyfriend.
Since you seem to have difficulty controlling your emotions and are prone to violence, other then distancing himself when you go bananas, physically restraining you is a logical move but it should not involve your neck. An unexpected move or twist by you may be fatal. but it would stop your silly antics cold.
Thing about the neck is that you can control someone with one hand and still have a hand free for offense or defense. That's better than grabbing her by the shoulders with two hands and getting kicked in the nuts for your trouble.
If she was throwing a tantrum and wrecking the house, it's better for him to put a stop to it immediately, that's what's safest for everybody. She's just as liable to hurt her own self acting like a damn screaming mimi.
Your behaviour was inflammatory and his response was indefensible. I believe it was Maya Angelou who said "Once a man lays his hands upon a woman, no force on earth will prevent him doing so again". I would advise you and your partner separate. You are aggressive, violence against inanimate objects is still violence and he obviously lacks self-control, you are on a hiding to nowhere.
If I was in your house and I was a woman, I bet I could force you to choke my ass out.
I'd come at you with a pair of scissors in one hand and a potato-peeler in the other, you'd be forced to get either get violent or fucking sit there and die. First thing I would do is jam that potato peeler right in your eyeball. You don't even want to know where the scissors are going.
I mean you shouldn't be throwing shit at him either so I'd say you both have some work to do in how you act in heated conversation. It's gonna be really hard but you definitely should talk to him about it BUT its very important that you admit where you did wrong, otherwise it may end up creating a new conflict
Throwing stuff in throwing at him is different
Ok that's a little better but not that much honestly, i mean you could have been throwing is most prized possessions or throwing at something he did really care about. Now ofcourse he shouldn't have grabbed your neck, it's a really fucked up way to handle it but i refuse to believe that this story is this onesided otherwise.. tho if it is, then you should probably run. If their is any truth to what I'm saying, then just talk things out with him (doesn't matter if you reply to this or not, you know the truth and that's what matters)
I don't think that you two should be in a relationship. if you are gonna ct like that and he is gonna act like that then you two are clearly not ready. best to break up now and find other people. you are both immature.
what you did doesn't excuse what he did
but at the same time what you did is not acceptable
That is excessive. I do believe he was justified to physically stop you, but not a choke. I would have held you down and not put your life at risk. What he did is not justified and you need to get out of there. However, what you did was not justified either. He was more wrong than you, but you are not blameless and when you act like that you take risks. You need to leave him, grow up a bit and then find a good guy that you don't want to throw stuff at.
Depends if you got physical with him first. Sounds like you got physical by throwing things around but did you hit him first? Yes or no. Odd you or did you not hit him first?
If you didn’t then no, it wasn’t justified. But it makes sense you are both together though. You both are violent.
I mean was it enacted in submission or rather out of spite? Difference being whether or not he starting force closing the windpipe.
If he was just doing it to try and subdue you, from trying to destroy the world; its probably justified. If he was trying to knock you out that's pretty messed up.
You have no right to choke someone just because this person become angry. Disgusting how some retarted dudes havo no problem with your bfs action. You should leave him, and hire a man who beat his ass since he deserve getting physical abuse for abusing you. I believe in self justice and revenge
I don’t think there’s ever a good excuse to damage property or strangle someone. When you have to resort to that in a relationship, you have lost love, trust, and respect.
Sounds like a very toxic relationship. None of that (your behavior either) is "justified". Have to learn to control your anger. I'd also maybe consider ending the relationship if this is a common occurrence?
No, he is an adult, he should handle this differently, not by physical abuse. However, you did was not justified as well. The both of you were wrong. Next time, talk this out instead of throwing things and strangling your partner (your boyfriend strangled you). Don't do that.
I think that both were wrong. Uncontrolled anger and acts of violence have no place in relationships. You should have exercised better self-control in the first place, and so should he; either of you could have seriously injured the other with your rashness.
A man should never argue with a woman, he should give her his final words and if she doesn't listen then he might give her one not with a clenched fist but "one with an open hand" 🖐️ but strangling isn't manly and shouldn't be done in a relationship
Do your self a big favor and RUN RUN FAR RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN! There is no excuse what so ever to do that. That should send you a big message of how easily he could have killed you. most probably he will if you stay with him. There is no reason for him to do that no matter what! If he says he loves you it is BULLSHIT
In my opinion once a guy you are in a relationship with grabs your neck or threatens your life. he does not really love you then, he is only with you so you cam satisfy his pleasures. a man who truly loves his partner will not do such. Those are warning sighns you should take seriously run away from him or leave him it is much better you loose your relationship than your life
I feel that you should both seek help in smger management and couples counseling. Or both seek help for your anger management issues and break up and go separate ways.
After thinking about it I have changed to y mind a little bit although I do stand on what I said before I just have one thing to add and that is i believe if a woman has enough balls to hit a man in the face/head or the forbidden area (only those areas) then I feel he has every right to hit back and she should have enough balls to take a hit back. If you can't tale what you dish out then DONT dish !!
Well if you did not hit him or throw anything at him I feel he had absolutely no right to even lay a hand on you. But from what I read it does sound to me like you both have some anger management issues to work on and if he's going to lay hands on you like that now whats going to happen next time? It could be much worse for you... So I feel that you should atop and take a really hard look at your relationship and who the man your with really is and what he's capable of, then being honest with yourself decide on how you want to live your life and if you think that its possible staying with this man. If you decide to end it I would consider that a wise decision. Made by a very brave and strong woman... As for many woman in abusive relationships are to scared to stand up on their own and leave. But. If you decide to stay in the relationship with him I would suggest that you both look into couples counseling as well as some anger management classes. But whatever you decide I wish you good luck and stay safe.
None of it was justified,,
What pissed you off to pick up thing and slam them down. What was your point ,,, and for him to even touch you like that ,,, he could have done 100 other things does he know what set you off
You both need help with anger management. No one who is emotionally healthy would put up with either of you.
Yeah it's justified, no sane woman who respects a man acts like a man and tries to lay a hand on him thinking that her vagina privilege will make him back off!
In a fight, you must expect anything...
Y’all both got issues but his reaction was worse. Break up. Run for the hills
If you are into bdsm then stay. If your not then you should definitely not stay. Abusers tend to think the rules dont apply to them
You know the answer. He will end up killing you if you stay. Worth it?
Both of you need to grow up and go separate ways because that shit is toxic.
If you attacked first, yes. If you did not then no.
Either way your behavior was grossly inappropriate and you shouldn't have done it (him acting inappropriately doesn't negate your behavior).
Toddler-tier.
He should have used a police grip. That being said, you throw shit around and stuff and don't consider for a moment that you may have escalated it to this point?
You crazy, girl.
So you are saying you started throwing stuff AFTER he got physical? I am doubtful.
You both acted like children. The difference is you didn't physically assault and hurt him. He is in the wrong here and should apologize and promise never to do that again if he wants to keep you.
No that is not a way to solve, now what happens if you lost consciousness and died he would be held liable for murder, see this happening is no good?
Physical and mental abuse is a deal breaker. You should get out of the relationship immediately and report him to the police.
justified no, a twisted way to stop you, yea
its never justified to assault someone if you aren't defending yourself, mostly a chick
If he restrainted you a different way to stop you from throwing stuff (like wrists or arms) then it'd be fine. But choking goes way too far for that.
Your surprised that your boyfriend physically stopped YOU when YOU were out of control by holding you by the neck, if he'd strangled you you would not be here to bleat about it!
You need to realise that IF your boyfriend INTENDED you serious harm there would be sod all you could do to stop it happening.
You are the one who offered violence first it is you who need to grow up.
No but you shouldn't have thrown shit in the first place. Neither of you have any conflict management skills.
Not justified at all, there's a way to constrain someone and grabbing a person by the neck isn't right. Id imagine he's strong enough to just bearhug you and hold you down.
Just a little glimpse of what to expect if you marry him run bitch run
At the same time you shouldn't have gone to that level of throwing things and overturning things you're damaging property and that sucks if it breaks I hate when girls act immature like that but no he could have grabbed you by the shoulders and shaking you up not hit you or choked you
A little extreme on both sides but legally he is allowed to use a "reasonable" amount of force to prevent damage to his property
It wasn't, that's seems really abusive. (If it were me though we'd totally have some rough sex after)
It happens a lot and I think it’s normal.
Just one of them things
No, that's not justified, no when they're are way more safe ways to restrain a woman.
Chokinh someone out is just straight up assault even.
Chokes are quite common in non-title fights as well.
never justified. one step away from being his punching bag.
Neither is justified, both acting childish. I'm looking at a dead relationship
No, that was not justified you should break up and leave him.
What did you even get into a fight about?
what he did was not justified , what you did was not justified
Makes me feel better about the fight I just had with my brother since your fight sounds worse haha sorry.
If it wasn't his stuff nor did you throw something at him then no it isn't justified.
It was spur of the moment thing. Don't give it much weight
You shouldn't have done what you did. But he was not right or justifed to put hands on you like that it's never right to put hands on a girl
@Luckycharms12
If a girl attacks me I'm going to defend myself and I don't care who has a problem with it.
You can restain
If you were throwing stuff at him you too tried to physically hurt him. The only difference is that this time he succeeded. What if one of the things you threw had hit him? Would that be justified?
Throwing stuff and throwing stuff at him is way different.
@Insecuregirl1760 So which of these were you really doing? But I have to say when you start throwing stuff, the other person doesn't know whether you intend to hit them or not. They may think you want to hit them and may react based on that.
Grabbing you by the neck was stupid and dangerous. He should have just walked away from you.
No, but you should value material things more. They cost money
no, it is not justified.
you can never hurt a girl physically at what level of anger you have on her.
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