A girl who tells you she just got out of a toxic or abusive relationship with an ex a major red flag?

[Gespenster_division]

[45Fstraight]

I'm shocked at some of these answers. So many are drawing conclusions based on fictional T. V.

First of all, if she tells you she just got out of a toxic relationship then kudos to her for knowing a bad guy and she is looking for a good guy.

Second, women who are in abusive relationships for the long term are not there, "because she likes it." She's been threatened over and over again about the harm that will come to her, her children, her family, and her friends (if she has any).

Third, this isn't T. V. where the abusive husband carries his beer around yelling profanities at his wife in public. Abusive men in REAL LIFE come off as charming, fun to be around, a great friend, a great husband and father, and the kind of guy that, "could never hurt anyone."

Finally, not every person who comes out of a bad relationship has trust issues. A woman who left an abuser recognizes an abuser. Maybe a slamming door will cause her to jump, but it's not necessarily a "trust issue".

I think any one who refers to ANY woman as "damaged goods" is disgusting and toxic themselves. People are not "goods"!

[natured]

Basically if she got out of a toxic or abusive relationship is a red flag because you would immediately think she is camoflagin the whole situation becuse in reality she slept with 56 men?
If this is your Idea then you have deep rooted issues my friend.
You should NEVER EVER EVER JUDGE a girls past IN NO ASPECTb whatsoever !!!
If someone got out of an abusive relationship you should be supportive, I got out of one myself, and my current partner supported me all the way.
So what you did here is very tasteless and insecure...

[Account]

He won't understand, no matter what, girl. He is stuck in thinking that women are evil no matter what.

[Gespenster_division]

@Account women are just like men equally capable of evil. For instance for ever man that's willing to rape there's a woman willing to make up a false rape allegation.

[natured]

@Account Well, he needs therapy...

[NoLookingAtSoleil]

I was just going to ask the same thing in different words,

IF she is open about what happened to her previously, so - not guarding anyone former as her 'sweet memories' - then you have a chance.
Lots, most, in fact, of us, went through some form of abuse we'd gladly live behind, turn the page, so to speak. There isn't even a thing to be concerned about providing that she _genuinely_ detached from all the damaging behaviours (and in fact people who caused it).

Anything she guards as her 'sweet memory' and then lies to you about to _appear_ clean - will result in the relationship being a flop. So it has to be a complete denouncing of anyone toxic (highly likely all people in her life, except if there was a grandma or so who never liked how she was forced to behave)

Good luck 👍

[bamesjond0069]

Huge red flag. These are the possibilities:

1. He tricked her. He was great but turned bad. This is possible. But she didn't leave right at the start. She allowed him to continue and to be treated badly. This is a sign of low self esteem and she will have issues from being treated like that for as long as she let it continue. That is a RED FLAG.

2. Everyone could see he was an abuser. She didn't care. That is a RED FLAG.

3. He was a great guy and she is a manipulator and she's lying. That is a RED FLAG.

There is no way to spin this where it doesn't make her look bad. Watch out.

[Account]

So if a woman got out of an abusive relationship that is still her fault?

I am gonna assume it is always the woman's fault, no matter what, according to the logic of many men of GaG.

[akas834]

its a redflag in a way that she will now probably have trust and mental issues at that point.

[Account]

Ι get it, it is always the woman's fault for everything she had to deal with.

[Gespenster_division]

@akas834 agreed. Often women will just say their ex was toxic or abusive. Often turns out that they were the toxic abusive ones.

[loveslongnails]

You use words like "often" AS IF you have actually "data" as to real numbers, or incidents. But you don't. It's nothing more than conjecture on your part, as I suspect based on your previous posts, you're pretty much a misogynist. Be that as it may, REAL statistics show that men ARE the primary abusers in relationships where women DO get out. Law enforcement and social workers can only guess at the number of abused women who don't report domestic violence or abuse, because they are too scared or have no way out that they can see.

Of course a woman getting out of something like that will have some trust issues. And who could blame her? She could run into someone like yourself who will presume it was probably her fault, without even hearing her story.

[Gespenster_division]

@loveslongnails a generalisation

[loveslongnails]

Doesn't matter what you "call" it, you have no basis in data for it to be valid. Perhaps you have some anecdotal evidence, but that's nothing except personal stories or accounts and likely very few. You have no hard evidence or data of ANY kind to support YOUR statement, while there is an abundance of hard evidence to support the opposite.

[natured]

These comments are sick... you're so right though

[Gespenster_division]

@loveslongnails generally speaking one can generally only generalise.

[OlderAndWiser]

The more a girl tells me about how awful her ex was, the more I wonder about her judgment in selecting a partner for herself.

[CMeow]

Toxic and abusive are two different things. If it was abusive, that could mean her boyfriend was physically hitting her. There is no reality in which her boyfriend physically hurting her is a reflection of who she is. Also, It is simply not acceptable to beat up your partner, male or female. I dont think a woman should be blamed for dating someone who has emotional problems to the extent that they resort to hitting.
If the relationship is just “toxic” that can mean anything. It’s up to the girls interpretation what toxic means, and it very well can be all in her head… or the toxic elements could even be things SHE caused in the first place. I would be cautious of that. However, if she was being physically beaten up in an ABUSIVE relationship, then I don’t think it’s a red flag for her. A red flag would be a girl who says she’s being abused but doesn’t choose to leave a man.

[MotorcycleMan]

Maybe a yellow flag. Anyone can get caught up in a bad relationship.
If she goes on and on about it, I'm probably not going to want a serious relationship with her until she gets over it.
If she does nothing but blame him for everything, maybe he was evil, but maybe she played a part too. I have a lot more respect for people who own their own shit.

[doopayo]

You’re the ultimate true Reddit turbo virgin. At this point just say you hate women and blame all your problems on the libtards and feminists

[Gespenster_division]

Why you mad? Do you have an opinion?

[doopayo]

Nah you’re just an incel that probably hasn’t showered in years

[Gespenster_division]

I think you are just sexist.

[doopayo]

Good ✅

[Hairylegs222]

Just got out of a relationship no matter what happened in it, I don't date any woman yet because of the possibility she might have rebounds after. Or she isn't over the last relationship yet. Hopefully eventually she'll overcome and get over the last relationship in time and then I'll ask her out :)

[exitseven]

It is not a red flag. It is maybe an explanation to why she jumps a mile when you come up behind her unannounced. I would like to know what I was dealing with. I dated somebody who was abused and had mental health issues. I tried to deal with it the best I could. .

[Ms_Vanderquack]

If you can't tell the difference between a manipulative woman and an abusive man you shouldn't be allowed to date anyone.

[Gespenster_division]

Seems to be the go to place for women to make up stuff about an ex to appear to be the victim.

[Ms_Vanderquack]

Seems to be the go to place for men to make up stuff about women to appear to be the victim.

[bamesjond0069]

Agreed! This is the answer. There is no sympathy for women who keep choosing men who beat them. There is a word for that... its trash. But you're right there are these simp men who let every manipulative woman manipulate them... there is a word for them too... its trash.

[bamesjond0069]

A real quality man or woman they get a hint of being treated that way and they would be gone to greener pastures that day.

[IveGotNoName]

Well, in a way, but not because of her. Just because when you've just gotten out of something like that, you shouldn't be jumping right into a new relationship.

[Gespenster_division]

If that was really the case

[IveGotNoName]

Well, if she seems like the type to lie about that, that's of course a red flag... but I wouldn't date someone who's damaged like that either way... they need time to heal... if it's from being a manipulative twat or it's from actual damage doesn't really matter

[BCA6010]

Eh. If it's the first time well we all make mistakes. If she has a repeated history of abusive partners, then it's cause for concern because clearly she doesn't learn.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree. I feel disgusted by second hand handbags and shoes so imagine a used woman. It’s damaged goods. I understand why men want their wives to be virgin but these days a lot of men have dropped their standards and actually want hoes.

[RealMarek]

I wouldn’t date someone who had “just” gotten out of any relationship. I waited before dating after I got out of a relationship. People need time to process what went wrong.

[slatyb]

It's not. I met and eventually married a woman just out of a horrible marriage. It's been great.

[genericname85]

somewhat. cause i don't really condone someone speaking about their ex like that. if you have nothing good to say about your ex, just don't say anything.

[TommyMountainFigure]

No not really. I'd be interested to listen to everything she had to say about it.

[Leavesbound]

A red flag for what? Should I penalize someone for having been too naïve to recognize when someone is going to become abusive?

[Gespenster_division]

What I mean is how common the story is, usually they lying

[JennBITx]

I would stay out of it. I would be a friend but no sex would be involved. I am not a rebound

[Dchrls78104]

I wouldn't date someone like that. I can't be anyone's rebound guy. It's not a chance I'm willing to take---and there are too many liars.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Not always at least.

[Pete671]

Yes she'll probably go back to him, he won't ever really change and she craves the abuse,,,