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I don't have much experience with dating apps and sites. I've signed up on OKC three times and evertime I have more fun answering the questions. I swear by the end of the first week I already have a couple of hundred of questions answered. Some detailed, some not. I have no idea if the number of questions actually affects any matching but if it does, it doesn't help. Rare were the men I had seen answer more than 100 questions.
After that bit of fun ends, there's no enjoyment in going over profiles. It feels cold and detached and like I'd said on a similar question here - like I'm hiring someone to fill a position. Kinda feels empty. Not kinda, it absolutely does. To me, it takes away from the human element, of interacting with them organically. Not a fan.
My exes and I met through school and friends. The difference that I have found so far, with dating apps/sites is that you can observe one another in many different situations. There's a buffer (the friends, classes) that can keep you in check, so you don't make a fool of yourself or rush (ime, people rush a lot online), you can get to know each other a bit more platonically first (which I like).
It hasn't changed the fact that I have met a couple of romantic interests online through forums. But those never went anywhere. Because long distance is not what I want, no thank you. I want touch mah dude. I'm not against moving to be with someone but I'm assuming it would take a long time for me to get to that point.
I really like all the questions on OKC as well, I almost always add an additional comment to explain my answer. I also enjoy browsing profiles and I get interested in a few of the women I see but I rarely get any response to my messages for whatever reason. Maybe the interest isn't mutual, the user stopped logging in, or they have hundreds of messages already (actually, that happens a fair bit, I get a message saying "this user can't receive anymore messages, unless you pay a fee to get in her inbox (but it doesn't look like she pays much attention to her inbox, so why would you do that?).
Or some other factor, who knows? What I know is after sending somewhere around 100 messages (which represents roughly equivalent hours reading profiles and writing introductions), I the observation/conclusion is that online dating is a waste of time.
The few who did respond seemed half hearted or judgmental, like they were waiting for me to "prove" I was worth talking to, while putting forth little to no effort in their responses (possibly due to being flooded with options). I'm not really into a "dance, monkey, dance" dynamic, so I lose interest when they are not engaged.
As a person who is not constantly out and about and doesn't have a flirty personality, I find online dating easier.
Convenience.
I voted for Option F: People on dating sites (mostly women; let's be real) are shallow, superficial, and entitled, and treat it like a game, rather than looking for an actual friend and partner and to make connection with someone. Or, to put it in short words, people don't take online dating seriously.
In real life, it's harder to write off a guy just because he's under six feet (although it still commonly happens) or dismiss him because he isn't obviously stinking-rich. People can use their personality, their voice, and their charm in real life, to make a connection with someone, something that just isn't there in online dating sites.
And although I'm a male and we tend to be more visual creatures, I have fallen for women in real life that I wouldn't have considered dateable or worthwhile online by their looks. Women who are 4s and 5s, who have a sense of humor, a sexy voice, or a positive magnetic energy and aura about them that'd be near impossible to gauge with just a picture and profile.
Online dating is usually just impersonal and superficial. But people do it because they treat it the same as shopping on Amazon, like they're buying a new coffeemaker or something.
What is the biggest difference between Walmart and 7/11? Bigger selection. That is it.
@OlderAndWiser Exactly!
Thanks for the MHO !
I thought it was my question , sorry 🤣🤣 @OlderAndWiser
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The biggest difference between those two is - consequences.
There is a fair amount of consequence to dating someone from your friend circle.
If anything goes wrong, things can get awkward and even hostile and it can potentially lead to decline of not just one relationship but entire friend circles.
Sure, on one hand we can argue that this motivates people to act as better people, but on the other hand, it also opens up a great opportunity for toxicity and vindictiveness that can harm your personal life in substantial ways.
When you meet someone on Tinder and it doesn't work out it's no big deal, you delete their contacts and life goes on.
And, sometimes, that lack of consequences can even be a motivator.
If you, say, enjoy being pissed on during sex, being a diaper baby or getting gang banged, well that's a lot easier to do with someone who won't be able to go around telling all that personal stuff to your friends and relatives out of spite later down the road.
Online works well, but you have to be persistent and discriminating. Offline gives fewer opportunities to announce what you are looking for and have people take it into account before they approach you. So I like the online filter that excludes people I then no longer have talk to to find out they are not compatible. You wouldn't bring up key requirements immediately in real life, so you may spend 10min talking before you realize that something in the other person is unacceptable. Sometimes it could take multiple dates for someone to admit to things they then just fill in on their profile. Offline just seems inefficient without that filter. So I'd say start online, progress to offline asap. If you have no idea what you want, online can be frustrating though.
I never really cared for the dating sites. I did meet women from chatrooms early on when the internet was still very new, and that was much better than the dating sites.
So now, twenty years later, I find it much better to meet though friends or social gatherings.
A lot of those sites have a "metric" whereby they measure how close of a match you are with someone. I found it odd that you could be like a 97% match with someone, and send them a message introducing yourself, and never get a response.
Many sites have profiles that are inactive.
You find real connections when you meet in person, sure you can do so with dating apps but that’s if you make it to the stage of meeting them. The way I’ve done things:
Irl:
-meet someone
-hang out over to know them
-discover whether I’m interested in them or not
If so ask them out on a date
If not sweet still got a friend
Dating apps
-meet someone
-if they reply and you get to know them somewhat:
-meet up find out what they’re like in person
-do you like them that way
-no oh well not really gonna stay connected to them
-yes sweet keep seeing them
Just seems like there’s less ‘false hope’ on meeting someone irl compared to dating apps.
Dating apps also ruin the “magic”. I’d always wish to relay the story if the person I met being romantic or coincidence as if fate intertwined. Not just we met online.
On dating sites it's all about getting the very best partner possible. You can weigh them up against each other based on looks, occupation, dick size or whatever. It's like shopping on ebay. In real life you take in a wider range of characteristics at a far earlier stage that you wouldn't pick up on online. Less than perfect people have a better chance to shine when they're judged over an evening rather than a five second glance.
I think it’s a little more risky online because you know nothing of that person beforehand. In my opinion, it’s important to FaceTime with the person and talk to them for a while before meeting. But sometimes, online dating can be a great thing! Maybe you’ll find the one. It’s just important to be careful, and realize that it’s more risky because you don’t know the male/female that you’re talking to necessarily.
Maybe I’m not the best person to answer this, because I’ve never tried online dating. But I know people that have and the relationships have been successful, and sometimes they’re not.
online it's harder to have a conversation and endlessly frustrating. Oddly, it would have seemed better when I was younger because I was scared of having conversations back then... for a long time. I'd never walk into a bar or approach people, females especially and ones I was attracted to I'd run out the other side of the building. Much easier to act like I was confident online.
I evolved to where I'd much rather meet and will talk to people.
Thank God I have a girlfriend and don't have to deal with this social chaos... ther's something to be said for the Indian method of parents selecting suitable matches. It was way too long I was single and alone and I didn't enjoy dating for the most part. It only became ok late in life.
The goal of online dating is to connect through a phone call or two and then meet in person. At that point, it's like traditional dating. It just gives you another avenue for meeting women.
I have been on datingsites as long as I can remember because I have never met a guy in real life. The problem with online dating is that it will take much longer to find a match while in real life you can scan the environment in 10 seconds and you know who got your interest. So online dating can be a waste of time
I must be honest, I have no idea how those dating sites even work. I married my high school sweetheart, so I've never had to try anything like that. If I did have to try to date again, I would have to do it the old fashion way. To easy to lie on the internet, I'm am what I am and that's all. You don't like what you see it's easier to handle than when you're expecting something different. Just my opinion, I'm prob old school.
Amen!! I’m nearly 20, and I couldn’t agree more. Not old school at all :)
Very good (and relevant) question. I don't want to deep dive on the topic right now, but the biggest difference to me is the primary communication medium used to start and build a relationship. Texting is woefully inadequate for starting and building a relationship. (Closer to useless actually)
Online photos and text is a much less rich communication medium than real life. You have letters and bits of information on a screen.
In person, you have all of the vocal, facial, postural cues and body language, etc. As well as being able to see how people interact with the world around them. It's much richer/ unit of time.
I e tried dating sites in a distant past and they are waste of time, most people even back then lied about themselves or were just time wasters. I'd much rather meet someone in person or not through forced situation and allow the attraction to develop naturally.
The absolute only way to meet is online , who wants to just risk some random intro?
But , people rush in too quickly , you need to carefully screen , then when you decide a certain criteria has been met , then you meet , you already have a wonderful intro into that individual.
If you just run off and meet same day , sure you'll have problems , that is not sufficient screening. Always online , much larger pool of options. Cut out the things that are deal breakers..
Pretty much all of those answers seem to be spot-on but my opinion they're all a bunch of advertising spam Bots profiles are not real people anyway the real people that are on there are so fucked in the head you don't want to date them anyway trust me I've made that mistake twice and if you do find a person that's on there and you filter through all the fake pictures and profile crap they're really not worth your time or effort. So stay away from those dates unless you find one that's killer and if you do let me know cuz in my opinion they all suck especially Plenty of Fish. I think they should have just dating sites that are just hookup sites to explicitly that and that's all they are for so you know what you got going into it and they don't have a pile of advertising and crap and fake profiles on there and they should be free not charged because if they're free there's no advertising
I share a friendgroup with my boyfriend because we met in high school. So I know most of his friends and he knows most of mine. It also means that we've experienced a lot of the same stuff with the same people and can talk about those things, so there's less explaining to do so to say.
I won't say reward, but my personality definitely has a high risk element if someone meets me for the first time without a mutual friend. I met a girl through a female friend of mine, and my friend told her multiple times when I said something with double meaning that that's just my sense of humour, "he's always joking" just took the edge of things and we had a very quick and intense connection with her friend. If something is different you can perceive it as weird or special while they are the same thing. I think I need that "he's okay" from a mutual friend. So online dating ain't really my thing.
I enjoy it. I used to date a lot offline but it is more comfortable for me to do this in the privacy and comfort of my office or wherever. And most of the time, I meet up and it is okay by me. I have had many relationships and with Covid now, This is a bit better than being with groups of people.
And the profiles surely help not just with pictures and proximity but whether they would make a good match just like a job selection process right for candidates filtering through... did I nail that right?
It's the same for me as a guy or for us guys who agree
I like online dating and from my own experience prefer it more than 'real life' dating. In real life I meet as many who just wants hook ups, ignore me/my texts, lie about themself (even more who turns out not to be single than online), not attractive to me and do not get I am not interested sometimes even when telling it directly.. so many bad experiences with men.. online I can at least easier block/delete if someone is making me uncomfortable and focus on the ones I like :)
Online dating felt like being a cut of meat at a market. Losers aren't the only ones on there. I called myself a loser because everyone I know has the capacity to have a relationship and I can't. I tried the other methods, too. Nothing worked. Nobody wants to set me up either.
The people online are the ones that have difficulty forging meaninful relationships with the people they meet in their every day life - as you explained. So they setup an online profile to troll.
The problem is the vast majority of women are there for attention and validation, with mostly zero intention of ever actually meeting anyone, let alone dating them.
And the vast majority of guys are looking for a hook up - some free sex.
It's a dynamic combination of needs and wants that leads to pretty much ZERO. Sure, we've all heard of the exceptions, but for most people it's an exercise in futility.
Im not a fan.
I suck at texting unless Im already close to the individual.
I don't like the vibe. I feel like it's "window shopping" or something.
I like meeting people in person and feeling their energy.
At least online you know they are single and looking , also a little about them. In person you don’t know anything about them until you try to talk to them and then there is that high chance of rejection, but online they just seem to ghost you instead until you get the hint
Online line dating takes out the the personal approach. It may be easier to meet people but you don’t really know what you’re getting. The photos don’t mean that that’s the person you’re seeing. Well I like the thrill of the chase and romancing her till her knees quiver.
🤔 Beside the obvious, I think going online to find dates Vs going outside, seeking for a date, depends on what works for you the most. Personally, I am in favour of old school dating. The online world is far more deceiving, It brings up a lot of uncertainty that you wouldn't face for the most part, the old way.
A better chance of knowing if they are real and other peoples opinions of that person.
WHICH gives you the better chance? Your response is ambiguous.
I think the biggest difference is one can meet more people online. If I put up a profile on PlentyOfFish, I'll get 100's of responses. And if I filter out men who live too far away I'll still have about 50 left.
Cathy, level with me here: do women in general ever find that power to be overwhelming or annoying? Because they get swamped or overloaded with the ratio of men to women on dating profiles... I wouldn't blame women for leaving apps quickly out of overload of so many men 🙄
And vice versa if it was the other way around I'm sure women would be jealous of having to compete with men for women ratio ,😮
Against other women I mean
There's a bit of a safety net with online dating.
If the chat goes down hill, you can just stop.
Most of the time if you meet someone online you do not know them, so if you are not into them or the scare you, you can leave the and not see them again.
If a family friend or school of through friends, there is an expectation that they have made a perfect match so you should get on.
If you don't, there is potential to run into the person awkwardly somewhere down the line
I think online dating is fine if both persons can talk to each other on Skype, Zoom without communication I don't see it going anywhere
Have you ever used an online dating site? If so, which ones?
@OlderAndWiser I've tried signing up for eHarmony but they said I didn't qualify
In person you can't openly make someone up and catfish them.
Online dating usually leads to meeting someone in person within 7-14 days.
I already tried using dating some of them were there for only for one sex or going to faat. The isuse with friends most of my friend's already has a boyfriend if not they not interested in a relationship or I am not attract to them..
Women can't hide from you in person. Either you're part of what makes their heart thump or you're nothing.
Women online just want male approval or will lead you through hoops just to get them out of the house for drinks.
In online dating you don't get a chance to get to know the other person before you make a choice on whether you want to date or not. It's based completely on first impressions.
Even in things like speed dating you get to talk to the other person and see if there's any sort of compatibility there. In online dating if they don't like the look of you from a first glance then it's over.
No online dating and hell naw to meet people through family gathering/friends. Friends of friends is fine. Meeting face to face is my thing
The difference between online and in person. If you get made a fool of now your social group know too.
😁👍🏾
First they came for the online couple and I did not speak up as I was not one of them. Then they came for the trade unionists... When they came for me, there was no one left to speak up.
I pretty much gave up on online dating. I've had about 10-15 in-person dates from online sites, none of which panned out. In RL, I've at least had occasional success.
I voted the one with 4 other men of the option of #you know something about them from their profile# and I find that so helpful.
And I think that allows for things to progress or end easier by knowing if someone's already got similar interests or swipe them away for the next profile ,😮😮😮😃😃😃
I picked B.
A lot of the guys on dating sites don’t want to spend time together in person.
First they came for the online couple and I did not speak up as I was not one of them. Then they came for the trade unionists... When they came for me, there was no one left to speak up.
Online is fine, just depends on the site (or app) you use.
Yes! Some sites are really sketchy
Its a lot harder to approach someone in public. Online you get to put your best forward. In person, its just your most regular self. But you get to feel the chemistry.
I think meeting somebody in person gives you a better idea of who the other person is instead of a picture and a paragraph that could be fake.
There is no difference. I'm completely undesirable to women
Usually people IRL don’t ask for money within the first 10 minutes
in my opinion, the biggest differences are the speed of it and the toxicity. You will likely find a lot more toxic people online, and online the relationships tend to evolve much quicker, but also fall apart much quicker.
Family and friends (ones close to you anyways) have an idea of who you are and your preferences.
It's a way to get know someone a bit before you meet them. I've met three GFs this way, including my current one.
@OlderAndWiser Only difference between online dating sites & meeting people through friends etc is a person already knows something about the person they meet online through reading dating profiles.
you can't vet someone out as easily when you meet them online, when you meet them in person you can really see who they are more such as looks, morals, sense of humor, voice, and a lot of other things
I only tried it once online and it worked. So online is fine if you're careful
People on dating apps just seem to be non desirable for the most part. I've found very few people I actually find even partly attractive on them
I agree you never meet people on Dating sites but for us Shy Guys it might be the only way.
Online dating is like cloned dinosaurs, meeting through friends/family is like birds
The people you meet from friends and family are actual people.
Valid point. I think it’s a little more safer as well to meet potential partners through friends and family
Dating sites are not reliable, users are fake with fake profiles and pictures,
Girls use it for attention and validation anyway. No point going on there with any real goals
It's a toxic environment. Better to meet someone in person.
the main difference: you can be yourself on a real date
I’ve had good and bad experiences with both. Honestly I don’t have a strong preference between the two.
Stay away from online
Care to explain WHY you have that opinion, since that is the question?
Lack of personal verification.
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