Should I start directly asking women if they are married before we go on a date?

[FilmGuy93]

I've had a few casual dalliances with women who turned out to be engaged, married or otherwise taken. No, I did not know they were taken at the time, and it would have been a dealbreaker for me if I did know. Usually, the men and I find out about each other at the same time.

The whole experience has shaken my trust in women to the point that I really don't want to take any woman for my wife, because I thought the women I was messing around with were high enough integrity to not step out behind anyone's back. Clearly I'm either a bad judge of character or surrounded by skilled liars.

In any case, the thought occurred to me that I should probably just start asking women I date if they're entangled with anyone. But then I realized that any woman who was down to go behind their boyfriend/husband's back, probably wouldn't think twice about lying to the men she messes around with. All that being said, if I do ask, at least then I can say that I DID technically ask, you know... from like a personal morality standpoint. I didn't just assume anything; I asked, but she still deceived me.

I once had a woman ask me if I was married several times, and it was honestly a big turn off to me. I understood where she was coming from, but the suspicion threw me off and kind of offended me.

So, I come humbly before you, G@G, to ask for your opinions:

Is it worth taking the time to ask a woman if she's taken before we mess around and risk offending her, or would I be better off just assuming that she'd tell me she was single/available whether or not it was true?

Yeah, it's worth asking; She might be honest

Nah, they'll probably lie anyway. Don't ask, it'll just make thing awkward

You should ask, even if it's only so you can say that you thought they were single

[virtue2332]

Ok I understand you have had some issues that were uncomfortable. The truth is you can only ever be sure about you how you feel and your intentions. An investment disclaimer comes to mind and fits well in this situation. "Past performance is no guarantee of future results." Something like that I'm sure that there is variances. You have to do your due diligence and accept the fact that there will always be some risk involved. In the long run its probably going to be worth it. What you don't want to do is let those bad past experiences interfere or cloud your judgment because if you do you might miss out on that one that works.

[FilmGuy93]

Spoken with the legalese of a true financial professional!

[virtue2332]

Sometimes you have to explain it logically. Even in our modern times people are still way too superstitious. I see way too many people wondering why bad things happen to them why things don't work out. I've been there in the past. It's hard to see all the good when you focus on the negative. It's simple to make excuses and blame others when most times we fail to realize how big of a role we play In those situations. Is that better for the non finance pros. Lol. I could also speak Millitary and Medical and throw in some baseball analogies if would help someone :)

[FilmGuy93]

I'm not an especially religious man, but I am extremely spiritual and I think there's a lot to be said for making one's own luck in life, especially with women. A buddy of mine is about to get married to a woman he met during the pandemic. I've never met another person who leads with their faith the way the way he does, and it's amazing to see the surety and confidence he has in his relationship when I've never remotely come close to feeling the same way in my own. And I really do believe that his faith and desire to live for something outside of himself is what has given him the focus and energy to connect with this woman.

[virtue2332]

I agree. He not thinking about the past. He is confident and has faith in his religion. He is focused. He sounds like he has moved on from any past relationships. The odds are in his favor. These are things that women are attracted to. I'm 45 I was in the millitary and early on I met someone and was engaged had a daughter. She cheated it ended caused me a shit load of heartache. Lost her my daughter was in Japan with her because she still had a year left. My tour was over and I came back to the states. Next girl I met I fell for and we were having lunch and she gets up and bolts to the restroom and stays there. Not food poisoning. She was engaged and her fiancée friends just so happened to stop and have lunch. Not only were they huge Samoan football linemen 3 of them they obviously were going to be there a bit. Next one met at a wedding husband was in jail. No idea she was married until her brother-in-law sucker punched me at a bar and after I whipped his ass let me know his brother was getting out soon and would deal with me. I met him he was actually cool and we talked it out. The next couple of girls I dated I was into but it never lasted long. Probably had to do with me my confidence. General mistrust and insecure line of questioning. The could careless when I explained why I was the way I was. That was my deal the drama wasn't a vibe that women were rocking with. My mom was the one that talked sense into me. She was like it's you your letting three dumb bitches affect you. They shouldn't even exist in your mind. All you can do is be yourself love and treat the next one like they are the only thing that matters. Like she is your first and only relationship. She said I'm not saying it's going workout shit happens sometimes but at least you will know it wasn't you. There is honor in that. It wasn't the next one but the one after I've been married to for 19 years.

[Browneye57]

You're making a big deal out of nothing - some bimbo that lied. BFD. And yes, many do, they're very good at it. Guys do the same thing.

You really need a better understanding of what makes women tick, why they do what they do, how they think. Go here and read at least the first two years' blogs by Rollo:
www.therationalmale.com

With understanding comes acceptance. They're simply just being women.

[FilmGuy93]

Read the details of my question before responding next time.

[Browneye57]

Eat shit dumbass.

[FilmGuy93]

You're the illiterate and yet I'm the dumb ass.

[Browneye57]

Yep, a fukkin dumbass.

[MissStrawberry912]

I’ve been in your situation before and it’s still mind blowing how low people can go about lying… rather you were pursuing it to be casual or serious. It’s interesting and sad how easy and skillful some people can be about deceiving when they’re supposed to be in monogamous relationships. It’s worth asking and being open.

[Flower7]

Yes, asking that is a good idea. At least that way, even if she did lie, the fact that you didn't know would be her fault and not yours.

[Lliam]

I might ask if she was married. I don't give two fucks if she has a boyfriend. A boyfriend isn't a commitment. Lots of girls have boyfriends and are ready to move on. They're still searching for the right guy. That's normal.
I wouldn't even think about getting involved with a married woman, though. I don't care if they are separated or not. It's different if she is divorced.

[spartan55]

Hell yeah. Look at it as a safety issue, the wrong husband gets stepped out on and decides to come after you... uh uh fuck that. I think that even if they lied about it you could figure it out. You can check online too. Pretty easy.
That woman repeatedly asking you if you were married... that would have pissed me off. Did you ask what it was that made her keep asking you that?

[Dude_777]

The situation you told is pretty scary 😂. You never know what to expect if their boyfriend or husband finds both of you together.

Observe subtle clues more, like ring on which finger etc. You should ask their status beforehand, before asking out.

[Shizunk]

Nothing wrong with asking. I would ask about hypothetical moral situations instead. Totally not about her, it's just about what she thinks about other people doing questionable things sometimes, wink wink.

[Pallavi37]

Yes you can ask her directly so depending on that you can plan the date

[ChiPaPa]

I vote C. I'd hate for that to happen to me.

[FilmGuy93]

Can you click the survey result then, just to keep everything tallied?

[ChiPaPa]

done

[FilmGuy93]

And yeah, it really sucks when it happens. Especially because you want to give the person the benefit of the doubt, but many times they just don't deserve it.

[KrakenAttackin]

Welcome to the world of modern women.

[Anonymous]

All women lie and cheat. Get used to it.

[FilmGuy93]

Just because I'm not thrilled about it doesn't mean I'm not used to it.

[Opinion Owner]

apologies.

[Anonymous]

No. What you don't know... means she's single.