Is it rude to tell someone that they are not your type?

Question

The main reason is I am not single but even if I am one, I still won’t date this person. The issue is he insisted to know the reason I rejected him other than me not being available. He won’t leave me alone. After I told him the truth, he became passive aggressive and started to insult me, showing his sour grape attitude. How do you deal with this type of people?

Ozanne · Accepted Answer

Rejection is not rude. If it is then it means that you have to accept every man who pursues you in order to be polite. So since that's ridiculous, so is the former. As for your situation, you dodged a bullet had you been single. People who are persistent like this are often times not very healthy emotionally. What's the point in knowing WHY when the counter reaction is going to be to call you rude or worse? If you make it clear that you aren't interested and also want nothing further to do with him, then anything after this is harassment. Sometimes police stations have pamphlets on criminal harassment. You can give him a copy if he needs it. Good luck!

Bella_Iris · Accepted Answer

He sounds like a typical "nice guy"-- they desperately want to be with you... but then you upset them by telling them what they don't want to hear and then they just magically switch on you and start being mean. I'd just ignore them... but if it really got to be a problem I'd get some other people involved so he would stop bothering you. I don't think its rude that you told him how you really feel. You did good.

Account · Answer

I would prefer being told that and I don't consider it rude at all.  Stringing along someone is worse.

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

I think "not my type" is insulting.

Hear me out - If you told me that you weren't attracted to me, I would understand. We all see some other people as unattractive.

But when you say I'm not your type, what I'm hearing is that I'm a group member of an unknown (to me) 'type' of person, and something about me, physical or whatever character flaw that turns you off to me, that it makes me un-dateable.

In my mind, there's only so many generally different 'types' of men out there, and I'm apparently in a group with that has a repulsing quality. How many other women also immediately put me into this group? Am I unattractive and don't realize it? Ego and confidence deflate.

So yes, I'd say consider how you word it. It's better for me to hear that I'm unattractive to one girl than to hear that I'm unattractive to a whole group of them, which reinforces the feeling unattractive.

This is why men are so often emotionally unavailable - lots of unintentional hurt gets done to us. This is just a drop in the ocean.

Finchie40 · Answer

Some people just can’t accept rejection and can’t take no for an answer , and that’s when things get creepy , best thing for you to do is stay away from this guy as much as possible and block him on social media apps and hopefully he gets the hint that he doesn’t have a chance and that you are not interested in the least , and the fact that you already have a boyfriend and he is still coming onto you is pretty messed up , so if this guy still doesn’t stop then it’s time to call the police on him for harassment , if he starts showing up at your work place or wherever stalking you, then you have every right to call the police on him and get a restraining order on his ass. So it’s not rude to reject someone and tell them the truth it’s rude when they can’t take No for answer , Rejection does suck when we really like someone and they don’t like us back the same. But you move on and get over it , people that can’t move on , and get over it are people that have mental illness and that’s when it gets creepy and scary , I had a girl stalk me and and didn’t take no for an answer , I tried killing her with kindness to get her to stop , and I lied and told her I had a girlfriend but she didn’t care , so it got so bad that I basically had to block her on social media apps and ignore her completely , I eventually moved away so that kind of eliminated her stalking me , I didn’t move because of her but it helped lol So if I wasn’t moving I would of called the cops on her and filed a restraining order for harassment. Hopefully you don’t have to get to the point with this guy but if you do so be it , it’s better to be safe than sorry

DC_Underground · Answer

I think many girls and women make this mistake, they play a guys or man’s emotions. It could be for a variety of reasons — she’s bored, she’s getting over a break up and wants to someone “new”. Guys assume if a girl is talking to him than it may lead to somewhere (sex, relationship). Let’s be honest it’s easier for a woman or a girl to get courted by different males even if she’s shy. But if a guy or a man is shy not only will he not get attention but he’s more likely to be rejected. I mean there’s no perfect way to reject someone. It’s like if I applied for a job I really wanted but got denied and the email I got was “we think you are a terrific candidate and we enjoyed the interview but we went forward with another candidate” it sucks. Also, sometimes when guys are persistent it’s also depicted in movies and real life. How far is a guy willing to go to get the girl mentality. I know a girl who posted something on her IG story with a quote that says “if he loves you he will go the distance for you”. Sounds nice right?

But that doesn’t apply for everyone. I think the best way to tell a guy is “hey listen, I don’t want to string you along because it would not be fair to you” then tell him “you are attracted to me but if a 400 pound girl with pimples asked you out wouldn’t you reject her because she’s not your type?”. Tell him what he did wrong so he can improve himself and focus on himself in the future to find another girl. Any guy with common sense should say at least she was honest I should leave her alone. If a guy doesn’t leave a girl alone well then a guy shouldn’t cry if he gets kicked in the nuts by her and had the cops called on him.

Sarahr123 · Answer

Well it’s okay to have a preference and most people do but it can be a blow to someone’s confidence if it comes up all of a sudden. I think you should just say you’re not compatible instead of not your type because that just sounds less insulting I suppose. Some people take “not my type” as an insult. Though it isn’t. Everything is in the eye of the beholder. Some of us like chocolate pudding and some of us don’t. It’s okay if someone doesn’t like us because another person will find us perfect but not everyone understands that in the moment. They can get hurt and it can ruin their confidence if they really like the person delivering the message. Be kind and considerate of the effect of your words on any person but be honest and don’t lead anyone on. If you don’t want to be with someone then tell them but tell them in the nicest way so they don’t get very hurt.

CubsterShura · Answer

No it is not. He wanted to know, he got his answer.

Similar thing happened with me lately. A guy friend of mine was asking me what I think about dating him since I broke up, and then I asked him 'well do you want me to be straightforward or sugarcoat the answer' he obviously asked me to say it honestly, so I told him that I don't like him at all and explained all the reasons.

He said that he is willing to work on those things about him that upset me and ensure that they never happen again. We'll see where this goes 😂

slatyb · Answer

"Not my type" is fine. Only people with no social skills demand a reason why someone won't date them. If you are asked for a reason, give a vague reply like "I just don't think it would work". If he persists, then say "I gave you an answer and I don't want to discuss it further." Your next move is to walk away.

Anonymous · Answer

No it's not rude. Isn't it MORE RUDE when others wanna use you or waste your time? You're just telling the truth so keep it up. He was an entitled asshole that's why he insulted you.
I found out that my crush was also not my type after I proposed him anonymously. He literally flirted back with me like he has known me for ages and was too desperate to know who I was.
It was a huge red flag for me because he had the potential to cheat as he was soooo interested without knowing me. I then discovered that he was flirty in general. He was little upset because I didn't told him who I was. But I couldn't hurt his feelings so I ghosted him.

DiscomfortZone · Answer

No, it isn't. Moreover, it's not rude to tall someone you don't want to be involved with them regardless to your type. And if they push and want an essay answer - it's no longer rude to desxribe every little detail you don't like. Too short, too fat, boobs too small, face too ugly, whatever. Just because someone's into you doesn't turn you into a hostage of their vulnerability. And if you pathetic losers can't stand rejection - don't bother trying, seclude yourself until your oxygen wasting life is over (or, you know, grow up and realize people have every right to reject you with no reason whatsoever, deal with it).

vintagegirl90 · Answer

I don’t think it’s rude if they are constantly intimidating you like that. There’s a fine line between being a gentleman and being a stalker which sounds like this situation. He may have had his ego bruised when you were honest, but you can’t lie to someone and then betray them it’s awful. It’s better to be truthful even if it’s hard to do, as for his behaviour. If he keeps messaging you to harass you, you should not indulge him and giving the responses he’s after, ignore the messages, usually they lose power when you control the situation. Just block him, so you won’t have to deal with it anymore, you’ve been too patient with him you’ve given him a reason already he needs to move on. This is bordering on crazy stalker level and it’s scary. You don’t owe him anything further, it sounds like you dodged a bullet when you rejected him this behaviour is not healthy.

Yads_Is_Back · Answer

No. There are some people I’d rather stay single than to date. That passive aggressive attitude is a very clear indication of his insecurity after rejection. And some guys will even deny that insecurity until later on.
Some people I just wouldn’t be with at all. And if he asks my reason, I’ll tell him that. Whether he gets upset and shows insecurity is on him. Might as well take it and move on.

electromagnetic · Answer

The way I see it, if you’re dating someone it’s because you’re attracted to that person. I mean isn’t dating someone ultimately because you want to spend the rest of your life with that person? And if that person isn’t the person you’re attracted to, why stay.

Smurphanie · Answer

Personally I don't find it to be rude.. instead I find it to be respectful. I think its better to say exactly what you think and feel that way there are no misunderstandings and the other person doesn't feel as though they were led on. I think its commendable that you put your thoughts and feelings up front.

Anonymous · Answer

Easy, don't lead them on. I'm not saying you did but this is the thing women don't get. Guys learn early on generally eirher a woman likes or she doesn't and she will (subtley) let you know ( ladies if no guy is asking you out now you know why you're too subtle). Guys don't like rejection, who does! So when a guy is given a signal or multiple signals a woman is interested he feels betrayed (understandably) when she slams the door shut on him. And right now you're saying " i didn't do this" the truth is your gender does it... a lot. and there's no way he can tell which you are. At this point the fire has been lit and there's no putting it out. Don't worry he'll get over it you've wounded his pride. I also wouldn't worry about hurting his feelings or insulting him at this point the rejection already did that. Just be firm.

TeeBar · Answer

Tell him flat out that his behaviour is getting creepy and he should refrain from contacting you, please. The point that you are with another man is not in any way meant to demean him and he should consider courting any of the many beautiful girls available, several who are prettier than you.
If this doesn't work, he's being obstinate and rather pig-headed so you have to get his conscious attention. Have your guy, maybe with a couple of his friends, meet him and suggest that it is time to stop bothering you, that he's acting like a stalker, and if he doesn't stop, the next meeting will be less pleasant and may involve the police.

Spalliger · Answer

I think it's not rude, everybody has their type. Sometimes you can try to see if it works with someone who doesn't fit with your range of things you like, but I've been in the situation where I just couldn't feel attraction to somebody. You just can't force it and telling it in a nice but sincere way is by no means rude.
If he acts badly after you've said it nicely then it's all his problem, there are many people that won't like you even if others adore you.

lilyanony1 · Answer

Im not so sure on this tbh.
I think that there are some people out there that won't take no thank you I'm not interested for answer. They need to dig more and when you say "you're not my type" they get offended.
We kind of live in a world where saying "I don't like..." is wrong.
Personally I think that people need to just need to learn again that we cannot like everything and it's not always a form of discrimination.

Jjpayne · Answer

It's a tough place to be... But truly tough love is what is needed Sometimes. You need to give people the truth and sometimes it's just hard for them to take...

All you can do is move on the best you can. You were honest with him so you did your part and he now just has to accept that which it sounds like it might take him sometime to digest it

virtue2332 · Answer

The way I see it is if someone wants the truth they should get the truth no mater how harsh it may be. He also needs to understand that your mind is made up you don't want that crazy fucker showing up later trying to convince you that he worked on or changed everything so you would like him unless that's a possibility.

AWMorris · Answer

It might be, but that's not wrong or immoral. You have every right to choose and say who you would dat and why, but just be aware that is ultimate judgment from a males biological perspective. It's a lot to unpack.

I think that people forget that we're just somewhat more sophisticated chimps. We have a capacity for rationality, but not always the capability. When a guy gets told he isn't the right type, he is basically still being told that he isn't worth procreating with. That's not wrong! But his internal systems will start screaming at him that he is being judged, which he is, still not wrong. It's just something we have to work with. I know its not an ideal answer, but I don't know if there's a better one.

Iknowbestgirls · Answer

It's only rude if you are rude about it. If you scream at them that they are ugly and that you don't like them and tell them to fuck off, yes that is rude.

But if you are polite and sincere about it, and calm and tell him sorry, I know you like me but you are just not my type, I hope you'll be ok. And thanks for understanding. That's how you should let someone down.

But if they are rude to you then yea go ahead and and tell them to fuck off.

dolidol · Answer

You warn that if he doesn't stop, you will complain to the police. If he doesn't stop, you complain to the police. This is persecution and if it gets aggressive it is violence, even if it is psychological. You weren't even obliged to give him any satisfaction as to why you don't want a relationship with him

JakeS00 · Answer

Honesty upfront is the best way to avoid issues. I don't think it'd be rude if you told it like it was. You don't necessarily have to explain yourself either. He can accept the fact you rejected him. If not, block him and tell him you must leave me alone.

Nick568 · Answer

I don't think it's rude at all. There's people out there who I think are fantastic individuals and attractive but I would never date them because we have completely different personalities and life aspirations.

Just because someone's nice and good looking doesn't mean you want to date them.

AdithyaR · Answer

Well I'd be honest as it'll help them move on faster, I don't wanna give anyone false hope. Similarly I'd rather be told the truth if I'm being rejected.

As for that dude, it's better you told him the truth cause you now he showed you his true self, arrogant, egoistic and entitled. Just ignore him, he's not worth the time.

loveslongnails · Answer

Don't change anything. You don't HAVE TO deal with him, you ignore him. In the future, if someone "demands" to know why you don't want them, you can say
A) "for this exact reason - you're too demanding, and you think you're entitled to know more than I've told you. OR
B) I don't want to date you should be enough for a gentleman, so are you, or not?
C) You don't have that " Je Ne Sais Quoi", or that "certain something special" for me."

Psychoanalytical · Answer

No, it is not offensive nor wrong. This guy has issues. Try to ensure your safety, if things get worse, call the police. This guy shouldn't know your whereabouts because he is clearly mentally unstable in a bad way.

Lov2PlezUgurl · Answer

This type of person will not stop until you have sex with him he knows this he's done it before so you either have to tell him to get the f*** out and leave you the hell alone that you don't want to talk to him anymore be rude as hell to him or have sex with him one the only way it's all they know

Twenty2 · Answer

There's no way to deal with them. Mostly they are angry at themselves but it's easier to blame others so they blame you. There have been times when I have gotten angry too and I still regret the time I had spent with a lot of people but I now know that being angry isn't going to do any good so I just try to remember the good stuff and leave the bad. Let go of the bad people. They aren't worth it.

Leah501 · Answer

You hurt his ego by rejecting him. It’s not your problem. Would he rather you pretend to like him and you use him for things. Thus the exact kind of person you guy you don’t need in your life. Good for you!

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

Most of the time I have to reject a suitor, it's because I'm already taken. However, despite discouraging some of them, a few are so persistent. I usually add "... besides, you're not my type!" which is true but unfortunately kinda hurtful to say.

MCheetah · Answer

No, as long as you don't make them feel bad or inferior towards your time or attention for not being your type. Sadly, too many people lack tact and respect nowadays, when it comes to this sort of thing.

elizamichale1 · Answer

well if someone is very insisting n won't leave u alone i dont think then u have a choice other than telling them they are not ur type
but otherwise if i have to say no i usually try to use soft words n all

Starrr01 · Answer

Well the only thing you can do is be honest about how you feel and say it in a nice way and you’ve done your part. If he acts out then that’s his problem.

Kabluie · Answer

Many assume just because you are dating someone doesn't mean you are not available. The relationship could be casual, non-mono, poly, etc. The easiest answer to me is just say not interested or not compatible.

Anonymous · Answer

just be straight with him and tell him he wouldn't be the type of guy you're interested in. When he asks for examples, tell him how he lost his shit the moment you said you wouldn't be interested in him. It shows that he doesn't care about your feelings, and only values HIS feelings. That's beyond selfish and not a trait you are looking for in a mate. :D

NarutoUzumaki007 · Answer

no. i would appreciate it if a girl told me I was not her type rather than dating me and wasting my time just to reveal it months later I am not her type

GuardGuy24 · Answer

I think it is definitely rude to just assume that they aren't your type, but at the same time you got to be 100 real with people. So your not wasting each others time.

WesBrewer · Answer

no, it isn't rude, it is a type of friendzone so it might crush them but they should be able to get over it.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I think its more than fine to tell them theyre not your type as long as you do so respectfully. Its all about delivery. But yea that dude was an ass

MurderMitten · Answer

That sounds like a him issue not yours. You are being honest as you should and he should understand and not act like a kid.

thimmslicc · Answer

No. Its honesty. And it didn't waste anyone's time. Good for you.  Some people can't handle rejection and somr people thrive off of it.

jgokgotit · Answer

It is not rude. People just do not know how to take rejection. However, I respect you for not ghosting him.

ItsTheNephilim · Answer

No, not if you're being honest and they're asking you for the true reason behind you rejecting them. If they find it rude, then it's their problem.

Anonymous · Answer

I'd simply say you're not interested and leave it at that. If they kept it up, restate that. Still continues, let them know that they are boarding on harassment now and do you need to do something about it?

EmmaMary · Answer

No not in the slightest, been there and done this myself

Bhavin2184 · Answer

No its not rude..  Personally just reject the guy and tell him honest reason.. Some idiots will act ride but eventually leave you alone..

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Not my type does not mean I find them unattractive but could mean that I know our lifestyles can't mesh. Eg a party boy will not be my type no matter how cute he looks because I hate parties.

JuliaStyles · Answer

I would have said, "See? There! That is the reason I wouldn't date you."

Zooooooooom · Answer

Not rude at all... U have the right to do whatever u feel or like 🙂

r_r_g · Answer

If you got to the stage of discussing it, it means you considered him suitable.
The fact you want to choose differently now means you were leading him on, and that you expect more than you are.
Women generally want to be equal but privileged, which comes down to being vain, narcissistic.
Don't give signals you are available at all if you are in a relationship or if you don't like someone.
It has been enough of female double or triple standards.

BunChan · Answer

I mean... it will most likely hurt their feelings. So 🤷‍♀️

EssenceOfLight · Answer

It's not rude, it's sincere. Unfortunately people don't act always friendly to this type of sincerity, especially if they invested time to approach you.

lovelyhoneybones · Answer

It isn't wrong. It might matter how you say it but that depends on the person.

Anonymous · Answer

Presuming you weren't taken, what's the reason you wouldn't date this guy?

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Not really no. Much better than leading them on tbh

Asianguy123 · Answer

just tell him that you are not attracted by him instead of saying he is your type? type can change by wearing different clothings and acting different but attraction is something without those involved? Just tell him I am not attracted by you?

pigoat · Answer

Might be rude the way you present it The meaning isn't rude

sheikalana · Answer

No, it's not rude at all just be honest about it in a nice way.

OddBeMe · Answer

No. Its actually not even a diss. Attractiveness is subconscious attracted to subconscious. Guys just need to relax.

Is it rude to tell someone that they are not your type?

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Is it rude to reject someone by saying "Sorry your not my type"?

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Is it rude to reject someone by saying "Sorry your not my type"?

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