If a date puts you on the spot about political views you don’t agree with, what is the best way to react?

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen more and more of this go on over the last few years. I personally NEVER bring up politics on a first date. Agree or disagree it does absolutely nothing for romantic energy. However I’ve seen more and more women put men on the spot about this.

In a way it feels like a shit test. A guy might be tempted to seemingly agree just to please her because he wants to get laid. But also if he stands his ground and (tactfully) disagrees it can show that he is confident. For some women having that strong counter balance is a huge turn on because it’s a challenge.

But how do you react?

Change the subject

Tactfully disagree. If they don’t respect your viewpoint than consider leaving

Cave and agree just because you want to get laid

Other

Updates

+1 y

In my very bias POV I’ve just noticed women making a bigger and bigger deal about this over the last few years. Sure there was always conservative vs. liberal 15 years ago but nowadays just smdh.

I think it’s completely fine if you don’t want to date someone who doesn’t align with your beliefs. However it’s HOW I see people having knee jerks reactions nowadays that disconcerting.

Updates

+1 y

I’ve seen guys cave before in group settings and double dates. These are just hook up situations but still it’s such bs.

In the past I usually just changed the subject in those situations. I usually joke about something else. But I see a lot of this crap going on nowadays and it’s the woke culture’s secret (yet very effective) weapon.

The radical left uses emotionally based propaganda to 1st brainwash women and impressionable young men. Then young men feel challenged when trying to date.

[224466881010]

I'd get very curious and try to find out why they have their political beliefs. I'd probably just undermine most political views because they're arrogant in the first place. I find that most people who hold political views don't actually have the slightest clue about the actual reality of the situation. It's all based on hearsay from their favorite pundits. I can almost guarantee they didn't read the scientific papers, they don't know the numbers, they don't actually know what is said behind closed doors and they know nothing about economics or people from different cultures. If someone brings up a rigid political belief right away, I almost immediately discover that it's mostly supported by arrogance and emotions rather than rational thought or logic. So basically I'd try to humble them or show that they're putting the cart before the horse.

I'm not saying it's impossible to have well formed political views, I'm just saying most of y'all are completely full of shit and it shows, because it's really difficult to have accurate knowledge or a plan for even just a singular issue. So when someone claims support for a particular political party or trashes others... DEAD GIVEAWAY. They're full of shit. They aren't even talking about a specific issue (and each individual issue on a political platform is no doubt enormously complex), let alone a wide group of issues, even when people should be disagreeing left right and center (pardon the pun) WITHIN a single political party. No. You don't know anything bro. You're a sheep. Try your hand at actually examining and solving a problem instead of playing crusader slacktivist with your stupid pamphlets and posters hailing a chosen hero who's going to swoop in and save us all. That's Disney, not reality. Politics is mostly for making people feel important and is only actually played for real at high levels.

[Asker]

Very well said

[OlderAndWiser]

I had this issue arise and I told my date, "Whether we agree or disagree, I am not looking for a companion with whom I can discuss politics, and if we disagree, I am quite tolerant. Is it a deal breaker for you?"

And, for her, it was. And so, ultimately, we would not have been a good match, because she was intolerant, and breaking up early on avoided me wasting more of my time on her.

[Asker]

It sounds like you gave her a chance. But I agree with the intolerance aspect.

[OlderAndWiser]

I am a moderate conservative, not far right and not leaning towards the center. I dated a fairly left liberal for two years and we got along very well despite those differences. We understood that we disagreed, neither of us called the other stupid, and we tried to stay away from discussing politics. And we spent every weekend together. We eventually broke up for other reasons.

[Asker]

I’m the same way and also had a similar relationship years ago. But she tragically made several new friends with far leftist radical feminists. We had other problems but that definitely weighed into her decision to dump me.

But the mutual respect you are talking about is sadly (and horrifyingly) becoming a thing of the past.

[OlderAndWiser]

Indeed! The current mantra, at least in the political realm, seems to be "all of your opponents can be conquered if you express enough hatred."

[Asker]

It’s disgusting.

[Nomina]

I won't bring up politics when getting to know someone and I hate the fact that even I have been roped in on this BS. It does kill the mood, real fast. So I will listen instead and tactfully disagree. It is a deliberate act not to jump to conclusions about the person and to keep your feelings at the door.

I try not to let someone's political beliefs affect the way I treat them, but it can affect my desire to be with them.

And I will admit I don't want some male feminist trying to woo me by whispering in my ears about how oppressed I am or something not only due to being a woman but also being black! Double Whammy!

[Asker]

Yep exactly right

[hi_it_is_me123]

I mean it depends on. It would be difficult if he is radical leftist/radical right. A (radical) right party's members in my country were arrested for corruption for example. I am open minded when it comes to political beliefs as long as he respects mine beliefs

[hi_it_is_me123]

Many guys on gag are also not really tolerant when it comes to such things. Not only womrn may reject men for political beliefs but also men may do reject women for being feminist for example according to gagers

[Asker]

I have nothing against clássical feminism. In fact I completely support that. But the that label has been corrupted in the recent years thanks to modern radicalism.

The problem is when a guy here’s a woman blurt out “I’m a feminist” he usually assumes the worst. He assumes she believes in Down syndrome catch phrases like “believe all women” (in reality there are just as many sociopathic women as men).

However there is a minority cohort of women out there who really mean they align with classical feminism. But again that label has been corrupted.

[hi_it_is_me123]

Ok i understand

[Asker]

Thank you

[NewgodX]

I think it's their choice who men reject for what reason same as yours, feminism can be a point of rejection it can't be argued why would some men reject on this basis, it's their choice their right most importantly it's their life

[hi_it_is_me123]

This is perfectly ok. And i agree. I think political beliefs would not necassarily cause any problem for the relationship as long as you do your job in the relationship. A feminist can be traditional too and I lean to left but i would not call myself liberal. There are many points of feminists and liberals that i agree but there are some points of conservatives that i also agree. What important is to respect eachother political beliefs and that you are not radical. I am pro choice, support women's choice in clothes like revealing clothes etc but i personally wear very modest clothes, would not abort except my potential partner want me to abort etc. I also wait till marriage etc. The only thing that is not traditional about me is not wanting to be housewife forever. I personally want to stay at home only when i got small kids but go to work when they go to elementary school

[hi_it_is_me123]

So i personally have no problem with dating conservative men as long as we respect eachother's beliefs

[Asker]

@hi_it_is_me123 I really wish their were more women like you. Girls like you were much more common 7+ years ago. But nowadays I’m seeing more and more women with this “it’s my way or no way” attitude.

In the long run that attitude will leave you lonely and miserable.

[HollyK21]

Hear from her mind but speak yours too. Sometimes political views can be dealbreakers and sometimes you will find a healthy way to have clashing views, but accept that the other person thinks differently and coexist with that. But don’t stay quiet, because if this topic isn’t coming up now then it will at another point. Might as well address it now so you can pull out of that situation and there won’t be too much emotional damage.

[Asker]

7+ years ago this would be completely valid. But nowadays people go ballistic if you disagree with them.

Of course you should hold your ground and speak up. But it gets jarring when you encounter several people who act this way.

[HollyK21]

Honestly, 7+ years ago you would’ve been in the same boat. As long as politics are involved, it’s always been hard to find a middle ground or bring the person opposing your thoughts to see your way of thinking. The only difference as of late is that more and more people are taking interest in standing up for their political views, especially women. But when I think 7+ years ago, I really acknowledge the plus, and think of all the history our country has, regarding political views. Obama, Bush, etc, then you look at other instances where it played a big role, like the Jim Crow era, lgbtq rights, women’s rights, etc.. I think being on the same page as your potential partner would’ve been an issue then, as well.

[HollyK21]

Regardless, this thought process of mine has to be valid even now, because you absolutely must be able to speak your mind the minute they express views that differ from yours. Because you can’t just sit and bite your tongue the whole relationship and if you hold off and hold off then soon your frustration will peak and it’ll be an explosive argument. I’d rather forego that and keep it real, soon as I could.

[Asker]

@hollyk21 remember I’m talking about first dates. I was in long term then moderate (now radical) liberal woman. I actually really enjoyed our debates and conversations. But neither one of us brought politics on our first few dates. It came later. I remember her saying “you were quiet about your political stances” and I was like “well yeah what’s the point”.

But in the last five years I’ve seen more and more women do this. When Trump got in office I started seeing on multiple girl’s dating profiles “if your conservative swipe left” and “I don’t fuck Republicans” and other crap.

They want to be that way then fine i want nothing to do work them. But I’ve seen a growing percentage of women behaving this way. It just limits the pool even more when the odds are already tough.

[Asker]

*nothing to do with them.

[HollyK21]

It sounds like that situation was healthy for the most part, thank goodness. Like being able to talk about your views, maybe debate, disagree but ultimately still respecting each other outside of politics. I do remember that you’re talking about first dates, but if politics arise in conversation during that time, then what? You can’t just smile, nod and ignore your own views for the sake of scaring her off or butting heads. Maybe that’s the perfect time to gauge if you can healthily speak about politics in the future. Of course I’m not suggesting that you throw that out there on the first date, I’m just saying if she did. Hang in there tho, I get that the dating scene must be hard, especially when politics come into the picture but eventually you’ll find someone on either the same page or a way of voicing her opinion/debating/etc that you can respect.

[PinkMichae]

I'm good at listening to why they believe what they believe. But I definitely won't just agree with them. I make a point to know what's going on in the political world. So I'd probably show them proof why they are wrong and they will probably get offended and try to insult me.

And if they can't be respectful of my beliefs, which is usually the case with people on the left, then they can kick rocks. I wouldn't have wanted to end up with someone that's going to focus on teaching our kids how they are victims or oppressors, depending on their skin color, and to be Anti-American. And not to say all leftist think that way. But in my experience a lot do.

But I guess I just got lucky. Because the 2 men I did end up having long term relationships with had the same beliefs as me. And I really didn't know until after we were falling in love. Politics wasn't a big priority for me until about 7 years ago after I was already with my handsome guy. It wasn't till I saw what was happening to our country I decided to really get involved and research the lies I kept catching the msm in.

[007kingifrit]

here is what i do/say:

"i think labels trap people in little boxes and instead of defining us they tell us what we are supposed to be. so i don't label"

I then transfer the conversation into a philosophical discussion instead by starting with do you think human nature is good/evil? if you think humans are evil you're on the right, and if you think humans are ultimately good you're on the left

another philosophical question to ask is equality vs fairness. equality is when everyone gets an outcome equal to other outcomes and fairness is when everyone gets an outpet dependent on their input

[Asker]

Good response.

[Shizunk]

The diplomatic approach is to state my position briefly and neutraly and then ask questions about hers to fish for things we do have in common so we can turn this into a positive experience. But frankly, if she is a toxic feminist, or something else directly relevant to the relationship, great. I would rather not bring that up, but if she does inform me that she is entirely undateable, might as well say that early so we dont waste time.

[Asker]

Spot on

[Rachel794]

Most likely bringing up non political first date topics is better. But if it does come up, show interest. Even if you disagree. Ask a lot of open ended questions, giving your date time to answer and without interrupting. This will show you can also handle conflict well in a relationship. Very rarely is a couple going to agree on everything. That’s what makes for an unpredictable and fun relationship.

[Asker]

I had a relationship like that 7 years ago. I actually really enjoyed it. We debated which is different than arguing. But she forced me to think harder and vice versa.

But the days of finding someone like that seem less and less likely nowadays. Try being a guy on a dating app where 3/4 of women mention politics in their dating profiles (and many of them explicitly say they want nothing to do with ANY conservative).

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

I'd just say I'd rather not discuss politics on a date. I might give my opinion if she presses the issue, but tbh it's not gonna endear me to her if i feel like I'm being dragged into a political debate. It's not that I won't ever debate politics. (I can and do on many other occasions, even right here on GaG). But that's not what a first date is for. If she can't respect the "dance" of flirting and witty banter that a first date is meant to elicit, then why should I respect her demands to know my political views? She's welcome to leave the date and go find some more politically charged date with another guy instead.

[wysiwyg2525]

Always start off with sets of rules that tou should never chat about.
Politics
Religion
LBGTQ
Ex never ask or compare yourself to them
Independenacy of a person
Their education/knowledge
Abortion


When you are upfront with the person before you go on a date then your more likely to weed out who you want to be with.

[Asker]

I’ve had more than my fair share of women bring those up on a first date.

[t-8900]

I tell them I'm A Political and slowly and tactfully over the course of the relationship pretend you are starting to notice things that bother you about the world. be like "did you hear about this?" or "what do you think about this?" subjects they might not like but it opens them up to new ideas without you having to deal with hostility. Rather than go hard full on "this is how I feel" be more like "I was thinking that there's some possibility of A & B and I can understand why people have these viewpoints and why others might disagree with it. It's a mess, I don't know but I'm sure with open dialogue people could find more understanding and not be at each other's throats. It's so sad to see people fighting when we all want the same outcomes, which are what's best for all." Works like a charm for me.

[horsenrhinounicorn]

Agree to disagree, let the other share their opinions of what the main qualities of that person that got them to that choice. What are the main qualities that they believe a person should look for prior to making this choice. In the workplace one does not choose a person by their political association for getting the job, they make the choice by who will be the best fit to serve the needs of the organization. Workplaces are filled with great people who come from both parties and when everyone can work together and make a good team thats when success happens.

[MotorcycleMan]

Just be honest. If that is a show stopper for her, then so be it.
You could also tactfully say "Why don't we put that aside for now and just enjoy the evening", which may or may not work, but it's a decent thing to do. There are many people who feel pretty strongly about politics now and for many, disagreeing on this may be a complete turn off. Again, just be honest. She may think you're an asshole for supporting a particular political agenda, but if you lie about it to get laid you definitely are.

[NicoletteXO]

I love political discussions on dates. I don't care what their position is, but I care deeply HOW they arrived at their conclusion. If a man has epistemic integrity and intelligence, we are gonna do great in the bedroom!

[Asker]

Amen

[Anonymous]

Normally lol: it’s just a question on your views, if they disagree it’s their job to convince you otherwise, but they should be open to having their opinion swayed as well. People shouldn’t be judged based of their political views for a romantic relationship no matter what it is, all it is is a good way to learn about someone.

Personally I find you can bring some romantic energy if your charismatic enough and disagree In a respectfull (almost non caring) way. Never had someone hate me or dislike me on any of my views even the controversial ones, turned them into fun little discussions.

[doopayo]

Who even brings up political views on the first date, that’s so awkward. That’s something left for the third or fourth

[Asker]

Funny how a 15 year old gets this but I’ve met women over the age of 30 who don’t.

[Diodoro]

I can count on one hand the number of times politics has ever played a real role on any of my dates or relationships. If it's consistently a problem for you then you need to do better vetting of the girls.

Like in the past two years I can think of one girl who said that Billionaires don't deserve their money and that they should give most of it to poor people who need it.

I challenged her on that. We discussed. We moved on from the topic. Didn't effect our experience overall.

[Asker]

That’s how things used to be for me until about 5 years ago.

[Diodoro]

You need to vet the girls you date better

[Asker]

And that sounds logical. However I unfortunately live in a deep blue state.

I guess a part of me is still hung up on the type of relationship I had with a moderate liberal girl 7 years ago. We had some excellent debates. It was a counter balance i really enjoyed.

But those days are long gone. Moderates on the left are a dying breed.

[Diodoro]

"However I unfortunately live in a deep blue state"

Sounds like a convincing story to maintain the experience you're currently living.

You're not a dumb guy. You're not blind. You can see red flags when they come. Pay attention to them and do something different. Gotta be willing to walk when you see them instead of saying "well, maybe this time it'll be dif... shit"

[Diodoro]

I've been in downtown LA and picked up girls who did not present this issue. It ain't your state bro

[Asker]

@diodoro you got a point. The ex im talking about was in SoCal as well.

[Dude_777]

Hold your ground and test her to see how she reacts. I don't take interest in politics, but if she has one, she needs to have sensible political views.

Just say, i have this point of view (make a different sensible one from her point of view to create a disagreement), to see if she respects your POV or not. If she respects, good. If she rants, disrespects or tries to impose her beliefs on you, good riddance her 😅. It will save you a lot of headaches in future.

[MCheetah]

B. Like when someone tries to tell me why I need to respect Black Lives Matter. I'm sorry hun; but you just failed the Idiot Test. (I don't really say this, but I think it.) I really don't like closed-minded, low IQ ideologues.

[MCheetah]

Also should add: I don't care what someone's political views are, as long as they are respectful and not an extremist. I've gotten along with feminists before and even had a male feminist as a roommate (he was a nice guy, but Super Soy-an as far as masculinity goes). The only problem is, many of those on the far left are so intolerant and disrespectful nowadays, it's starting to seem more and more likely that you'll never be able to peacefully coexist with them if you don't also drink the Kool Aid.

[Inbox]

@mcheetah What are your thoughts on the BLM movement? At least from a lawyer's POV, discrimination against African Americans exist even in the court of law - if you've seen the film, "Just Mercy," it's based upon a true story. Now, it seems to be going against men, BUT I still have enormous respect for the justice department because it's A LOT better than most countries.

[MCheetah]

@Inbox
I think BLM for low IQ idiots and sheep who can't separate simple ideas from an ideology. Ideologies are dangerous and often times, do nothing positive for society, whatsoever. If you (in the general sense) need to join a hateful, super-racist, violent group in order to prove to the world that you think "black people shouldn't be killed by cops," you were likely never a decent human being to begin with. That, or you're just trying to make an easy buck off the pain, suffering, and violence committed to others, which also makes you a piece of sh*t. That's why I don't join political "clubs." I'm not a Conservative or Democrat. I'm not an Anti-Feminist. I'm not MGTOW. I'm not a Red-piller. I'm just me and I'm sick of all this hate, division, and "socially approved" bigotry out there.

[Inbox]

Agreed. One of the issues I have with Feminists nowadays is their very arguments are divisive by nature. For example, "women don't need men," but apparently they speak for 3.5 BILLION women; aka racist logical thinking. As it is war, as it is in life, one must always go back to the policy that evoked that plan or strategy, and I think fundamentally speaking, with BLM, Feminists, MGTOW, etc are coming from the same core of fundamental division.

[MCheetah]

@Inbox
Yes, it's all identity politics Marxism. Class warfare base don superficial traits only losers care about. Almost never had anything to do with personality.

[MrNameless]

I think people bring it up for 2 reasons

1. They want something to talk about and they are passsionate about it

2. I wouldn't call it a shit test, but they likely do want to see what your political alignment is to see if its aligned with them, because different political beliefs is a deal breaker for many.

[ChrisMaster69]

If they are too outside my views, then I tell them dates over and walk.

Unlike the States we actually have left wing people here in the UK.

i can handle a certain amount of political bollox but anyone too far extreme left or right is gone.

Ditto with religion, if the word God comes out of their mouth chances are the next noise will be my chair moving.

Same with racism and homophobia, walked out before because of their views.

[Bobsyoruncle]

Be graceful without compromising your opinions or beliefs.

Get the date wrapped up as quickly as possible.

See them home or safely where they need to go.

Write them off.

The WORST circle of hell is the one where you have to spend time with someone who is wrongheaded about things that are important to YOU.

[Darksign]

I'd stand up for what I believe. I'm not gonna lie for some pussy. But if she's gonna bring up politics we're gonna get deep into why she believes what she believes and expose her lack of education on the subject. If she keeps squawking about trump this, trump that, but can't back it up with facts then that shows her ignorance and lack of character