When comes to communicating with a potential romantic interest is playing it "Cool" the best option?

[DaveJord]

What is playing it "Cool", these are the types that read the message then wait to think about it before replying. They do this for a variety or reasons, either they want to intentionally make you wait as to not come off as being to excited, to avoid appearing too desperate, or too "into" to you too soon.

1. They tend to resist the initial urge to respond right away, because their first response my not be the best. So they want to think about it in to order to come up with a more calculated response.

2. Or they want to make you wait on purpose because they do not want to get in to a complete text conversion... because over texting can lead to relationship burn out, before you even meet the person.

For me I tend to think that "playing it cool" leads to relationship burn out more than texting, because its a form of what most sincere, genuine and honest people seeking a relationship would deem as playing games. The more you make someone wait on a response and the more calculated you become in responding, all your really doing is giving the other person more time to start thinking the wrong things. This could lead to burn out as well, because they loose interest in the entire conversation.

What are your thoughts?

[Guy13]

Why do we choose Cool? What purpose does being or playing it Cool serve? I suggest it is a defense mechanism and one of the most prevalent reasons for lack of intimacy within a relationship. We tend to believe that the one who is real and honest with their emotions and feelings are the losers. And if for some reason I get rejected then at least she didn't know how much I desired or was emotionally invested in her.

Unless one really does not care, Cool is just to damn exhausting... having to hide our childlike enthusiasm and generally curtailing who we are. And then the crap prgresses basically into tallying negatives..."like I started last communication... I made last first contact... and just stupid shitte AND likely wondering if he/she likes me. And why haven't we kissed... And why is this woman such a prude.

It is in direct opposition to Good SEX as it prohibits Trust, Risk, Emotional connection or bonding, and a natural and dreamy going to make you ache for me all week kind of Sex. Cool is for Dummies... for sure single and at best meaningless or sexless ones.

[DaveJord]

100% you nailed its I like this part especially:

"What purpose does being or playing it Cool serve? I suggest it is a defense mechanism and one of the most prevalent reasons for lack of intimacy within a relationship."

As soon as I get the feeling they are trying to "Play it Cool", I assume they lack a degree of emotional maturity or insecure in some way, or just not as interested in me and I would like them to be or I am in them. All of it leads to me losing interest because exactly like you said, "it prohibits Trust, Risk, Emotional connection or bonding."

[Guy13]

Thank you for the piece 👍👍

[NathanDavis]

I just don't play games around at all... I'm a grown up man, lol

[jennifer_bloom]

I don’t play it cool, I’m a naturally calm person because I trust in God and do not emotionally need a guy for support. Also I try to avoid dating until I learn the person is honest and loyal and not confrontational and able to help me with his share of the work.

[DaveJord]

His share of the work? Hummmm... not sure what that means?

[jennifer_bloom]

That he is able to work for a living and willing to help around the house.

[DaveJord]

What are you willing to do for him... while he earns your trust?

[jennifer_bloom]

I will try to earn income and help around the house and be kind and attentive.

[Avicenna]

It’s usually not a good idea. While you obviously don’t want to go overboard in your enthusiasm, why wouldn’t you want to convey interest instead of leaving her wondering? I use appearing to be indifferent to show DISINTEREST.

[DaveJord]

100% I agree!

[LazerBean]

Whatever doesn't waste time and has long term benefits is the best option. What you described doesn't really sound like that.

[DaveJord]

That's kinda of what I think to... if you want commitment then you should be able to or invest enough time into the process upfront to communicate consistently and openly. So that throws me off, when they want to play it cool, but seeking commitment.

Now if you want to just date or be friends with benefits... then paly it anyway you want it doesn't matter to me as long as the benefits are there.

[Bethany22]

It gives more time to think of negatives, but a lot of women start thinking of the positives as well. You just don't want to wait too long, as then she'll think, oh, I can't text anything too deep, as I always have to wait so long for a response.

[BJP21]

Thats called "Stringing" in my mind. Playing it cool means they are not prepared emotionally to jump on board.

[DaveJord]

100% correct!!!

[exitseven]

I have given up trying to figure this out a long time ago.

[DaveJord]

Yeah... I hear you on that!

[TheSpaceGnome]

I spam and reply quickly with just friends, and they usually do the same, so "playing it cool" would just seem like I'm mad at her.

[whiskeyontherocks]

Just be your self if it’s right everything will work out

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Just be normal

[Jamie05rhs]

I agree with you.