I'm 25 and never been on a date; is it because I'm ugly?

[spiritbox]

So I'm 25 and in my last year of college. To this day, I've never been on a date, kissed, or had sex, or ever came close to doing any of these things. I go to a big commuter school where most people are extremely unhappy, mean, and/or avoidant of others, so it's very hard to just approach people that I may be interested in. There's an overall vibe of "don't talk to me" that people kind of exude to everyone, and I feel invisible when I'm on campus. I also don't have any kind of friend group; I haven't hung out with people outside of school in literally years.

I have pretty bad social anxiety, so I don't put myself out there very much to actually ask women out, and the few times I tried (3 times), the rejections were pretty swift and harsh. So because of all this, I've been alone all the time for the past 7 years or so. This loneliness, which I've been experiencing ever since I started college, has been slowly draining me to the point where I hate my life. I've never felt more depressed, anxious, and hopeless than I do right now. So, given my current situation, is it safe to assume that I'm in this position because I'm physically ugly and unattractive?

[horatiohornblower]

You could try something passive for men like Bumble (don't try Tinder). Where women browse and open communication first. Just take some good pictures and be thoughtful in your profile. Perhaps a site like Match or OKCupid if you want to message first. Just beware of fake profiles on those sites.

You can find online tips for taking good pictures and how your profile should have a mix of photos. Plus what women generally complain about in a man's profile. Such as too short.

When you do message. Don't say Hi or You're Pretty. Think outside the box.

If you do message a little and it fizzles quickly. Don't be afraid to ask for a critique of your profile or messages. Rather than being hurt. Use it as an opportunity to learn and improve.

[MarkRet]

I don’t know what you look like, but you’re probably not as ugly as you think you are. I was very socially awkward for a long time, and kept to myself a lot, but in my early twenties I got a new job in another part of the state, and started leaving my old world behind. I wasn’t going after women, but I started doing things I always wanted to do, like ice skating lessons, which expanded my world, and gave me more self confidence. Eventually, I developed friendships with girls, and some of them were interested in dating me.

I might suggest dance lessons. The women there outnumber the guys 3 to 1. You could start off there just making friends, and even if the women are married or older, they might know someone who would be interested in you.

[bubbles328]

Try dating about a bit or meeting people online that you wouldn’t usually speak to.

[t-8900]

You know how I got my first 3 girlfriends? Being a "sweetheart". You know how I got my 4th and 5th? Being heavily intoxicated. You know how I got my 6th? having the same political views LOL. I can only give advise from my lived experiences.
Be nice, be courteous, be courageous (even if it takes a case of beer and a blunt), find someone who shares your values. It's a good start in my book!

[Highcountry]

Can you find a group that you can be a part of that is mixed genders? I have raised daughters and they have some of the same social anxiety problems. People are people. Start small without any expectations and just learn to talk to women.

[exitseven]

I went to a big commuter school as well. Everything you say is true. I never had any friends and never dated anyone from there. You need to find some friends someplace else. Join a gym or some kind of club.
I doubt that you are ugly.

[Chthou95]

Yeah could be. Im not saying this to be an asshole but it could be a valid reason. Women are visual too & if you're ugly, it's going to be really difficult to attract any girl. There's always facial surgery and working out to better your chances

[Iron_Man]

You’re probably shy you can’t expect for women to fall into your lap

[noohair]

I took a class in public speaking and it helped me with socializing.
I am an ugly gut too so I know what you are feeling.

[Avicenna]

There can be any number of reasons why

[Pumpkinspice009]

Why would a man feel anxious from women?

[t-8900]

i always have. different lived experiences. For me I have damn good reasons.

[Pumpkinspice009]

I’m curious to know what reasons you have to be anxious around women

[t-8900]

well when i was 7 my 2nd grade teacher raped me, when I asked out the first girl she humiliated me in front of everyone in the cafeteria. when i was 16 A few hundred students saw the whole thing "OH MY GOD, WHY WOULD I EVER GO OUT WITH SOMEONE AS FAT AND UGLY AS YOU." That devastated me so badly I skipped 4 days of school over it. on the way home people made fun of me the whole bus ride. my first 3 gfs all had affairs behind my back, and I was also a rebound which destroyed me as well.

[t-8900]

oh and my mother used to punch, kick, and beat me with a belt as a child.

[Pumpkinspice009]

Omg I’m extremely sad by what you’ve gone through, no you’re not ugly whatsoever and look like a decent one, you’ll find a good girl one day:)

[t-8900]

my pic is a dog XD

[Pumpkinspice009]

Lol no I saw your pic a few days ago you had uploaded it

[t-8900]

oh damn now i'm just embarrassed ! Someone asked to see XD

[t-8900]

i looked better at your age XD

[Anonymous]

be honest do you consider yourself ugly?