I felt like he is stringing me along. We dated for 5 weeks, lots of romantic dates initiated by him. We do couple things: make out, cuddle, hold hands. The last time I saw him he introduced me to his friends. I left early to go see my family. When we kissed goodbye he pushed me away to end the kiss. The next day, he texted me once on his day off to say merry Christmas. He didn't text anything for the rest of the day. Basically I didn't know what he was up to and he didn't care to ask about me. The next day he saw my new whatsapp photo and asked if I had gone snorkeling. This was after he was MIA for a whole day. He's done this once before where he sends me one text a day or goes days without texting. I recently got him a customized mousepad as a gift. He had also gotten me a thoughtful gift so I wanted to return the favor. I'm guessing he thinks I'm too into him too early on (5 weeks of dating). I thought he was into me but is barely texting me now. He also stopped bringing up future dates like he used to. Maybe his friends turned him off to the idea. I was really quiet at the dinner because they were talking about work mostly and sex stories. At the party his friends were taking shots, I did not. Think that messed up their perception of me. He got cold the day after. Am I wrong to want to move on and ignore his text? Am I overreacting?
Am I overreacting for moving on and ignoring him?
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I think we chatted about this yesterday, and since you’re posting about it again I’m going to guess that you’re having a really hard time with him drifting away. No, you’re not wrong for ignoring him because his actions (the ones you mentioned in the other post) have “ghosting” written all over them. I get that maybe you wanted it to work and probably bummed at a failed situation, especially if you haven’t had much success with dating in the past. But honestly, let this one go. Maybe you’ve had some successful dates and were starting to like him a lot, but 5 weeks isn’t long. You’ll get over this in a week, week and a half tops. You just have to have confidence in your decision and stop questioning it.
Sorry to hear that :-/ getting over someone isn’t a linear thing, it’s complicated and hurtful. It’s important to allow yourself to feel all of your emotions though, as long as you’re actively trying to move forward and not be stagnant. One thing I would tell myself is that I was fine before them, I will be fine after them. Then just keep motivating yourself and doing the work to heal. You’re gonna get through this, because you have been hurt before I’m sure, and always come out of it. You’ll do the same with this one🙏
If it was anything like my situation he mightve started off messaging once a day, then once every few days, and then moved on to just once or twice a month
I'm not going to lie im that kind of person that overrthinks and worries if the person im in a relationship with doesn't text me at least a few times a day. I can see where she's coming from
I was referring to her last post about this, that her and I had a conversation on. He disappeared for two days, and has gradually stopped talking to her less. Once a day was not the thing, so of course when he switches up, and talks less, it looks like he’s on the road to ghosting.
Emphasis on “he goes days without texting”, gents. Stop trying to act as though she’s spazzing out and has lighting her when he’s the one who’s not being consistent anymore.
Probably because you skimmed through her story and responded in haste to try and make her feel like trash for having standards lol. Maybe two days not talking to someone is nothing to you, but for a lot of folks it is. How can you build something with someone you hardly talk to? Not even hanging out with to suffice for the lack of conversation? That’s completely unrealistic but then again, you are 50 years old and probably have built up a lot of resentment towards dating after each failed relationship. You want your woman to take that 5 dollars you give and make it enough to grocery shop with.
Yes I put value on talking more than once a day or month, and maintaining my values has landed me in what is now a very healthy and loving relationship.☺️
Lol, what is it with you bimbos all using the same stupid insults? Always my age, I'm bitter, I fail at relationships blah blah, blah. Sorry to disappoint you honey, but I've been married 16 years, so I don't even remember my last 'failed relationship', and there is no resentment. So, nice try dumbass. I read her post again, and NOWHERE does she mention having an actual face to face discussion about her concern. So, AGAIN, nice try. You're a fucking joke.
And what’s with you old geezers on here thinking people are interested in experiencing your judgmental attitude? All these years of life and your “advice” is to shame people for having expectations for their relationship lol I’m sure your children and grandchildren are so proud. I bet there’s a lot of things you don’t remember, like what it’s like to be starting a relationship and wanting to communicate with your partner. No she did not mention having a face to face conversation but that’s you ASSUMING it didn’t happen, so shut the fuck up.
I really don't understand why they aren't more understanding of her position. It seems like since they aren't personally dealing with it they could give two $hits
I agree with that for sure, Snickers, people should definitely be more considerate and less judgmental. She has a right to be upset that he’s talking to her less and drifting away, especially if she’s trying to start a relationship with him. How the heck do you build with someone you only say one thing to each day? Especially when they started out talking regularly.
So first you say she did discuss it with him, I just missed it because I 'skimmed through it', then you admit she didn't mention it. She didn't mention it because it never happened. You have to make shit up to support your position. Like I said, you're a fucking joke. It's pretty apparent for all of her bluster about how much he texts she isn't willing to do much at all to build the relationship. Why should she take any ownership or agency in a new relationship? Just demand the guy do it all... he is probably backing off because he sees that she isn't doing shit in their relationship.
Honestly Spartan go fuck yourself, you old idiot. I NEVER said she discussed it with him, because how the fuck would I know? How would YOU know? Stop drawing assumptions about people’s lives to suit your already shitty argument. The only joke here is the man two decades older than me throwing insults and making up shit that didn’t happen. I’m done talking to you, because nothing you say is helpful or relevant. If you say another word I will NOT read it and just delete it. I am so grateful to know that I will never in my fucking life be 50, sitting online berating and arguing with strangers so much younger than me just because they don’t agree. Like of course you hate texting you grew up with beepers and I’m surprised you can even navigate your phone. Also, just because your wife accepts bare minimum from you doesn’t mean that works anymore. It’s 2021 get with the fucking program.
Wow you’re so upset! Lmaoo give it up old man, you should be embarrassed, dying for a response from OP. I love how she ignores you each time you comment under every persons post begging for some acknowledgment. What a fucking shame, go do something productive with your life while you have the time (which you CLEARLY do, sitting under my comment with your hurt ass feelings). Like I said, I’m deleting all your shit and not reading it bro. Go cry to your wife, if she’s even a real person and not someone you stalk on the internet.
Completely disgusting and zero understanding. You are totally within your right to want more than such little communication, and the fact that he’s trying to make it look shitty is just disgusting. Do you, hon.❤️
Honestly thats how we all usually feel. You are just being normal (in a way) and overthinking. Usually if we desire love for a long time, and finally get it the way we desired.. guys tend to be less interested. I would suggest to take things slow and have a conversation about where you guys stand, where you wish to take things. Whether you/he is interested to take things ahead and are your thoughts in the same direction. If it was me, I too would be having similar thoughts and trust me you aren't having any thing weird. Better talk and come to the same page to avoid trouble some thoughts and feelings.
Let me know what you feel about the situation and my thoughts. Cheers 🙌 Wish you be the Santa and bring happiness to your and everyone's life around you.
0
4 Reply
Asker
+1 y
That's true. I think he may not be on the same page of wanting to take things ahead, which may in turn be causing his lack of communication
We used to chat a lot and get on calls for about 2 hours daily. She used to tell me we will get married have kids and bla bla.. Promise me you won't leave me alone and other relationship stuff. But then eventually I found her drifting away. She started missing my calls, and started telling me: will call you back in 5 minutes and then it's a complete day. She now never had a genuine reason for Missing the calls and not giving me time. She now started guiding me to focus more on my career and studies and that her parents wouldn't agree for our relationship. She kept on iterating that we don't have a future together. I had a threshold and then I confronted her for why and what flipped her thoughts regarding our relationship. It was really difficult for me as she wasn't interested to explain things to me and bounced things back at me saying I am suspecting some thing off with the bond, that I dont trust her and stuff. Now when we used to go out, the moment I tried to hold her hands she would get concerned that some one will see us 😂 where she was the one who hugged me in her own home where her parents were wide awake and in the next room. She was the one who used to hold my hands in college bus where everyone was able to see us. I vibed that some thing is really disturbing her and so I asked her that she can consider me a friend first and then a partner. She took her time and after a lot of comforting she broke the silence and told me that her parents will never agree for our relationship and in near future we will have to separate. She even wanted us to stay together for a while then but It was too much for me. Knowing that she isn't ready to fight for the bond and wants me to stay for a while just so that I can comfort her and still kill myself from inside. I decided to walk away to recollect my broken pieces. It took me 3 years to actually stabilize my self and till then she married another guy and now she also has a baby. Cheers.
No you are not overreacting. You have every right to find the right guy at your given place and time. Keep in mind that kiss was probably harmless, and his text was as well but I sense you really don't feel much for the guy and therefore it is ok to move on and pretty much ignore his messages. The less you wander about how he is feeling the better you'll go about your day and life. Trust me, the right guy will come and you will definitely not want to leave any gathering to be with your family. I think someday you'll find the the right guy that you'll be wanting him to go with you to be with your family too. And if that guy wa ts to go with you, then you'll know where your feelings and heart truly are
Girl, this sounds like one of my stories dealing with shady guys like this one. I can reassure you now that he’s not a good guy. You aren’t over reacting and please stop collecting red flags. He’s a f*** boy who’s messing with other girls. I bet you he has a whole list of other girls in his contacts, and you aren't the only one he’s talking to. I suggest you delete and block his number and block him everywhere else and occupy your time with other things. You will know when a guy is really into you and only wants you. He isn’t it.
You aren't overreacting. I'm gonna be honest, he probably has met another person and is weighing his options. Lots of guys do that so he won't be seen as a cheater since the two of you aren't official yet. He wants to see if one is better than the other and I've been there too. Just be yourself, supportive, loving, show him what he would be missing out on if he left.
When a man is into you then you know that and your gut is telling you so much of human communication is non verbal. This males behavior indicates he has something else going on
Uh, what did he do that's got you concerned? Texting you only once in a day? I don't think that's a red flag.
0
3 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Aside from the texting, he had not asked me when I was free for another date or mentioned meeting up like he used to. Also I would not have been concerned about his texting pattern if it had been that way from the start. He used to be affectionate and detailed in his texts and suddenly stopped.
F*ck texts, I hate it. You think somebody might be meaning something in a certain way, but maybe it's the complete opposite. In person is the only way.
All I read was everything he was doing. What were you doing? Waiting for him to do everything? Seems he was making more effort than you and it was pretty one-sided. I wouldn't blame him if he wanted to cut bait and search for more invested options.
You are definitely overreacting. Stop worrying about how things are with texting and start worrying about how things are in person. That is what counts.
1
5 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Would you personally not text or call a girl you were dating on Christmas day?
Clearly something is not right. I don't know what it is, but I would drop this one like a hot potato. There are plenty of perfectly nice guys out there, so stop wasting time with a weirdo.
Because he doesn't act as if you mean much to him and because the majority of young women will seek the hottest they can date and reject guys within their league that would marry them. There are a number of factors that determine a person's desirability (league). They include, looks, family, wealth, intelligence, income, personality, age, and athletic ability.
He knows I save sex for marriage, so I don't know if he's dating for sex. He ended up texting me again despite me ignoring him. His message read "Hey (name), I hope you had a nice time with your family this weekend. When are you free next? :)"
Is that an indication that I don't mean much to him?
@asker I thought he wasn't asking about meeting up with you? So instead of telling him what's bothering you, you choose to ignore him? Yeah that's real mature. He's probably tired of making all the effort.
Of course. You reward him with sex for lying but you would punish hm by denying sex if he told the truth and said, "You are okay for sex but for you are not desirable enough to marry."
Then just relax. Don't expect him to call you or want to see you every day. That is such a hassle and you are not the only thing in his life. If he is into you, he will call you once or twice a week. That is plenty. Anymore is too much of a bother and if you keep pestering him, you will drive him away.
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