I'm super into the guy I've been going out with recently, but there is a major age difference (I'm 40, he's 26) Is the age difference too much?

[Anonymous]

There's a guy I've been talking to for a few months that I love being around and I'm really attracted to. We have very compatible senses of humor and have a lot of fun with each other. I also think he's really sweet, thoughtful, and caring. I also think he's super hot and got a great body. We've been on a couple of dates within the past couple weeks. They've gone super well. However, I'm not sure if moving forward with him is a good idea because we do have a major age difference. I'm 40 and he's 26. We're in different places in life. I'm a divorced single mom and he's never been married and doesn't have kids. He does have a very good job that pays well, so I wouldn't have to be his sugar mama. It also shows a good level of responsibility. I don't feel a maturity difference around him, but maybe that would change. I haven't talked to him about kids for obvious reasons, but if we ever got to that point it could be an issue. I'm completely interested in having more kids (only reason why I didn't is because of my ex), but if we get to that point I'm not sure I'd be able to. Moreover, he'd have to be OK with being a stepdad to my two kids (10 and 12. Also, he is aware that I have children).
I'm planning on going on another date with him this Friday. If we were the same age I'd 100% want the relationship to keep going, but because of the age gap I'm not totally sure. Should I give this relationship a real shot or should I not?

[Joeshamo]

I'd say it's fine to be with him. He's an adult man he can choose who he dates. And about the kids thing, yes you can still have kids at 40, but there's a higher chance the child will have birth deficits. Especially if you're taking anti depressions. So if you want it to be both your biological child, maybe gestational surrogacy might be an option you want to look at. Gestational surrogacy is went they take your eggs and the person's you want to have kids with sperm and, create an embryo and inseminated into a 3rd party. Basically they gestate the baby. So the baby won't be biologically related to the 3rd party. The baby will have very small amount of the gestational carrier's DNA, but a very small amount. The mitochondrial DNA to be more specific. Alternatively, you can use the IVF (but i wouldn't recommend giving birth yourself if you're taking anti depressants). You also want to use the PGD (preimplantation genetic diagnosis) in order to scan for birth deficits in the embryo. And if you want more than one kid, you can also have twins with, surrogacy and IVF. But remember the gestational carrier or you are going to have more risk of getting diabetes If you decide to have twins. And you can even pick out their gender, like one boy and one girl. Removing birth defects is not the PGD's only function, it also can allow you to pick which gender you'd like your child to be. But it's all a lot of money, so maybe sign up for a grant or something. If I was you i'd have the kids soon because the older you get the more risk for the child having birth defects will be.

[Anonymous]

I dated someone with a big age gap in the opposite direction (I was younger). We were in two totally different places in our lives, and that may be the case for you too. I think you should absolutely talk to him about whether or not he wants kids because that could be a major deal-breaker down the road if you guys are not on the same page. It's better to figure these things out sooner rather than later. Otherwise, you end up attached to someone who doesn't want the same things as you.

As my relationship got more serious, I also started to think about things like retirement. My ex would retire WAY before me, and we wouldn’t be able to travel or enjoy retirement together. These things don’t seem like a big thing to consider in the beginning, but it’s something that will eventually become a reality if you stay together.

Other things to consider - this probably sounds terrible, but I was often embarrassed to take my ex places (like to my work events, etc.) because of the age difference. It was very obvious that we had a huge age gap, and I found myself embarrassed by it. As time went on, I also found out that the reason my ex dated younger women was because he thought he could control/manipulate them. In your case, he might be dating older because he wants someone to take care of him, etc. That may or may not be true, but in my experience, people who date way outside their age range usually have some sort of underlying reason for it, even if they don't know it.

At the end of the day, only you can decide if this relationship is worth seeing through. There are plenty of couples who make it work despite significant age differences, so it is possible. But there are additional things to consider that wouldn’t be an issue in a relationship with someone closer to your age.

[Asker]

I don't think he feels like he needs someone to take care of him. He actually has a very good job that pays him very well, so I don't think he's after my money (which is something that makes me feel better about the age gap). The kids thing could be an issue, but maybe not as much as for other age gap couples. As I said before I actually would like to have more kids, but if he doesn't want any I could still roll with that as I already have had a couple. Maybe I should talk to him about it now, but it's pretty early on. I'm just worried it might be too early on.
The different places in life is what really concerns me. I've thought about how things be when we're older. Firstly, I'm worried that he might leave me for a younger woman eventually. He's given me no reason to believe he would (thus far) but it's still something I worry about. Firstly, my ex husband left me for a younger woman so that's something I'm already a bit insecure about in general. However, it gets amplified with him. I'm in super good shape, but I'm still 40. Also, he's super hot and got a great body. Comparing my body to his makes me a lot more self conscious. If we get to the point where we have sex (which we likely soon will if I decide to keep pursuing this) I have a major concern that he'd look at my body, be disappointed, and leave. What would be worse is if he stayed around for a while but then left me for a younger woman his age (or younger). I do notice young attractive girls checking him out. That also amplifies my insecurities.

However, even with all of this I still really, really like him. I feel a lot of chemistry between us. We click super well. I really wish that it happened with a guy my age, but it didn't. I get the potential problems with the age difference. Those do concern me. But what if I'm just throwing out a great relationship because of those concerns? Believe me, I've gone back and forth a lot on this.

[Opinion Owner]

I totally understand being on the fence. So many people say "age is just a number", but the truth is, it is and it isn't. Sure, it's a number, but it's still a number that tends to coincide with different life stages.

As far as the kids thing... I do think it's worth learning early on in relationships if you both want the same things. I'm in my mid-30s and my boyfriend is too. I did NOT do a great job of communicating with him early on about the things I wanted because I was too scared of freaking him out. We finally talked about it 1.5 years later, and we hit a small bump. He was not really in any hurry to get married. I'm not in a hurry either, but I do want to know that it's a possibility. We both agreed on probably not wanting kids, which is probably a good thing because I'm also running low on reproductive years. Anyway, I went through a tough stage where I was kicking myself for letting myself get so attached to him without even knowing if we were on the same page. Luckily, he and I worked our stuff out and everything's all good. So age difference or no age difference, I still think it's important to find out early if you want the same things out of life and out of a relationship. It will save everyone a lot of time and a lot of heartache in the end.

As far as your specific situation, if you really do feel that strongly about it, then maybe see it through for a while. There are no guarantees that ANY relationship will work out. This one's no different.

Good luck, and feel free to message back if you still need to bounce this idea around!

[kyleelyn199723]

I don’t really think an age gap should stop you from being with someone that you generally like. Has he addressed any serious talk about the fact that you have kids and such? What are his thoughts on you possibly not being able to give him a kid? I think you need to strike up some convo regarding this. I was actually looking someone I used to be close to relationship the other day and he is around that age married now to someone that is 40. It can definitely work. I also am dating someone that is 32 and I am 23. I wouldn’t necessarily limit yourself, but I think you two generally need to be on the same page especially with reality of what you two want in life in general.

[Asker]

We haven't talked much about kids. He knows I have kids and is at least cool enough with it that he keeps asking me out. I haven't talked to him about the possibility of kids because I feel like we're too early on to be talking about that. Do you think I should talk about it this early on?

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker I think you should wait until it seems like things are getting serious and you two actually consider a relationship. What I should’ve asked first is does he seem like he’s looking for a serious relationship from you?

[Asker]

I kind of do worry that there will be issues with the age gap though. I don't feel any right now, but if I get to know him better there could be a maturity difference. There's also the issue that we're in different places of life. I also don't know how often it works out in general with such a big age gap. But I still really, really like him. If it wasn't for the age gap I'd be all in on a relationship with him.

[Asker]

I think he wants one. We're at the beginning stages, but I think we're moving in that direction.

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker I think sooner or later you need to have a serious talk with him and ask him what he generally wants in his future. You can even just bring up small talk about his future plans to his life. Like where does he see himself in the future? Has he met your kids? Does he generally get along with them if he has?

[kyleelyn199723]

If he hasn’t met your kids, you should bring him around your kids first and see how he reacts to kids being around and how he overall treats them. Not sure how old your kids are, but he needs to also be compatible with them too.

[Asker]

That's a good idea. There are a couple of other things I'm also worried about, but I feel a bit silly admitting. Firstly, I'm worried that he might leave me for a younger woman eventually. He's given me no reason to believe he would (thus far) but it's still something I worry about. Firstly, my ex husband left me for a younger woman so that's something I'm already a bit insecure about in general. However, it gets amplified with him. I'm in super good shape, but I'm still 40. Also, he's super hot and got a great body. Comparing my body to his makes me a lot more self conscious. If we get to the point where we have sex (which we likely soon will if I decide to keep pursuing this) I have a major concern that he'd look at my body, be disappointed, and leave. What would be worse is if he stayed around for a while but then left me for a younger woman his age (or younger). I do notice young attractive girls checking him out. That also amplifies my insecurities.

I also am a bit concerned about how I'll also have to deal with all the crap I'll have to get from people about dating a guy so much younger. I know it's not something I should care about, but it'll probably bother me.

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker I feel like no matter what people generally have something to say about every single couple. You shouldn’t limit yourself to what others say. I think personally with aging comes to more insecurities. There’s plenty of older men that go for younger women , but generally if you are an attractive 40 year old you have nothing to worry about. It all comes down to how you take care of yourself

[Asker]

I'm in pretty great shape and a lot of guys do think I'm attractive (don't want to brag, but it is relevant here). However, the fact my ex left me for a younger woman still really bothers me with this

[Asker]

Also, the fact so many younger girls/girls his age are clearly attracted to him makes me worried as well

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker I understand totally. That’s the risk of relationships in general though. You can’t assume what will happen in the future with anyone. Someone even your age can leave you for someone younger.

[kyleelyn199723]

I had an ex leave me for someone a bit older than me so I can see the insecurity, but I think you should see where this goes.

[Asker]

I know that. I guess how can I get over this fear? How can I be secure in his attraction to me? How can I stop being worried about him leaving me for a younger woman? How can I not be bothered by younger women checking him out all the time? How can I stop just being afraid/worried about all this?

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker I think you just need to come into realization that relationships can be a risk with a person of any age, but if you generally are happy with this person and they love your children just as much as they love you, you shouldn’t limit yourself.

[zeitgeist057]

Just to chime in here, reading all this. My impression is your fear and insecurity is a bigger problem in the potential of the relationship than the age gap. I get that these fears and insecurities are seemingly rooted in the age gap (he's young, attractive) but you could also date an attractive man your age who gets looks. Or if what you want is an unattractive man whom no one notices, you could find that as well.

For reference, I dated with a similar age gap (I was older, we were 34 + 21) and we were a good fit, age was not an issue with us. The only way age affected us was with some family members who judged us, but to me that's old-fashioned thinking and their judgement didn't affect our day to day lives.

[Datboi65]

I've always been known to be brutally honest, so here's my opinion. I don't think this will work long term. You are 14 years older than this guy, so mentally you two are in different places. See, one of the most common reasons of divorce is incompatibility, and age is definitely a factor. He has no children, and you probably can't provide him with one without the risk of turner syndrome or down syndrome at least bring considered at your age. Most young men would like to have children of their own one day, and this is simply not a fair trade for him long-term. If we are talking short-term, you can have your fun and whatever, but you are a single mother, and eventually you will always put your children first as your first priority before your partners, because you have to, as kids need their mother he doesn't have that baggage, so he would be giving you 100% attention in compensation for 70%. Not good enough. You need to have a difficult conversation with him, and ask him to be as honest as possible, even if his opinions aren't what you want to hear. If he accepts it long-term, cool. If he doesn't, move on. My advice? If this doesn't work, get with a man who has children, that way he can understand your position as he will be in the same predicament, and he would be less likely to want to have kids with you.

[ikEVERYTHING]

Awesome advice

[Mickey48-28]

I'm 48 but look and feel late 20s early 30s.
The only thing you need to think about is long term is.
This man will be shitting himself before I am.
Do you love him enough 2 clean his ass when he can't?
If yes then go for it.
First off...
that man!!
if he is totally everything for you right now?
that Man will love you like NO one else.
So if you're seriously into him then go for it.
I was married for 21 years and within the first 5 years my X wife"the evil one" and I could do anything in front of each other.

So I was 19 when I met her in like 1992, 93

So for 21 years I was doing something that worked.

But now I have more money, more romantic experience.
If im normal, I don't play games with my girl and always keep her satisfied.

Listen, because you are younger this guy should be willing 2 give you whatever you need.

ATTENTION:
If you, or any female you may know looks like August Ames,
Please contact me.

[Mary087]

What matters is the love and happiness you guys share. I feel like age can play a factor but in the end its JUST a number as long as it's legal and he's a young man who can decide for himself. People will always fret over age sadly but you love him, he loves you! Fuck the haters, love is beautiful regardless and you should do what makes you happy. Im 23 but heck i prefer guys a little younger like 18-21. Being the older girl has always turned me on and i dont like older men. Nobody can tell you who to be with.

[HoraceB]

You should go for it. I personally know at least 4 couples where the wife is many years older than the husband, & in several of those cases, she was married before & had kids & the husband had never been married.

The most extreme case was the guy was 19 & married a 31-year-old lady who was a youth pastor at his church. They got married in the early 2000's & have several children & are very happy.

Another example is a guy I used to work with who was around 30 married a lady in her 40's who had about 5 kids from a previous marriage. They are also very happy together.

[Seinna]

Unless you really WANT more children, there's little harm for you in continuing this relationship. If you weren't with him, you'd still probably be dating mostly men who also have that kind of past and don't want any more children... sure you probably still can have more children but it's not a sure bet so anyone who's serious about children would opt for a younger partner. The only thing is that he might break your heart one day when he choses to move on and build his own family if he's not ready at the moment. And you can't even blame him for that. It's probably doomed to fail long term... but as I said, you already accomplished the thing that biology forces you to at your age so you're not risking losing precious time if you ever part ways.

[JCrockett]

That doesn't sound like a recipe for a good long term relationship. It's rare to find a guy who's okay raising another man's kids. The kids will probably find it weird if he's closer to their age than yours. And if he wants kids of his own, he'll be looking elsewhere. You say you want to have more kids, and it might still be possible, but if you're 40, don't bet on it. He might be into you now, but if he wants to settle down, it'll be hard for him to want to stay with you.

Maybe it could work out, but the deck is heavily stacked against a long term relationship working out.

[Serenity_87]

Personally I would have a very difficult time dating a guy that much younger than me but just cuz I feel that way doesn't mean everybody does, and I firmly believe that as long as you're not dating somebody whos a minor or crossing that line of being some sort of pedophile then I don't think the age difference matters as long as it doesn't bother either people in the relationship.

[Cowboy6666]

I agree with you gorgeous lady ;)

[Asker]

Believe me, I thought the same way as you up until now. I'm concerned about a lot of those same things, but we just click so well and have such huge chemistry. Believe me, I wish that this had happened with a guy my age, but it didn't.

[funtime_01]

Hmm. That all depends on how time works out. Personally at 26 he's not really a boy anymore, but still has some maturing to do (we fully mentally mature by 28), so it definitely could work out in the long term. But by all means give it a shot. Don't get angry though if he breaks it off because you've got a kid, I've known single mothers and fathers who have had brief relationships because of this. Just a heads up. Other than that, good luck!

[Asker]

He already knows about my kids though

[funtime_01]

I know. But sometimes for younger people, they can find it a bit overbearing. No offense. But he may not. It's a 50/50 chance, so go for it

[Asker]

If he thought it was overbearing then why would he keep asking me out? Again, I'm not keeping my kids a secret. I actually had to cancel one date because I had to deal with issues I had with one of them

[funtime_01]

Of course, never keep your kids a secret. Just see how it goes

[TheorionMage]

Try to envision where each of your perspectives will be, by adding 30 years to each your ages...
candidly knowing him as you presently do, sans the 'rose colored glasses' can you imagine
HIS fidelity when he's 56 and he senses his virility waning?

How will YOU fare at 70, in comparison to the allure of opportune newer, younger companions?

Enjoy it for what it is FOR NOW, but do NOT feed your illusions~ Tick, tock, tick, tock!

[AviatorTom]

You have your doubts, which is expected. There's no harm in seeing where this relationship might go. You may find out that the age difference doesn't matter. Give it a real shot. If nothing else, you should have some great sex with a guy in his sexual prime.

[Avicenna]

I don't think the age difference matters, but him not having experience with kids and not being that much older than them might. Does he have any idea what it's like to take care of kids? I am personally skeptical that he is OK with that when he could get a girlfriend in her 20s who doesn't have kids.

If none of those things are an issue, I say go for it.

[AimeeKyle]

Go for it and enjoy. Have fun and see where it goes. I had a similar situation present itself when I was in my twenties. I tried very hard, going after the older woman…. She had reservations…. After I stopped chasing she found interest…. I was put off / done. Never went further.

[shades777]

creep lol, I've banged a few milfs in my day but wouldn't consider them for long term, but thats just my take, i dated a 19 year old snd everyone at work acted like i was r kelly when we are adults and honestly theyre mad they are too ugly to get young ass, haha

[Xtcy2083]

Nope, the age difference shouldn't be an issue here.

[Asker]

Why do you think it won't be?

[Xtcy2083]

Age is just a number. The important thing is whether or not you actually care about each other and are compatible.

[Anon833]

Don’t listen to the negatives. Age is just a number. A serious relationship with a big age gap can happen. My wife is 69 and I’m 31, and we’ve been married for twelve years and are very much in love.

[Amy10223]

They say love knows know age. For me personally--it is a big age difference and I would not go into it. But you do what you desire, it's your life.

[Asker]

Why wouldn't you go into it? I know it's because of the age gap, but what specifically about the age gap would make you warry? Also, how much do you believe the 'love knows no age' thing?

[Amy10223]

This is what I think. You are in your 40's, they are in their late 20's. In time, he may (or may not) find someone younger he is attracted to. He also may have more energy than you will in the future. Not saying you have none-- think when you are 50, he'll be 36. You both may think differently, or have different perspectives at this point in your lives. I have done this before. I dated a man 11 years my junior, almost around the same age as you. Once I reached age 50 (we had been together for about 7 years) I left the relationship. Again--it's your life and you may be different and so might he be--but those are the reasons I would not.

[Amy10223]

PS I know that you do not choose who you fall in love with. It can be with anyone--that's what I mean by my "love knows no age " bit. Love chooses you--not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

I don't see the big deal here, as long as both people involved in the relationship are consenting adults. Guys do that all the time and they date even younger than that women, so that would be hypocrisy and double standards
Go for it...

[humanearth]

Ask yourself one question

What if he wants children of his bloodline?
At 40 do you really want to have a baby at that age, (If you still can. Meaning if you have not been fixed)

[MrHopper]

Not if your happy together, everyone ages different

[Asker]

But do you think the age difference would affect our compatibility too much?

[MrHopper]

It can if you both hold onto your generation things... You will be different but that's what can connect you

[slatyb]

It’s between the two of you. What do you both want long term? If your long term goals don’t match, you can still enjoy being together for a time.

[Jfranco12]

personally I would not date someone so much older than myself 3-4 year difference at most.

[exitseven]

It might be a little too much but it depends on the individals. There are plenty of 40 year old guys that are physically much younger.

[crazy8000]

And.

If you two work. go for it.
The age thing is little ridicules obstacle/limitation we tend to create to mess with ourselves when it doesn't really matter on a emotional level.

[jahaims]

Shouldn't you be deciding that? If you form relationships based on societal pressure it would won't be healthy.

[Asker]

I am deciding that, but I'm kind of on the fence. I'm just trying to ask what other people think and see if there's any insights that could help me

[jahaims]

The stereotypes come from younger attractive woman being with a financially well off older man and the fact that age usually comes with more life experiences so statistically it is less like to have commonalities. If you "vibe" better or the same as men in your age range I say go for it.

[Asker]

I've actually vibed much better with him then most guys my age. The age difference still worries me though. If it wasn't for that I'd be all in

[jahaims]

So what reservations do you have about the age difference? Starting a family is a major one I can think of.

[Asker]

That's a big one. I'm also concerned that there could be some other major life goal differences and/or maturity differences if we got far enough in the relationship

[jahaims]

Dig in and discuss goals and values. Better to know now before you become more invested.

[Dragonpurple]

Age only matters when your younger, the older you get the less it matters.

[Cheechee4me]

I think you should just love one another and take it from there.

[Slim57]

I say go for it, I was in the same situation kinda she was 42 divorced with 2 kids, I am 28 never been married but we didn't work out but not because of the age difference

[Asker]

Why didn't you work out? Do you think if you were closer in age it would have changed much?

[Slim57]

She drank too much for my taste and I wasn't into that and we weren't sexually compatible, which was more so on my end, I dont think age mattered much

[Asker]

are you sure that the age difference wasn't an issue for your sexual compatibility? That is something I'm a bit worried about (if we got there). Be honest, did you find her physically attractive (especially when compared to girls your age you could otherwise be dating)? Was that an issue?

[Slim57]

Yes I am sure, I'm pretty picky and won't get with anyone I'm not attracted to, I'm not attracted to girls younger or my age usually because of their maturity level, thats why I prefer older women and have only dated older seriously

[bamesjond0069]

It won't be super serious forever because of your fertility. One day he will want a biological child and you can't provide it and then he will leave.

[Pj1981]

Your both adults and if your both happy who cares what other people think?

[Browneye57]

He's a boy honey. He just wants some hot pussy. And the stepping thing is a GIANT fail.

[Twalli]

If he wants to be with you, go for the ride. The age difference should be more of a concern for him.

[Asker]

That's interesting. Why do you think the age difference would be more of a concern for him then me?

[Twalli]

If he really loves and cares about you, then he has to consider life. My girlfriend is only 5 years older than me and I'm concerned about her dying before me if we get married. You're 14 years older than him, it's a concern. You can, probably, very happily marry and live to the end of your days with him. He can't really do the same, because you will probably die before him.

[Dchrls78104]

As long as real love and compatibility are there, it's no issue.

[Anonymous]

Enough said

[Gia013100]

Not really I see lot in reverse I don’t have problem If your both happy.

[LegendaryIcon]

My mom has a friend, 75, married to a guy, 95

They make it work. Why, i dk, but they do

[OddBeMe]

It’s a lot. But everyone’s an adult. So ride that boy toy, cougar.

[robocop666]

maybe for a sexual thing thats ok. Not a serious relationship

[Asker]

why not?

[tripptt69]

Just barely. Take half your age And add 7... That the rule for me to decide if too young or not

[Cherry234]

If the chemistry is there then I say go for it.

[Asker]

There's a ton of chemistry, but I'm just really worried that problems could arise due to us being in pretty different parts of our lives. I really wish I'd hit it off like this with a guy my age, but I haven't. I go back and forth on this all the time.

[WowwGirl]

Nooo not at all mines that age.

[Asker]

Yes, but I'm a bit older then you. Do you think it would make a difference if you were 40 instead of 32?

[WowwGirl]

No I would have still gone for him

[WowwGirl]

He acts 60

[Pterodon]

Nope. Doesn’t matter what others think

[CT_CD]

Not too much. My girlfriend is 75

[Turbski]

Nope, maybe he likes a Milf.

[Asker]

I actually don't like that term

[Bobby4488]

There is no age problem in relationships

[House89]

Enjoy it.

[anylolone]

If you click, no.

[noohair]

100% yes, go for it.

[lycanthrope3]

go girl, enjoy life

[Jmmmfi4]

Its fine

[Anonymous]

hahaahha lol