Working with an ex? Stay or quit?

[Anonymous]

Long story short, I dated my ex for quite a white. We recently started working together about 5 months ago. Our boss is always traveling so my ex is technically my "boss", although he doesn't message me to get things done. I do my work on my own. Anyway, he broke up with me two weeks ago because he didn't want to deal with having a girlfriend so he ended things over text. As much as i want closure, I realized it comes from within so im dealing with shit on my own. So, I still see him like once a week, today he brought my check. We had a nice conversation, but when I left I felt crazy, as if I wanted more of a drug, I couldn't get enough. I texted and called making excuses for him to come back and see me. Later I calmed down. Although I'm making good money should i quit this job? Will i ever get over my ex if I have to keep seeing and communicating with him for work? I have another potential job that I might get, but it's not secured. My ex is basically my boss but i dont see him everyday, won't things get messy and complicated? He wanted me to give him a month notice before I do leave.. I dont know what to do.

[southernhoneybee]

You will get over him. I went through the same thing. I didn't deal with him unless I absolutely had to. Keep all communication to a minimum. I saw him, I'd speak and go on. I never held a grudge. It hurt though because he cheated on me and I had to look him in the face. i cried yes but I knew better than to go back to him because i knew i deserved better. Outside of work hours I hung out with close friends and family to get over it. I clung harder to my faith. I wouldn't leave my job especially if i really enjoyed it. You can't go through life running away from your issues. You have to face them head on. It will be hard but it's possible. I hope this helps hun!

[asdfghjkl_821]

Wait a while. Give yourself a month or so to see if you can get over him, while you do that start looking for a potential job, start a back up plan. Once a month passes and you still feel you need space from him and your quality of life isn’t what you want it to be, leave.

[Asker]

this was so helpful thank you!

[XRabbitHeartX]

Spare yourself a lot of pain, effort and drama and get another job. You two are over and any time you spend together, even in a professional setting, will deter you from healing and moving on. You'll always be stuck if you don't get another job and move forward.

[Asker]

thank you

[rittersport41]

I disagree... thats like running away from problems while u can face and win

[XRabbitHeartX]

@rittersport41 Really? And what exactly is there for her to "win" in this scenario? There is other jobs opportunities out there for her that don't involve having her ex as her manager (which is already inappropriate).

[rittersport41]

"life is not a bed of roses". As afults one should rather face the music than running away.. and trust me, life never gets tired of throwing bricks at you..

She already said the other job isn't secure. The current situation isn't easy but to learn to deal with it is the best way.. imagine she changes her job and she doesn't likr it and ends up jobless.. this world is a small place, she ll see him every now and then.. there's no hiding

[XRabbitHeartX]

@rittersport41 Yeah but in life you have choices. I know perfectly well the facts of life but everything you do is a choice. Life will throw many challenges at you, but you still have the power to make a decision and how you will choose to overcome it.

If I was unhappy in my job for whatever reason will you still say I must just stay there? If YOU were unhappy in a job is the only answer for you to stay no matter what because hey "life is not a bed of roses" ? No. You choose how you want to do it. Her deciding to leave her job because she is unhappy with her working with her ex is a perfectly valid reason and excuse to want to leave her job. If you are unhappy then it is OK to leave your job, no matter what the reason is.

[rittersport41]

But its not about the job.. its about him.. lol

[XRabbitHeartX]

@rittersport41 Uhm your work environment IS part of you job -_____-

[rittersport41]

And the Environment isn't the ptoblem.. she said it herself that he's calm and causing any trouble. Its her emotions roaring when he see him.. 2 different things..

[XRabbitHeartX]

@rittersport41 . Her manager is her ex boyfriend. That is already a conflict of interest. Nevermind the fact that you cannot move on if you are constantly in the presence of someone you once were in a serious relationship with.

[rittersport41]

And that has to be overcome

[XRabbitHeartX]

@rittersport41 Yeah okay obviously you'll never get and we'll just have to agree to disagree.

[rittersport41]

True.. we agree to disagree..

[Asker]

@rittersport41 the job itself is also a small factor in why i wanted to leave, im just deciding to leave once i secure the other job which should give me at least a month left to pass through this

[rittersport41]

Whatever you do, good luck

[MysteriousDarkness]

@XRabbitHeartX Please explain how having an ex as your manger inappropriate since you think it is?

[XRabbitHeartX]

@MysteriousDarkness Because it just is? Obviously she is going to have a advantage above any co-worker because her manager is her past lover. That is blurring the lines of professionalism. Same as why it is a big no-no to date your boss or even direct co-workers.

[MysteriousDarkness]

I feel that the only reason you are thinking of leaving your job is because your manager who was your boyfriend broke up with you two weeks ago. You two have been there for five months. You do not see him everyday but some times you go out of your way to make excuses to see him. You have not once said he tries to make it uncomfortable for you at work. It seems like you are making it uncomfortable for yourself. He did not want to be in a relationship anymore so he did you a favor by breaking up with you instead of making you believe he still wanted you by staying. If you stay at your job or quit it is up to you since it is your life.

[Anonymous]

My ex dated behind my back, affair then wondered how to keep her pension, family/church halos and be blessed when changing horses (he also looking for a divorce from a gal wanting no kids, thus not his family's fav anymore). So she took divorce lawyer's wife advice = tell everyone he's (me) not the choir boy you've known for years = He Hit Me! at a holiday party = why leaving him. The "discover" this nice guy interested in you later on.

Work with her? NO THANKS

Fool me once, shame on you (ex)
Fool me twice, shame on ME !!!
This ice, gal... QUIT so time invested will be in no more dead ends

[Pizza_lover159]

Don't loose your job just because of him. Be at your best girl. I know you might want that guy back and you can't resist. But remember. If he does break up with you with a text he sure doesn't care about you. Just be happy. Try to work hard and maybe one day , you will be hid boss. Dont give up just because of him , and you barely see him. Think about it. If you quit , you show him that he has power over you and he affects you. Try to spend your free time doing something you like and one day you will meet a nice guy when you dont expect it.

[ItsMeYPJ]

It's best to keep private and work seperated. Since you're working in the same company it can influence your efficiency at work and cause at least a negative atmosphere around you two which others will start to feel as well.

It's not a reason to quit, but you should if you don't want anything regarding in love with him to close the chapter clearly.

[Drifter83UK]

You need to learn to compartmentalise. At work you should remain professional, what you do in your own time is your choice. Stop living in fear and learn to move on. Whether your way of moving on is quitting or gritting your teeth is your call. Quitting is easy, gritting your teeth a lot harder to do.
Weigh up your options, draw up the pros and cons, make a decision.

[Jzeorgie]

Well, If you can't keep your emotions in check when you are at work then it is better for you to leave. Because, for the reason that you are at work and not some highschool drama show. And since you are not in an everyday contact, you should keep your head cool and focus on your work. It's only complicated on your head. So, better go for the another job. Except if you can keep your emotions in check and your mind cool.

[HurtBae911]

Fuck that dude. You need to focus on making your money. If your job is paying you good, then you keep working there until you find something better. However if you do feel uncomfortable still and chose to leave now , you need to start lining up other amazing potential jobs that will pay you better or the same you are same as now. You don’t want to regret quitting your job and have nothing to fall back on

[Anonymous]

Do. Not. Quit. Your. Job. It’s going to take time but that feeling will pass. Just do your job and things will be fine. I once worked with an ex for a year after we broke up. He tried to talk to me everyday that whole year. I never spoke to him. I actually pretended he didn’t exist. I mean he would stand directly in front of me and talk. I would just look through him. He never gave up though. Lol until he left. Don’t do that. It was super childish of me

[Asker]

even if he's basically my boss?

[Opinion Owner]

Yep. If you do your job it shouldn’t be an issue. You’re in your emotions right now. It’s not wise to make decisions when things are fresh. If he doesn’t make it an issue why should you? Life is hard some times and sometimes we have to do things that are hard. Stay. You’ll be stronger for it.

[Anonymous]

Staying or quitting is your choice. If you love doing your job or you a nice paycheck, then you can stay if you want. But if the reason is that your ex is bothering and affecting your work, then the answer is up to you. Seeing your ex in the same place for several days in a week is quite hard to deal with, especially if you still feel something for him. It wouldn't be messy and complicated. We make things complicated for us. If you want to hear a vlosure from him then do so. Sometimes closures can help you sort things out of your mind. And it looks like you still have feelings for him, but if you really love him, his happiness would matter to you and if he was happier with you when you were dating, then you can go after him how much you want to but if you know that he just wants to deal with things without you, let him have his space.

[bakugou]

Honestly i think ur making him uneasy and i think he is a kind guy cuz he broke up with u before things got messy and he wants u to stay professional not personal with him

[bakugou]

But if u really want him back ignore him for a few months dont go out with him dont help him in his personal affair keep ur distance and work super hard and earn everyone's respect in office be more mature and he will fall head over heels for u

[Asker]

what will ignoring do? he broke up with me because he didn't wanna "deal" with having a girlfriend

[Mrblueballs42]

Its a conflict of interest. Right now your ok. But he can turn things nasty or you can say something or slip words you will regret.
Never good to work for an ex or with them. It also isn't good to obsess over then either. Never a good idea to be close to an ex.
my experience is a let down to think I could even be my exs friend.
Wish you the best but think leaving and having another job lined up would be good for you.

[JenRose23]

So I have a similar and I almost transferred colleges do to it. So my best advice is say no. I know it's super hard. Especially when Kesha's word Love is a drug is so true in this case. That's so hard cuz you can't block his number since he is your boss. Also, my therapist tells me this all the time: We DON'T need CLOSURE we like it.

If you want to text him. Text a friend instead. Or write the text in an empty text so u can't send it. That's so annoying you can't block him.

[jdarnell1109]

Don't let it interrupt your life. Stay and work on making yourself a better employee. Only talk to him about work related stuff. Even if you feel yourself wanting to, don't. I worked with an ex for about a year that I was with for 8 years. I just ignored her unless it was specifically about work. I just chatted with every one else. Don't flirt with other guys just to get back at him, if you like some one else then sure, go right ahead. Don't let him effect your life in the slightest. Quitting is just avoiding the problem. Moving on is the solution. Be confident in who you are and what you have to offer and walk right past his ass and tell him you don't have time to chat. It shouldn't get messy, he's higher up the company ladder and had more at risk than you.

[smrthomson]

If you love tge pay then stay they wise f him f every thiing and leave pack your bag and out you go in the real world but if stay there then he miight come bakk to youu😀😀 (Thats if you wanna gve him an other chance, loll😀)😀😀

[Asker]

he broke up with me though over not having to deal with a girlfriend, i can't see why he would want to get back if he acts like he doesn't care. won't me leaving just have that effect though?

[shyguy2896]

Search for a new job before you quit and dont date people you work with

[Asker]

we started working after together but you're right

[piu___piu]

I think if you already had that little psychotic event you should definitely quit before it gets worse. He sounds very unsenstive, breaking up texting you, and demanding that one month notice... Sigh.. Anyway I think the law is 2 weeks notice and than you don't have to worry about the last paycheck. Good luck & stay strong

[srai6562]

Hey.. untill u get g gud n safe job do it continue.. but wen u'll have d opportunity to swicth the job den u should move on.. nd keep trying to get the new job.. but first f all u shud see dat r u comfortable in ur current office or not.. if it kills u day by day den please move on completly 😊

[MrDiscord]

Unless your ex is making your work life difficult, you should stay and wait for the other position. Please note that office romance although it is not illegal, it might cause huge problems should anything go sideways. Try to keep your relationship with him completely professional.

[rittersport41]

Be strong and get over it... dont let this ruin the rest of ur life... if u deal with this now, ull become stronger even better fit for another relationship

[britpop]

Leave but don't leave until you have secured another job

[smrthomson]

Thats what was about to suggest as well?😀😀 (great miindsss thiink alike?😀😀) dob theyy?😀😀

[Asker]

thank you

[mrirkre4y4u]

So you have mentioned it to him and he needs a. month to replace you. Talk to your real boss if he or she seems like the type to get it.. Make sure of your standing with re real boss first. He's knows how it would be difficult to train a replacement if need be. When you get to. The problem partway you r leaving or thinking bout. make sure to emphasize the harm for the whole office not how it hurts you as much. If he doesn't fix it then gdoood bye

[askmegirlagain]

If you are strong enough may be you can continue but it rarely works out. Some sort of confrontation is on the cards.

[kristen_dillard]

stay, because that shows how mature you are and how strong you are. just breathe trust me i’m sorta in a similar situation

[Asker]

even if he's basically my boss? I have a potential new job that would make me more, so im planning to stay till the end of April