My boyfriend's bad attitude when playing games is tearing us apart. What can I do?

[Anonymous]

I've been gaming basically my whole life as well so a lot of our time together is spent on playing MMOs and co-op games together. We've been together for 6 years, but I'm really debating leaving and possibly quitting playing games altogether because of his behavior. It's turning something that should be fun and relaxing into a stressful nightmare that I dread every day.

If he dies to a boss a million times, I don't yell at him or blame him. But if I do something in a way he doesn't like or die once, all of a sudden I'm "stupid" and am a "bitch" if I tell him to cool it with his attitude or I will stop playing that night. I've tried not reacting to it, I've tried showering him with love and kindness, and I've tried being straight up with him and not tolerating it. No matter which option I choose, the result is the same. I get told to shove it and that he's allowed to scream like a banshee and call me whatever he wants.

I've had sit down talks with him and I've told him how it makes me feel. I've told him that I feel like it's best if we don't play games together anymore or that I want to stop playing games that aren't single-player relaxing ones. His response is to say that we "wouldn't have a relationship" if I didn't play games, even though we have so many more interests and hobbies in common.

I'm at a loss and it feels like things will never change. I've put in so much of my heart and time and effort into our relationship, but I don't want a future like this. I have terrible anxiety issues and need to have some sort of escape in my evenings to cope. If my number one method of relaxation is nonstop stressful like this, then it's going to drive me to an early grave.

Please let me know if there's anything else I can do or say to help the situation. I don't want to give up, but I know that this isn't happy or healthy and needs to end if it doesn't get better. Thanks for reading.

[potatoiswhoiam]

If he doesn't see anything in you than a gaming buddy, if to him the relationship is just that, I'm sorry to say, but I think you know the answer yourself. It's unfortunate to hear something like that from someone you love. But maybe it's also fortunate that he's being so direct and honest, because at least it doesn't confuse you. It's pretty straightforward. You know it's unhealthy and you know you should leave. My opinion is that you should find someone who doesn't see you as only a gaming buddy, but as way more than that.

[Asker]

I agree with you wholeheartedly. Things kind of came to a head on Saturday and we really let each other have it about the whole thing. When I got really pissed off, I told him that all he wanted was a glorified gaming buddy he could bang whenever he wanted and that I thought it was messed up.

I guess I'm just really frustrated and disappointed knowing that that's how he feels, almost as if I've been lied to all these years. I'm not just someone's pet gaming partner and there's a lot more to me than that. :( I don't want to feel like I'm held at gunpoint to play games and play them perfectly every night to earn someone's love and affection.

[potatoiswhoiam]

Yes, you're right. I'm glad you see things clearly and aren't trying to find excuses for his behavior. If he doesn't realize your worth, you don't have to stay with him. Surely there will be someone who sees you as more than just a game buddy. Even tho you've been together for a long time and leaving will leave you will a lot of uncertainty, it's still better than staying together and being miserable. So give yourself a chance to be happy :)

[boredguy01]

It sounds like he has the maturity of a 12 year old and doesn't respect or value you, so I would definitely dump him if I was you

[Avicenna]

If he is that blind, there's nothing you can tell him

[Asker]

Blind really is the perfect way to describe it. Maybe losing someone he was planning to marry will be the wake up call he needs to finally work on his anger issues.

[Numbnuts89]

you're complaining about video games?

Video games?

come on, man

[Asker]

I think you neglected to read my post and further highlights how this situation is frustrating. ;)

This is about my partner's horrible attitude spurned playing games, yes. But the fact that what is supposed to be a relaxing, fun hobby together is causing him to become emotionally abusive on a constant basis, THAT is the problem. Someone thinking that it's okay to scream and call someone names to the end of time because they didn't do something perfectly is a MASSIVE issue in any relationship.

This is a common hobby and interest that we have and is something that we spend a lot of time doing together. Whether you approve of that or not is on you, but it's much more than "complaining about video games." I hope that your reading comprehension improves and I hope you have a wonderful day.

[Numbnuts89]

you're complaining about video games

come on, man

we talking about practice. practice?

[Asker]

Again, you've failed to read to the point that I can't take your posts seriously at all. I don't even fully believe that I'm speaking to someone around my age. More embarrassingly for you, you've also failed to grasp the concept of replying to a question post. I've asked a question, and you've answered with something that a) does not address the actual issue at hand and b) isn't even an answer.

Please try to pay more attention next time and perhaps don't respond to questions you don't have a proper answer to. I sincerely hope that whatever is fueling your poor attitude today gets better soon. It's a hard time for everyone right now, yanno?

[Numbnuts89]

again

you're complaining about video games

[iFarted]

Welp time to move on for your sake.

[Asker]

I wish it weren't, but you really may be right. I was hoping maybe there was something I've never thought of trying before I call it quits, but the answer might just be that there isn't anything left to do on my part.