I'm super into the guy I've been going out with recently, but there is a major age difference (I'm 40, he's 26) Is the age difference too much?

Question

There's a guy I've been talking to for a few months that I love being around and I'm really attracted to. We have very compatible senses of humor and have a lot of fun with each other. I also think he's really sweet, thoughtful, and caring. I also think he's super hot and got a great body. We've been on a couple of dates within the past couple weeks. They've gone super well. However, I'm not sure if moving forward with him is a good idea because we do have a major age difference. I'm 40 and he's 26. We're in different places in life. I'm a divorced single mom and he's never been married and doesn't have kids. He does have a very good job that pays well, so I wouldn't have to be his sugar mama. It also shows a good level of responsibility. I don't feel a maturity difference around him, but maybe that would change. I haven't talked to him about kids for obvious reasons, but if we ever got to that point it could be an issue. I'm completely interested in having more kids (only reason why I didn't is because of my ex), but if we get to that point I'm not sure I'd be able to. Moreover, he'd have to be OK with being a stepdad to my two kids (10 and 12. Also, he is aware that I have children).
I'm planning on going on another date with him this Friday. If we were the same age I'd 100% want the relationship to keep going, but because of the age gap I'm not totally sure. Should I give this relationship a real shot or should I not?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I dated someone with a big age gap in the opposite direction (I was younger). We were in two totally different places in our lives, and that may be the case for you too. I think you should absolutely talk to him about whether or not he wants kids because that could be a major deal-breaker down the road if you guys are not on the same page. It's better to figure these things out sooner rather than later. Otherwise, you end up attached to someone who doesn't want the same things as you.

As my relationship got more serious, I also started to think about things like retirement. My ex would retire WAY before me, and we wouldn’t be able to travel or enjoy retirement together. These things don’t seem like a big thing to consider in the beginning, but it’s something that will eventually become a reality if you stay together.

Other things to consider - this probably sounds terrible, but I was often embarrassed to take my ex places (like to my work events, etc.) because of the age difference. It was very obvious that we had a huge age gap, and I found myself embarrassed by it. As time went on, I also found out that the reason my ex dated younger women was because he thought he could control/manipulate them. In your case, he might be dating older because he wants someone to take care of him, etc. That may or may not be true, but in my experience, people who date way outside their age range usually have some sort of underlying reason for it, even if they don't know it.

At the end of the day, only you can decide if this relationship is worth seeing through. There are plenty of couples who make it work despite significant age differences, so it is possible. But there are additional things to consider that wouldn’t be an issue in a relationship with someone closer to your age.

kyleelyn199723 · Accepted Answer

I don’t really think an age gap should stop you from being with someone that you generally like. Has he addressed any serious talk about the fact that you have kids and such? What are his thoughts on you possibly not being able to give him a kid? I think you need to strike up some convo regarding this. I was actually looking someone I used to be close to relationship the other day and he is around that age married now to someone that is 40. It can definitely work. I also am dating someone that is 32 and I am 23. I wouldn’t necessarily limit yourself, but I think you two generally need to be on the same page especially with reality of what you two want in life in general.

Joeshamo · Accepted Answer

I'd say it's fine to be with him. He's an adult man he can choose who he dates. And about the kids thing, yes you can still have kids at 40, but there's a higher chance the child will have birth deficits. Especially if you're taking anti depressions. So if you want it to be both your biological child, maybe gestational surrogacy might be an option you want to look at. Gestational surrogacy is went they take your eggs and the person's you want to have kids with sperm and, create an embryo and inseminated into a 3rd party. Basically they gestate the baby. So the baby won't be biologically related to the 3rd party. The baby will have very small amount of the gestational carrier's DNA, but a very small amount. The mitochondrial DNA to be more specific. Alternatively, you can use the IVF (but i wouldn't recommend giving birth yourself if you're taking anti depressants). You also want to use the PGD (preimplantation genetic diagnosis) in order to scan for birth deficits in the embryo. And if you want more than one kid, you can also have twins with, surrogacy and IVF. But remember the gestational carrier or you are going to have more risk of getting diabetes If you decide to have twins. And you can even pick out their gender, like one boy and one girl. Removing birth defects is not the PGD's only function, it also can allow you to pick which gender you'd like your child to be. But it's all a lot of money, so maybe sign up for a grant or something. If I was you i'd have the kids soon because the older you get the more risk for the child having birth defects will be.

Datboi65 · Accepted Answer

I've always been known to be brutally honest, so here's my opinion. I don't think this will work long term. You are 14 years older than this guy, so mentally you two are in different places. See, one of the most common reasons of divorce is incompatibility, and age is definitely a factor. He has no children, and you probably can't provide him with one without the risk of turner syndrome or down syndrome at least bring considered at your age. Most young men would like to have children of their own one day, and this is simply not a fair trade for him long-term. If we are talking short-term, you can have your fun and whatever, but you are a single mother, and eventually you will always put your children first as your first priority before your partners, because you have to, as kids need their mother he doesn't have that baggage, so he would be giving you 100% attention in compensation for 70%. Not good enough. You need to have a difficult conversation with him, and ask him to be as honest as possible, even if his opinions aren't what you want to hear. If he accepts it long-term, cool. If he doesn't, move on. My advice? If this doesn't work, get with a man who has children, that way he can understand your position as he will be in the same predicament, and he would be less likely to want to have kids with you.

Mickey48-28 · Answer

I'm 48 but look and feel late 20s early 30s.
The only thing you need to think about is long term is.
This man will be shitting himself before I am.
Do you love him enough 2 clean his ass when he can't?
If yes then go for it.
First off...
that man!!
if he is totally everything for you right now?
that Man will love you like NO one else.
So if you're seriously into him then go for it.
I was married for 21 years and within the first 5 years my X wife"the evil one" and I could do anything in front of each other.

So I was 19 when I met her in like 1992, 93

So for 21 years I was doing something that worked.

But now I have more money, more romantic experience.
If im normal, I don't play games with my girl and always keep her satisfied.

Listen, because you are younger this guy should be willing 2 give you whatever you need.

ATTENTION:
If you, or any female you may know looks like August Ames,
Please contact me.

Mary087 · Answer

What matters is the love and happiness you guys share. I feel like age can play a factor but in the end its JUST a number as long as it's legal and he's a young man who can decide for himself. People will always fret over age sadly but you love him, he loves you! Fuck the haters, love is beautiful regardless and you should do what makes you happy. Im 23 but heck i prefer guys a little younger like 18-21. Being the older girl has always turned me on and i dont like older men. Nobody can tell you who to be with.

HoraceB · Answer

You should go for it. I personally know at least 4 couples where the wife is many years older than the husband, & in several of those cases, she was married before & had kids & the husband had never been married.

The most extreme case was the guy was 19 & married a 31-year-old lady who was a youth pastor at his church. They got married in the early 2000's & have several children & are very happy.

Another example is a guy I used to work with who was around 30 married a lady in her 40's who had about 5 kids from a previous marriage. They are also very happy together.

Seinna · Answer

Unless you really WANT more children, there's little harm for you in continuing this relationship. If you weren't with him, you'd still probably be dating mostly men who also have that kind of past and don't want any more children... sure you probably still can have more children but it's not a sure bet so anyone who's serious about children would opt for a younger partner. The only thing is that he might break your heart one day when he choses to move on and build his own family if he's not ready at the moment. And you can't even blame him for that. It's probably doomed to fail long term... but as I said, you already accomplished the thing that biology forces you to at your age so you're not risking losing precious time if you ever part ways.

JCrockett · Answer

That doesn't sound like a recipe for a good long term relationship. It's rare to find a guy who's okay raising another man's kids. The kids will probably find it weird if he's closer to their age than yours. And if he wants kids of his own, he'll be looking elsewhere. You say you want to have more kids, and it might still be possible, but if you're 40, don't bet on it. He might be into you now, but if he wants to settle down, it'll be hard for him to want to stay with you.

Maybe it could work out, but the deck is heavily stacked against a long term relationship working out.

Serenity_87 · Answer

Personally I would have a very difficult time dating a guy that much younger than me but just cuz I feel that way doesn't mean everybody does, and I firmly believe that as long as you're not dating somebody whos a minor or crossing that line of being some sort of pedophile then I don't think the age difference matters as long as it doesn't bother either people in the relationship.

funtime_01 · Answer

Hmm. That all depends on how time works out. Personally at 26 he's not really a boy anymore, but still has some maturing to do (we fully mentally mature by 28), so it definitely could work out in the long term. But by all means give it a shot. Don't get angry though if he breaks it off because you've got a kid, I've known single mothers and fathers who have had brief relationships because of this. Just a heads up. Other than that, good luck!

TheorionMage · Answer

Try to envision where each of your perspectives will be, by adding 30 years to each your ages...
candidly knowing him as you presently do, sans the 'rose colored glasses' can you imagine
HIS fidelity when he's 56 and he senses his virility waning?

How will YOU fare at 70, in comparison to the allure of opportune newer, younger companions?

Enjoy it for what it is FOR NOW, but do NOT feed your illusions~ Tick, tock, tick, tock!

AviatorTom · Answer

You have your doubts, which is expected. There's no harm in seeing where this relationship might go. You may find out that the age difference doesn't matter. Give it a real shot. If nothing else, you should have some great sex with a guy in his sexual prime.

Avicenna · Answer

I don't think the age difference matters, but him not having experience with kids and not being that much older than them might. Does he have any idea what it's like to take care of kids? I am personally skeptical that he is OK with that when he could get a girlfriend in her 20s who doesn't have kids.

If none of those things are an issue, I say go for it.

AimeeKyle · Answer

Go for it and enjoy. Have fun and see where it goes. I had a similar situation present itself when I was in my twenties. I tried very hard, going after the older woman…. She had reservations…. After I stopped chasing she found interest…. I was put off / done. Never went further.

shades777 · Answer

creep lol, I've banged a few milfs in my day but wouldn't consider them for long term, but thats just my take, i dated a 19 year old snd everyone at work acted like i was r kelly when we are adults and honestly theyre mad they are too ugly to get young ass, haha

Xtcy2083 · Answer

Nope, the age difference shouldn't be an issue here.

Anon833 · Answer

Don’t listen to the negatives. Age is just a number. A serious relationship with a big age gap can happen. My wife is 69 and I’m 31, and we’ve been married for twelve years and are very much in love.

Amy10223 · Answer

They say love knows know age. For me personally--it is a big age difference and I would not go into it. But you do what you desire, it's your life.

slatyb · Answer

It’s between the two of you. What do you both want long term? If your long term goals don’t match, you can still enjoy being together for a time.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't see the big deal here, as long as both people involved in the relationship are consenting adults. Guys do that all the time and they date even younger than that women, so that would be hypocrisy and double standards
Go for it...

humanearth · Answer

Ask yourself one question What if he wants children of his bloodline? At 40 do you really want to have a baby at that age, (If you still can. Meaning if you have not been fixed)

MrHopper · Answer

Not if your happy together, everyone ages different

Jfranco12 · Answer

personally I would not date someone so much older than myself 3-4 year difference at most.

I'm super into the guy I've been going out with recently, but there is a major age difference (I'm 40, he's 26) Is the age difference too much?

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