Do You Think It's Okay To Be Hooking Up With Someone While Looking To Date Others?
*How many people think it's okay to be dating one person while sleeping with other people
Where do you want me to start? Because I could easily write a mytake on this topic-
Overall I hate how convoluted people make dating and relationships.
From the getgo, state your intentions: do you want a relationship, hookup, or friendship? That way I won't waste my time with someone that doesn't share the same ideals as I do.
Then the mindgames- especially if you're old enough to know better! Don't string people along if you're not serious or interested in them!!!
And this hookup culture? Sigh...
That is a rant in itself. Remember the days when people got to know each other, or were in a committed relationship before even mentioning sex?
Now people expect you to sleep with them by a certain timeframe, or "put out" after taking you on a date... a quid pro quo.
And I feel so bad for naive women that feel like they have to sleep with a guy to keep him or make him commit...
NO! What's wrong with some of you? Have more self respect for yourself!
And how superficial people as a whole are. Yes, we're ALL guilty of this one to an extent. People claim that "looks don't matter..." and, "personality over looks."
Yeah we all know that's bullshit. Otherwise why do some people struggle more with dating than others? You can be a good person, with a great personality, but if you don't fit the ideal look or attraction level of society? You're screwed. Inversely, I've seen airheads with no personality, book or common sense get dates just based on looks.
I could keep going but, nah, I'm gonna stop here. Mostly because typing all this on a phone sucks; I need more space to vent properly, haha.
Stay tuned for next time when I discuss why it's easier to stay single than date! Lol
Mho answer here! And you should do a mytake, maybe it might sink into some these thick skulled people!
Great Answer as always! šā¤ļøš
Haha, thanks Brains! I'm just waiting on the downvotes; yeah, I'm waiting: bring it!
I would but you and I both know people don't read on here, lol
They read, but comprehend? Not so much lolol and downvotes just mean you spoke real truth they don't like to hear, so yeah let em downvote and price how right you areš
It is easier to stay single then date. No arguments here.
I also feel bad for women that think they need to have sex with a guy in order to keep him around. Guys will say and do just about anything to get a girl to have sex. If a guy is truly likes a girl and wants more than just sex he will stick around even if she won't sleep with him right away. Of course it doesn't mean he doesn't want it or think about it often lol
that so many people don't wanna legit put time into actually date and get to know you, but on a first date wanna rush to have some sort of sexual contact after maybe 5 words of them saying, i know or lol after you give full sentences and remarks! WTF is that? its not how i am and i won't change that. then the amount of people wanting a third in their preexisting relationship? though you have to laugh when you get the story of, we are happily married looking to add a third to the mix? cheaters looking for side chicks, the people who lie about themselves all very discouraging. its all very mainstream and normalized for some reason and its really sad nothing to be celebrated in my eyes. i swear if one more person says to me they want a long term friends with benefits im going to lose my mind!!! but a lot of people have no shame, its all very backwards dating these days.
I hear you!!
Well speaking as a not so attractive guy and that's not the most financially well off dating apps like Tinder make it easier for hot guys and guys with more money/resources to get as many partners as they want. Women have access to them with just one message.
I think social media has made men and women more shallow and picky when let's say in the 1950s you'd have a choice of potential partners at the local dance or at the grocery store or some other event you meet people. Now it's all photoshopped images and false personas.
Also porn is a huge influence on women's preferences in men. A lot of them (seems like all sometimes) want tall, muscular guys, with big dicks. They say size doesn't matter and not every woman gets off with penetration but why do all these women want 8 inches and thick? They also all seem to own huge dildos that are bigger than the average guy. I hear 5 inch dildos are the most bought but that doesn't seem to be the case. I don't know how average guys like me can compete with that.
It seems like there's some secret society driving the sexes apart making us want to hate each other. They stoke the flames with rage bait articles and "news" reports that make us want to hate the opposite sex.
Expectancies.
Hook-ups.
Lack of seriousness.
1. Expectancies. You can't live up the expectancies in the social media listings. Why? They are fake. People post one notch thinner than they really, at the very least, and heaven only knows what else if they are really into the game.
2. Hook-ups. Not relationships. ' nuf said.
3. Lack of seriousness. Sure, have fun when you date. But take note of any responses from the SO if they stray from the norms, or are patently obnoxious/dangerous/disrespectful/etc. After all, you ARE trying to find a lifelong mate, aren't you? If not, go back to #2.
Good answeršÆ
Thanks for the MHO.
Welcomeš
Opinion
91Opinion
-----------What is discouraging is that most who are dating don't do a very good job at it. They don't vet the person properly in the beginning then get sorely disappointed when it doesn't work out. Dating is an investment or time, resources and money and most give very little to the cause but expect GREAT results.
Yeah that is discouraging that more people don't take it seriously.
Great answer herešÆā¤ļøš
@yofuknutz What you are saying is anecdotal which happens a lot here on GAG.
@yofuknutz That's why people should be truthful from the get go
@Brainsbeforebeauty Hey thanks!
Excellent question, thank you for asking it!
Simply put, I'd say it's the ''performance anxiety'', or fear of getting into the field! Many people just think and overthink things, and this ''freezes'' them, and makes avoid to engage in such a situation, preventing any loss so to say, but also any gain!
Nice answer!
Thank you!
I think I freeze up because I dont trust myself to make good decisions because im comparing the situation to the bad outcomes of the past. Very thought provoking answer
I'm not dating (and happily so), but I imagine it is how easily people are replaced. There's a real lack of commitment. One false move, or flaw exposed, and you're out. That's cut-throat.
P. S. Cute photo.
Mine? Or the pic I used for the postš
And guess it depends what mistakes they are... I mean if I know sometime lying to me about sleeping with other people that's not something I personally could overlook and put up with
Dating... I've been on few dates with about 5 girls in my life... literally girls I could count on my fingers. The only 2 girls I ended up in relationships with were girls I met in real life.
Dating sites are the worst place to find girls for average guys like myself. It's all. a competition and fight to grab a girls attention. And that same girl in real life is no where near that sought out. Girls inboxes are flooded while guys get maybe 1 response for every 20 messages he makes and maybe 1 response out of 100 that turns into an actual conversation.
Girls in Western society are too entitled with all the radical feminist bs going around. They want all the benefits of being a female, while having all the same perks as a guy.
Then there's hookup and ghosting culture. One moment they could be talking and seem like the most interested person in you. The next, they're up and gone. While I have only experienced that once through dating sites, the feeling is still terrible and makes you feel like something is wrong with you.
Everything here is the truth. It sucks. One thing Iām glad I donāt have to deal with are the feminists. People have become such flakes, especially if you meet on a dating site. They could be into you for 2 months and then suddenly vanish and act surprised that it could ever be more since you met on a dating site. The feeling is terrible, Iām sorry you are going through it too.
Whoa an enlightened girl. I'd like to date someone like you if you were around my area haha
Haha aw, I could only wish. Iāve not yet met a man in person who shares your viewpoint, well except one of my best male friends but heās my friend lol
Can I play a violin for the man stuck in the friendzone? Lol I joke
Sleeping with lots of people makes that person a whore, by the very definition of the word. Being attracted to a person is just one tiny aspect to the relationship. Being able to click in the bedroom and clashing everywhere else never, ever works.
On the other side, say a couple gets along great everywhere except the bedroom, they can learn what the other one likes and grow together.
In the world of today it's not very popular but a married couple I'm friends with; they started dating while in college (we actually went to the same college but I didn't meet them until after school, plus they are four years older than I am) and they both came from very traditional and devout Catholic families. When they were in college together, they went on dates, ate together, etc., all the time but they kept the physical side of the relationship to zero. They didn't hold hands, they didn't kiss and they never even fell asleep while in each others arms watching a movie at home. They will tell you it was hard, no doubt about it! Fast forward to now and they have a family of thirteen (eleven kids) and they are very happy with a great marriage. Personally I now see the appeal and wish I could reverse time, but life doesn't work that way, plus I am who I am because of the mistakes I have made.
I find there's a lot of discouraging things about dating.
You meet a girl and think she's showing in interest in you, but as you get closer to her, you find out that she recently started seeing someone else. And then you die a little inside as she goes on completely oblivious to the crushing feeling of ugliness and inadequacy you now feel. That's pretty discouraging because it's always the same. They're always seeing someone else.
The dating market nowadays is one driven largely by the illusion of options and the ego that comes with it. Women don't date to get to know a guy. They make dating profiles to get social media followers. They might go out with some of the plethora of guys messaging them if they're bored or want free stuff. But off of the dating apps, women go about their business and pretend that guys don't exist. So this sense of invisibility is also discouraging.
Then, if you do manage to go out on a date with a girl, you always have to be worried about being discarded afterwards without any warning. Women with lots of options (or the perception that they have options) can be really flakey and you never know when she'll stop responding because she's seeing another guy or two.
There's a quote out there, "men are like buses, wait 15 minutes and another will come along" but men can't say the same about women. They're far more irregular and you never know when or if another will come along. That's pretty discouraging.
Having guys message you when you have no compatibility and the ones who you are compatible with are looking for an upgrade thinking they can do better. Also messaging a guy a few times and never hear from them again. People who canāt say they donāt want to see you anymore. They make excuses of Iām busy or Iām going through some things right now. Then thereās the people who always cheat on everyone. People who settle just to be in a relationship then cheat on them because they are not getting what they need. Makes it hard to find someone compatible if that person already settled for someone else.
So true... Some people just don't care about anything or anyone but themselves. They don't care how their actions negatively affect others.
That is seems people are only dating as a convenient means to find sex instead of meeting people they would love to be with and maybe spend their life with. I know people will say you can find that when looking for sex too, but the difference is what your long time goals are. People looking for sex are always going to be looking for sex and, in my opinion, will not be ready to settle down with one person because they like the varied person sex. It's like going to a buffet with all the choices you have but only being allowed to choose the same single entre' every time you have dinner. I'm just thinking that they may settle down in their mind, but not in their heart.
Great answer!!
I actually dated someone after my divorce that were in a Friends with benefits situation while we were dating. I did not know this of course at the time, but when things would start to get serious then she'd cut him off.
I found out about it cause he kept bugging her for more and then she confessed and then I broke up with her. She had been banging this guy the entire time we had been dating until we got serious.
She claimed she thought I was doing the same thing, that is what All people do nowadays.
See that's so wrong... She knew she was doing something wrong or she wouldn't a kept it a secret. See people these days and what they think is okay. Yet the lie, omit, do it secretly, then THEY KNOW it's really wrong...
This is one of those people that thought if it was a lie by omission, it wasn't really a lie... and it was my fault for never asking her if she was doing something like that. She claimed if I had she would have been honest.
Great questions.
The most discouraging thing about dating is trying to figure out what type of person the other is looking for. Everyone's profiles say walks on the beach and going to the park.. it's just so generic. People are vastly different and everyone focuses on promoting what they like to do and not who they are.
The second question. I'm sure the purists and squeamish among us most certainly see it as wrong or immoral or dirty, but I'm all about personal freedom and if there's no stated commitments of loyalty, then they aren't breaking any rules.
To the second I disagree, how can someone commit to sometime that's actively having sex with sometime else. To each their own, but no I'm not going to date much less become committed to someone that would keep an ongoing friends with benefits situation while trying to date me.
I guess it depends on how you define the commitment. My point of view on my second statement is speaking from the 'initial dating' period. It's called dating for exactly that reason. It's getting to know each other. At that point, they are only a small part of each others lives.
If no expectations are stated, then it's wrong for either of them to get upset.
Now if expectations and commitments were made, then my opinion would be inaccurate.
I am married but from what I can determine from the people on this site people do not want to put in the work to develop a relationship with another person. They can have sex by just going on tinder and arrange a hook up. If they have an issue with somebody, instead of talking about it it is easier to ghost that person and find another one. Everyone is cheating, everyone lies and nobody wants to take responsibility for any failure. People have 24/7 communications but they still cannot converse in any meaningful way.
You hit the nail on the head herešÆ
Even if I say no, that's coming from another old fartš
Kids. The women I'd like to date have run out of time to have them safely. Any younger though and they have options and drama to spare, so mentally speaking I doubt they're ready to have them. Simply put I can either date the Emotionally Unstable or Animal Lovers. Of which the latter half is preferred, but I still have that nagging hope "I'd make a great dad" in the back of my mind eating away at the relationship. Heck even typing it out here discourages me. It's a whole lot of searching, caring and time wasted if it's the wrong one. At best I can always move to a pet friendly apt but I'm not having a kid with a psycho.
I don't blame you, physics don't make the best mommies... Ever see the movie Mommie Dearest? We used to call my mom that to piss her off and boy did it work...
*psychos
I'm not actively dating, but I do have profiles on eHarmony and Match, however I'm just simply seeing what's out there. I was ghosted on Match after only two days of messaging this girl in December. All she needed to do was tell me she wasn't interested or found someone else. I haven't been on an actual date (or at least what I consider an official date), because we never get to that stage, primarily due to ghosting. My best friend is female, and I met her on a dating website, but we decided about a little over a year ago to not date, and we have met a couple of times in person.
Yeah I've never done online dating or dating sites and the things I hear wouldn't. It works for some but seems doesn't work more than it does
There are so many aspects of dating I dislike. People are liars, cheats, some have very high standards and I also find people have less time on their hands. For example, many prioritize their work and others move a lot. These are the main factors of dating I find difficult. Communication is getting worse, cheating is inevitable and ghosting is all too common.
Very sad but very true
Dating sucks so much dishonesty, no morals, it's like certain people enjoy putting knotches on their belts, score cards, if you're going to date-then date, if you're looking for one nighters then stick to that, don't mix the two or toy with peoples emotions
Just be straight up true, this is a very good reason why I'm not dating at this time to much drama āļø
Exactly!!šÆ And same here
Ty I'd rather direct my energy on more positive things in life dating isn't what it use to be
You can say that again!
Cheers š„
š„..
Dating has lost its meaning. There's a lot more interest in one night stands and online dating has made for such a wide range of choices that people are always looking to jump to something better, which takes away from the time to really get the opportunity to get to know someone. Foodie calls and false pretenses regarding expectations have reduced trust on the dating scene.
I agreešÆ
The fact that men donāt just ask women out anymore, we have to be on a dating app! That totally sucks. I like it when a cute guy Iām attracted to asked me out! It still happens in high school, but Iāll be in college in a few months, I hope guys in college have the balls to ask girls out!
Hopefullyšš»
There being 7 billion people on the planet - about 6 billion of them over the age of 18, 3 billion of them your desired gender, and at least 1 billion of them single and unwed - and STILL being unable to find even one half decent person who's attracted to you even with a worldwide online network, dozens of dating sites/apps, and 24/7 access to them. It's like the "easier" it is to find someone, the harder it becomes.
That's cuz people treat dating like a game and treat people like a product, a disposable one at that
I'm not too discouraged because I truly believe there are quality people out there but your example is a great one! I wouldn't be happy finding out that a girl I kissed on a date had sex with someone else the night before or has plans to have sex with someone else on the same day.
Right! Me neither!
For me it's a couple of things. First, the pandemic has thrown a wrench into the whole thing. But another thing is I have a love/hate relationship with technology. I like that technology has broadened the dating pool for most people but I hate social media and the biggest dating communications these days is texting and I have a medical condition making texting physically impossible for me. I communicate either using a full size keyboard or by speaking.
I think texting is really ruining the way people communicate anyways. I prefer actual conversation
I completely agree. The other day I was out shopping for groceries and I noticed at least half the people I saw were walking around like zombies clicking their phones and bumping into shelves and other people. It was bizarre and surreal. I'm saving up for a device that will fit in my pocket. You reach in your pocket and press a button and it scrambles all cell phone signals for 20 or so feet. I'm going to have so much fun with it at the beach.
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