Playing it cool or not interested?

[Anonymous]

so I went on a date with a 27 year old guy ( im 24) - had an amazing time, met for drinks, spoke for ages about family, life in general etc. Later on we talked about dating and he asked me if I've been on any other dates- i said a few and then I joked about tinder- which he said he doesn't use. i basically implied that i'm not into casual and he said he agreed saying he's not into one night stands anymore.

he tried to prolong the date and we got drinks at another place- he held my hand across the table near the end, gave me his fleece since i was cold, and on the way back we held hands- since he initiated. ( i usually never do that but it felt right).

anyways i was a bit tipsy and invited him in. nothing happened- i basically sat on sofa and realised i was very tipsy - he offered to order food/ go on a walk with me to get some air or leave if i felt ill so i thought it best he left. we went downstairs, kissed again and then he left.
wasn't expecting to hear back from him but he texted me the next say saying that he hoped i felt better, and we both carried on chatting and he basically asked me out again the next eve. since i couldn't go i suggested Friday but he said he was unfortunately busy sorting things for his trip ( which he mentioned on our date but i forgot how long for exactly- think his trip was about a week long).
anyway, he then said "one eve next week when im back?" and i replied saying "yeah sure just let me know"
it's been a week and no text. do u think he's not interested? i thought we had a good date but a bit surprised he's not yet reached out, even if to ask how its going. is it normal to not text for a week this early on? im obviously not going to message him but was wondering if i should reply if he does? like, is he playing it cool or not interested anymore?

[boggboss]

You are literally doing the exact same thing as he is yet you feel he is in the wrong

[Asker]

Haha what do u mean? x

[boggboss]

Yes he said he would plan a new date thats fine butbu have literally done the exact same thing by not messaging him either

[Asker]

I feel like the balls in his court because the last thing I said to him was "let me know " since he was the one going away on a trip and I don't know his plans- and he couldn't make the day I offered. But he's not even opened it yet so I guess I'm assuming he's too busy right now?

[Asker]

@boggboss would defo appreciate a guys perspective though!

[boggboss]

If he has not opened it yet and its been a week then I would say its not looking good unless there is a reason he has not

[Asker]

Okay cool, so on the off chance he responds should I just leave it then? He mentioned something about it being a meditation retreat- but he's been online so it's not like he has no internet. I was just confused since he was the one who asked me out again

[boggboss]

If he replies u could ask why the cold shoulder

[Asker]

Yeah that makes sense- I never want to come across as needy but equally I don't want to be a second choice lol Thanks! x

[boggboss]

Qomen worry so much about being needy that u just end up being distant its not needy to ask why a guy is acting weird

[Asker]

Okay, yeah maybe I'll just message being like "hey how's your trip going?" And then if he replies see if he asks me out again and if not then I have my answer!

[boggboss]

Yeah tou do and if its the worst case u save yourself days off wondering if he will or not

[Asker]

Yeah women worry about looking needy nowadays because it's a card men use ( like the "clingy card") which gives them an excuse to drop the level of respect :(

[Asker]

Yeah that's so tru tbf! I'd rather know now and not spend days wondering and asking on here- makes sense!

[boggboss]

But thats the thing if a man drops respect for you then u know his character and should move on from him some women are vary needy but ill simply avoid them its not that objectively they are needy but because they require what I'm not willing to give so a poor match some other males enjoy that so being needy or clingy is not as simple

[boggboss]

Like even rules for texting I never cared for it requiring only 1 message sent at a time utter foolishness so if u want to ask more then 1 this I gotta wait some trash too many people concern themselves with what other people outside the relationship would think

[Asker]

Yeah that makes - that's why I felt he was genuinely into it since he called over texting, didn't leave long gaps originally ( and neither did I). Was wondering if he wanted space or whatever, but yeah- I'm going to message him and see! He's either into it or not so I'm not willing to expect anything less since I know what I want - as u said , if he's not into it then it's a bad match- thanks!!:) x

[boggboss]

No problem and good luck 👍🏽

[Asker]

Thanks! x

[far2gud4u]

Or he’s wondering how bothered you are and waiting to see if you miss him...

[boggboss]

Yes both are possible but doing nothing leaves her wondering whats going on and if he is playing games allows for it to continue

[far2gud4u]

Of course he could be out of range signal wise or lost his phone on the trip too... lots of valid reasons I think

[Asker]

All makes sense, thanks guys! To be honest I'd rather just know now as you said- I just messaged him asking how his trip was going, and I'll be able to tell from the tone of his response and how long it takes him to reply if he's interested or not 👌 If not, I have my answer and can stop thinking about him haha

[far2gud4u]

Don’t over analyse! Take it from an old lady x

[Asker]

Thanks ! :) Haha basically I messaged him and it turns out he has to stay a few weeks longer but asked how I was etc. I basically said that I was going to suggest meeting up again, but that it could be problematic if we're in different cities ( in a jokey way). Anyway, he hasn't responded and I'm not expecting him too, but I'll delete the contact so I'm not stating at it - and if he messages he messages 💁x

[far2gud4u]

Wow ok... so you are 24 and an independent woman by the sound of it so why not text him and ask how the trip went? Take control, be confident.

[Chillguy95]

I would text him why not?