What Does A Healthy Relationship/Potential Partner Look Like?

[Anonymous]

I know this is a sad question to ask.

I've been in 2 abusive relationships, cheated in 3, dated 4 emotionally unavailable guys who all treated me as an after thought and something to use until something better came along. I've only had four relationships so I've never had a healthy relationship.

I understand what was wrong with those, I understand that a large problem is that I don't stand up for myself and I let bad things slide. I give my all which is turn allows them to give minimum effort back. I end up carrying the relationship.

My fear is that I can't actually spot a healthy relationship. When I think of what one is I genuinely can't picture being loved, a 50/50 effort, someone wanting to spend time with me who would never hurt me. Every relationship I grew up around was abusive, cheated on and ended in divorce. I don't have one happy romance story I've seen unfold.

I also don't know what I'm looking for in a person. All the people I have dated were different from each other. They all seemed nice and sweet that even my friends missed the red flags. They became the way they did after we started daiting. I also didn't rush into it with any of them. I took it slow.

I'm just wondering what I should be looking for and maybe this will help someone in the same circumstances.

[Anonymous]

I’ve only had one healthy relationship, he’s still one of my closest friends even after we broke up. The difference with him was that he was like a best friend and lover at the same time. We were very open with communication, when we argue we keep it objective and don’t act all accusatory, he supports my hobbies/school/career etc but he will tell me if he doesn’t necessarily agree and yet he remained supportive - same with me to him. We don’t really do 50/50 bc sometimes he can only handle 30 while I do 70 or vice versa. When we’re pissed at each other we immediately tell each other so we don’t have to deal with no passive aggressive bs.

I think the key to having a healthy relationship is to have an open line of communication. Also, it’s important to learn each other’s love languages and to acknowledge that sometimes the two of you need space apart so that you don’t end up losing yourself in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

im following this question too because i want to know. i have had no luck when it comes to healthy relationships and it makes me feel like i am a shitty person, but i just wear my heart on my sleeve and don’t really stand up for myself either.
for once, i just want a healthy relationship, just like you. so, i understand completely where you are coming from and i empathize with you greatly!

[iluvtoknow]

Read Percy Jackson & the Olympians, and pay attention to Percy Jackson and Annabeth.

Or read Amazing Spider-Man by JMS (Vol 2/1999 #30-48, Vol 1/1963 #500-545) and pay attention to Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson.

Or watch Kim Possible Season 4.

There are no better examples in media.

[MrHopper]

Usually some one who doesn't expect much from you, wants you to be your self and embrace you, supports you in your ideas and goals and doesn't want you around for their benefit

[Cowboy6666]

Look for genuine partner, who talks about future, serious relationship or marriage etc.
I don't know what type of guy you want as in height, race wise, age wise etc.
what are your turn offs etc?