Boyfriend has photos of his female friends in his wallet but not of me?

[Anonymous]

We have been together for almost 2 years, everything is going great and I have no doubts about his loyalty or anything like that. I noticed a while back that he has a polaroid photo of him and a girl friend in his wallet. He’s a big family guy so he has a polaroid of his family and one of his pets, and then one of him with this girl. I asked him jokingly about it and he kind of just brushed it off. I know she is not one of his exes. I don’t mind him having female friends but I’m more hurt that he carries a photo of her with him when he doesn’t have any of me (I’ve given him one but I’ve never seen him carry it around, I asked about it but he didn’t do anything so I just kind of stopped asking), doesn’t have me as a phone wallpaper/background or post anything about us on social media (but he is not a big social media guy). We’ve talked about how I feel about this before and he put me as a wallpaper for one of his chat apps but this was after so much asking that it just feels like he’s just doing it to appease me. Am I overthinking or is he ashamed of our relationship? He always assures me that he is not and he loves me but I just want him to feel like he can show me off and wants to tell his friends about me.

[Anonymous]

I know none of what us say is going to make you leave him right now, but I hope you think about doing it ASAP. You don’t doubt his intentions or loyalty because you’ve instilled a lot of trust in him, but maybe in doing so you’ve turned a blind eye. There is absolutely no reason he should have pics of his friends in a personal place and not you. No reason why you should have to ask him repeatedly and the most you get is a wallpaper. This guy is creeping and maybe you don’t have clear evidence of it but that’s a huge red flag.

[caring__1]

He's sending mixed messages, and only he can give you the clarification you seek. You can ask him to tell you about the friend in his wallet. Make sure it comes across as curiosity, not criticism. As you've discovered, adding pressure on him won't give you the result you want. My concern is that there may have been so much pressure in the past, he'll assume whatever you do is still pressure.

Clear, open, honest communication is key to a healthy relationship. If you've never been taught communication skills, seek out a therapist who can teach the two of you together. Never assume you're born with the skills. It's about understanding the other, not focusing on being heard or getting your way. I hope the two of you can feel safe enough to openly share. Best wishes for success.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I think that is very disrespectful in the first place, but even after you have made him aware of it AND you gave him a photo too? Nah! That's not right.

The question though is what lengths are you prepared to go to to make him fix it

[Sincerly_KittyCat]

I would've asked why it's there. I would've explained why it makes me uncomfortable and that it's disrespectful and not normal. If he doesn't want to understand that would be my sign to peace out ✌️. I am not going to be stressed out by someone who clearly doesn't respect me.

[Anonymous]

That’s messed up