Would it be ridiculous to ask the guy I’m casually dating to only have sex with me until he moves?

[Anonymous]

So I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months now. He’s at a point in his life where his career is up in the air so we’ve both understood that we can’t be serious until he figures out if he’s staying or leaving for work. He may be leaving at the end of summer. We consider us dating. We have amazing sex, like the best we’ve both had. We’re so compatible and he has said this to me. I know he’s still on a dating app and with everyone getting vaccinated... I don’t know where he’s at with this but I don’t want him sleeping with anyone else. I don’t want to be serious and say we’re a couple but I personally don’t enjoy sex if I know he’s sleeping with other women. I’m not trying to make it into something but I genuinely don’t want to share the person I’m sleeping with sexually, not to mention STDs are a scare and I give him head condom free currently.
Is this a reasonable question to ask him? I’m not setting high expectations am I?

[Xoxocutekitty]

Totally reasonable to want these things but your timing is a bit unfair.

If you want to be exclusive no emotional strings, it's best to do it upfront. If you want me, you get only me.

Now that he's already had the last few months to already dip into other girls, it's going to feel like an additional tax he has to pay. Maybe he knows he's leaving anyways so he'd rather have some than risk it, or maybe he'd be worried that this is the foot in door tactic to lock him into a LDR.

It's very normal to want these things. But imagine a landlord raising rent after the first 3 months of a signed lease. Wouldn't you just rather know 3 months ago, rather than be blindsided?

He's leaving soon anyways so I just say next guy you catch be upfront about it.

[Asker]

Well he hasn’t been sleeping around the last 3 months. There was one other girl he saw once a month but he said he didn’t care if he saw her again.

[Xoxocutekitty]

Then it sounds like he'd roll with it.

I'm just answering from my opinion. I wouldn't want someone pulling a bait and switch on me for just sex if I know I'm leaving in 3 months.

[Asker]

What if you had feelings for them? Like it was more than sex? Not me, but like I’m pretty sure he has feelings for me too

[weysally]

don't know whether I read this right, but it doesn't seem you are an item yet, oh yes sex is good, but other than one guy sex has been great with whom ever I'm with and it seems both of you are still on a dating app, you say nothing about life outside of sex

[Anonymous]

I dont get it. I dont understand feminism

Feminism is supposed to empower women but instead it has created a system where women will give away sex without asking for anything in return

Why are strong independent women afraid to lay down their rules to a man. Are men that intimidating? Just tell him that you will continue having sex with him only if it is monogamous. End of fucking story.

If he says no then move on and find a man who will respect you until you respect yourself

[Asker]

You’re right

[BarryLiverstone]

No that’s the same as asking him to be your boyfriend. If he can’t sleep with someone else then he will feel restricted and think he can’t kiss them or date them. Think about it, what if he agreed to your request then dated someone who wanted to have sex?


If you choose to casually date and casually have sex then you must also accept him having sex with others. So either decide that’s ok or stop having sex with him.

[Asker]

It isn’t the same though. A boyfriend would be a guy I see way more often and be serious with. We just hang out for hours and then have sex. That’s not a boyfriend

[BarryLiverstone]

To a guy it is. To a guy being her boyfriend means I would be exclusive and not able to date or have sex with someone else. Until she is my exclusive girlfriend however and we are only dating I am allowed to see multiple people.

So yes, obviously being a boyfriend means much more than just sex. But my point is you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can’t lock him up sexually without being his exclusive girlfriend. That’s not how it works.

[Hamsterdam64]

i don't think you are being unreasonable, he may think so, still if its a concern, there's a decision to be made one way or the other. In any event you are right, because you are seeking to do what is right for you, rather than blindly accepting. Your feelings are legit to to you. Don't let anyone tell u differently.

[Asker]

Thank you

[HawkPerception]

I think that's entirely reasonable. Something along the lines of:

"Hey I want to talk to you about something. Look I know you're on dating sites and I'm cool with that. I'm not asking you to be exclusive with me, but I don't feel comfortable with you seeing others out of our social circle during covid. Would it be cool if it's just you and me for now?"

Try that spiel. I think it's phrased pretty well lol.

[Runnerc838]

You can set whatever boundaries you choose.
If you're not comfortable having sex with a guy who isn't committed to you it's your choice.

[Kabluie]

Not a far ask, he could say no since it's sounding like he wants to active date others.

I don't know if I'd say no myself, it really depends if a relationship is around the corner.

[Browneye57]

You can ask anything you want. Three is no respect for you, just a warm place to put it. So it really matters not to him.

[Asker]

But what if he also has feelings for me?

[Browneye57]

What if he does? You claim he's leaving you and moving. Tell me why someone would do that if they really cared for you.

[Asker]

Well he was planning to move before we met and now he’s on the fence. I recently tried to end it and I broke all contact and he kept calling me and messaging me wanting me back so here we are. The only way I can go forward is if I know he’s exclusive and not going to be just hopping around with this bs. But maybe he doesn’t care for me, you’re right. Maybe it’s just a game for him.

[Browneye57]

Good luck, and good for you for standing up for yourself.

[Surely]

Out of respect for each other, I think that would be a reasonable request.

[zagor]

If you explain the reasons why, and are willing to accept no for an answer, go ahead and bring it up.

[SamKishere]

No that’s perfectly fine if he’s the one he will respect your wishes and move in with you

[genericname85]

why? is something wrong with you wanting that?

[Asker]

Well I don't know if he’s going to think I want a relationship then? Because I don’t I just want sex exclusively

[genericname85]

well if you tell him that you just want sex and nothing beyond that, then he's not going to think that you want more. however you never know if he might end up wanting that anyway.

[Asker]

True

[genericname85]

so if you want it, go and get it. nothing wrong with that. he can say no if he's not into it.

[Chimeguy]

I guess you can ask. Be ready to hear no.

[Asker]

Why?

[Chimeguy]

Because if it’s casual there is no incentive for him to be exclusive with you.

[Asker]

But he has feelings for me

[In_Trance]

only one way to find out

[Asker]

I’m gonna ask him when I see him tomorrow,.. I’m nervous for his response

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

Yes, it would be. It would be seen as controlling

[Asker]

Why? Because I don’t want an std?

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

You can't control who he has sex with. Only you can