Is it okay for me to mingle and have casual fun or sex with a guy till I meet someone special and have a connection with and it turns into more?

Question

Since coming out of my last toxic relationship with my ex last year dating long distance, its been a crazy, emotional, life changing year and recently i lost my virginity to a guy on tinder through a one night stand and it was just casual sex and nothing more but im scared to get in a relationship right now because I've been cheated on, lied to, betrayed, and abused in my past ones and everytime i tried focusing on finding the one it just left me with a broken heart , so since I've been single i just feel like i wanna take my time and have fun till a true connection sparks but i also wanna have safe sex , not get pregnant and stuff like that but i feel like it's much easier to find that sort of relation than something serious since that takes longer to find and i don't wanna feel like i didn't have a little fun or put all my heart into one guy and i get invested. Is it okay to mingle for a while being single?

kezout10 · Accepted Answer

I have tried this myself after having a few failed relationships. Its ok to have fun and enjoy yourself, but I think I would pick one or the other. Doing both at the same time just creates more confusion, emotional turmoil and self confidence issues. At least thats what I experienced.
Either try and actually meet someone and start off slow, take your time getting to know them before even considering sexual interactions, or just have fun with one person you trust.
It is hard work trying to do both. And like many have said, if you find someone you like and really wanna be with, and they become aware of your previous activities, they might be put off by it, not always but its a high possibility that could happen. It just depends on the person and what they think about it.

In the meantime, you should try to resolve any personal insecurities or issues that stemmed from your last relationship. Work on yourself, do self care and focus on what it is you want from a relationship and learn lessons from the last guy.

I think the important thing to remember is, its up to you what you want to do. At the endof the day anyone can give advice but not all of it will be right for you. Take what you want from it, and do what makes you happy

Alpha09 · Accepted Answer

Yes. What you do with your body is your business and yours only. Your single, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Some people on here will try to say "oh most guys will think you're disgusting for that," which is simply not true. The guys who are worth your time, wether it's dating or casual will not care if youve had sex outside of a relationship. If they try and bring you down over it like its somehow thier concern, steer clear. They simply want to control you. Anyone who knows thier place and respects you certainly won't try and shame you for it. Now if you decide to go ahead, be very honest with yourself. Are you only doing this because you want to feel wanted after the breakup? Or is sex something you enjoy and want to experience more without pressure? Coming from someone who doesn't date often, you need to ask yourself these questions otherwise you can end up hurt again without even trying. My advice is be safe, choose your partner (s) wisely, and be honest with them. And more importantly be honest with yourself, you may be better off just not dating or sleeping with anyone for a while. Mingling and casual fun isn't for everybody.

Not_Average · Accepted Answer

You’re running away from your issues if you think sleeping around is an appropriate choice to take right now. I’d practice celibacy, work on yourself emotionally, and then date men without the sex. Starting relationships on the basis of sex will never fulfill you. It’s always leads to toxicity and creates a lot of emotional issues. It also creates distance between you and your future husband whether you tell him your history or not. Ask yourself why you’re seeking casual sex. It’s typically an escape. If you seek out a healthy loving relationship, all sleeping around will do is create issues and obstacles towards that goal. I know to many young people I sound lame and boring, but all I want to do is share my wisdom. I was a steroid using bodybuilder in college and slept around a lot. I was cheated on too. The promiscuity after that relationship caused many issues that I still face today. It’s my relationships challenging. If I can save someone from all that I’ve had to go through form my mistakes, then I will. If what I’m typing hits home in anyway, feel free to message you and I’d love to share more of my experience to help you out. You gotta heal yourself. Don’t go down that path.

CaliDad · Accepted Answer

Although I read the update... there's nothing wrong with having sex with more than one guy, if you want to. Don't lie about it, be honest if asked - as long as you aren't expressly committed to one person, none of them own you. If they're prudish or want to control you, at least you found out early. Do what makes you feel good, be authentically you, and you'll find good people to be around. One might end up lasting forever... the happiest must successful couples I know were formed when one or both were dating multiple people.

ohshee · Answer

Yes it is ok to do that. But you need to stop and think about things. you have to pay Attention to every thing . sometimes you sn get hurt worse. then in a Regular Relationship and having fun doesn't mean you have to have sex as a matter of fact every guy that you meet is going to want to have sex it's fun for them but in the long run it will not be fun for you you don't need to jump in bed every time you meet a guy even when you mingle they have to prove themselves to you before you should allow them to have sex with you you still have responsibilities and the first one is to you and then your family all I'm saying is that pay attention to the things around you what is being said and what is being done

Makeushiver · Answer

It's fine with me, The only way you will ever learn any erotic skills is intimacy with other people, Sex is like hunger, it's an appetite that needs to be fed. Girls have more potential for the sheer physical pleasure than guys do so take advantage of them. Unlike men, you can probably cum multiple times in one session- maybe you haven't yet but you probably can. You also have the best recipient of pleasure, your clit has more nerve endings than anyplace else on the body of either gender. It's also the only organ in either gender, whose function is strictly to receive pleasure.
Don't let the word "slut"evr become part of your vocabulary. The only people who use the word are guys you may have turned down or women who aren't getting approached as often as you may be. Explore it, find out the limits of your passion and pleasure and try to push them.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

"I dont wanna sleep with different guys" Yeah, but that's exactly what's going to happen.

" unless its ONE guy whom i build a solid friendship with and see if it blossoms into more and we have a romantic connection"

It won't just be one guy.

Chances are, you won't have a romantic connection.
You won't build a solid friendship.
It won't blossom.
He will ghost you.
You will be sad.

Then you will move on and try again with another guy.
The same thing will happen again.
And again.
And again.
And again.

Eventually you will have gone through 17 guys.
(Or, more accurately, they will have gone through you.)

So, the ultimate outcome will be that you WILL be "sleeping around" (even if you didn't intend it that way.)

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Casual sex is the fastest way to ensure you get cheated on, lied to, dumped, and just plain heartbroken. Some guy is going to have sex with you and even love you and when you open up and tell him "recently i lost my virginity to a guy on tinder through a one night stand" he's going to disappear fast. Then you're going to cry and wonder why but here it is... What you did most men will find disgusting. And continuing the shitty behavior is only going to make it worse. Marriage is at an all time low and divorce is at an all time high. When thats what you're up against, there isn't much wiggle room for other willies between your legs. So stop stop stop. Or give up and be a slut cat lady like most women are doing these days. Thats my advice to you.

The_Maphio · Answer

Of course it is. Chastity is overestimated, especially considering that, as opposite as most believe (and just believe, since most never had one), having sex with a virgin is NOT fun.

Have fun, but be responsible about it. And when you find your special one, dedicate yourself to your relationship. Still have lots of fun with him, of course.

Anonymous · Answer

That's one road to go on, but it usually doesn't lead to marriage and kids.
Look how many women are still having casual sex into their 30's.
It becomes a way of life and it hinders them from having long committed relationships that could build towards having a family.

proNutro · Answer

If I was looking for a man I could trust, respect, take home to meet my family and possibly marry or have kids with then no, it’s not okay.
In general anyway I instantly get put off by someone who sleeps around and expects to find a special someone while doing that. Even if they stopped days or weeks before because they want to date me, it’s a no!

HugoThe2nd · Answer

Of course.
It's not only just fun, but it can help you find out what things you like, what your boundaries are and you can learn to be more relaxed and open and less shy to communicate- which will no doubt help once you start looking for something more serious.

A lot of people struggle with sex in relationships at the beginning because they are anxious to explore and communicate.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Yeah you can but main thing is sexual health, have regular check ups.

basically don’t trust any fucker, always use protection.

watch out for guys that are too controlling, you will be vulnerable due to your last relationship.

as said get regular check ups even with condoms you can pick stuff up from oral etc.

always be safe if it’s strangers or casual hook ups.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

It’s ok but I would really urge you to stick to hand stuff and oral (giving AND receiving if you want that) if you hook up. There are a lot of risks physical and emotional with actual fucking that are less prevalent with other forms of sex.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s a fair compromise in today’s world I suppose, just be careful you don’t start a pattern of hoeing around. An exclusive relationship is at least safe from stds, just make sure you can trust him bfor diving in. Ultimately tho, if u want something long lasting and real love, it’s best to withhold sex for as long as possible, weeds out the non serious dudes. Sorry fellow men, I just don’t give a damn XD I think men should have to work harder for sex, just gotta get a fair prize in return (not just sex but a true companion who will be loyal and not undermine you)

Iron_Man · Answer

No it’s not do you want to have a high body count and when you talk to your future husband he’s gonna ask you how many guys have you been with and obviously you’re not gonna lie and jts gonna be a big turn off if you tell him 12 guys for example. Plus I see you like girls as well so this is a problem

GoldenTulip · Answer

You run away from your issues feom your past relationship. This method will not make you happy... please give yourself some time to recharge and time for yourself. Even casual sex will come with emotions and feelings.. it will make you more emotional and confused.

Laciandmaci · Answer

no it is not!!! If it were me and I found out my partner was having sex for fun (a hook-up type), for hookups before he met me, I would say goodbye to him fast. I would not date a person like that. I only date men who waits until engaged or married.

SphynxUK · Answer

You do exactly what you want. Live a little, and enjoy being single. It’ll help you find out what you want when you do feel ready to let someone special in.

RealMarek · Answer

It is up to you, but be aware that sex can never be perfectly safe. There are diseases that can be transmitted even when condoms are used correctly, accidents happen, and even casual sex can have emotional consequences.

1amcurious · Answer

Its your call actually. If you feel like it, if you are matured enough to take your own decisions about this thing, then yeah.

whatsthereinname · Answer

With this update, to me, it should be completely ok

mT2359 · Answer

Long distance relationships are the hardest to recover from...

Ripper_E · Answer

That's entirely up to you. Always do what is best for you, but always remember our choices have consequences, for better or worse.

Is it okay for me to mingle and have casual fun or sex with a guy till I meet someone special and have a connection with and it turns into more?

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