Hi, as a woman I feel I should let a guy get over his ex first before I continue with him?

[Sam2021]

Met a guy he isn't over his ex, having a hard time still. At first i thought it’s not that big of a thing and I completely understand. However he went from interesting spontaneous to depressed quiet towards me. I left it for what it is telling him to deal with his things. Before he gets into dating a new person. Did i do the right thing? He seems like a really nice guy but what am I suppose to do. I've tried being supporting and understanding.. i barely know him so this isn't my responsibility.

[SteveSmith1985]

Yes, you did the right thing. A guy should be over his ex before starting anything new.

[Sam2021]

Right. Normally when I meet someone and notice they have things to deal with from a previous relationship I give them space and leave things for what they are. I really like this guy lol but you are right. I did the right thing thanks x

[SteveSmith1985]

Well, what I would do in your situation is to make explicitly clear where it is that you're coming from. Let him know that you are particularily and especially interested in him. Tell him that the only reason you are going to move on right now is becasue he needs more time to get over his ex. (I realize you've likely already done that).

The most important thing you should do, is to tell him--explicitly and directly---that you hope he gets in touch with you whenever he's fully over his ex. Make sure that he understands that you actually genuinely mean what you're saying. Obviously nobody's suggesting you'd wait for him... merely that... he should definitely call you whenever he's back on the dating scene.

Otherwise... in a couple months when he is ready to begin something new... he will FOR SURE not get in touch with you... because he'd worry it would be weird. And it would be weird... unless you specifically make it clear that you ACTUALLY hope to hear from him to see if you two might have something.

I just picture this guy thinking the same thing about you. Thinking you're a great girl, but now he'll never get a proper chance to see if things would work out with you. But never getting in touch with you. That would be a shame.

I'd say make room for a second chance for the two of you by clearly leaving the door open to the possibility of reconnecting in the future. But be SUPER CLEAR about really meaning it when you say 'you hope he gets in touch when he's done more healing' (or whatever)

I think that 'putting your cards on the table' is almost always the way to go. I think it's definitely the way to go in your situation.

[Sam2021]

I have made it clear several times, thanks steve!

[SteveSmith1985]

Well... then... I would say that you should just sorta tuck the possibility away in the back of you mind.

Obviously keep looking for the kind of guy you're looking for... but... I think there's actually a decent chance he may get in touch with you. I would imagine that this whole situation from his perspective is "I really liked this girl, but I'm still hung up on my ex". Well... when that same guy decides he's ready to get back into dating... why WOULDN'T he get in touch with the girl who he hit it off with? If you've made it clear that you truly hope he calls you whenever he gets over this other chick... I'd call you if I were in his shoes.

Good luck 🙂

[Sam2021]

I have made it clear but there is no point in being desperate cause men aren't attracted to a desperate woman. I hope and also think he will get back in touch with me. The ball is in his court.

[SteveSmith1985]

I 100% agree with everything you just wrote.

Honestly, even before reading this last reply, I was thinking to myself "shit, I think this might be the most 'level-headed' woman I've ever met."

I don't know if 'level-headed' quite captures the quality I'm talking about. Regardless, I am impressed by something or other about you.

I am extraordinarily confident that whatever happens; you're going to end up just fine in the romance department.

[Sam2021]

Thank you

[Anonymous]

Definitely done the right thing telling him to deal with things should you continue with him no because as you said it’s not your responsibility and he himself needs time to heal and move on from his relationship

[Sam2021]

I do wonder how long he needs cause its been 6 years that is a lot of time for a man.

[EaterPeter]

It's better for both of you to travel that distance journey on his own.

[EaterPeter]

You may tell him I can wait for you by the end line. One year from break up if you wish to. I suggest not to say that. You are one of those hard to find smart woman. Always look out for your self just like this and nobody will ever have to pick up the broken pieces of you.

[Sam2021]

Valid point last part. No im not gona wait for nobody as people dont wait either.

[EaterPeter]

Thanks for like!

[EaterPeter]

Both of you that he travels that distance / journey *

[EaterPeter]

Good choice, all the best!

[Wise4myage]

That makes prefect sense to me.

[IncognitoBandito]

Its usually best to wait before getting serious