What's The Most Discouraging Thing About Dating These Days?

Question

Mine would be some of the replies to this post: Do You Think It's Okay To Be Hooking Up With Someone While Looking To Date Others? *How many people think it's okay to be dating one person while sleeping with other people

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

Where do you want me to start? Because I could easily write a mytake on this topic-

Overall I hate how convoluted people make dating and relationships.
From the getgo, state your intentions: do you want a relationship, hookup, or friendship? That way I won't waste my time with someone that doesn't share the same ideals as I do.

Then the mindgames- especially if you're old enough to know better! Don't string people along if you're not serious or interested in them!!!

And this hookup culture? Sigh...
That is a rant in itself. Remember the days when people got to know each other, or were in a committed relationship before even mentioning sex?
Now people expect you to sleep with them by a certain timeframe, or "put out" after taking you on a date... a quid pro quo.
And I feel so bad for naive women that feel like they have to sleep with a guy to keep him or make him commit...

NO! What's wrong with some of you? Have more self respect for yourself!

And how superficial people as a whole are. Yes, we're ALL guilty of this one to an extent. People claim that "looks don't matter..." and, "personality over looks."

Yeah we all know that's bullshit. Otherwise why do some people struggle more with dating than others? You can be a good person, with a great personality, but if you don't fit the ideal look or attraction level of society? You're screwed. Inversely, I've seen airheads with no personality, book or common sense get dates just based on looks.

I could keep going but, nah, I'm gonna stop here. Mostly because typing all this on a phone sucks; I need more space to vent properly, haha.

Stay tuned for next time when I discuss why it's easier to stay single than date! Lol

kidvid80 · Accepted Answer

that so many people don't wanna legit put time into actually date and get to know you, but on a first date wanna rush to have some sort of sexual contact after maybe 5 words of them saying, i know or lol after you give full sentences and remarks! WTF is that? its not how i am and i won't change that. then the amount of people wanting a third in their preexisting relationship? though you have to laugh when you get the story of, we are happily married looking to add a third to the mix? cheaters looking for side chicks, the people who lie about themselves all very discouraging. its all very mainstream and normalized for some reason and its really sad nothing to be celebrated in my eyes. i swear if one more person says to me they want a long term friends with benefits im going to lose my mind!!! but a lot of people have no shame, its all very backwards dating these days.

Ditto626 · Accepted Answer

Well speaking as a not so attractive guy and that's not the most financially well off dating apps like Tinder make it easier for hot guys and guys with more money/resources to get as many partners as they want. Women have access to them with just one message.

I think social media has made men and women more shallow and picky when let's say in the 1950s you'd have a choice of potential partners at the local dance or at the grocery store or some other event you meet people. Now it's all photoshopped images and false personas.

Also porn is a huge influence on women's preferences in men. A lot of them (seems like all sometimes) want tall, muscular guys, with big dicks. They say size doesn't matter and not every woman gets off with penetration but why do all these women want 8 inches and thick? They also all seem to own huge dildos that are bigger than the average guy. I hear 5 inch dildos are the most bought but that doesn't seem to be the case. I don't know how average guys like me can compete with that.

It seems like there's some secret society driving the sexes apart making us want to hate each other. They stoke the flames with rage bait articles and "news" reports that make us want to hate the opposite sex.

Massageman · Accepted Answer

Expectancies.
Hook-ups.
Lack of seriousness.

1. Expectancies. You can't live up the expectancies in the social media listings. Why? They are fake. People post one notch thinner than they really, at the very least, and heaven only knows what else if they are really into the game.

2. Hook-ups. Not relationships. ' nuf said.

3. Lack of seriousness. Sure, have fun when you date. But take note of any responses from the SO if they stray from the norms, or are patently obnoxious/dangerous/disrespectful/etc. After all, you ARE trying to find a lifelong mate, aren't you? If not, go back to #2.

coachTanthony · Answer

-----------What is discouraging is that most who are dating don't do a very good job at it. They don't vet the person properly in the beginning then get sorely disappointed when it doesn't work out. Dating is an investment or time, resources and money and most give very little to the cause but expect GREAT results.

Yeah that is discouraging that more people don't take it seriously.

Jean-Marie_Céline · Answer

Excellent question, thank you for asking it!
Simply put, I'd say it's the ''performance anxiety'', or fear of getting into the field! Many people just think and overthink things, and this ''freezes'' them, and makes avoid to engage in such a situation, preventing any loss so to say, but also any gain!

AmandaYVR · Answer

I'm not dating (and happily so), but I imagine it is how easily people are replaced. There's a real lack of commitment. One false move, or flaw exposed, and you're out. That's cut-throat.

P. S. Cute photo.

HawkPerception · Answer

Dating... I've been on few dates with about 5 girls in my life... literally girls I could count on my fingers. The only 2 girls I ended up in relationships with were girls I met in real life.

Dating sites are the worst place to find girls for average guys like myself. It's all. a competition and fight to grab a girls attention. And that same girl in real life is no where near that sought out. Girls inboxes are flooded while guys get maybe 1 response for every 20 messages he makes and maybe 1 response out of 100 that turns into an actual conversation.

Girls in Western society are too entitled with all the radical feminist bs going around. They want all the benefits of being a female, while having all the same perks as a guy.

Then there's hookup and ghosting culture. One moment they could be talking and seem like the most interested person in you. The next, they're up and gone. While I have only experienced that once through dating sites, the feeling is still terrible and makes you feel like something is wrong with you.

KneeDragger · Answer

Sleeping with lots of people makes that person a whore, by the very definition of the word. Being attracted to a person is just one tiny aspect to the relationship. Being able to click in the bedroom and clashing everywhere else never, ever works.

On the other side, say a couple gets along great everywhere except the bedroom, they can learn what the other one likes and grow together.

In the world of today it's not very popular but a married couple I'm friends with; they started dating while in college (we actually went to the same college but I didn't meet them until after school, plus they are four years older than I am) and they both came from very traditional and devout Catholic families. When they were in college together, they went on dates, ate together, etc., all the time but they kept the physical side of the relationship to zero. They didn't hold hands, they didn't kiss and they never even fell asleep while in each others arms watching a movie at home. They will tell you it was hard, no doubt about it! Fast forward to now and they have a family of thirteen (eleven kids) and they are very happy with a great marriage. Personally I now see the appeal and wish I could reverse time, but life doesn't work that way, plus I am who I am because of the mistakes I have made.

JSmuve · Answer

I find there's a lot of discouraging things about dating.

You meet a girl and think she's showing in interest in you, but as you get closer to her, you find out that she recently started seeing someone else. And then you die a little inside as she goes on completely oblivious to the crushing feeling of ugliness and inadequacy you now feel. That's pretty discouraging because it's always the same. They're always seeing someone else.

The dating market nowadays is one driven largely by the illusion of options and the ego that comes with it. Women don't date to get to know a guy. They make dating profiles to get social media followers. They might go out with some of the plethora of guys messaging them if they're bored or want free stuff. But off of the dating apps, women go about their business and pretend that guys don't exist. So this sense of invisibility is also discouraging.

Then, if you do manage to go out on a date with a girl, you always have to be worried about being discarded afterwards without any warning. Women with lots of options (or the perception that they have options) can be really flakey and you never know when she'll stop responding because she's seeing another guy or two.

There's a quote out there, "men are like buses, wait 15 minutes and another will come along" but men can't say the same about women. They're far more irregular and you never know when or if another will come along. That's pretty discouraging.

Tiffany27 · Answer

Having guys message you when you have no compatibility and the ones who you are compatible with are looking for an upgrade thinking they can do better. Also messaging a guy a few times and never hear from them again. People who can’t say they don’t want to see you anymore. They make excuses of I’m busy or I’m going through some things right now. Then there’s the people who always cheat on everyone. People who settle just to be in a relationship then cheat on them because they are not getting what they need. Makes it hard to find someone compatible if that person already settled for someone else.

JuliaStyles · Answer

That is seems people are only dating as a convenient means to find sex instead of meeting people they would love to be with and maybe spend their life with. I know people will say you can find that when looking for sex too, but the difference is what your long time goals are. People looking for sex are always going to be looking for sex and, in my opinion, will not be ready to settle down with one person because they like the varied person sex. It's like going to a buffet with all the choices you have but only being allowed to choose the same single entre' every time you have dinner. I'm just thinking that they may settle down in their mind, but not in their heart.

Dragonpurple · Answer

I actually dated someone after my divorce that were in a Friends with benefits situation while we were dating. I did not know this of course at the time, but when things would start to get serious then she'd cut him off.

I found out about it cause he kept bugging her for more and then she confessed and then I broke up with her. She had been banging this guy the entire time we had been dating until we got serious.

She claimed she thought I was doing the same thing, that is what All people do nowadays.

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

Great questions.

The most discouraging thing about dating is trying to figure out what type of person the other is looking for. Everyone's profiles say walks on the beach and going to the park.. it's just so generic. People are vastly different and everyone focuses on promoting what they like to do and not who they are.

The second question. I'm sure the purists and squeamish among us most certainly see it as wrong or immoral or dirty, but I'm all about personal freedom and if there's no stated commitments of loyalty, then they aren't breaking any rules.

exitseven · Answer

I am married but from what I can determine from the people on this site people do not want to put in the work to develop a relationship with another person. They can have sex by just going on tinder and arrange a hook up. If they have an issue with somebody, instead of talking about it it is easier to ghost that person and find another one. Everyone is cheating, everyone lies and nobody wants to take responsibility for any failure. People have 24/7 communications but they still cannot converse in any meaningful way.

pervertedjester · Answer

Kids. The women I'd like to date have run out of time to have them safely. Any younger though and they have options and drama to spare, so mentally speaking I doubt they're ready to have them. Simply put I can either date the Emotionally Unstable or Animal Lovers. Of which the latter half is preferred, but I still have that nagging hope "I'd make a great dad" in the back of my mind eating away at the relationship. Heck even typing it out here discourages me. It's a whole lot of searching, caring and time wasted if it's the wrong one. At best I can always move to a pet friendly apt but I'm not having a kid with a psycho.

etexbearkat · Answer

I'm not actively dating, but I do have profiles on eHarmony and Match, however I'm just simply seeing what's out there. I was ghosted on Match after only two days of messaging this girl in December. All she needed to do was tell me she wasn't interested or found someone else. I haven't been on an actual date (or at least what I consider an official date), because we never get to that stage, primarily due to ghosting. My best friend is female, and I met her on a dating website, but we decided about a little over a year ago to not date, and we have met a couple of times in person.

jmr2191 · Answer

Dating has lost its meaning. There's a lot more interest in one night stands and online dating has made for such a wide range of choices that people are always looking to jump to something better, which takes away from the time to really get the opportunity to get to know someone. Foodie calls and false pretenses regarding expectations have reduced trust on the dating scene.

jegrah · Answer

There are so many aspects of dating I dislike. People are liars, cheats, some have very high standards and I also find people have less time on their hands. For example, many prioritize their work and others move a lot. These are the main factors of dating I find difficult. Communication is getting worse, cheating is inevitable and ghosting is all too common.

PaynefulPleasures · Answer

Dating sucks so much dishonesty, no morals, it's like certain people enjoy putting knotches on their belts, score cards, if you're going to date-then date, if you're looking for one nighters then stick to that, don't mix the two or toy with peoples emotions
Just be straight up true, this is a very good reason why I'm not dating at this time to much drama ✌️

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

The fact that men don’t just ask women out anymore, we have to be on a dating app! That totally sucks. I like it when a cute guy I’m attracted to asked me out! It still happens in high school, but I’ll be in college in a few months, I hope guys in college have the balls to ask girls out!

MCheetah · Answer

There being 7 billion people on the planet - about 6 billion of them over the age of 18, 3 billion of them your desired gender, and at least 1 billion of them single and unwed - and STILL being unable to find even one half decent person who's attracted to you even with a worldwide online network, dozens of dating sites/apps, and 24/7 access to them. It's like the "easier" it is to find someone, the harder it becomes.

Rab1901 · Answer

I'm not too discouraged because I truly believe there are quality people out there but your example is a great one! I wouldn't be happy finding out that a girl I kissed on a date had sex with someone else the night before or has plans to have sex with someone else on the same day.

Leavesbound · Answer

For me it's a couple of things. First, the pandemic has thrown a wrench into the whole thing. But another thing is I have a love/hate relationship with technology. I like that technology has broadened the dating pool for most people but I hate social media and the biggest dating communications these days is texting and I have a medical condition making texting physically impossible for me. I communicate either using a full size keyboard or by speaking.

Elsa143 · Answer

BASIC TRAITS like loyalty, genuine love and honesty are missing.
You can't make a heavenly dishes without the essential ingredients.
But people still expect to meet 'the one' without trying to provide those 3 basic things in a relationship.

This_is_my_username · Answer

It seems like a lot of work to be honest. Some people have that kind of energy I guess. I probably wouldn't continue out endeavors if I found out they were sleeping with people while dating me. Sorry, I prefer to be the one and only when I'm dating, haha!

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

That people aren't picky anymore, and would be matches are snatched up by people who aren't compatible, that they are having kids with them, and screwing up options for those of us who care about monogamy and compatibility and finding the perfect match.

Lilbrown · Answer

Dating is the most agonizing thing about dating! No one wants to date! People tend to believe a serial dater is a whore or womanizer. What happened to the interview process before the assumption we are in a relationship?

My last dates was a few years ago the experiences are ridiculous:

Date 1. Was a drive on the river to laugh and talk. 5 minutes in she unzipped my pants and song to my mic. Shocked the taste out of me!

Date 2. A nurse that assumed a first date meant we were exclusive. Calling cursing on my voicemail.. Nutcase

Date 3. You get the point..

I honestly wanted to interview! I am bless to meet my wife. Dating is crazy...

JosyJosy · Answer

For me it's the little rules many people seem to have.

The guy must make the first move
We must be official after 3-5 dates
Who pays? Am I good enough? They'll pick someone else, why bother blablabla

all that stuff

Prof_Don · Answer

The biggest issue with dating, is that the vast majority of people are so scared of getting hurt.

This fear causes people to emotionally dissociate in dating, and do things such as "play games" (as in not being upfront about liking the person), and do "serial dating" to always have a backup plan at all times.

Bunch of cowards people are nowadays!

Siren777 · Answer

Time management for me. Finding the time to fit people into a schedule. I'm always busy with work, friends & family. As a workaholic I have to schedule dates as ridiculous as that sounds but it's true what they say, people who care enough will always make the time for you.

Commander_Red · Answer

For me, getting to the date is not the problem. The problem is that most dates RARELY try to actually get to know you on the date that is frustrating for me. They will try for sex but spending time together? No. Communication? No. I mean, what's the point if the other party isn't going to put in the effort.

Shark_61695 · Answer

The need to go from 0 to sex in a short amount of time.

I have swiped on dating apps and the few responses I have recieved quickly progressed to them wanting sex or contact broken.

Life shouldn't go so fast, especially as I'm not particularly comfortable with physical contact so would prefer to build up over time.

Hxxmx · Answer

Too many lies. Nobody is real anymore and its tiring.  You go on a date and you can't even tell if its any different from the previous

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I would definitely agree with you on that one.

But to me the most discouraging thing is most people never meet up. I mean, look, no one wants to be rejected after 50 dates; that's never fun. But honestly, I'd rather be rejected after 3 dates than 0 dates. At least give me a chance, for crying out loud!

amadimal · Answer

The huge amount of people you have to weed out before finding someone at least somewhat compatible. It's exhausting, that's why I don't date, lol.

Lionman95 · Answer

For me the problem of modern dating is that modern society is shallow. Guys and girls are only going for the top 20-30% of each gender. So if you´re not part of this, it´s likely that you´re getting disappointed pretty soon.
Many dating apps have taken over the swipe system Tinder started with. That way everything only goes by looks. Other dating apps are filled up with fake accounts to keep the business running.
So it´s nearly impossible to get to know people online.

Slartybartfast · Answer

I'm long past the point where I've given up on dating entirely.

It's simply no fun for me (and it's very expensive)

But I will say it's stuff like this that made me (and many men I know) stop dating.

Splatzonelover1 · Answer

Making up exuse and some women in college tried to become friends just to used my trust to ruin the relationship that I did have. Causing drama , hockup culture and toxic relationship. Cheating. always on phone.

Anonymous · Answer

I think its a matter of not knowing what either of the sexes want.

Most guys I know think putting women on a pedestal and kissing their ass is a great way to keep a relationship. It's the worst because it gets really annoying after a while. Women want men who can stand up for themselves and what they believe (that's my best guess).

I can't speak for women but I seem to think that it's a common trend for them to assume that we should know what they are thinking at all times. It's like the "I'm not going to tell you what's wrong because you should already know" kind of thing. I don't know if they use a lot of body language that boys aren't aware that they should be looking for or what.

hela1110 · Answer

Boys r becoming so lustful and they also would replace u for any reason... U can't know if someone lies or is truthful...

cth96190 · Answer

Same as it has been always: being rejected, then watching the female throw herself crotch first as the most worthless, sociopathic, abusive POS she can find.

Jaylaaa2000 · Answer

The fact we can't have friends with benefits anymore😭 so unfair

GordonT · Answer

Honestly when people pull stuff like that (like the bathroom incident) you basically have to choose to laugh about it. Laugh about how ridiculous they are being.

Don't take it too personally, even though it feels personal. It has much more to do with them than anything else.

msbrightness · Answer

I don't believe in dating, full stop.
You find a soulmate or a genuine (social, or even just sex) interest and you go with that, discover what makes that relationship tick and grow it, even guard it.
Just dating to date, when there isn't that - fails.
You're better off alone that gazumped by some weird unnatural expectations (on the same token, be open to who you feel interests you, not to stereotyped interests no one can genuinely bother about.
Bother, genuinely, even when it feels like hard work - small steps, that's the beauty of building a relationship. Nothing's carved in stone.

The_Maphio · Answer

Generally, the fact that your username doesn't apply.
Secondly, the new generations seem to have more or less self inflicted mental issues in an alarming rate.
Thirdly, a whole lot of people these days seem to have forgotten every kind of value that made hanging around people stimulating.
Hanging around with younger people feels like... I don't know exactly, but seems like I'm being out with a cardboard cutout with a voice recorder attached.

friendzoned4life · Answer

Womens behavior.

Men have to approach always. But a lot of us get made fun off when shooting our shot.

We are expected to read minds and know if you want to date us before we ask you out.

And if we not get shot down instantly we have to figure out what you want every Day.

So there is Just no winning for us.

But the worst thing is actually putting in effort too a bond and then after you get rejected and agree to stay friends not get time to recover but get to hear her nag about the guy she does date.

Offcourse you can let your emotions go to a friend but at least have the decency to let us get used to the idea u don't want us before complaining u can't find a good guy

Or even worse when we ask you out saying that u would like a guy like us but Just not us.

That is the worst one it kinda implies that we are the guy you want we are Just not hot or rich enough.

poneglyphs · Answer

Getting ghosted, Getting stood up, they seem interested in but they are just bored, and that they will flirt with you and date someone else. That's from my experiences. :^(

CrypticViper · Answer

I think one of the biggest things, is more people are aware of who your dating. As soon as I changed my status and photo on Facebook, people decided to throw their input in. My grandma is one of them, mentioning that I shoulda made my move long ago, while the rest of my family was a bit hesitant.

I'm okay with people's opinions now, but some couples aren't especially when it comes to same-sex couples dating.

Mark987 · Answer

The most discouraging thing is lack of commitment.. I was the same too... but have been with someone for a few months but I knew her before and it is amazing.. Dating these days I find people want to explore more and don't want to be tied down

DaveToo · Answer

The most discouraging thing for me, I'm too fucking old for you youngsters, although I have the same sexual desires and levels as a 25-year-old. And trying to date someone my age means I have to dig them up. Most are dead in my age range.

FatherJack · Answer

Simply no desire to do so , and from this post , seems most dates are a negative in some way , glad to not partake in this nonsense. Also , from a woman's POV , why would they date a single dad , when available men greatly outnumber available women?

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

The girl is texting the whole time on the date and making calls to friends, family, etc

BLMUSER · Answer

When I was on Match. com I was only able to date one woman at the time. If I dated more than one I would confuse the two. "How is your son doing?" "What? I don't have a son!"

If the woman I was dating broke it off with me I felt devastated. However, most of these women were dating more than one guy. So if we broke it off she still had another, or several, men she was dating. The hurt wasn't so bad.

So I think it's all right to be dating more than one person at a time.

K-I-S-S · Answer

Online dating, but that has always been a real pain in the ass. I was always the hangout type of guy, face to face just spending time as friends and then moving forward.

mackiewishbone · Answer

You have to be at your best, show no flaws or risk not seeing her again. It’s almost like men have to be fake to secure future dates and it sucks. Women set their standards so ridiculously high they almost never find Mr Perfect.

Mossberg500 · Answer

Uh, I have no idea where to go to pick up women in my town. The Club/Bar scene isn't for me.
I like coffee but I sure as hell ain't breaking my 99% introversion for some libtard chick in which we will
agree on literally nothing. So your guess is as good as mine.

Online dating is a dead end (for avg guys) I experimented with it. It might work for women, as they outnumber men on there like 10 to 1, maybe give that a try. Just be careful.

KatherineJ · Answer

No idea! I’m just very happy that I’m not in the dating world.

Mofunfour20 · Answer

Women have a long list of standards but when you ask them what qualities they offer in a relationship its usually never the ones men need. Men typically want fit, feminine, cooperative, cooking, and a sense of peace. If a woman is incapable of these qualities, i swipe left or leave them unread. Thats why i dont pursue women anymore because i want her to be on my program if she expects me to provide, protect and make confident decisions

Tunasub · Answer

People just refuse to be honest I think is the most discouraging part of dating. I would much rather be hurt with the truth than made to look foolish by lies..

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Everybody is fake nobody tells the truth anymore they lie about who the are and what they have and it's so frustrating for a person like me that's honestly from the start

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

The realisation that most people you will ever date will view you as disposable.

Dontaaa · Answer

That being cheated on is almost is seemingly inevitable.

Coolkat12345 · Answer

You know it all depends on the person because every person has a different situation which is unique to them and there is no one answer which is the same for everybody else. Like for example people who are dating may encounter problems and I think the biggest problem is when the two are communicating and each one is trying to figure out the reality of the other person and. It be lied to. I think it’s best to just be honest and truthful about things and if you are then you will be fine and if the other person isn’t then you shoddily date them and if they are and you don’t like there reality then you also shouldn’t date them but if they are honest and truthful and you like the reality about them then you should marry them. I hope that helps

What's The Most Discouraging Thing About Dating These Days?

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