Why do men go on the defense when you call them out on they bad treatment if you?

[Anonymous]

Long story short. I met a guy and started seeing him as a friends with benefits, we never really went out on dates. I would as him what he wanted and he would be vague by asking what I wanted and agreeing.
He was texting me daily but I was getting frustrated that he didn't seem to want to meet much.
So I told him to cut the BS, that I knew he was stringing me along, keeping me as a option and that if he wanted casual to just say and actually meet.

His responsive was on the defense, he turned it all on me, I was not asking him to meet, I wasn't showing much interest, not texting him etc.
saying I'm the one who doesn't want serious.

The thing that got me was he never acknowledged my feelings or opogised if I felt that way.

So is it possible that I was spot on and he didn't like me calling him out on this?

[MarkGerrits]

I honoustly think you both are in the wrong here. you where ok with just being casual but you where hoping on more, YET you did not take the initiative as to get it to a point where it became more serious.

as for the defensive part, it's human nature to defend yourself. and in this case you both where equally wrong. So you both probably where in ur own right of use with what you said.

best thing to do is just throw it next to you as it never became serious and just keep on moving to the future. you'll meet someone who does wanna be serious with yah. i'm sure of it :).

[OlderAndWiser]

"Why do men go on the defense when you call them out. . ?" Some PEOPLE (both genders) have their frail egos protected in a delusional blanket; they are good people because they are ALWAYS right. Why? The answer isn't important. You are not going to change those people and they are not relationship material.

[Wonderer89]

People don't like others pointing out their negative traits and behaviours as it means they have to reflect on what they're doing that's affecting others.
When no ones pointing it out they can continue like it's all ok and for some, it is. But if you were asking questions that he avoided yet continued with the relationship, he's bound to be annoyed for being called out for it

[Ernie883]

He was just that type of guy/asshole. Some of us can own our flaws. That prick however not only transferred all blame he also sounds like the kind of lover who takes but never gives. Probably not really good with the tounge. Cause he don't give a shit about you and your orgasm. Selfish prick.

[CactusJuice]

Next time try talking with him in a way that doesn't put him on the defensive. Instead of the accusations tell him how his actions make YOU feel. This way you're relating your feelings and not making it about him. He'll be less defensive. And if he can't talk maturely like this -- time to get a new boyfriend!

Say it exactly like this: "When you __________, I feel ____________."

[speedinbai]

friends with benefits is all about wanting casual. it sounds like you ither want a relationship or you want an open relationship.
on the other hand texting someone is showing interest granted in the smallest way but by you not reciprecating tells him that you aren't interested

it sounds like to me you are very confused on what you want

[genericname85]

stop trying to make stuff happen that´s not gonna happen. he clearly invests as much in you as he wants already and asking him for more than he wants is pointless. if the thing you have isn´t what fullfills your needs, call it quits instead of calling him out.

[genericname85]

basically what you do is expecting him to do want to see you more and date you, when he at no point showed that this was his intention. and by calling him out, you imply that was his intention which it wasn´t, putting him in an awkward position.

[Atreyu]

I could be wrong... but you entered a relationship that doesn't afford you any respect and got upset that you didn't get any respect.

maybe instead of a hookup you leave him and go on dates with someone else

[JSmith925]

For the same reason they mistreat you in the first place; because they are self-involved and insensitive to others. Projecting their dysfunction on others is a defense mechanism and classic sign of poor mental health.
~JSmith

For the same

[PoliceLivesMatter]

1. Don't generalize, makes you look ignorant.
2. Your idea of defensive is vague, you didn't post the entire text discussion so I can't comment on whether or not he was on the defensive.

[hauling889123]

I think u hit the nail on the head I have exoericend the same thing except mine wanted money before we ever met 3 different ones when I said no never heard from them again u can't hardly trust any thing on the internet that is why I give my phone no out if someone is serious they can call me have not had one use it yet

[JayB88]

It sounds like you knew what you were getting into but wanted more, but would never ask for it. I don't think that's stringing along. Could be wrong it's hard to tell without seeing the actual texts.

[JohnDoe3000]

PEOPLE get defensive when you criticize them. Also, you didn't got strung along: you're a 35+ woman who chose to have casual sex.

[49erfan]

if he's not acknowledging ur feelings , that somethings wrong with the guy , if a girl said that to me id apologize

[Walrus_au]

I don't think it's unique to men. Anyone being called out on bad behaviour they know is bad, is likely to get defensive.

[johnmichaei]

absolutely baby friends with benefits to me is different than one of y'all to talk about

[Z-Spark]

So he's a friends with benefits but he doesn't treat you like a girlfriend... i dont get the problem

[blondfrog]

abusive women do that too.

[y_tho]

Maybe you're over reacting

[Anonymous]

Her probably thought you were a grown woman.

[Anonymous]

You lied.