How do you feel about men who won't stand up for their partner in public?

Question

JustADamnCrackhead · Accepted Answer

If you can't stand up for your friend or your partner. Could you really consider yourself a friend or a partner.

ohshee · Accepted Answer

I feel bad for their girlfriend

MrOracle · Answer

There's a fine line. Many girls can handle themselves just fine with words and attitude, and if I didn't see any likely physical danger, then I'm not going to take away her agency and her opportunity to gain respect. But if things seem like violence is imminent, or if she is clearly shook up, I'm definitely going to step in.

Only once did I ever have a girl try to abuse that, purposely initiating conflict because I was there to protect her. I told her that the next time she did it that she'd be on her own. We didn't last long anyway.

coachTanthony · Answer

--------Standing up is one thing but being a hot head and killing someone will land you in jail for a long time. Be smart about standing up and what that means.  ~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

have_a_good_day · Answer

I use to have a terrible trait where if another dude didn't shut up when I told him to shut up I would grab his throat and squeeze it until I can see the panic in his eyes turn into that telltale sign of acceptance and giving up.. Almost like.. You accept that you are busy dying and made peace with it.

I had this one toxic partner who seemed like she would try to rile up some random dude and expect me to defend her. I wasn't aware that this was her modus operandi at the time. So I would tell the dude to back off. Naturally their feelings got hurt and they acted tough and this thing would just explode out of me even though I was completely calm on the outside.
So this one time I was choking this dude's throat and kinda slamming his head against the wall behind him so that he could get it into his head that if I tell him to go away then he must listen to me.
Then this girl came and started fighting with my girl at the time and it became apparent that my girl instigated all this crap just for shits and giggles.

I left that day. I changed that day.
Started doing Karate and managed to break down this demon I had inside of me.

So these days I get so much pleasure and peace out of it if I walk away from a situation. To me it feels like I won. Unlike back in the day when I was "winning" but actually I was losing.

normalice · Answer

There is a lot of nuance to this but it's all some iteration of uncertainty. Some guys are uncertain of how they feel for the girl and don't want to risk looking like an idiot or losing a fight for a girl they aren't even that into. Some guys aren't even sure if harassment is actually taking place as it could be an inside joke among friends or they might be expecting that the girl would say something if she was uncomfortable.

But even if a guy does like the girl and is certian that harassment is taking place, there isn't the certianty that standing up to the bullies will improve the situation. Unchallenged, a bully is just wanting attention and the quickest path to ignoring them is how to shut them down. But when you challenge a bully you force them to try to win at all costs, or they lose face, which assures escalation beyond reason. That basicaly means you better be prepared to kill them, because they could very well create a kill or be killed situation. And that's another level of uncertianty: all men tend to think that all other men are probably more capable. The only reason any of us are ever willing to fight is because the anger overrides that uncertianty.

So, for a guy to truly defend his woman, you're not necissarily looking for the strongest guy but a guy when gets mad on your behalf. This isn't always the best option either, however, because such guys tend to just as easily get mad at you: which, by the way, is probably a reason "girls go for jerks."

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

Getting into stupid fights over petty bullshit is a great way to either get stabbed or go to prison. But a man should protect his woman if she's under direct threat or harassment or impending violence. The first question should always be "can we both exit this situation safely and without walking into future threats as a result?" If the answer is "yes", you should always walk away, if for no other reason than you never know how easily "defending her honour" can turn into a crime scene. If there's no way out but through, then you face the threat head on. And if you can't walk away without incurring worse consequences down the line (eg: prolonged harassment, stalking, etc.), then you make a decision in the moment knowing that "future potential threats" won't hold as a defense in court.

K-I-S-S · Answer

It should be both partners who work together to get out of any confrontation. Either kicking ass, running for help or away. Not standing there behind your man, yelling "my boyfriend is going to kick your ass!!". Not all guys are strong or know how to fight, both partners have their strenghts and weaknesses, use them.

Strong and capable guy could easily cause brain damage to or even kill the initial "attacker". Later having to face pretty serious problems for it.

Always better to de escalate the sitiation and/or get out.

hahahmm · Answer

That depends. If she started trouble/drama and he lets her lead him into trouble then he'd be foolish. If on the other hand if she's an innocent victim or about to become one, I will destroy the threat.

Finchie40 · Answer

I feel bad for them cuz they will lose their girl when she realizes how much of a wimp he is , Most girl’s are attracted to a guy cuz she wants to feel protected by him and look up to him , when she feels protected she has no problem getting on her knees and being submissive to him.

Floppy2112 · Answer

Depends on what she did to get herself in that situation. It isn't always a good idea to stand up for a woman, unless of course the threat is physical, then you kind of have to. But other than that, it depends. If she is playing stupid games, she wins stupid prizes.
And aren't we all supposed to be equal and all that crap? Far be it from me to enforce 'my male' privilege and bail a woman out of a mess of her own making. She fucked up, she can handle it, I'll wait in the car.

GingerGuy · Answer

It depends on the circumstances. She's her own person and human being, she can't stand up for herself? If she were single what would she do?

Agape93 · Answer

Cowards. I can fully appreciate letting someone handle it on their own if that’s what they want, but have a fucking spine for gods sake

laraWM · Answer

You must be there for your partner but it goes both ways.
One day I was arguing with another girl, she started threatening me physically so my ex stood up to get her under control but she quickly kneed him in the testicles and he ended up on the floor.
I yelled so much at her and threatened to call the police so she leaved. I guess in the end he was glad I stood up for him.

ArztSchlachthof · Answer

If their partner does behave like an emotionally developed being and they are not causing troubles, yet they are being somehow attacked in public, you should stand up for them in a reasonable way. Not hurting someone, but trying to reason with them. If you don't, I wouldn't think twice about leaving you. That goes for both men and women.

Coulis · Answer

Generally they are cowards or people of weak character.

On the flipside, some people are nuts who provoke ridiculous situations putting their SO in danger.

Also, to manipulate and exert emotional/mental control.

Smart people will not play into this and tell their disordered partner about their a**.

OutWestBandit · Answer

"stand up" - what are the circumstances here?

She started random shit?
Some guy she has been flirting with on the side shows up and starts shit?
Some drama she is intentionally stirred up - with other guys?

I have seen ex-lovers brazenly bring guys to where I was working hoping to get a confrontation started. (Is that what you mean?)

keniyaa · Answer

that is stupid like that is your girl, she needs to feel safe around u and she is a woman and she can't protect herself so if u really love her u would fight for her and do anything for her.

perpetial · Answer

I would feel humiliated even if they're being funny. They don't have to start beating people up but if my boyfriend saw me getting harassed he better have the heart to step in.

Tiptoetamm · Answer

I would rather my man act like a man and leave it alone. Grown ass men don't fight unless they have to and they avoid it. Why chance you man getting arrested to fight some asshole who means nothing I'd rather walk away

Anpu23 · Answer

Most guys like that end up losing the partner anyway.

exitseven · Answer

Wimps. It is one of the few times I would get violent.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

If any man can't stand up for his partner in public is a mouse and not a real man I've had 2 ex-girlfriends in my lifetime and I can say if someone was hurting them I would stand up for them in a heart beat just the type of guy I am

XavierSteele · Answer

I think it depends on the situation. My ex wife garnered no support the day she decided to spout off racial expletives in public. Now on the same coin different side I would stand firmer than the rock of Gibraltar to anyone who disrespected her.

worldscolide · Answer

Depends on who they aren't defending against.. If it's another man, weakling, not worthy of the woman he is not defending... If it's against another woman, I my self will only intervene if asked. So I'd see it as him letting her handle her stuff..

jerdanro · Answer

I always stand up for my partner, but it's rarely ended in a fight. I'm a big guy and can be intimidating when I need to be.

I know how to assess the situation and make a rational decision. Sometimes it requires intimidation, sometimes it just requires not being intimidated or backing down, and sometimes it requires fighting.

I've rarely had to throw a punch, which is good because I don't always win.

rondon06 · Answer

Depends on the situation. A lot of men die , end up in prison or end up seriously injured because of the expectation that they should defend their honour or defend their woman if something happens in public like a bar fight or some other man making on move on your girl🤔

AriaSkullz · Answer

I got mad respect for a someone who stands up for thier partner. That act shows thier partner that they care for them and they're proud to show it.

SphynxUK · Answer

My ex husband has stood for me many times when needed. Even now, and we’ve been split 6 years.
These have been situations when he’s seen or heard something I was oblivious to, or wasn’t even present when it occurred.

natured · Answer

I mean it depends on the situation, if someone mocks me my partner will immediately GO NUTS, but if it's during a debate i can defend myself and I don't expect or want my partner to protect me there... so it all depends on the situation.

BCA6010 · Answer

If someone won't stand up for their spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, then who exactly will they stand up for?

0112358 · Answer

Stand up for what?

I mean it feels like I constantly see it in movies or tv shows where the guy has to leap in and defend his partner which i guess people love seeing. But I can't actually remember seeing this happen in real life.

rienna888 · Answer

I’d think he’s a pussy cuz I’d stand up for him anytime

Moimaris · Answer

My father always defends my mother, even is she is not right.

HHHHIHHHHHIHHHH · Answer

Same as for a woman not standing up for a partner in public. I dont think it should be gender dependent. It is not an obligation of any one although a nice to have relationship trait

AgentRED · Answer

Not my problem some guys out there let other guys walk all over them like male dominance or whatever.  Remember, nice guys finish last for a reason

Leavesbound · Answer

I have on more than one occasion gotten between my girl and someone else.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Not cool. But I don't blame them if she brought it upon herself.

MrJMM · Answer

If the partner is completely capable of standing up for themselves then I would just watch to see what would happen.

Not_Average · Answer

I always stick up for my people. If words cannot be used in a way to calm the situation, then I’ll take it as far as needed to stop them.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

It’s bizarre but I have seen it. Especially when she is mindi g her own business and someone starts in on her. Seen it…had to step in that one.

InferiorElegy · Answer

If she's they cause then she should deal with it, all I would do is try to deescalate the situation with words, either way I'm not going to get violent with someone and neither should the other person.

DWornock · Answer

The are being smart. It's silly to take an unnecessary risk. Let her handle it. Isn't that what women want?

joeldalton · Answer

It depends. If the chick is one of those that talks shit then expects her boyfriend/husband to step in all the time I'd be less inclined to judge her guy for staying the fuck out of it.

hellacray · Answer

Well what did the woman do that would require me to stand up for her?

blondfrog · Answer

Pussies and beta males.

zagor · Answer

What if their partner instigates trouble? Some girls are just rude bitches; do they deserve backup?

Pete671 · Answer

Pathetic, but far better to de-escalate the situation or just get away if you can,

shydude1991 · Answer

For me it takes more courage to step away and leave the girl alone than to fight for her.

Blackcupcake · Answer

I don’t expect for a guy to protect me in public

SwitchGirl · Answer

Sad, it's not the way

Tiffgurl · Answer

As long as their partner wasn't totally in the wrong then he should always stand up for his partner!

Hadesheim · Answer

That should never happen no matter the consequences.

Zygum · Answer

Must be brave and courgious to defend his partner

moviedude714 · Answer

I figure they are most likely to get dumped

Andres77 · Answer

Are you a team or not?🤨

iseekpinetrees · Answer

Why would someone need to?

Nazgol · Answer

Cowards. Shame to be even called a partner

Azura_88 · Answer

They're just using her and don't love her.

In_Trance · Answer

Depends why they might need to in the first place

friendzoned4life · Answer

Dickheads.

RealMarek · Answer

I find it to be very weak.

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