My girlfriend slept with someone else before we were official? Now what?

[Anonymous]

Dating for 4 months and became official last week. She told me she slept with someone else before we got into a relationship.

I told her I no longer want to be with her and she's upset and doens't think its a big deal because we weren't "together".

I told her (a month into dating) if she ever slept with anyone else while we were dating I would walk, because Im not into that.

[JoVee]

But if you weren't dating when she DID sleep with someone else why does it matter? Don't let something trivial mess something up that could be one of the best things for you. Though it is up to you.

I would also argue that it could show where their commitment or lack there of lies because if they were working to build a relationship with you then sleeping with someone else while doing so, not a good look and you may need to cut your losses but again up to you and how you feel about the situation.

Number one thing is be honest with yourself and fight for what you deserve. Probably better to cut loose now instead of letting something like this fester into a bigger issue which could cause a strain on the relationship and cause you both to waste your time.

[Jfranco12]

Well you set your boundary a month into dating and and she broke it 1 month after that. She is not to be trusted. Sure you weren’t official but you literally told you wouldn’t put up with that. Sounds like the type of girl that would cheat on you

[Jake99999]

Your relationship didn't become official until last week, you said. But she slept with someone months ago? Is it really that big of a deal?

You said you would walk after one month of dating if she was with anyone else? You value her so little that you are going to end it for this? She told you herself, right? She informed you. She didn't have to. But she was honest with you. No points for that then? So dump her then, if you can't stand it.

[Asker]

We been dating for 3 months. She had sex with someone a week ago.

[Jake99999]

Thats not really what your question says.

"Dating for 4 months and became official last week. She told me she slept with someone else before we got into a relationship"

So you were dating for 4 months but it was not "official" until last week, right?

"She told me she slept with someone else before we got into a relationship." So I am assuming that you were in a relationship 4 months ago when you started dating? People who are dating are already in a relationship.

So now you are saying you only dated for 3 months and she slept with someone else a week ago. That does not come across in your initial statement.

So she had sex with someone right after you both had agreed to be exclusive, almost at the same exact time, is that what you are saying?

[Jake99999]

But you also say that after one month of dating, you told her you expected her to be exclusive. So I don't understand what you are saying when you say "we became official a week ago". What does that mean, if you expected her to be exclusive after one month of dating? That sounds pretty "official" to me, after one month of dating you expected to be exclusive.

I don't know, its very confusing the way you are explaining it. Maybe that is why your girlfriend was confused as well, there are mixed messages even in your question you wrote. Its hard to follow.

I guess its just simpler to say that your partner slept with someone else last week and you don't like it and you want to dump her. That is basically it. You either forgive her because you believe in second chances and you care about her, or you dump her because you can't get over the betrayal.

[Asker]

Thank you

[readyplayer001]

you gotta ask yourself can i fully trust this person from here on out into a full blown relationship. she clearly heard you but chose to do what she wanted, its very selfish on her behalf you were dating. i dont get people at all. that trust which i agree with you would be gone for me, i could never trust the person

[JoahZ10nT]

Dating for 4 months!!! And she was still fucking someone else!!! Oh snap !!! You let that bitch go …. If she really care for you she would not slept with a plan B (other girl) if she really liked you. You guys where not official but she knew you guys had something 4 months

[Anonymous]

Well, you broke up with her so that’s the “now what” right lol. In all seriousness tho, I don't know if you were very fair with her. Everyone is different and you had every right to break up if you told her from the start that you don’t agree with her behavior. In my mind tho, I’m single until I’m off the market. Because why checkout for someone who is still shopping? If they don’t want me leaving my options open then they need to make it official, otherwise what’s the point? I just think all these new age definitions complicate a pretty simple notion of if you want someone for yourself then make it official. Bc what’s dating even, if you want girlfriend/boyfriend treatment? I thought that was the time to confirm that you want eachother, not a commitment. Again tho, that’s just my perception and no judgement against your choice.

[ohshee]

WTF
You started dating 4 months ago it just became official last week
She was with somebody before you guys even had a relationship before she even knew you
And you want to walk because why because you're not happy you just using this as an excuse to walk away
You're the one that said it in your words you'd walk if she was ever with somebody while you were dating she wasn't with that person while you were dating she's with that person before she even knew you

[Daniela1982]

It is somewhat common for people who are not exclusive and dating others to possibly have sex. No matter what you told her it wasn't "We are exclusive, right?" So you are wrong but you gotta go by your own standards too.

[Hillary86]

You did what you told her what you would do. She called your bluff.

[Hillary86]

If you took her back most like she do it again and again.

[Asker]

Very true

[Little_Bumblebee]

I think it's fair. You already told her from the start how you felt about it.

[Better_off_here]

you have to get yourself a woman who respects you and not sleeps around if you put up with this and take accept her after what did to you you are only asking for her to maybe do it again. what you told her was right my friend.

[Anonymous]

This is disgusting and immoral. You still call her your girlfriend. You must leave him immediately. Who knows what a woman who slept with someone else while she was with you will do when she marries you.

[RCase321]

So it's not your problem, happened before you.
Have you never slept with anyone before?
So you thought you Broke her Virgin. So you've never taken a virgin before.

[Wise4myage]

Its not that big of a deal, but If you can't handle it, than its time to move on.

[stevie123]

Everyone makes mistakes or gets overcome with lust.
Give her a second chance

[MrMountainLion]

I don't see a problem with having sex with other people if you're only dating but she doesn't sound trustworthy if you made it clear to her

[Caliguy88]

Well if it’s not official I don’t see the issue. I can see not being happy about it, but that’s life…. in my opinion

[Anonymous]

If you make it clear you are exclusively dating this person and they sleep with som1 else they r trash dump
em

[Jamie05rhs]

She fucked up. Her loss. Tell her "Bye!"

[JosyJosy]

did she do it before you said that?

[Asker]

she did it 2 months after I said it. I told her you know how I feel about it so its over. She wants to work it out but im not there yet

[JosyJosy]

ah that sucks, yeah I'd let her go if I had set those rules. You made it clear and she broke the rules anyway

[Anonymous]

Sound smoke she just ignored the rules.

[anylolone]

Hum... It's your choice.

I wouldn't care.

[dndkks]

What do you want to do? It's very important.

[Asker]

I told her I need space and time to think.

[dndkks]

I understood it, I am asking what do you want to do now? Are you cold from it or do you want to finish it?

[Asker]

Im cold. I can't even kiss her Im so shocked

[dndkks]

It's up to you, in fact, if you have cooled off from him forever, I recommend that you end this relationship as soon as it works. No, I don't get cold, even if you say it's short, you know, keep going.

[888theGreat]

A guy or gal?